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So Much Stuff!

November 5, 2024 / / 0 Comments

It’s election day. It feels very anxious out there. I’m appreciating any distractions the day has to offer.

And in the Cher-sphere, there is so much to catch up on.

I’m very behind because I just returned from a vacation to Cleveland (a fun one this time), Tucson Arizona, Joshua Tree California and then back through Phoenix. And during that time Cher has been very, very busy.

We’ll need to review it quickly before the Cher book comes out in 14 days.

First, since it’s November we can start listening to the Christmas album again. Some people choose to wait until the day after Thanksgiving for Christmas music, but if you are in desperate need of some pre-holiday cheer, I think it’s okay to indulge early.

There is some memoir news (variations on formats to discuss). We need to recap the week of October 19 with the Victoria’s Secret runway performance, Cher’s Spotify playlist, (which is already down but I captured the songs on a list because I’m a Cher nerd and there’s a lot to discuss around that). We also have the Hall of Fame induction. I was able to attend and see the exhibit at the museum. I’ll review all that along with the Insights video and this year’s program chapter on Cher.

I also want to talk soon about the Cher singles that have appeared throughout the years in Rolling Stone Magazine‘s “best singles” lists. I had to deep dive into my Cher She-Shed to pull out one of the old 1988 lists. Cher songs on those have come and gone and we’ll consider why that is. There’s a podcast out there about “Believe’s” appearance on the latest list.

I also want to start some song spotlights beginning with “Love and Pain” from the Take Me Home album.

While I was digging through my Cher shed, I found some 1970s magazine memorabilia with Cher beauty tips. Since this was a recurring theme in the Ask Sonny & Cher in16 Magazine articles, we’ll look at those.

And then we need to talk about Teri Garr, who has just sadly passed. And the Kamala Harris endorsement video…

In the meantime, Silkwood has just become available on Streaming for the first time with Hulu. It has one of Cher’s best performances under the direction of Mike Nichols and the tutelage of Meryl Streep. If you’re feeling election stress, transfer it for an hour and a half into a movie about sinister corporate malfeasance.

Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine, Part 14

October 14, 2024 / / 0 Comments

So it’s our Last Dance with Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine. How bittersweet. Fourteen installments (that we know of) and we’ve learned a lot. Or at least I have.

And I have looked high and low for a better copy of this photograph, which cuts off the first question to Cher and, like the last column, some of the words at the far right. But I think we can piece together the idea of most of it.

In this last photo, Sonny and Cher wear shinny shirts and you can see Cher’s big rings. Not a particularly flattering picture of either of them but that’s part of their casual vibe, I guess.

 

If your young life is full of problems there’s no need for you to suffer alone. In fact, there’s no need for you to suffer at all. Cher—and Sonny—want to help you—right here in the pages of 16!

Sonny and I are back again, reading your letters, answering as many as possible, and (hopefully) helping you to solve the problems you encounter in your day-to-day life. If your letter is not here, please don’t feel neglected—there just is not enough room in 16 to answer all of the many letters we get every month. Sonny and I carefully select a cross-section of the mail that represents your most important problems. If your questions aren’t answered this month. please come back next month—for sooner or later you will find your problem and our advice right here in 16 Magazine.

Dear Cher, [Question Missing]

Cher’s Response:

Dear Overweight, First, you should have a simple physical checkup by your family M.D., just to make sure that you do not have a thyroid problem (or any other condition). Your problem is probably just that you [overeat]. That normally is the problem with people who are too fat. On the righthand page you will see an ad for 16’s Popularity & Beauty Book. This booklet is a gem of information for “fatties.” I suggest that you try it. Good luck!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

Ok, I really hope this person self-referred as a “fatty” in their letter and this is why we find this word is in quotes. Secondly, a booklet? I’ve been looking for a booklet? For the love of… The rip-off smell is getting stronger in here.

Maybe this person just has thyroid problem. But this also reminds me of the very funny “glandular problem” bit on  Family Guy. There’s plenty of medical conditions to screw around with our weight: thyroid problems, menopausal problems, some antidepressants, steroids and some blood pressure and diabetes medications can cause problems.

This isn’t the only question we’ve seen on weight issues. This series often seems to be repeating itself for all the disclaimers about hand-picking unique issues from the bulk of letters coming in.

If I think back on all the come-and-gone medical solutions to weight issues over the years given to people I know, it’s disheartening: liposuction, testosterone patches, stomach bands, remember those weird fat-jiggling machines people thought were exercise? Here’s a funny piece about a woman who tested one out in 2016.

If I ever meet Neil deGrasse Tyson, I am going to ask him straight out if he thinks nutrition is still a frontier science. I’m convinced it is.

Anyway, it’s not PC to call people fatties or fatsos anymore. Just a heads up if you hadn’t heard. The old Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour had some fat-suit skits that are now equally problematic, but also still funny. (If you can find them.) People who watched the show remember one of the memes of the skits where a fat-suit character would say a metaphorical food word, like “easy as pie” or “pie in the sky” and the other characters would rub their hands together and say excitedly, “pie!”

Even pictures online are scarce. Here is a picture from the first one, a skit called Detective Fat which made fun of the show Cannon with William Conrad. They also had Jim Neighbors as a guest once and they spoofed Gunsmoke.

Dear Cher, At what age do you think a girl should start dating? Also, [do] boys really prefer girls who play hard to get more than girls who flirt with them? Why are the flirts the first to get the dates? Questions, Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Cher’s Response:

Dear Questions, I think 14 is the proper age for a girl to start double-dating. The dates should be for dances and public affairs only. My little sister “Gee,” who is 14 goes to community center parties and chaperoned dances [unreadable] dates. I think that guys like a girl who is a [unreadable] flirt and hard to get. Don’t go overboard in either direction, and remember this: it isn’t the girl who gets the first date that matters, it’s the one who gets the second, third, fourth and fifth. I hope you are that one.

Cher’s Scholar’s Response:

What about the sixth date? And the seventh? And ugh…what kind of flirt should this girl be? What is the missing word?? That’s a crucial adjective we’re missing there! And this could very well be the one single word that could have changed me from a bad flirt into a good flirt!

