Wedding Bell Blues

So as you can see, I Found Some Blog is in virtual hibernation as I happily slog through wedding duties. I’m actually having a really great time compiling our programs and cutting down songs. Everything is falling into place. Knock on wood.

I was thinking last night that in many ways this has been a fairy tale wedding in planning (knock on wood again), from the Parisian proposal to the awesome invitations, to all the ideas and creative bells and whistles John and I have contributed to the basic structure of a wedding, which has made the process more fun for us, hopefully more entertaining for our friends, and so much more personal and meaningful.

But there have been a few snags, as there always is. And in a strange way, John and I have bonded over this as well. In a sad way, it has furthered the fairy tale motif: feeling rescued by a Prince Charming from childhood troubles and sad relations with certain family members.

The only grief over this wedding (and I do use the word strongly) has not been over bridezilla-eque wedding details gone awry, but family drama.

Now both my therapist and my good friend Ann warned me over a year ago that weddings often bring out the worst in families, especially narcissistic family members. And I have some of those…not all of them (there have been some in my family who have been very helpful to us during this time)…but there’s been some whopper moments from the others.

Weddings are clearly a case of something that is all about you. And narcissists have two ways of dealing with that: they will either parade around like peacocks in order to draw attention back to them or refuse to participate altogether…in any case, keeping things squarely all about them and their needs on what is to be your very special day. All advice (online, on the couch, over drinks) recommends holding steadfast to yourself. In this time of your life, it really is all about you.

It’s still heartbreaking when it happens. And I have to say, a few relationships have been changed as a result.

Putting together my wedding has been mostly an awesome experience that I’ve enjoyed immensely. Cataloging my worst day to my friend Ken, he said “I am sorry you are going through this…weddings bring out the worst in people.” 

So between the actual happy moments of the past few weeks and the head-shaking f*#k-ed up moments, this is the reason I have fallen off monitoring Cherabouts. I have no idea what’s going on in Cherdom but I have plugged in The Best of Cher into my CD player a time or two just as a coping mechanism.

I do seem to recall Cher’s mother giving Cher these comforting words: “If it doesn’t matter in five, years, it doesn’t matter.” Unfortunately, I do think some of my experiences lately will still matter in five year. But it is comforting to think of your trials in the context of geological time, which is why this song by Beth Neilson Chapman comforts me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9z1Fc7hUYs

“Solid stone is just sand and water baby,
 sand and water…and a million years gone by.”

You know what else cheers me up sometimes?

PUPPIES!

These two handsome gentlemen are seen as cruising the streets of LA
(pic taken by their chauffeur Julie W.)