Season: 2 (The Sonny & Cher Show)
Episode: 34
Guest(s): No guests
CBS Air Date: March 18, 1977
Also aired: Never re-aired
This episode never re-aired and many fans believed it simply never really existed or if it did, it was a rerun of old clips. Jay has confirmed with the original TV Guide and audio that it is a legitimate episode with some new content. TV Guide describes the episode as one where Sonny & Cher spoof themselves with “The Sonny & Cher Awards Show” showing highlights and lowlights of the past season. So it kind of is a rerun of clips to some extent with a framing device.
The announcer announces the show as “the annual S&C Show awards show…show.” He then announces “the surprise hosts…Sonny & Cher.”
Opening Song: “The Beat Goes On”
Sonny & Cher (1967)
I wish I knew what they were wearing for this last episode. A heavily piano’d final version of the show’s theme song.
Opening Banter: Sonny says, “Well Cher, tonight’s the night” and Cher responds, “Not with me, it isn’t.” This little joke goes all the way back to their early 1970s nightclub act and a recurring gag that Sonny isn’t “getting any.”
Sonny says, “You know what I’m talking about. I was talking about giving away something special.” Cher retorts, “So was I.”
Sonny says, “Don’t play dumb, Cher” and describes how this is the time of year flooded with awards shows: the Oscars, the Emmys, the Tonys, the Grammys.” Cher quips, “The Grumpys, The Sneezeys..”).
Sonny continues that “Tonight, we’re giving away awards to all those people that make it possible for Cher and I to do the show together.” Cher responds, “except our lawyers.” Sonny adds, “We’ve given them enough already.”
Cher promises suspense, drama, excitement “and like most award shows the winners will not show up.” They agree they’ve been nominated for every major award and never won a thing. Cher says Sonny always ends up in the men’s room crying his eyes out.
Sonny says, “Tonight, we’re going to do an awards show making fun of our own show.” Cher says “We’ve done it to them now we’re gonna do it to us.”
Because this was basically a clips show, the running joke is that none of the winners could attend to accept and so Ted Zeigler accepts all the awards on everyone’s behalf.
The Overacting Award (The Half-Baked Ham Award)
There is an eight-way tie and they show clips of stars from previous episodes and I think I can hear Ted Zeigler, William Conrad, maybe Karen Valentine, Jim Nabors, Andy Griffith, Cher from The Postman Always Rings Twice, Sonny and Cher again from Gone with the Wind). Ted Zeigler accepts for the winner. Sonny says it’s ironic he’s accepting and Cher thanks Teddy for never complaining when they take one of his funny lines or cut him out of sketches and how it’s wonderful to work for such an unselfish and professional actor. Then they don’t let Ted finish a speech. Nice comments though.
Recognition of the Little People
Cher says, “speaking of the little people who never win awards, I have one for you Sonny” and she hands him the “coveted Groping for Awards Award” and “given for the most needless use of the word ‘anyway’ in a continuing series” and “here are just a few of your winning performances.”
(I could win that award, myself. I was just thinking this week that the word anyway is the most useful word for story ramblers.)
Sonny admits he has a short temper. Cher agrees that this goes along with the rest of his body.
“Hey Marge, Who the -bleep- Is That?” Award
They claim the audience (and Tom Smothers) can’t tell what major stars are on the show because of the great costume and makeup crew. They honor the costume and make-up people by showing guest stars made-up and Sonny asks the audience to figure out who they are. (I can hear Joey Heatherton I think, Don Knotts, Redd Foxx, Cher, the Hudson Brothers, Ted Zeigler, Betty White as Bugs Bunny, Ruth Buzzi and Tom Jones.)
Again, Ted Zeigler accepts on the winner’s behalf. Sonny asks Ted, “are you really known as the man with 1,000 faces?” Ted says, “yes, why?” Sonny says, “Well I was wondering Ted, why you picked that one.” Ted responds, “You go an laugh Sonny but tomorrow I’ll be Bert Parks and you will still be you.” (Ouch.)
The Nepotism Award
The best use of a small blonde daughter in a continuing series. Cher says the nominees are Marlo Thomas, Jane Fonda and Chastity Bono. “May I have the envelope please. Oh, my word, how surprising.” Sonny says, “And the winner is….Chastity Bono!” and they show clips of Chastity shown from previous episodes reading some seriously long lines and at one point singing “Sonny Boy.” This was a nice reel for Chaz.
Cher Solo: Sonny introduces Cher as his beautiful ex-wife doing a tribute to the songwriting staff. Cher does a preamble about a song that captures the essence of the moment. They play the clip of Cher singing “The Thanksgiving Weiner” song created for The Walnuts operetta spoofing The Waltons.
