Season: 1 (The Sonny & Cher Show)
Episode: 9
Guest(s): Diahann Carroll and Tony Randall
CBS Air Date: April 4, 1976
Also aired: TV Land
Opening Song: “The Beat Goes On” (Video)
Sonny & Cher original (1967)
Sonny & Cher also sang this song on their Comedy Hour in episode 1, 15, 28, 56 and Cher sang the song on her solo show, episode 27. Sonny wears a gold-lamé-accented tux and Cher wears a matching dress that is what my friend James calls a “crumb catcher.” Cher is looking more pregnant. She does some dramatic hair flips.
Sonny tells Cher she looks good. She says she feels good. Cher says she moves but the dress stays still (a common behavior of crumb catchers). Cher complains Sonny wanders. Sonny says, “that’s why I hired you.” (Some disingenuous ego-managing there since Cher technically invited him back into her existing show). Sonny says he’s worried about Cher “performing in her condition.” Cher jokes she’s “putting on a good front” and that the doctor says it’s fine. (Times have changed, huh?) Cher says she loves doing the show. They joke that Sonny seems to want to take over the show as his own and Cher makes a joke about his failed solo show on ABC. That gets a big response and Cher says, “Indian: 1; Diego: nothing.” (Oh my!) We find out Cher is seven months along. She jokes she’s been “carrying him” for 12 years.
Skit: Dolls in the Navy. “Liberated Pictures,” run by Louise B. Mayer, brings us a musical salute to New York. Cher and Diahann Carroll are sailors on leave looking for boys and they pick up Sonny and Tony Randall in a dance hall. They all end up in the Navy together. Cher harasses Ted Zeigler. Tony sings to Cher, “Sailor, can you spare a dime?” There’s an inflation joke. I’ve starred this as a feminist little romp very similar to the Battle of the Sexes skits. They sing:
- “The Fleet Is In” (1942) from the musical The Fleet Is In
- “New York, New York” (1949) from the musical On the Town
- “Big Spender” (1966) from the musical Sweet Charity
Guest Spot: Diahann Carroll sings “God Bless the Child” and I’ve starred this too because it’s very moving when Carroll sings, “God bless my own black, female child.” Great performance.
The Prisoner: Sonny complains about inhumane treatment in prison. Cher tells him she jumped out of a cake for $20 but then some guy stole all her money which she says was stashed under her mattress. She has a long list of suspects including Stanley who was an affair of the mind because she didn’t mind having the affair. They talk about legal briefs and torts. Cher is now running around with the judge on Sonny’s case and it’s possible she is the one who is ratting him out. Sonny muses about hiring someone to kill her or he’ll never get out of prison.
Vamp Revisited: Cher wears a bright red dress now, has bigger boobs and a fluffy boa. The piano is now white.
– Theda Bara: Cher plays the silent screen star. Like Bara, she blinks a lot. Sonny & Tony stage a duel over her and kill each other in the process. I’ve starred this one.
– Cleopatra: Tony Randall plays Caesar. Sonny wears a CBS medallion. Cher’s Cleopatra headdress looks familiar. Is it from the old show? “I’m an emperor, not a Twinkie,” Randall says. Sonny warns him that Cleopatra is “vamp and a bit of a tramp.” There is an Oracle Roberts (Oral Roberts) joke. And this is the “whine for Caesar” episode somebody was once asking me about in July of 2013. All they could remember is the “whine for Caesar” joke. Cher is doing her Laverne voice and Randall is being very campy. There’s a Henry Kissinger joke and of course they say, “whine for Kissinger.”
– Sadie Thompson: Sonny once again plays the preacher but this time he’s on vacation and Tony Randall plays his relief preacher in charge of keeping the island drunks in line; but the natives are revolting and Sadie says she is on vacation too, so she ends up corrupting Randall. They talk about having a roll in the tub. In exasperation Sonny tries to throw his hat into the audience but it gets thrown back.
Sonnytone News:
– Sonny is running the Olympic torch near Montreal. He catches a building on fire.
– Prison reform: prisoners complain about the food, a bad Bernese sauce, overcooked escargot and dry pâté in particular. Gailard Sartain plays the warden.
– Tony Randall is fired as the NBC peacock because the network is now using the letter N as their logo. Randall applies for unemployment and he finds himself in like with Ronald Reagan. Cher scholar Jay says he remembers the flack NBC received from everyone when they tried to make this logo change.
– King Kong: King and Fay Wray go to Miami Beach. They’re so happy people are leaving them alone. There’s a Jaws joke. They talk about King Kong’s underbite and about having to share a bathroom. Cher says King made a mess of her roll-on. I love this skit and I think a part of it has to do with the fact that I love Cher doing anything with gigantic props, like this show’s big, wiggling King Kong hand or the big stiletto shoe from Celebration at Caesars in 1981 or the big elephant from Cher’s Farewell Tour.)
Guest Duet: “I Was Born on the Day Before Yesterday” and “Ease on Down the Road” (Video)
From the Broadway musical The Wiz (1975)
Carroll takes the place of Sonny in what would have been the Concert segment (although this is also reminiscent of the guest duets on Cher’s solo show). Cher wears a big white off-the-shoulder wrap with white pants and hoop earrings. Carroll wears a pretty gold-lamé-accented pantsuit. Lots of Cher hand hanging. At the end Carroll rubs Cher’s baby bump.
IGUB: Sonny says they’re not so young anymore. Cher makes a physical reference to Nixon and plays with her dress.
Thanks to Jay for the run-down on the re-airings of this episode. Many online guides have this show airing on March 28, 1976, but Jay has checked the original TV Guide and the episode aired April 4, 1976.
Highlights: A Battle of the Sexes take on girls in the Navy, more Vamp skits, another King Kong sketch.
