Cher terms for newbies.

Cher Term
 Cher Scholar Definition
Armenia
 From where comes Cher’s paternity and good looks.
Atco
 The Ahmet Ertegun sub-Atlantic label that catapulted Sonny & Cher to groovydom.
Bagel Boy
 Robert Camilletti, the young fellow that was Cher’s sweetheart during that exciting video-laden, oscar-winning era of the mid-80s.
Bangs
 The very heavy fringe Cher sported during the early to mid 60s, growing out like wings in the late 60s, finally dissapearing altogether by early 70s; reappeared in various forms of wigs throughout her middle age.
Bellbottoms
 Style of leggings made popular in the 60s and 70s by Cher—a popular story being that she brought them over from the UK.
Bette Midler
 A one-time friend of Cher’s in the mid-70s, apparently had a falling out over Cher’s use of the “C” word. Are they still fighting? That sure makes a better story.
Billboard
 Rubric of success: a list of charts Cher has broken many records on, including most time elapsed between #1 hit singles.
Black Rose
 A turn of the decade band (70s / 80s) that Cher once believed she could obscure herself into. Was it that spandex hole-fit or the power of her diva brand that thwarted that idea?
Blog
 A place to blather weekly on Cher.
Bob Mackie
 A clothing designer who catapulted Cher with legendary fashion statements and the occasional couture scandal.
Box Office
 Ribric of success: Cher in top billing has the ability to fill seats.
Broadway
 A theatrical American cultural center where Cher received good notices in a play she did during the early 1980s.
Butterfly
 A symbol once used by Cher to describe herself in the mid-70s; coming out of her cocoon as a single gal.
CBS
 The studio that put Sonny & Cher on the television map. Sonny later worked for ABC on his solo show.
Childrens Craniofacial Association
 Chaitable organization most associated with Cher.
Celebrity Fat Club
 Chasitity went on this show in 2006 to lose weight. She was mildly successful losing weight. More successful coming off as a normal and cool person.
Celibacy
 Cher used this word once and it made us all feel uncomfortable.
Chain-mail Tank Top
 Popular item in Cher’s closet circa the mid-80s.
Chastity (the movie, not the kid)
 One hilarious scene. Many confusing scenes. If you watch it over and over you begin to piece it together—but don’t hurt yourself.
Cher Convention
 A place where one would go to buy Cher pens and hob-knob with Wayne Smith.
Cher Enterprises
 The crux of Sonny Bonos CheEmpire with intentions to take over the world. A possible weapon of mass destruction if it had been left unchecked.
Cher Scholar
 The ridiculous persona of someone with not enough adult things to do.
Columbia
 A record label which has the dubious distinction of parting ways with Cher after only one album that sounded too much like Olivia Newton-John.
Comedy Writers
 Cher’s television shows employed many, many writers who composed highly sub-standard humor. Even Steve Martin didn’t come up with much of note.
Crucifix
 I hear there’s one in Cher’s bathroom even.
Dance Records
 Cher didn’t want to make them; but fans peer-pressured her into making them. She now owns a tip of Florida.
Darlene Love
 Was supposed to have a bigger career than Cher according to mid-60s common wisdom. That’s the trouble with CW. It makes many mistakes.
Daryl Van Horne
 A character played by Jack Nicholson, also the nickname I gave to my burnier-than-thou former neighbor whose name I could never remember.
David (Paich or Geffen) Paich (Marty or David)
 I get so confused about all the Davids and all the Paichs.
Disco
 Although technically these are dance records — they must be exiled into their own category because we’re supposed to hate disco but it’s somehow okay to like dance records. I don’t make the rules. I just get confused by them.
Dozer
 A biker in the movie Mask who epitomized the lovable cuddly Harley guy as opposed to those scary Harley guys we used to learn about on Unsolved Mysteries.
Dr. Susskind
 A role in the movie Faithful played by Paul Mazursky for no good reason.
Edna Louise & Stella Mae
 Best friends in Martha, Texas, but the kind of best friends who are dysfunctional and miserable.
Elizabeth Quinn
 Not a very lucky gal in Washinton DC. Was very bad at stealthy sleuthing.
Elton John
 One of the three in the triad of Fabulousness now playing at Caesars Palace. There must be a glass ceiling there though because EJ has his own store and Bette and Cher have to share theirs.
Emmy
 Ribric of success: one of the larger trophys in Cher’s trophy case. Can be used as a weapon in the event of a home invasion.
Folk Pop
 A category of music that makes Bob Dylan songs paletable to pre-teens.
Fur Vests
 Worn by Sonny & Cher with other clothing combinations that never matched and gave you headaches if you looked directly at them for too long.
Geffen Records
 Cher’s mid-80s record label that paired her with Jon Bon Jovi and his sounds of belting, simplistic 80s rock.
Geffen, David
 Lover of Cher after Sonny; extracated her from thorny Sonny contracts and negotiated her solo career launch.
Gene Simmons
 Lover of Cher after Gregg Allman; Cher taught him to respect women…somewhat. I’ll say this: he’s got cute kids—especially that son of his.
Gold Records
 Rubric of success: Cher has these.
Golden Globe
 Rubric of success: Cher’s won three of these (for Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour, Silkwood and Moonstruck).
Grammy
 Rubric of success: Cher won one of these too (for Believe).
Gregg Allman
 Married to Cher and father of Elijah. Not as popular with Cher fans as he was with Cher. Had shiny hair.
Gypsy
 A member of a traditionally itinerant people who originated in northern India and now live chiefly in south and southwest Asia and Europe.
Half Breed
 A person of mixed ethnic heritage. Barak Obama is a half breed.
Harley
 Cher’s favorite method of transport.
Health and Fitness
 Cher produced a book and two videos on this topic.