(And I think we can all agree that if I was a better flirt I wouldn’t have said half the things I’ve said in this whole series of Cher Scholar responses. But then I’m also not qualified to answer any of these questions.)

Anyway, Gee is Georganne, Cher’s beautiful, blonde sister who I’m sure had the pick of many offered dates. Especially being able to says she was Cher’s little sister.

More on this later but playing hard to get is basically a pre-dating game. How long does one have to keep that up? Some people play this game long into a relationship. (I’m thinking of a scene from When a Man Loves a Woman where Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia, long married, go to public places and pretend they don’t know each other to keep their relationship feeling fresh.) There’s also playful fighting that is a kind of flirting. But those games seem safer in a situation where people know each other well. Then again there are plenty of people who would be bored without the chase, people for whom the chase is the point. Then there are other people who see game-playing as an impediment to intimacy.

My theory is the more sensitive a person is, (and sensitivity is a superpower, remember), the less these games might appeal to them. It’s like how spicy foods are explained in the book How Pleasure Works by Paul Bloom. People who have more taste buds on their tongue (not hereditary just randomly), enjoy spicy foods a lot less because the taste is overwhelming on a tongue with more taste buds. (I must have zero taste buds in this scenario.) Those people, turns out, aren’t “picky,” as I was always taught to label such people. They actually have smarter tongues, if you think about it. And therefore, they would rather have calmer food.

And speaking of chaperones, Cher was out of the house at 16. Her mother was working and she was probably dating before that even, unchaperoned. Her time with Warren Beatty was famously unchaperoned. Who knows who else she ran into like that unchaperoned. Because Warren Beattys were like rats in the 1960s. If you saw one, there was probably 50 more running around within 50 yards of you. (Oh dear. I’ll probably run into trouble with that joke.)

Anyway, the tension around flirt or play-hard-to-get continues in the next question and we’ll pick it up again there.

Here’s a fake mugshot photo of the unchaperoned Cher.

Amazon.com: Cher - Teen - Mugshot - 1959 - Photo Poster: Posters & Prints

Dear Sonny, I am a guy who is [13, 15?], and there’s a girl down the street I’m crazy about. She is also in my room at school. She used to like me, but now she doesn’t. What should I do about this problem? Love-sick, Chicago, Ill.

Sonny’s Response:

Dear Love-sick, The worst thing a guy (or girl) can do when someone they like ignores them is to start chasing after that person. They become a nuisance, aside from which the chick realizes she’s got you [unreadable] and there isn’t any excitement or intrigue left. The only chance [you] have is to become a challenge to this girl. Somehow, make your[self] interesting to her and then play hard to get. Don’t be at her beck and call. Let her wonder what happened. She will either [come] around or not, and if not, she’s really not for you. The first [step] towards maturity is to learn to accept the facts of life. It’s like [unreadable] buddy—what is is. 

Cher Scholar’s Response:

I’m sorry. Did I say last week’s Sonny answer on football was the worst advice I have ever heard in my life? I was wrong. This is the worst advice I’ve ever heard in my life.

She’s got you [something]? She’s got you covered? Hornswoggled? Snickerdoodled? Boobytrapped? She’s got you where she wants you? What?

Not to mention that this advice conflicts with previous Cher advise on chasing versus fighting-for and we’re back in the perpetual mess of what to do.

Play the game, don’t play the game. It all comes down to the power-structure. Who is having to work hard at performing the appropriate level of availability around which people (and their level of social power) and at what times in history and with the understanding of which consequences? Because both parties aren’t being offered the same power. It’s not healthy if one person is doing the playing for another person and the person being played to has full control of the relationship. It’s not true intimacy because one person has to hold back or release honesty only in particularly acceptable moments. You can’t be yourself and do this.

If it’s a truly equitable game, meaning both parties trade off the power position, this would seem okay. But I don’t often see that. I see one party (and this could be the boy, the girl, anybody) at a disadvantage.

But even saying that, some people are turned on by that disadvantage and that’s what they’re working out in this lifetime. And that’s them doing them.

How do you know if you’re engaging in power plays? Look at how you treat your friends. Do you treat your lovers with the same amount of respect and give them the same amount of agency? Intimate relationships should work the same way (just with extra benefits). Surely, they shouldn’t be treated worse.

And speaking of relationships, since this is our last question about boys and dating and this has been such an overwhelmingly big theme in this column, let’s finish up on the whole topic with a very problematic Cher song lyric and, ironically, a very astute Sonny one.

This 1979 Cher song, “Boys and Girls,” is from her album Prisoner. It was written by Billy Falcon. To give this song some context, this was when Cher was on the Casablanca label and struggling to introduce some rock music into what was meant to be another disco album. This song suffers from that tug of war.

The lyrics also attempt to take us through the somewhat rough experience of flirting.

Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your toes

Well feeling you’re cool is as good as looking it
Thinking you’re cool is as good as knowing it
Playing it cool is as good as blowing it

[I would argue that feeling you’re cool is NOT as good as looking it.]

You know you can’t spend a dollar, if you ain’t got a dime
You can’t hook a fish if you ain’t got a line
You won’t catch the bus if you’re not there on time

[Hard to argue with any of these statements.]

So go read up your books and sharpen your hooks
Then all you need is money and a mouth full of honey
And if you play your cards right after dancing all night
You won’t have to walk home alone
I said, you won’t have to walk home alone

Boys, you can hang loose and slip up real cool
But if your lady has a love noose she might never let you go

[Love noose?! Ok, now that’s scary.]

And if you think maybe you’re too young
And you just cannot cope, just grab a razor sharp
Pair of cutting shears and cut a hole right in the rope
Snip a hole right in the rope

[Razor sharp pair of cutting shears. Very specific. Scissors are not good enough to extricate yourself from the love noose. Noted.]

Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your toes

Well feeling you’re cool is as good as looking it
Thinking you’re cool is as good as knowing it
Playing it cool is as good as blowing it
You know you can’t spend a dollar, if you ain’t got a dime
You can’t hook a fish if you ain’t got a line
You won’t catch the bus if you’re not there on time

Well if you wake up tomorrow morning
And you can’t remember what you did
Just ring up some of your friends
And they’ll tell you just how low you slid
Oh don’t be ashamed of anything you hear
After all you can’t be blamed when you’re drinking so much beer

[Just how much beer can we picture Cher drinking?]