The Writer’s Award for Physical Comedy Jokes
Sonny says this part is special to him because it’s given to the writers who do the same thing over and over and over again, “They write things that endanger my life.” And then they show a long montage of clips of Sonny doing physical comedy: falls, explosions, falling through sets.
For Cher’s Dress Designer, Bob Mackie
Sonny says, “Or as I like to call it, Let’s Spend All Our Money Dressing Up Cher and Stick Sonny in a Barrel Award. Cher quips that Sonny shouldn’t complain because he had his barrel painted last week. She then sincerely thanks Bob Mackie for “making me the most beautiful, glamourous, desirable superstar that I am today.” Sonny says “thanks for the barrel.”
The show’s “singers” then sing a recorded tribute to Bob Mackie called “Bob Mackie, We’re Lucky To Have You” (they were) with a line in it about how he got Cher on the cover of Time (with The Dress or The Naked Dress) and presumably showing a montage of the great costumes he did for Cher on the show.
Ret Turner also deserved credit for designing off of Mackie’s inspirations to dress the rest of the cast.
The Roll ‘Em! Tribute
A tribute to Italian filmmaker Vente Nove. Sonny says if you’ve ever seen A Star Is Born, Network and Rocky…then you share part of this man’s life….because he’s seen ’em too. They show clips of Vente Nove saying “Roll ’em, Luigi, Roll ’em!…..The film, Luigi, The film!”
(I just said that last night as I passed Luigi’s restaurant so this is my favorite award.)
“How do you measure a man,” Sonny asks. Cher says you can measure him by the fact that even Ted Zeigler won’t even accept this award.
The Fred Astaire “You Can Sleep Easy Tonight” Award
Cher says, “the next award is for dancing and it goes to Sonny, “Twinkle Toes Bono,” who really knows how to move.”
Sonny says, “that’s right. I moved out of Cher’s house in an hour and a half.” (Ha.) They show clips of Sonny’s dancing. “Mr. Bono could not be here tonight” so Ted Zeigler accepts on Sonny’s behalf. Sonny keeps trying to interrupt, until Zeigler talks about how handsome he “was.” Sonny objects that he’s not dead. Zeigler says in the dancing business he is.
The Humility Award
Given to the actor who is most often humiliated on The Sonny & Cher Show. Sonny doesn’t know how he couldn’t have won this one, but the winner is Ted Ziegler. They show clips of Ziegler.
The announcer says Ted Ziegler couldn’t attend tonight but that his friend Henry Kissinger is here to accept the award. Ted Zeigler comes out as Henry Kissinger to accept. “I think Ted Zeigler would agree,” the fake Kissinger says, “that this award is the ultimate humiliation.”
Sonny says, “Ladies and gentlemen, I think it’s about time we all give a nice round of applause to the most talented sketch performer on television.” The crowd gives a big applause. Ted Zeigler thinks they’re applauding for him but Sonny says, “Not you, Ted. Harvey Korman.”
Truth to that.
Zeigler corrects us that this set-up was actually the ultimate humiliation.
A Salute to Ourselves
Sonny says, “this award a salute to ourselves and our brilliant, creative minds that make this show possible, all 41 of our staff.” Cher jokes that this is the number that also represents their combined IQs. (Ouch!)
They then show a clip that was taped for an earlier episode but never shown. It was when they taped the episode for after the Presidential election of Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter. Sonny quips it was a lot cheaper supporting Ford that it was supporting Cher. Apparently, they taped the segment two days before the actual election, not knowing who would win. So they did an opening dialogue for both a Ford or a Carter win. They show the monologue taped in the case Gerald Ford won.
In the dialogue alternate take Sonny gloats about how he’s going to be invited to the White House (Cher really was invited as friends of The Allman Brothers Band) and how she was only going to be invited to a peanut festival. “The people agreed with me,” Sonny says. Cher says that although she didn’t vote for Ford, she’s ready to stand behind him…”and catch him if he falls.” Sonny accuses Cher of being bitter for going for the wrong man. Cher says, “Well, it wasn’t the first time.” Sonny says Ford promised to do something about unemployment. “He got himself a job.” Sonny says Ford indicated he would get Sonny a role in government (Sonny did become a California congressman later). Cher quips, “I hope it’s not with our government.” “Go ahead and be sassy, Cher,” Sonny says, but Ford wants “S. P. Bono” (Cher says, “El Primo” to me and Sonny agrees) to come and stay late. Cher guesses because he’ll be parking cars. He takes out a paper invitation and Cher quips that’s a diagram of the parking lot. Sonny says he can take one guest and wouldn’t Cher like to go. Cher says she does have an inauguration dress “and I guess I can have the rhinestone peanuts taken off.” Sonny will “let bygones by bygones” by inviting not Cher but Jimmy Carter to go to the ball with him.