Howard Stern
 Mean to Cher but I think he is secretely hot for her.
Icon
 Cher hates to be called an Icon but it’s the noun descriptor most applied to her.
Imperial
 Cher first solo recording label where she recorded many songs about runaways, dashed dreams and baby mamas.
Infinity Pool
 Sported in the backyard of a few Cher houses. Gives the illusion that you can drift out to sea on your floating yellow plastic recliner.
Isis
 Company of Cher’s that produced a few concert specials and her self-penned album Not Com.mercial.
Kapp
 Second record label of Sonny & Cher when they were in their swinging 70s phase doing songs about adultry, one-night stands and breaking up.
Kate Jackson
 Once a roller-skating, Studio 54 club buddy of Cher.
King Kong
 A movie Cher would have been so kewl in.
Lady Hester Random
 Maggie Smith plays great beotch who makes climactic turnaround. But loved her most in Evil New Under the Sun where she played somewhat nice.
Lori Davis
 Seller of shampoos and conditioners first via mail-order clubs, then seen on Target shelves. People didn’t mind Cher shilling for fitness clubs or Equal sweetner; but this pushed them over the edge.
Lycopene
 A cancer-fighting agent found in Sonny’s spaghetti sauce.
Mego
 Toy company that made the first and best celebrity dolls and accessories, from which generated the phrase, “Lego My Mego.”
Michael Madsen
 Actor once married to Cher’s sister. Did he behave at Christmas dinners? Or did he recite his poems?
Mr. Mordicus; Knife McBlade; White Hunter; Zarubian
 All nemesi of Sonny & Cher played by George Sanders.
Narrative Ballad
 A song with engaging plot twists and character development. Dark Lady is an example.
Nielsen Ratings
 Ribric of success: The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour pulled in very massive nielsen ratings.
Nose Job
 Changed the face of Sonny & Cher. But it was fixing her teeth that made her look drastically different to me.
Oscar
 Rubric of success: not entirely for Moonstruck (there was oodles of stalwart competition that year), Cher earned for three critically acclaimed performances in one year and for the fact she was snubbed for a Mask nomination and also because she gained popular support by sticking her thumb at academy menbers with her Bob Mackie gothic-circus dress.
People’s Choice
 Rubric of success: Cher earned these in the late 80s for Moonstruck.
Peter Cetera
 Peter Cetera and Cher have never met apparently; but they sing together as if they had.
Petrified Cat
 I was very alarmed and disturbed when I found out about this one.
Prostitute
 Sonny didn’t give anyone names in the movie Chastity — so film school of him.
Richard Avedon
 Vogue photographer who captured some of the classiest, most interesting and artful photos of Cher in the 60s and 70s.
Rita Cappomaggi
 Character played by Julie Bovasso, the actress who taught Cher how to speak with an Italian accent. Every time I hear her say ‘Johnny Cammareri’ it makes me giggle.
Classic Rock Music
 As opposed to pop folk and schlock rock, this sub-genre of music is associated with Gregg Allman and Les Dudek but not Gene Simmons.
Roller Skating
 It’s what you did if you were a kid in the late 70s or a celebrity with money to burn in your spandex pocket.
Ron Wilson
 Probably not alone in thinking Cher could have been a living-space designer.
Schlock-Rock
 Genre of 80s music well suited to Cher’s bombasitc inclinations and Diane Warren’s shallow lyric writing.
Sconce
 Crucial part of Cher-hallway lighting.
Sicily
 Land where Sonny’s forefathers came from; however Sonny could still not pronounce his mother language very well. Where was Julie Bovasso when he needed her?
Snuff Garrett
 Producer who not only gathered a gaggle of hits for Cher in the early 70s but helped create the awesome All I Ever Need is You album.
Somebody
 Best Cher song ever. My parent’s LP has a hard to find gospel choir tacked on to the fade-out.
Song Writers for Cher
 60s & 70s writers focused on unwed mother dramas; 80s writer focused on gender empowerment. “Bang Bang” did double-duty in both eras. 90s writers turned more poetic and contemplative.
Sonny
 Brother, lover, father-figure, svengali, boss, dress-up doll, arts-and-crafts-partner, Oz behind the curtain. Could write a decent song. And he cooked, too.
Sonny Enterprises
 Why didn’t Cher think of that?
Steve Martin
 Writer on the first Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour. Soon after, his hair went white. Coincidence?
Straight to Cut-Out Bin
 It happened to many a good and bad Cher album; I got many of my first Cher albums in such bins.
Studio 54
 Cher is always pictured as a popular celebrity there. Can she tell us anything about the back room orgies?
Tattoos
 At one time was Cher’s tapestry of self-expression.
Time Magazine
 Back when the magazine didn’t flood its covers with celebrities, Cher’s appearance there was a symbol of her cultural domination in the mid-70s.
Tina Turner & Cher
 Buddies and mutual role models; sang really well together in 70s variety medleys.
Torch
 A signing style popular with Cher, aging Hollywood actresses and gay vamps…and me.
Turquoise
 Can be found in many color variations in mines around the western United States; once accumulated by Cher in the form of jewelry.
US Congress
 Hired Sonny Bono in the 90s during the era of Newt Gingrich’s contract with the devil.
Warner Bros
 Record label that has received some of Cher’s best recordings and has reciprocated with the greatest apathy in promoting them.
Wesley
 The very fine actor David Strathairn played this bit part very deftly in Silkwood. Went on to play a lovable hubby to Meryl Streep and a psycho-hubby to Kathy Bates and a famous newsanchor.
Wigs
 Like Tori Spellings mom requires a gift-wrapping room and Candice Bergen’s dad required a room for Charlie McCarthy, Chastity’s mom requires a wig room.
Wikipedia List of CherWards
 Wikipedia