Hey, don’t worry that what you did just wasn’t right
Just remember, brothers and sisters
After every day’s another night
Just remember, brothers and sisters
After every day’s another night

[Truth, Days do indeed follow nights.]

Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your toes
I said, boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your toes

Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
Oh, from your head down to your toes
Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your little bitty toes

I really miss liner notes. Cher’s album Prisoner was the first Cher album to have them.

But this all seems very bleak to me. Even the music makes me feel tense. And there’s a lot more to shining shoes and powdering noses than is explained here. It sounds oppressive, overly complicated and, quite frankly, an emotional quagmire.

Sonny’s answers have been hot and cold in this series, giving both fair and completely sexist advice. But sometimes he could be very sensible and helpful and simple. When conditions were right, I guess. (When the light of the moon hits the keyhole on the first month of December…) Of all the issues in all these columns about love relationships, I believe the answer can be found in this little, unassuming line from my very favorite (Sonny &) Cher song, written by Sonny, “Somebody.”

“It aint power. It aint freedom.”

If you have relationship problems, the issue probably lies with one of these mindsets. And if you can figure your way out of these mindsets, you’re pretty much home free. We’re all indoctrinated to want to control (or be controlled), to escape (or be discovered), as if that’s all there is to it.

But in an ironic twist provided by Sonny himself, relationships are so much more beautifully complicated than power and freedom or “Boys and Girls.” The problem may be simple and static, but a good result is an amazingly intricate variability.

It aint power. It aint freedom.

Dear Sonny, I am 14 years old and there’s a guy I’m really gone on, but [he] doesn’t know that I like him. My mother heard me talking to [unreadable] on the phone and got mad. She says that I should not like boys [four] or five years older than I am. I stopped talking to this boy [unreadable] missed him very much. Then last week we started talking [unreadable]. Now, I think he is in love with one of my best friends. [What] should I do? Mixed-up, Santa Barbara, Calif.

Sonny’s Response:

Dear Mixed-Up, Some parents are more old-fashioned than others, and the problem can become difficult. As you know, I am older than Cher [unreadable] at first her parents did not take to me. Fortunately, I proved [unreadable] worthy of their daughter. Since this guy you dig seems [hung up on?] another girl, why don’t you just determinedly make yourself new friends. When you do, introduce them to your mom, so [that she] can see that they are nice folks—no matter how much [younger? or] how much older they are than you. Wish you happiness!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

A boy she is really “gone on.” Now that’s an interesting way to say it. She’s lost herself. She’s gone. Sonny says “parents” here but in the stories it’s only Cher’s mother who was upset about the 11-year age difference between Cher and Sonny. But now I wonder who Georgia was with at this time. Was she married at that time? I don’t think Cher’s father was involved at all, quite possibly he was in prison.

Anyway, this is good advice, Sonny. And this was a good question to end on. And a great farewell to our series with the final “Wish you happiness.”

Here is a picture of Sonny  & Cher being groovy to see us off. Sonny is wearing his El Primo shirt. Good grief! Well, as they say, fuck around and find out.

 

Read more Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine

Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine, Part 13

October 11, 2024 / / 0 Comments

So as you can tell, we are up to the last two  compromised relics of Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine. Both of these final two have portions cropped out of their respective photographs. Plus the angle of the paper on this one makes it a challenge to read. I might just go blind trying to transcribe it for us here. But I’ve tried, where I can, to figure out what the missing parts say. In some cases, the text is pretty much undecipherable.

This one is also an unusual sample because it has stylized  drawings of Sonny and Cher instead of the usual photograph of them. The Cher drawing is pretty swell, but Sonny looks more like Ringo Star on the top and David Crosby on the bottom or “the lovechild between Hal Linden and Cheech Marin” (M.CS).

 

[DO YOU HAVE some personal questions that are crying for an answer? Do  you need heartfelt advice from someone who knows and cares? Do you feel that there is no one that you can turn to or trust? If you answer yes to all of these questions, please don’t despair—because Sonny] and I are really here and we really are going to help you. Each month we carefully read your mail and pick out a cross-section of the most important questions that you ask. If your answer is not here in this issue, please keep looking—because sooner or later we will get around to you and your problem.

LITTLE MISS INNOCENCE

Dear Cher, There is one girl in this town who is a natural hazard to the rest of us—especially me! If she finds out that you like a certain guy, she immediately “attaches” herself to him. Whenever that certain guy is around, she manages to get up close to him, blink her eyes at him and come on like “little Miss Innocence.” She’s really buddy-buddy with the guy I like. What can I do to get rid of her? STUCK, [unreadable city and state]

Cher’s Response:

Dear Stuck, If you’ll read your letter over carefully, you will have to admit that “it takes two to tango” [not that again]. I mean, if the guy is being “taken” by this girl’s act, then he must want to be “taken.” She probably makes him feel super-important and most guys just love that! Why not try fighting fire with fire? Nest time you see him, give him the same treatment. Don’t by gushy, but come on just enough to make him feel that you think he’s a pretty special guy. Sometimes, if you have that special spark in your eyes—it can ignite a fire in his! [In his what?]

Cher Scholar’s Response:

“Get rid of her.” Real mob-boss flirting, right there. Don’t do that. Does eye blinking work? Is that a viable strategy? I thought that was something we did just ironically? I guess post-modernism hasn’t happened yet.

I would say move away from this girl into a more control-group situation, but in high school you can’t always do this. You’re all stuck together. If these were adult office peoples, you could always plan a happy hour while she’s on vacation. Or just not tell her where the happy hour is going on. You know, mean girl stuff.

Hey maybe try this instead: pretend to like multiple guys and even some girls too and short circuit this girl. She won’t be able to keep up. Maybe it will short circuit this guy as well. I mean he has free will, doesn’t he?

And this whole stoke-his-ego scheme that “Cher” is referring to here. I am having a hard time picturing her following her own advice on this one. At least in public she does not at all seem like the type willing to pander to men. But you never know what happens behind closed doors, I always say. And Charlie Rich says that too. People are different in intimate situations, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, sometimes just because.

