Behold the New Wigs: Cher Announces a Celebration at Caesars, Part II

I’m very very psyched about the fact that Cher is returning to Vegas. It’s always been one of my regrets that I never somehow cohersed my parents into taking me to see one of her shows at Caesars Palace all those moons and decades ago, before her phoenix-like rise to Oscardom.

The new Cher news appeared on two ABC news programs yesterday, Good Morning America and Nightline (basically the same short interview, give or take a shot of her Malibu patio) and longer pieces in USA Today. (Part 1 and Part 2)

I have to say, I dearly love the new wigs. I never liked the straight-style hair Cher sported in the 90s after the fabulous chaos of curls she wore in the 80s. Those Believe wigs always looked desperate to me. No amount of glitter and spackle on them could convince me otherwise. The new wigs are wonderful because they simultaneously give Cher maturity and yet make her look younger, too. Sounds tricky but it works.

And one thing I’ve started to love about Cher articles in the last ten years: the fabulous new "adjective of accolade" they invent to describe her career. Nightline used the word Indomitable.

Press facts at a glance

• Cher’s up to a 44-year career
• Caesars Coliseum contains 4,100 seats
• Cher will perform four shows a week (Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday) in dates set to run in May and then August through October of this year.
• Ticket prices are $227 for orchestra, $159 for rear-orchestra and $127 and $86 for the balcony seats.
• She has a three year contract with AEG (three years!!)
• Rumor has it she will make $60 million for these shows
• To put that into perspective, the Farewell tour earned about $192 million and was the 9th highest grossing tour in history according to Billboard Boxscore, who also said “Cher was a remarkable endurance test.”
• Cher told the I-bought-two-frying-pans-in-1965-because-I-thought-I’d-always-return-to-poverty-someday” story again
• Her estimated worth is $600 million

Other Points of Note

Cher also said it must be hard to be her manager cos she doesn’t know her address or where she is half the time but does still go to grocery store, mostly for Mallomars. Why is the ability to grocery shop always the litmus test of the common man?

Cher talked more openly about depression and how work is a good counterbalance. She said with a smile, “I could make something of my life if I didn’t have depression” and I wasn’t sure if that was tongue-in-cheek or sincerely bittersweet. It was news that she’d had another debilitating bout with Epstein-Barr last year which meant a trip to see those German doctors. This might esplain those cancer rumors.

Cher also scooped up some love dish. Cher talked about Sonny being a scientologist and how she just didn’t get it. She confirmed the Tom Cruise date story. (Where are the pictures, goddammit?) And admitted she was propositioned by both Elvis and Marlon Brando (I can totally see them both being so in to her), but admitted she was too scared to act on a weekend away with Elvis (who knows why she didn’t hook up with Brando, aside from the crazy thing) and said she has regretted it ever since.

Her I’m-still-looking-for-love speech sounded like a bad eHarmony ad, hoever – I must say. My bf would tell her, “stop asking for what you want and start advertising what you could offer to someone else?" (aside from 600 million dollars worth of bling bling.) The ubiquitous “make me laugh” requirement should go out the window for all women universally. Should someone have to make you laugh or should you just laugh. I swear, we just had this very conversation while giving advice to a friend looking for love on Chemistry.com. But Cher’s comment “you just stub your toe over guys” was very funny and astute.

To get into shape for the Caesars shows, Cher plans to start yoga and loves her Power Plate fitness machine. She’s not impressed with American Idol and like Jack Nicholson is supporting Hillary Clinton for president. She said “the guys have had it.” True enough although I would advise keeping that sentiment out of her dating profile for now.

Promises, Promises

1. “Cher insists her Vegas splash wont recycle Farewell motifs.” This is important. I just had a friend who refused to buy a ticket with us because he said he had no confidence Cher would re-invent the wheel. But Cher maintains she’s revamping the songs and taking the visual aspects one step further with surround effects and complex staging (a different stage for each song), things she couldn’t due on a traveling show with limited technology.
2. Cher promises elaborate choreography and 4 aerialists. I initially hoped the choreography would be more Caesars 1980 than Farewell 2000 but the Robin Leach blog story claims Doriana Sanchez will be the choreograper once again so I’m expecting more of the unsynchronized same. Professional dancers feel free to educate me on this issue if that seems uneducated.
3. According to the Leach-blog “An album— her 27th—will be produced from the show!” Well, first of all, Cher already has 30 albums. And would this be a live album or a new studio album? It would be great if Cher could arrange duets with visiting Vegas showmen, like Tom Jones.

This show marks Cher stage reunion of a sorts with Elton John and Bette Midler, who both guest-starred on the premier episode of her Cher solo television series in 1975.  Leach-blog called them "a triumph-irate," a sassy run on the words triumphant triumvirate.

My own thoughts

It fully hit me yesterday that I have an unbelievably exciting year ahead – seriously. I hope I don’t get hit by a bus. I have my first trip out of the country, something I’ve been trying to accomplish my whole adult lifetime, to Paris for 10 days with my bf (who speaks fluent French) and a family reunion in Albuquerque and Santa Fe New Mexico (I’m looking forward to showing my bf that absolutely enchanted state). I’ve got very-good-but-moderately-priced tickets to see Cher at Caesars (a dream come true – now if only she’d only start a television show again so I could sit in the viewing audience I could check off that last dream from 1975). Plus the Los Angeles Times Book Festival. Oh heaven!

And adventures with the new house and the new dog, Franz Alonzo, who just started his own Dogbook profile today – what a social networker!

I got very giddy about it all yesterday and suddenly realized in little over a year I’ll be 40! And my poor parents really hoped I’d be over this celebrity obsession thing by age 10!

To be honest, I actually DO feel somewhat smarter and more at peace as an older person. Although I’ve never quite felt “smart.” I surely don’t fall for all the crap I used to fall for as a young turk. I’ve also overcome a slew of fears. But I understand what Cher is saying to this degree: it is a drag when your bodily functions stop running smoothly. What smarts could alleviate that?

Finally, Leach-blog also stated the best-est bit of Cher news of all: “Cher will also be given her own Cher Store at the casino—taking over the former Celine Dion retail space.” I might just pass out! A cute little Cher store! Can I get a job there? Commute from LA?

Last December I was in the Elton John store with my bf and his mom. We stayed at the Paris –  because I just love their public bathrooms. At Caesars’ Elton store, he had scented potpourri pepples for sale. My bf and I showed them to his mom and she exclaimed, “I don’t want to smell Elton John’s rocks!”

I can’t tell you how excited I’m getting. Like when I got the Sonny & Cher stage for my eight birthday and got dizzy. Imagine, a whole store of ridiculous non-sequester Cher merchandise like scented rocks! I remember going crazy in the Barry Manilow store a few years ago: Barry wine. A Barry purse. This is so fucking great! Ahhhhhhhhh!

My mother just put me in my room for some quite time.

Btw, Cher will be a presenter this Sunday on the Grammys. Welcome to follwing Cher in the Tivo century!