Concert Segment (Video)
Sonny says they are going back to the 60s. Cher asks “what did I ever see in you” and Sonny says the bobcat vest, the paisley shirt and “my exceptionally good looks.”
Sonny shows off his real Eskimo dress books from a store on Hollywood Boulevard.
Sonny and Harold Battiste talk about Sonny & Cher’s “local hits.” They were trying “for that big record.” Meanwhile they “recorded a record on Cher.” They would go to a dance club called Ciro’s on Sunset.
They squabble when Sonny says Cher doesn’t dance anymore and Cher brings up Sonny’s very recent bad-dancing award and Battiste gets them back on track by saying, “anyway,” which is a call back as well.
Sonny said Cher loved The Byrds and he talks about their recording of Bob Dylan’s song “All I Really Want To Do,” how Cher sang both the high and low octaves and listeners thought it was a guy (Sonny, in fact) singing those low octave parts. A few weeks later they did “I Got You Babe.” The radio station played both records at Sonny’s (a former promotion-man’s) behest. They also talked about the Martoni’s restaurant incident where they were asked to leave (forever) because of their clothes. Sonny said they thought they were all good friends but they weren’t. Cher was very upset and so was Sonny. Cher went to sleep because she was depressed. The piano was in the garage and Sonny wrote a song about how he felt and he recorded “Laugh at Me” with Battiste. Those three songs, Sonny says, were on the charts at the same time. “We’ll do those three hits for you now.”
They come onstage re-enacting the beginning of the show, but wearing their old 1960s-era outfits. Cher is wearing a bangs-wig with the little wings she once had, a green sweater and fur vest like on the cover of their debut LP Look at Us. Sonny wears a bobbed wig, fur vest and paisley shirt. It looks like Cher has on huge bell bottoms and Sonny’s sporting furry boots.
They sing three of their hits:
- “All I Really Want To Do” (Sonny & Cher, 1965) – Some of the lyrics get changed again (track or trace you, race or something-that-rhymes-with-race you)
- “Laugh At Me” (Sonny, 1965) – Sonny always starts singing this song with his hand flat out. Sonny’s performance is kind of slow and sluggish.
- “I Got You Babe” – This was the last time they sang this song on one of their own shows, three variety shows that dominated the 1970s culture and attention space (on and off screen). They would sing it a few times again as guests on talk shows in 1979 and 1987. Cher plays with Sonny’s wig this time. Sonny makes fun of Cher flipping her hair. “Now I know why you always do that.” They sing the full song. “You’re still a clown,” Cher sings.
Sonny says he should have been giving awards to himself much sooner. Cher says she wants to thank all the people who appeared on tonight’s show. Sonny says he wants to say a sincere thank you for all the names you’re about to see (in the credits). They both say “Goodnight, God bless” and walk off the stage.
Thanks to Jay for the extended run-down on this rare episode. His thoughts about this last show, “It hit me that of the 67 episodes of The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour and the 34 episodes of The Sonny & Cher Show, there was only one cast member that was there for the first in 1971 to this last one in 1977, Ted Ziegler.”
Jay also notes that it’s been said that Sonny & Cher didn’t know they were going to be cancelled after Season 2. Cher also states this in her 2024 2024 memoir, that they found out while they were on the road that the show wasn’t being picked up again. But this episode’s tributes indicate they might likely have know. Maybe they were on the road before the very final episode was conceived and filmed. Or maybe this is all just highly ironic.
Highlights: I would agree the staff tributes kind of indicate Sonny & Cher knew this was going to be a swan-song episode. But it’s hard to know for sure. Thanks to Jay for clearing up the mystery of this episode. Not only does it exist, but it’s a very important episode. There have never been any meet-up tribute shows for any of the Sonny & Cher shows like there have been for The Carol Burnett Show and so we have never seen Sonny or Cher officially thank their cast and crew in public. I sometimes feared they didn’t appreciate the contributions of their staff, crew and cast, but this final episode proves that they did, at least during this final show.
The final CBS Airing of a Sonny & Cher variety show was not this episode. Episode #26 re-aired again on August29, 1977.
By the end of the run, Cher had performed over approximately 700 musical numbers across a total of 130 shows, which averages to about 4.85 songs per show. Her performances in the comedy segments furthered women’s emancipation (even if subliminally) in the 1970s far more than the shows ever got credit for.
And despite the show’s flaws and the unrelenting tabloid attachment to the dramas of their personal lives, the shows they made were unforgettable.