Cher was madly in love with Sonny and still he had to deal with her continual smart assery, so much that it became their live act schtick and then their television show schtick. Cher’s sass can be seen all the way back to the movie Good Times. She may be enamored with this Sonny guy but she’s not always happy about it or willing to behave. And I love her for that. Do not go gentle into the good night of love!

NERVOUS NELLIE

Dear Cher, I have a lot of friends and I like to meet new people, but whenever I go to my classrooms in school I get nervous! Whenever the teacher asks me something, I just blush and whisper in a low voice. How can I stop feeling that way? SHY IN CLASS, Denmark, Wisc.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Shy In Class, Sounds to me like you’ve got a common ailment known as “stage fright.” It’s a feeling very similar to one most entertainers have when they start out. The only way to beat it is to refuse to let it beat you. The next time your teacher calls on you, take a deep breath—look her squarely in the eye—and force yourself to project your voice so that everyone in the room can hear it. It’s tough to do, at first—but after a few times your fear will fade away completely and you might even find it fun to recite or answer a question in front of an “audience” (especially if you know the answer!) Keep at it—practice makes perfect.

Cher Scholar’s Response:

Just take a speech class. That will shock the fear right out of you. I did theater in high school and found butterflies always had a short shelf life; but nothing prepared me for the college speech class. One guy in the class did a speech on manatees and ended up fleeing the room, never to return. That first speech was a gauntlet! It’s the trenches of stage freight. After that, nothing ever seemed very scary.

But there’s an umbrella to stage fright which is any kind of performance anxiety. I was actually more afraid to answer the phone than I was to get up on a stage and read someone else’s words. Hell, if the audience didn’t like it, maybe it was the script. But answering the phone you had to think for yourself and on the fly! And until I went though a week of being a receptionists where phone answering was unavoidable, that fear never went away. (I still don’t love hearing the phone ring, to be honest.)

But the point is, nobody on the other line really cares all that much. This was the point of a really good Schitt’s Creek scene where the character David Rose was deathly afraid of failing his driving test and his sister Alexis was telling him the driving instructor really didn’t care if he passed or failed. “Nobody cares….people aren’t thinking about you the way you’re thinking about you.” David doesn’t believe her but when the driving instructor arrives, David suddenly notices that it’s just another day on the job for the driving instructor who is wrapped up in his own life struggles and, in fact, does not care whether David passes or fails. This frees up David to pass the test.

Cher infamously had crippling stage fright and sometimes describes fainting and throwing up before her first live shows. This is the whole reason Sonny & Cher even exist as a duo. Sonny knew he was not a strong singer and was only intending to promote and support Cher as a performer. But Cher literally pulled him out on stage with her and for the next ten or so years she performed mostly to him (even on television) to get through her discomfort with live audiences.

Here is what that sounded like (1964).

NOW—OR LATER?

Dear Cher, I am a 9-year old girl. I’m intelligent and fairly attractive. I’d like to order 16’s Popularity and Beauty Book. Do you think I’m too young for it? Should I wait until I’m older? MIXED-UP, Mt. View, Calif.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Mixed-Up, You’re never too young to look, feel and act your best [good grief]. The sooner you learn how, the better. I think that the 16’s Popularity and Beauty Book can answer a lot of the questions you’ll be asking as you grow up. It might possibly allow you to side-step many of the teenage problems that lie ahead. Go ahead, get one (see ad on facing page)! Give yourself a headstart! It’s much better to be too early—than too late!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

We’ll have to agree to disagree here. Yes, Mixed-Up, you are too young. Come on, you’re already mixed up! Reading this won’t allow you to “side-step” any of the girl drama ahead. You’ll just start obsessing over it sooner, when you should be doing things like dancing to records and building forts where you can get down to the business of plotting a takeover of the neighborhood with your girl and boy friends. Play some Yahtzee. Roller skate to the pool. Anything else. I’m guessing you have an older sister or you wouldn’t even know this silly book exists. That said, I keep looking for it on eBay. But don’t you fall for it!

Trust me. It’s fine to be “too late” with all this shit. You will have plenty of time to pour over this beauty and boys book like it’s a tome of scripture instructing you on how to reset your hair after having to pull it out again every goddamn, lovesick day.

The only exception to this is would be if you’re 9 years old and have your hot, sweaty hands on a Cher Makeup Center. In this case you can learn how to roll up synthetic hair and put makeup on a plastic face to your heart’s content. Look how much fun this girl is having!

SEARCHIN’

Dear Sonny, It’s hard to define my problem, but I’ll try. I’m a [member of] a close-knit, happy family. Lately, I’ve been the most [unreadable] guy in the world. I don’t care to join in games with my [unreadable] brothers and sisters, and I’m not happy doing the  [unreadable] things that used to be fun. I feel lonely—even in a crowd [unreadable] my friends at school seem different and childish [unreadable]  don’t know what’s the matter with me. I feel like I’m [searching] for something, but I don’t know what it is! When will I be [unreadable]? DISTURBED, Tucson, Ariz.

Sonny’s Response:

Dear Disturbed, You defined your problem very well! It’s a problem [unreadable]  everyone has to deal with when they make the big step [unreadable]  childhood to young manhood or womanhood. All of a [sudden] you find yourself looking at the world through different [eyes] and things just don’t look the same. The “it” you are [looking] for is you—the real you. The friends who look different [unreadable]  now just haven’t reached the stage of development [that you] have—but they will! Growing up is never an easy thing [unreadable]. (In this hectic world we live in, it’s getting more difficult [unreadable] day!) If you will try to realize that millions of teenagers [all over] the world are experiencing the same inner “growing pains” [unreadable] you are—you won’t feel so lonely. We are all (at one [time or] another) searching for something—and most of us spend [the] time looking in the wrong places. Look within—you’ll [unreadable] what you see. When you find yourself, you’ll know the [unreadable] was worthwhile. 

Cher Scholar’s Response:

I feel like some of the most pertinent parts of this response are unreadable. What will be worthwhile?? What will you see when you look within??

