a division of the Chersonian Institute

Author: Cher Scholar (Page 93 of 102)

Wisdom Teeth (and Toes)

Teeth It’s been sort of a disturbing Cher week. First, a very astute Cher scholar took me on a pilgrimage of Cher’s evolving teeth, from her 70s wild teeth, (which I loved), to her large Witches/David Letterman-era teeth and beyond. And I don’t know why but the whole tooth-journey has taken me quite a while to get my head around, so to speak. (I think I’ve finally found an incidence where this phrase makes physical sense to me). Yes, things did seem odd around the time of Witches but at the time I chalked it up to the new nose.

But the larger problem is I can’t stop thinking about the-Witches-era teeth. For some reason I have a crazy, dancing, grinning kachina running through my brain. He’s like the kachinas from my Dad’s childhood on the Hopi reservation near Keams Canyon in Arizona. My dad told me kachinas were meant to teach children important lessons or to scare them into behaving. So I figure my sudden imaginary kachina must be here to scare me out of getting those da vinci veneers.

Scary enough. But then news broke that in August Cher fell down her stairs and broke some toes. Apparently she’s in a lot of pain. I hope she feels better soon and doesn’t get hooked on Vicodin or Demerol or Celebrex.

And then I read that Mask is being made into a musical! When will it all stop??

I suppose I’m just feeling overly anxious because I’m trying to detach at bit. I’m trying to learn website architecture and compliance on my job (which is helping me redesign the woefully web 1.0 Cherscholar.com); I’ve just finished some new book reviews and a year’s worth of research for some new poems; I’m getting ready for my 20th high school reunion in a few weeks (should I keep Cher Scholar on the low down?); and I’m helping my parents plan their 50th wedding anniversary in New Mexico. To aid in all that mess I’m learning meditation, yoga, and ceramics. Surprisingly, it’s working. I feel very calm.

So let’s break it down. Not ever Cher movie needs to be made into a musical. And stories of extensive plastic surgery only serve to remind me that show business is a dirty business. Not a dirty business like a Starbucks franchise. More like an underground gambling, break-your-knees dirty business.

Or toes. And maybe show business is a knee and toe-breaking business which demands physical perfection.

But as my meditation and ceramics teaches me daily, imperfection is God. And maybe that’s a good arguement against pop culture; it’s not art because it’s too perfect.

   

Jackson Highway Album of the Day

Jackson Happily last week Cher’s album 3614 Jackson Highway was album of the day on the fabulous music site Allmusic.

Here’s their detailed review by Lindsay Planer which was quite positive. They give it 3.5 out of 4 stars and label it "earthy, intimate, ambitious, mellow and gritty."

Doubly happily you can learn more about Cher’s band for the album, The Swampers.

Here’s the clincher quote:

"…closer examination reveals that not only does Cher have soul, but The Swampers are the quintessential foil for her decidedly unique style. Like soul-music serpent charmers, they summon from Cher the most authentic, if not interesting work she has been responsible for."

 

Cher Clips Made Easy

Last week I found this wonderful catalogue of Cher YouTube clips under the site Vid-arena’s experiment of pitting different divas against each other in YouTube dominance.

http://www.vidarena.com/cher-vs-madonna-video_767_5_vidobPDuaIWfvE.html#videos

I haven’t surfed all the clips but there is a touching tribute to Gregg Allman found there set to the music of “My Song” with some fine candid shots. You might find some new stuff you haven’t seen before.

   

Rejected Blog Title #3: Bell Bottom Blog

Building CheEmpires and Education

Castle Cher Castle
I had horrendous pop-up issues with this site all three times I tried to get get on (from two different computers even). Many links are broken – it’s possible this is a ghost town of Cherness. The graphics are worth a looksee…that cute winking photo…but I couldn’t bring up the forum or the chat. The biography was scrolling text too fast for me to read. Most annoyingly, I couldn’t resize the window to get to all the menu items.

…not to be confused with Cher Palace which is now a Yahoo! Group of 800 some people.

Army_2To support a palace or a castle, you need an Army of Cher is a fan database, basically another brand of social site, a place to chat with other fans and create fan profiles. There’s a small amount of multimedia here and the design is the least Cher-sparkly of any I’ve seen for a while. Interestingly conservative. It’s unusual. It intrigues me. I wish I could join all the social hubs of Cher out there. I really do.

UniversityCher University!
Oooh…Cher Scholar loves school! Cher Scholar wants to go back to school. There’s a page of firsts and a list of facts, and active forum, an album database and 102 members in the Yahoo! Group section. It’s a good start but I need more stuff – a syllabus, more homework, more tests! I did love playing with the bubbles.

Cher Web Sites in 1997

This all reminds me of the year of 1997 when I was at Sarah Lawrence studying poetry. My fiction writer Julie had to leave for a semester and she asked me to go into the college computer lab (a place I had never been before and thought must be filled with computer geeks) and send her school news via her email account. It was scary. What if I couldn’t figure it out? What if I broke something?. Julie emailed about web surfing and starting up an online opinion magazine (this became Ape Culture in 1998). I had no idea what web surfing was. I went to the Yahoo! site she pointed me to and typed in "Cher" for lack of any other ideas. And that’s how I learned how to use the world wide web. (It’s also how I learned to use those green periodical books at the library). At the time, there were only two sites about Cher, something vaguely official looking with Cher informercial pages and a great site from the UK called Cher Dedication. It had scrumptious essays, invaluable postings about Cher appearances (this was around the time of the "First Time" book tour) and the first web postings of "Believe" clips. I remember thinking "eh, not too catchy."

