Season: 2 (The Sonny & Cher Show)
Episode: 22
Guest(s): Bob Keeshan, Bernadette Peters, Shields & Yarnell, Chastity, Elijah Blue Allman
CBS Air Date: December 12 1976
Also aired: TVLand, Sonny & Cher Christmas Collection DVD
Opening Song: “Jingle Bells” (Video)
Traditional (1857)
The set has big white Christmas trees on either side. Cher is wearing a fluffier version of her Time Magazine dress. Sonny wears a white suit (just like his doll outfit).
I don’t love this version of “Jingle Bells.” Cher did it this way all the way back on a guest appearances on The Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour. So it was probably devised by the Glen Campbell show .
Breakout: Bartender Ted Zeigler asks Laverne and Alvie, who are watching the Sonny & Cher Christmas show on TV) what they think Cher got Sonny for Christmas this year. Laverne says, “Last year she gave him the shaft.”
I think it’s very interesting here that this later show keeps furthing this narrative that Cher was the driver of their breakup. And it’s possible this show was the founder of this idea. The jokes give no specified reasons why Cher may have given the shaft to Sonny and the American audience therefore filled in the blanks with “Cher ambition.” It made a kind of Hollywood sense.
Cher did leave the relationship in late 1973 but it was due to Sonny’s parentally-controlling behavior and continuing infidelities. It was also Sonny who filed for the separation that broke the public news of their breakup in 1974. Cher ambition wasn’t an element in the separation as far as we now know. She didn’t really feel confident enough to go out into the Show Biz world all alone and without the guidance of her boyfriend at the time, David Geffen, might not have been able to do it at all.
Did Sonny even forward that version of the breakup story? It’s interesting the show gives Cher this kind of relationship agency. I believe it’s the beginning of our idea of Cher as a powerhouse. Evidence against the ambition theory is the very fact that Cher asked Sonny to rejoin her in the 1975 solo show she was already doing, a show that was successful. Cher stated she had difficulty running the show by herself.
Truthfully, I don’t believe Cher’s love or respect for Sonny ever diminished (“There would be no Cher without Sonny,” she was always emphatic and unwavering) although public performative bickerings showed their continuing frustrations with each other, which is normal considering Sonny and Cher evolved to be very different people over the subsequent decades with very different sets of values.
Opening Banter: They shake hands and kiss. Sonny says, “Do you think anybody noticed?” And Cher says no. They talk about her dress, which Sonny calls “the infamous” dress. Lots more sequins and feathers in the right places, they say. Sonny wants Cher to thank him for all the wonderful things he’s done for her. He plays with her hair. Cher says, “I’ll get you a Cher doll and you can play with it as much as you want.” (The dolls are out! Sweet!)
Sonny laughs at that and talks about how Sonny & Cher are becoming a Christmas tradition (this will be the last Sonny and/or Cher televised Christmas event). He talks about his great old-fashioned Italian Christmas. Cher jokes about pepperoni fruitcake, mozzarella on the tree and Sonny carving the meatball. Sonny says Chastity was over today and they made Italian cranberry sauce. Cher quips, “I wondered why her feet were red.” Cher makes a fat mother-in-law joke. Sonny warns Cher that there’s someone out there who sees when you’re sleeping, knows when you’re awake, knows if you’ve been good or bad. Cher guesses Santa Claus but Sonny says, “No, in your case, Rona Barrett.” That gets a big laugh and Sonny says, “One for the little guy.”
They introduce all the guests and Captain Kangaroo (Bob Keeshan) and he comes out on stage. Cher tells him that Sonny, Cher and Chastity are all big fans. Captain Kangaroo tells them about a really cute, scrawled, misspelled and childlike letter he received and Cher says she didn’t know Chastity wrote to him. Captain Kangaroo says, she didn’t. It was from Sonny.
The logo: This is a good time to talk about the show’s logo (as I’ve just now captured a screenshot of it twirling backwards). The Cher show created this very cool circle brand logo for Cher. Fans still love it and buy it up in her online store. In fact, I was too late in buying the keychain a few years ago and it quickly sold out. I just found it again last week on eBay. Anyway, when her solo show incorporated Sonny back for this new show, they decided to make a very weird and silly Sonny version and every time the show goes to commercial, the logos spin.
Sonny’s Pizza (Video, 8:26)
Rosie is singing a melancholy “and may all your Christmases be white.” She jokes with Ted Zeigler about Christmas songs while they fold napkins. It’s very relaxing watching Cher fold napkins. Sonny’s chef hat says “Sonny.” It’s hilarious to me that even when Sonny’s playing his pizza parlor character, he’s still showing copious amounts of rug and bling.
Sonny wants everyone to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Cher calls him worse than Scrooge. But he says he has plenty of Christmas spirit because he feeds a bum every year. Captain Kangaroo plays the bum. Ted Zeigler notices the bum doesn’t seem too excited about the food. Sonny gives him a free turkey pizza. Then Sonny won’t let Rosa leave early to take her niece (Chastity) to a Christmas pageant. They start throwing dough balls at him. Bernadette Peters arrives saying she lost her 15-piece marching band during “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” Chastity comes by dressed as an angel.