Cher was oddly both immature and overly mature for her age. She admits that when she moved out at 16 years of age she “couldn’t even match socks.” But as the oldest sister in a house with a working mother, Cher says she was also often called upon to do adulting before she wanted to. Someday I would like to hear sister Georganne’s stories about their growing-up years. Which reminds me that part of the big Sonny & Cher entourage we never saw at the time included family members who all spent a lot of time with Sonny & Cher, including Cher’s sister Georganne and Sonny’s first daughter Christy. They all grew up as part of the extended Sonny & Cher family and growing up too fast is often a problem in celebrity families. You could see the hardships of the child/adult transition watching both Chaz and Elijah as they both struggled with the same addictions and crises of purpose many children in Hollywood seem to go through.

I am no expert in maturity so I’m gonna have to pass on this one. I got nothin.

FOOTBALL PLAYIN’ TOMBOY?

Dear Sonny, What do boys think of girls who are “tom-boys”? I’m [unreadable] years old and I love to play football and hate to wear dresses [unreadable] play football with the boys in my home town and that [unreadable] me almost as one of them. I’d trade a new dress for a [pair of] jeans any day! Is there anything wrong with me? DRESS-HATER, Raeford, N.C.

Sonny’s Response:

Dear Dress-Hater, As long as you’re concerned about what boys think about [unreadable]—there is nothing wrong. The popularity of slacks and [unreadable] with the girls of today should show you that there are [unreadable] “dress-haters” around besides you. As to the football play[unreadable] I’m not quite sure these boys “accept you” almost as [one of] them. If I were you, I’d restrain my love for football to the [side] lines and to watching games on TV. 

Cher Scholar’s Response:

Shouldn’t that be “as long as you’re not concerned” Sonny? You’re fine if you’re not concerned?

Okay, there’s probably something very honest about what Sonny is saying here. I appreciate his honest sexism here. But aside from that, this advice is probably some of the worst advice I’ve every heard in my entire life.

I come from a sports loving family and was actually pressured to play sports but I hate running and jumping so…I literally lettered in theater which is, in it’s own way I guess, a dangerous contact sport. But I was often made to attend sporty things like swim meets and baseball games and had to be bribed each time with food because I’ll pretty much attend anything if food’s on the table somewhere in there.

But I found I was willing to get into a sport for friends and lovers. And luckily my friends are like me and also not into sports so that basically leaves boyfriends. If they are into it, I will try to get into it. This was initially a challenge with my in-laws who follow the Kansas City Chiefs. Even the girls. It’s part of their family culture and family events often revolve around the games.  The first few years were rough as I had no idea what was going on and football seemed extremely boring. I would fixate on funny player names (Dexter McCluster) and making jokes about things the announcers would say. Then Patrick Mahommes became the quarterback.  That was a game changer, as they say. He was adorable and often ran like a girl while crushing the NFL with his athletic impossibilities the whole time. It wasn’t hard to become a fan after that. Also, Tyrek Hill used to do cartwheels after touchdowns.

Aside from many, many hetero girls loving football these days, it’s also possible this young girl might be gay. There’s a very memorable clip of Chaz throwing a football with Elijah on one of the Barbara Walters interview specials from the 1980s. We all thought Chaz was a tomboy back in the day. The point is there are many tom-boys, gay girls, trans boys and girlie girls who like football. And some of them play it and even coach it. Quite a few women are making inroads into the NFL as coaches.

I recently had an argument with my Dad about trans athletes in sports and he was saying it wasn’t fair for trans girls to complete with other girls and I did agree with that but I was recommending we rethink sports entirely in a non-gendered way based on weight classes (like we do in wrestling and boxing). You know, the way we should have been doing all this time anyway. In the middle of this my Dad admitted there are women who have shown they are better kickers than men. I said, “That’s great. Can women join football teams now then?” And he said immediately, “No.”

So it’s not about skill or a strength advantage. It’s about gender discomforts in gendered spaces (a.k.a. boys clubs).

And then there’s the fact that Cher is a football fan herself going back to the 1970s. She once described a party where the Fearsome Foursome’s Deacon Jones taught her the game. Throughout the years, she has mentioned still enjoying watching football.

There are many reasons why Sonny’s gender-rigged response does not age well. Arms akimbo to this response, Sonny!

 

Read more Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine

Kiss and Tells and Legacy Building

October 9, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Cher: The Memoir, Part One Audiobook by Cher - 9780008355388 | Rakuten Kobo India“Why should one’s art then be an achievement? Why not more an adventure?”
— Poet Robert Duncan

We’re all waiting to see how much of Cher’s autobiography is a kiss and tell. She has said time and again that she never wanted to do that sort of memoir and was disappointed that Sonny did so with his.

But why should that keep one from telling their life story? Is that all a life is about? Sex and gossip? What about all the other struggles, joys and actualizations of the self?

Reading Ann Powers’ book on Joni Mitchell, it was interesting to see the point at which Joni Mitchell switched from making new music to legacy-building. This took the form of accepting tributes and re-releasing music in various ways.

Cher doesn’t seem interested at all in legacy building. I think she said as much in an interview last year. But this is part of what any memoir or compilation album or tribute speech or liner note is doing. Because after you’re gone, people will turn to these as points of reference. And sometimes this is because “the great work” itself becomes unavailable or gets misinterpreted as it loses the context of its time.

Legacy building happens differently for politicians and poets and painters and rock stars and actors. But there seems to me different ways you can go with legacy building as an artist:

  1. A relationship tell-all, (not the same as a sex tell-all), especially if you had a life-changing one, like Cher with Sonny. Surely there’s something in certain relationships that were inspiring or in some cases character building. Katharine Hepburn handles this with class and honesty when she talks about Spencer Tracy in her autobiography Me.
  2. Stories of the ridiculous and transcendent things that happened to you. And usually these things happen with people around you who you loved or hated and they experienced these same things too right along side you and so are part of your story. These events are also part of their stories.
  3. The change agents of your life. What or who sent you off at a 90 or 180-degree directions? What were the twists and turns in your before-then otherwise linear plot. These can be situations as often as people.
  4. Your creative problem-solving. All of us have had to do this. It reminds me of poet Frank O’Hara’s obsession with the  process of painting and poetry and determining the difference. How does your brain works to solve problems of your work? What tools did you use to work things out?

