Hair-eras of Cher

by Robrt Pela

Expert Bio: Robrt L. Pela’s favorite Cher song is “She’s No Better Than Me.” He makes his living as a writer, but only because he hasn’t figured out how to get paid for knowing useless minutiae about Cher’s recording career. [See Robrt Pela’s articles on Cher and the movie Chastity from The Phoenix New Times, as well as his NPR stories.]

It seems likely that Cher is a myth; not a person so much as a team of people who have been manipulating a five-foot-seven automation for a half-century or so in order to fill gaps in contemporary culture. How else to explain the fact that Cher has so often transformed herself–her musical style; her job description; and always, always, her hairdo–and yet remained so recognizable to us?

The greatest amount of data indicating that Cher is almost certainly not a single human being can be found in her numerous musical eras. Because while the product known as Cher has sometimes been a television star, occasionally been a film actress, and less frequently a Broadway performer, an aerobics instructor, and a spokeswoman for créme rinse, she has most consistently been presented to us as a singer.

The breakdown of musical Cher Eras presented here should prove, once and for all, that Cher is in fact a not unpleasant conspiracy–perhaps designed to keep us mindful of synthetic hair or to invite discourse about the value of singing phonetically in other languages–rather than a real person. It becomes, when considering the musical Cher, that she is a myth because, for example, no pop star would be allowed to co-host a network television show with her ex-husband while pregnant with the child of a heroin-addicted current spouse. The final proof that Cher is in fact a musical mannequin, of course, lies not in the ever-changing size of her nose and teeth but in the fact that no movie star would dare to appear in a hair-care infomercial mere weeks after winning on Oscar.

Note: Table best viewed in landscape.

History	Era	Defining Moment	Hairstyle	Example
1964 – 1967 Labels: Imperial/Atco Music: Folk Rock Big Hit: “Bang Bang”	Early Folkie	Getting kicked out of The London Hilton	Long, low, Beatles bangs
1967 – 1969 Labels: Imperial/Atco Music: Pop/Adult Contemporary Big Hit: “The Beat Goes On”	Schizophrenic Late-Early Hippie/ Adult Contemporary	Performing “You’d Better Sit Down Kids” on The Jerry Lewis Show	Ironed, shorty bangs with little wings
1969 Labels: Atco Music: Bogus blue-eyed soul Big Hit: None	Full-On Fake Hippie	Recording 3614 Jackson Highway in Memphis	Bandanas to hide growing-out bangs
1970 – 1974 Labels: Kapp Music: Pappy pop Big Hit: “Gypsys Tramps and Thieves”	TV Star, Part I	Leaving Sonny	Straight, parted down the middle. No bangs/loads of wigs
1975 – 1977 Labels: Waner Bros. Music: Boring Big Hit: None	TV Star, Part II	Baring her navel on network TV	Wigs. Nothing but wigs.
1978 – 1979 Labels: Casablanca Music: Dance-pop Big Hit: “Take Me Home”	Disco	Appearing on Merv Griffin in Vulcan headgear	Curly frizz wigs
1980 – 1982 Labels: Casablanca/Columbia Music: Glam rock Big Hit: None	I Wanna Be a Rock Star!	Black Rose guests on Midnight Special	Chopped-off gypsy shag
1987 – 1992 Labels: Geffen Music: AOR Rock Big Hit: “Turn Back Time”	I AM a Rock Star!	Winning an Oscar; Dry-humping a battleship wearing a thong	Long, curly biker-babe do wigs (on top of bleached mohawk)
1993 – 1996 Labels: WB Music: Bluesy pop Big Hit: “One by One”	Epstein Barr	Chastity comes out of the closet	Revisionist Cher wigs (long, parted down middle)
1999 – 2002 Labels: WB Music: Synth dance-pop Big Hit: “Believe””	Lazarus Returns (to disco)	Winning a Grammy	Countless wigs (some involving fiber optics)
2000 – present Labels: WB Music: All the hits, all the time Big Hit: “”Song for the Lonely”	Grande Dame	Four years of Farewell touring followed by Vegas	Retrospective wigging (hairdos representing every Cher era; some blonde)

Read the blog entries on Cher hair.