Sonny falls asleep and is visited by Cher playing the Ghost of Pizza Past. She wears a funny pizza cape. She shows him his old pizza cart business, “Little Sonny’s Pizza.” A little kid plays a young Sonny with a mustache. The little kid looks a lot like Chastity (maybe a relative?).
Captain Kangaroo plays the Ghost of Pizza Present. In the previous situation, Sonny and the ghost were screen-in-screen. This time they just raise Sonny and his ghost up on a fly (which is pretty meta and funny). The ghost chastises Sonny for not giving Cher a raise after all her hard work (She’s shown relaxing, reading Playboy Magazine. Cher gave a big interview to Playboy in 1975 and then again in 1988). Ted Zeigler and Chastity are shown throwing pizza balls into the oven.
Bernadette plays the Ghost of Pizza Yet to Come. She wears a funny pizza hat. She calls him a jerk and tells him he’s dead. His headstone is pizza-shaped. Rosa and Ted Zeigler (Luigi) visit. They throw burnt old pizzas on his grave (it’s like Breaking Bad) not because they love him but because the garbage men refuse to take them. Sonny wakes up changed, gives everyone compliments and closes the parlor. He then offers to send out for pizza and they’re all happy and sing “Deck the Halls with Sonny’s Pizza.”
Guest Spot: Bernadette Peters sings “Send in the Clowns” and “Be a Clown.” She dances with clowns.
Laverne (Video, 20:43)
Alvin and Laverne are at his house. It’s very tacky and Laverne loves it. She says “This place is just Jean Nate!” As gifts, they’ve both inadvertently sold their houses expecting to move in with the other one. Sonny references the story of The Gift of the Magi and Cher makes the Oh Henry! candy bar joke. Sonny explains the O. Henry story and Cher retorts with “Well, at least they had a place to live!” They decide moving into each other’s houses would have reminded each other too much of Harry and Myrna anyway so it’s probably a blessing in disguise that they find their own new love nest and start a whole new life. Laverne proposes to Alvie, saying “You’re the love of my life and I need you a whole bunch.” Aw! In the spirit of Bennifer, I think we should start calling these two Alvern.
Skit (Video, 25:17)
Sonny is under the Christmas tree playing with Chastity’s Christmas toys and Chastity says, “When do I get a turn?” They toys include marionettes which live in a doll house. They argue about who should work the dolls. Shields & Yarnell play the marionettes. I’ve written “brilliant” underlined next to this and a star.
Skit (Video, 27:29)
It’s Christmas Eve and lonely people who all end up in the same posh restaurant (filled with a lot of tables for one) alone without families. These include a grumpy Ted Zeigler, an all-business Cher (“Stop all that merry Christmas stuff, I’m an adult”), Bernadette Peters, an actress without friends who claims to her mother that everything is going great, Sonny as a singing drinker with a five o-clock shadow (because that’s how alcoholics were portrayed in the 1970s) looking for “the action” and celebrating his divorce. We hear each one’s interior monologue about their life hardships and sacrifices. A schmaltzy rendition of the Beatles’ “All the Lonely People” plays at the end of each monologue where they all claim to hate turkey. Captain Kangaroo is a kind of angelic Maître d’. Captain Kangaroo moves them all together to one big table and they sit and start to get honest with each other celebrate together, “Let’s all cheer up! Sonny says. The S&C show announcer comes in as a waiter to take their order and we find out Captain Kangaroo was an angelic stranger or ghost (it’s not clear). They order a big turkey. I’ve noted the skit is “moving” and I’ve given it a star.
Concert Medley with Guests (Video)
The set is pretty with white trees wrapped in red garland. Cher wears black pants and a blouse.
- “Wonderful Wintry Time of Year” – Christmas Rock and Roll (possibly a song original to the show)
- “White Christmas” – Bernadette Peters (Bing Crosby, 1942 from the movie Holiday Inn)
- “Frosty the Snowman” – Cher and Captain Kangaroo (cover of Gene Autry, 1950)
- “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” – Bernadette Peters, Cher and Elijah Blue Allman. Cher sings to Elijah and he cries. (Harry Reser and His Band, 1934)
- “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” – Chastity with Sonny (Jimmy Boyd, 1952)
- “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” – Sonny with Chastity (Gene Autry, 1949)
- Shields & Yarnell play Christmas soldiers. He salutes her; she punches him. 🙁
- “Winter Wonderland” – Sonny & Cher and Chastity (Guy Lombardo, 1946)
- “Here Comes Santa Claus” – everyone (Gene Autry, 1947)
- “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” Reprise – everyone
IGUB: (Video, 43:57)
Full closing of goodnights and singing “I Got You Babe.” Chastity is yawning. They wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a “God bless everyone” from Chastity. Cher tickles Chastity and the credits roll.
Thanks to Jay for the official run-down on this episode. Online guides have this episode airing on December 5, 1976 but Jay has referenced the original TV Guide airdate which says December 12, 1976. TVLand has the segments in a different order and the Christmas DVD may have cut out Bernadette Peters’ solo number.
Highlights: Great, great episode. The pizza parlor sketch is long but cute. The posh restaurant scene is moving. The marionettes skit is fabulous. The medley is kind of saccharine but the set is lovely. Lowlights: Alvern does not, in fact, ease the pain of Sonny x Cher. But thanks for trying, show.