In any case, no one can top Sonny’s kiss-and-tell by a sexist rockstar (well, rockstar to some degree…in some minds…in my 7-year old mind). Sonny dropped the mic on this kind of tell-all, in my humble opinion.

He started a sexual relationship with underage girl (who became Cher) and then wrote a whole  book to complain about it. It makes Gregg Allman’s crass comments about his “hot” sex with Cher and other women (“they have two purposes: to make the bed and make it in the bed”) seem downright gentlemanly in comparison.

Little Bites

October 8, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Little Bites (2024) - IMDbSpeaking of Little Bites, here is a post to catch up on bits and bites of the Cher news we’re behind on.

Lawsuits

Cher and her son, Elijah Allman, have come to an agreement via mediation and Cher has dropped her conservatorship lawsuit. More info:

Cher won her royalties lawsuit against Mary Bono. More info:

Chaz Bono Appearances

Chaz Bono recently spoke in Rochester, New York, at a sobriety event and also discussed his family’s history of addiction and mental health struggles.

Chaz Bono’s new movie Little Bites also premieres this Friday, October 9. Not in my town but the step-and-repeat wall indicates the movie might be coming to streaming on Shudder. I will be able to watch it there.

Watch the Trailer

It looks scary! Reviews have so far been mixed but it has a 70% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The premiere was held in Los Angeles on October 3. Cher is listed as Executive Producer on the film and attended.

You might recognize this jacket from the late 1980s People Magazine picture in New York City. One of my favorite Cher pictures.

Ted Lasso and Cher

Ted Lasso (TV Series 2020–2023) - IMDbThere are few good things I have to say about this shitty, heartbreaking year. But one of them is the time I’ve spent watching an amazing show called Ted Lasso. My family has been prodding me to watch this show for a while now but I didn’t have AppleTV.  The show has a strong foundation of kindness and perseverance and goes against the grain of decades of Machiavellian TV plots. We have been so bombarded with fictional and reality characters showing us all the ways we can be assholes, it’s refreshing to see something that shows us all the ways to not be assholes…and still maintain dramatic interest, as if assholery is the only thing that could.

The show is well-written and full of inspiring sayings like “aint nothing to it but to do it.”

Anyway, it’s was a happy thing that Cher makes a few of the show’s references in Season 2, episodes 7 and 9.

Episode 7 opens with the song “I Got You Babe” played in its entirety to show all is not blissful in the relationship between Roy Kent and Keely Jones.

In Episode 9, “Bones & Honey,” we follow the character Beard through an episode-long adventure not unlike the movie Nobody mashed up with Martin Scorsese’s After Hours. Beard proposes taking some Richmond football fans to the ellusive club Bones & Honey to sneak in as nonmembers. One of the characters is doubtful, saying “even Cher couldn’t get in! Do you believe they did that to Cher?” complete with pitch voice.

Later when Beard does get them in, the characters are amazed, saying “You did what Cher couldn’t do!”

It was interesting to get the show’s read on the cultural meaning of Cher as a person who is normally cool enough to get in anywhere. Like the coolest of the cool.

Sammy Hagar

While I was in Boston, my oldest brother Andrew told me about driving from Champaign/Urbana to St. Louis with a bunch of his frat mates to see Sammy Haggar play a 1983 show at the Checkerdome for an MTV special. Recently I had to make an unplanned visit to Cleveland where my other brother Randy admitted he was also at that show.

I watched the concert on a bootleg recently and was struck by all the big stage props in it, the crane rigging Sammy Hagar climbs up and hangs off of like a monkey, the hot rod Hagar jumps on. It’s a fun show.

But these pieces of staging aren’t that different from Cher’s big shoe and lava lamps, just people designing shows for the last row of their arenas. Instead of dancers hanging from cranes, Hagar just did it himself.

He was just designing a more masculine show and so no one ever accused him of putting a car up on stage to detract from his music or due to his lack of talent.

Funny that.

Cher Show on the Road

New dates have been released for the traveling version of the Broadway Cher Show. I will be seeing one of these in 2025.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony

It appears Cher will perform. Ozzy will not. My Ozzy-loving friend Julie has talked me into attending the ceremony. We’ll be going with my brother Randy (of the aforementioned Sammy Hagar show which is ironic because Sammy Hagar is also attending). It seems Dua Lipa is slated to do the Cher tribute. This is a bit disappointing. I was hoping some older, establishment person would do the honors. But in many ways Cher is all about the future, not the past. But these legend tributes seem to always come from younger artists like Gwen Stefani (except when Steven Tyler did it or, recently, Meryl Streep).

The show will air on Disney+ which is just about the most unrock-and-roll channel imaginable (except that The Mayhem are on Disney+).

Last week the Hall of Fame released a tweet about Cher which was a closer look type thing. They mentioned her “distinctive voice”, “captivating stage presence” (which is way short of the real fact that she always steals focus), her “avant-garde fashion sense” (which is way short of calling out her huge rock-fashion influence), that she is a “generational force” (short for saying we didn’t think she would last this long), her “tenacious talent,” (which sounds great but what does that even mean?), and her “musical versatility” as showcased in the tweet with a short video on…”Believe”). What? “Believe” is important but it is hardly a showcase on her versatility. They should have referenced instead samples of her dance, rock, folk, pop, country, rap, r&b, torch, showtunes, opera, gospel and new wave music. Is that the best they could do?

I am going to this with a bit of skepticism that the Hall of Fame really appreciates Cher yet. This could just be the long-standing chip I have on my shoulder. But I just hope, if nothing else, we get a snapshot of Cher with Sammy Hagar out of this. I could usefully troll some brothers with that.

New Cher Compilation Albums

October 8, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Cher and Warner Bros. records have released a sudden, new Cher compilation, likely to provide something for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame record bins.

Like for the Christmas albums, there were alternate covers and I pooped-out at silver, red and blue copies. It turns out there are purple and gray covers as well.