Later that year after I got my first computer, a Micron.  I spent a whole day surfing through every site on the web that mentioned Cher. Isn’t that mind-blowing? In 1997 I managed to find all Cher references on the freakin’ Internet! One-hundred monkeys couldn’t do that today.
   

I’m in Mashup Heaven

Geeze Louise! Pinch me!

  • REM vs. Cher by DJ Schmolli – "Losing My Believe"
       
  • Sex Pistols vs. Cher by Go Home Productions – "No Feelings 4 Cher" Allegedy this mashup "received the "full blessing" of both parties (or, in the former case, Pistols guitarist Steve Jones)." Found on the EP Pistol Whipped with  other Sex Pistols mash-ups (including the  Madonna Pistol Mash "Ray of Gob."
       
  • R.I.P. Mashup: Cher vs. Echo & the Bunnymen doing "I Believe in Killing Time" Message on the site from Mark Vidler: "Am I still allowed to mention this track? Was bloody pleased with this pairing and still listen to this one occasionally. Several months after making it available I was kindly asked by Echo & The Bunnymens people to remove it from the website. I politely obliged.  August 2002" Pansy-assed dolts.
       
  • There are so many mashups in this one…I’m dizzy. Whitney Houston vs. Madonna vs. Cher in a "Believe" "Live a Virgin" "Somebody Who Loves Me" mashup called "Believe Somebody" by DJ Earworm      
     
  • Alice Deejay vs.Cher doing "This is a Song for Those Who Are Better Off Alone" by Savvy DJ.

 

Stephanie Miller Defends Cher Against Ear Worm Claim

Stepmiller I was listening to my favorite morning show, Stephanie Miller, today while i was applying my face goop. They’ve been discussing dangerous 70s toys. That morphed into a discussion on annoying 70s songs or "ear worms" as they call it. Listeners call in with their most hated 70s song. Once dastardly meanie-poo feller called in today to say "anything by Cher."

It was only a matter of time.

Chris on the show started playing "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" and "Half Breed" while Stephanie did her best Cher impersonation. Needless to say I was irked to be hearing all this. But happily Stephanie groaned when the caller suggested any Cher song was an ear worm, saying "She was called a lotta names. She was really bullied. No wonder she turned out so fabulous."

Awww…I feel so warm and fuzzy inside now.

   

It’s Gonna Take a Lotta Links…

…to get us through the night.

This was a link-tastic week.

        

Questions to Cher Scholar

Superpaks This week I’m starting a new feature, posting entries from my archive of questions emailed to Cher Scholar which have trickled in over the years. I’m doing this in the hopes that it will enable better Cher scholarship worldwide. Consider this zen koan I just cooked up:

the question is the answer

Note: This is not the same as my advice column: Ask Cher Scholar. Below are factual inquiries not sage answers to relationship issues.

On Feb 10 2003 Eileen L. wrote:
What is on the superpack album? Thanks Eileen.

Well, first of all this set of albums was intentionally misspelled Superpak, a fact that really grates on the harried nerves of my Massachusetts-State-Spelling-Bee-Champion friend. Why have rules with such blatant breakage of them? The Vol. 1 album was also the theme of my first Cher Zine. It’s such an odd compilation, so mammoth in scope and packaging, with peculiar photos basically soft-focusing on Cher’s schnoz. The second volumne had pictures of Cher looking European and fashionable.

Double albums were so classy in the 70s. We only got one double Cher album: Sonny & Cher Live, Vol. 2. But imagine: a double concept Sonny & Cher album! It could have been called The Duet Remains the Same or House of the Gothic Sconces or Sonny & Cher IV. Instead, we only have double compilation albums. So sad.

Here are the song lists for Superpak Vols 1 and 2.

Vol. 1

Album 1: Side 1
All I Really Want to Do; The Bells of Rhymney; Girl Don’t Come; Come and Stay With Me; Blowin in the Wind; Needles and Pins

Album 1: Side 2
Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down); Elusive Butterfly; Time; Where Do You Go; Until It’s Time for You to Go; Will You Love Me Tomorrow

Album 2: Side 3
Alfie; Homeward Bound; Catch the Wind; Reason to Believe; A House is Not a Home; You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me

Album 2: Side 4
You’d Better Sit Down Kids; Sunny;  There But For Fortune; Do You Believe in Magic; Mama (when My Dollies Have Babies) [I just mistyped this doilies—the LOL goes without saying]; The Click Song

Vol. 2

Album 1: Side 1
Our Day Will Come; The Times, They Are A-Changin’; Come to Your Window; I Wasn’t Ready; Hey Joe; Milord

Album 1: Side 2
Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright; She Thinks I Still Care; The Cruel War; A Young Girl; Song Called Children; The Girl from Ipanema

Album 2: Side 3
Ol’ Man River; The Impossible Dream; Cry Myself to Sleep; Carnival; Twelfth of Never; Like a Rolling Stone

Album 2: Side 4
It’s Not Unusual; I Want You; I Will Wait for You; Take Me For a Little While; Sing for Your Supper; Go Now

It’s interesting to see how Cher music compilers organize her songs. You can almost read a found poem in the list above, especially on Album 2: Side 4 which reads like a twisted infatuation affair gone wrong through the course of one short evening.

The absolute enormity of the song list begs the question why not just re-release all the freaking Imperial albums? Is it me?

   

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