What’s It All About….Alfie

Something’s been nagging my craw the last two days: obsession with trivial things. Don’t say it! I know what you’re thinking. Let me just split hairs here for a minute. I’m specifically talking about people who freak out over trivial things due to their unchecked obsession. If you have an obsession, good for you. I’m not here to judge. Just don’t get your nylons in a snit over it is all I’m sayin’.

Who reminded me of this issue: 1) someone on the Cher Yahoo group who has been chronically upset about the Cher auction and 2) Yankee fans. The chronically upset Cher fan has been complaining about the inappropriateness of the Cher auction and poor Cher fans (as in Cher fans with no money not Cher fans with misfortunes such a living rooms never to be graced with the presence of a Cher end table). I like opinions. I’m all for opinions. It’s good to have an opinion and flex it. Especially on voting day. But this person is seriously upset, such as they say: beyond the pale. Her latest beef is over the high-priced hard cover auction catalog from Sotheby’s that has yet to arrive, days after the auction is over. Maybe Sotheby’s is waiting for Cher to sign them. We don’t really know. A frustrating delay—I agree. But this one’s really pissed off. Meanwhile, the recently departed Yankee player Cory Lidle (his private plane recently slammed into an Upper East Side Manhattan building) had to call into the New York Mike and the Mad Dog Radio radio program the day before his death to defend himself against comments such as this: “"Cory, tell me what other Yankee fan out there is getting to enjoy his Monday after you guys stunk the house out! Sorry pal, but people who make 20 million dollars a year to do a job don’t get to enjoy a day with their family when they didn’t do their job!" A day later, he’s dead.

Now why exactly couldn’t Mad Dog enjoy October 10, 2006? Because his neighborhood baseball team lost a season? A baseball team that wins pretty much every other freakin season? That’s what makes it impossible for him to function as a happy person?

Be careful when you’re a fan. Is this a life and death interest for you? Does this team or person actually improve your quality of life? Be honest. Does this team or person help you earn a living? Can your team or person influence or alter world events? Has this team or person directly helped you in some way that didn’t involve just being there for you? Did their “being there for you” at any time involve a ticket of admission or receipt from Tower Records? It’s very possible you may be taking the fan relationship too personally. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news. You’re obsessed. Unless you’re a fan of Bono (and it’s still questionable what influence he’ll have on the world all at the end of the day). Maybe a baseball player or an artist is some hero of yours, maybe they keep you from a daily descent into the blues. So be it. It’s not war and death. Short of war and death and your local Piggly Wiggly strike, calm down. Some of you are celebrity obsessed and your affliction is creepy. Go watch Animal Planet and talk yourself down! Or better yet, go read the news. No People Magazine or Sports Illustrated for a week for you!