I’m already tired of this device. Probably this is because this comp isn’t as good as the last official Best Of comp of 2003 or last year’s Christmas album where I gleefully bought multiple copies and also because I’m over this devise already and will not be buying these multiple versions anymore unless years from now I see them in used CD or vinyl bins for a dollar.

Before we talk about the Forever comps, there was also a new Sonny & Cher vinyl compilation released this summer, Now Playing, a Rhino release covering the ATCO era with a sea blue vinyl record. Not only is the selection meagre, there’s only a one paragraph liner note full of incorrect statements such as describing the songs as “easy-going tunes with cross-generational appeal.” Do Sonny & Cher have cross generational appeal? Like Cher does? But I don’t know many people beyond Boomers and Gen Xers who find Sonny all that appealing beyond an historical understanding of Cher. The liner note goes on to say the songs are “full of uplifting messages and harmonies” Harmonies? I don’t think Sonny & Cher are known for their harmonies. And “What Now My Love” is practically suicidal so…

And I do not understand why the  good people who made this have swapped out the hit “Just You” for the non-U.S. hit “Sing C’est La Vie.” Robrt Pela reminded me that “Sing C’est La Vie” might be there because it went to #1 in a some European countries.

And why did “I Walk on Guilded Splinters” make it on here, a song I love but which seems completely out of place in this set. Cher was really exploring a new sound by the 3614 Jackson Highway album. It really sticks out.

Honestly, I don’t like anything about this product, the packaging, the selections. Robrt again reminded me that this comp is not trying to be “an all-inclusive ATCO comp,” but rather a sampling for new vinyl fans.

By the way, Robrt Pela and I reviewed all the previous comps here  and have added these latest three comps which puts us up to 150 comps now. Oy.

Now on to the Forevers.

First of all what is up with the name of the shorter, physical compilation? Some outlets like Amazon and the spine of the CD have the title in all caps, FOREVER. The CD sticker has the name as FOREVER CLASSICS. Some outlets like Tidal and Spotify streaming just have the title caps of Forever? Or is it Cher Forever?

What is the official title? And what does Forever even mean? I always struggle with the guiding organizing principle of comps anyway and this title doesn’t help. Are these hits, the best ofs? Nine times out of ten it seems these things are a big compromise or sometimes a nonsensical cash-in.

The first two songs are the iconic fan favorites “Believe” and “Turn Back Time,” which was not a #1 hit but has become an iconic Cher song and super-meme for daylight savings. The CD tracks are ordered nicely by how they sound next to each other, not chronologically. And they’ve done a good job here in that. The songs sound good on top of each other which is not always an easy task. Sometimes it’s hard to integrate the Cher decades.

Since the last sanctioned Warner Bros. comp Best Of (2003), a lot of minor hits have fallen off to be replaced by some subpar additions, somewhat-hits like “We All Sleep Alone,” “Just Like Jesse James,” “All or Nothing,” all which have fallen off Forever Classics (I’m going with that title to differentiate it from Forever Fan; I’m not a fan of the yelly all-caps). We’re also missing “All I Really Want to Do” (Cher’s first big hit), and insanely “Bang Bang” (arguably Sonny’s most covered Cher song). But also “Alfie” and “You’d Better Sit Down Kids.” Some of these (not “Alfie” or “You’d Better Sit Down Kids”) find their way onto the Fan Forever streaming-only edition. And why is it streaming-only for the longer comp? Fans are the ones most wanting and willing to buy physical media so why not cash in on that? Maybe some of the newly compiled, mid-70s Warner Bros songs are only suitable yet for streaming.

On the “Classics” set, there are 21 songs of which 9 or 10 are real hits, about 6 were semi-hits or hits on a minor chart like dance or adult contemporary like “Love and Understanding,” “Strong Enough,” “Save Up All Your Tears,” “One by One,” ”I Hope You Find It,” and “DJ Play a Christmas Song.”

There are 4 somewhere-hits, like “Walking in Memphis” which has become a concert favorite with fans and the nonfans who get dragged to Cher concerts (I have causal polling on this). The song was actually a semi-hit in the UK and Australia. Ditto with “The Shoop Shoop Song” being a hit in the UK and then there’s the fact that Cher likes it and fans love Mermaids.

There are even a few bombs, like “S.O.S.” which as a single but did not chart at all.

Then there are songs missing that were as much of a minor hit as to the ones which were included, like maybe they went to #1 on the dance chart like “When The Money’s Gone.” That wasn’t included but “Woman’s World” and “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me” were.

The most shocking part of the new comp is the dropping of the #1 hit single “Half Breed,” presumably for PC reasons. This was recently discussed in this Rolling Stone article about artists censoring themselves as they work on their legacies. I agree with the author, David Browne, here. “Half Breed” was a good-intentioned song about the experience of racism. The stereotypical musical elements undercut this but, considering the context of its time, it was historically significant and a huge part of Cher’s legacy, so much that it became one of her forever nicknames.

It’s always problematic if a culture evolves and then a once well-intentioned song starts to bring pain to a community. This is probably why the song was dropped. But what about the term “gypsies,” which is also no longer PC? No one seemed concerned about the cringe-worthy French stereotypes in “Sing C’est La Vie” when that was added back into the new Sonny & Cher comp this year. Eventually all the words become problematic and the PC efforts become unsustainable. The whole point of the songs “Half Breed” and “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves” was to describe how hurtful those words were and still are. We’re getting stuck in the weeds here. Not to deny the problems of the tom-toms and the chanting (and Cher’s infamous Mackie Half Breed dress), but I think chastising after the well-meaning is counter-productive. As Maya Angelou says, “when you know better, you do better.” What does revamping history serve? What’s more important is what we do now. I guess dumping the song from new comps makes it feel like doing something now. But it isn’t really.

You can’t really please anyone in this case. People will be upset if the song is included or excluded.

Forever Fan (the streaming-only set) has 40 songs and includes all of the first 21 songs from Cher Classics plus some of the dropped semi-hits mentioned above, plus songs like “The Music’s No Good Without You,” and “D’ove L’amore.”

Forever Fan also includes songs that were never even singles like “Welcome to Burlesque” (although the song is a staple of the last few tours), the critical favorite “One of Us,” the self-published “Still” and “I’d Rather Believe in You.” Some good songs but none of them were singles.

There are also some complete bombs like “A Woman’s Story,” “I Paralyze,” and “Move Me,” but these are songs either fans or Cher loves anyway. “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For,” the U2 cover, is another live show staple but the streaming song title (is there a streaming booklet of credits I missed?) oddly makes no mention of which live show the recording comes from. It’s from the Farewell TV special of 2003.

There are only four songs from the 1960s added to Forever Fan, “Bang Bang,” “Baby Don’t Go,” “The Beat Goes On” and “I Got You Babe,” a #1 song egregiously missing from the Cher Classics.

“Hell on Wheels” would have been a nice add. “Love One Another” and “All I Ever Need Is You” were nominated for a Grammy. “Fernando” was very popular, more so than any of the other ABBA songs on Dancing Queen.

Then there’s the packaging which seems to be trying to appeal to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, as if rockers and bikers are synonymous. Cher has plenty of other performing shots that denote her rock star cred more authentically. Plus these shots are all old by now, magazine and advertising images that seem entirely tangential to her stage work. And the back CD promotional shot from the Laurie Lynn Stark promo feels fine for what it was created for, but for making the case of rock credibility, it seems to be trying too hard.

And then there are no liner notes! Ugh. There’s a missed opportunities for liner notes at every release these days. I know, I’m a writer and love to read liner notes, but those words mean something. She deserves much more of them and it’s painful to see booklets come and go without them. I keep hearing Tom Cruise in my head from A Few Good Men, “He’s arguing. He’s making an argument.” Legacy releases and re-releases are making an arguement.

The booklet is slim and fans are left mulling over the thank-you credits. As a kid, this was one of my favorite parts of a new album release. Cher “first and forever thanks her devoted fans” and okay now I’m feeling like a complete asshole for complaining about this comp so much. This is now my favorite part of this release.

Cher also thanks “My mom—she’s helping me” and family members including Chaz and Elijah, Jen twice (personal assistants should get two thank yous), Paulette and other longtime friends and her boyfriend Alexander has his own line. Which is sweet.

I know I’ve complained a lot but there are some nice perks here. These are all remasters. And some thought was put into the track order.

The fact that Sonny & Cher tunes were sacrificed for ABBA songs makes me think this thing was targeted for younger generations. But they, more than anybody, need their history lesson of 60s Cher. For those fans, I would still point them to the Best Of or Gold comps of the early 2000s.

Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine, Part 12

September 27, 2024 / / 2 Comments

So we had a bit of an unplanned break in finishing these Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine. I was hoping this would be a fun summertime project but we may not even finish them this year. We have two left after this one but a lot going on including a shit storm of a year, (I keep thinking things will get better every New Years Eve and somehow…)

But we continue on. Maybe Sonny & Cher will have some advice on the existential crisis. Fingers crossed.

I have to say, in the interim of August I finished Susan Dey’s guide to womanly perfection and it was much better than I was initially making it out to be. Only two things haunt the book in hindsight: the chapter on boys seems all the more tragic when you figure in Susan Dey’s ill-fated crush on David Cassidy and how that all turned out. Secondly, in the dieting chapter Dey admits (in almost a side-comment) that people are telling her she’s not eating enough. Alarm bells went off there, (as a drunk knows a fellow drunk), and so I researched her life and, yes, she did suffer from anorexia during the time of the book’s writing. Which is terrible and my sympathies to Susan Day for going through that.

But that does put all the dieting advice under suspicion. But the good thing about the book was that it wasn’t didactic, after you got past the boys chapter anyway, and there was some good, simple advice in there: haircuts for face shapes, how to make conversation at parties. My book had “Amy H—” handwritten in pencil in the inside cover and I sincerely hope she wasn’t ruined by it. God speed, Amy H—-. We are sisters in the journey.

 

DO YOU HAVE some personal questions that are crying for an answer? Do  you need heartfelt advice from someone who knows and cares? Do you feel that there is no one that you can turn to or trust? If you answer yes to all of these questions, please don’t despair—because Sonny and I are really here and we really are going to help you. Each month we carefully read your mail and pick out a cross-section of the most important question that you ask. If your answer is not here in this issue, keep looking—because sooner or later we will get around to you and your problem.

NOSEY

Dear Cher, Help! I’ve got a serious problem. I have a big nose! I’m dead self-conscious about it. My figure is fine—I get whistles when I walk down the street. It’s just this nose of mine that makes me blue. How can I cure these self-conscious feelings? Mary, Wickliffe, Ohio

Cher’s Response:

Dear Mary, [Eeee! It’s like this letter is to to me!}, It seems to me that your problem isn’t quite as serious as you think! Having a big nose hasn’t stopped quite a few stars from making a go of it! Barbra Streisand is a prime example—and so is Sonny! Sonny found that when he felt self-conscious about his nose, people seemed to be more aware of it. The minute he accepted it as part of himself, no one ever made a bad remark again! Accept your nose as an unchangeable part of you—because it is—and forget about it! I think you’ll find that other people will too.

Cher Scholar’s Response:

That is a good answer but nobody wants to be a butterface. I don’t think even Sonny and Cher followed their own advice here.

To be honest, I have met very few people who like their faces. Even people with beautiful faces! Perception is an absurd thing. And a nose, let’s be honest, is a weird thing, just a bizarre-looking thing on any face no matter how culturally acceptable that particular nose may be. Can we all agree on that?

The nose would become a prominent part of Sonny & Cher schnoz schtick. In the 1960s, it was Sonny who was perceived as the big-nosed one. By the time The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour went on the air, the routine had Sonny making fun of Cher’s nose.

This was all perceived as fun and games until Cher saw her face on a big screen and agreed that there was too much nose there. She then fixed her nose and her teeth, which did change the look of her face. Both faces are fine. Cher’s old nose was fine.

And although Sonny never did come out as having a nose job, many fans believe he did by the end of the 1960s, somewhere around the time he stared wearing a mustache.

At the end of the day, if both Sonny and Cher got nose jobs, we have to take this advice here with a grain of salt. Another case of someone standing their ground before capitulating.

Check out those noses!

SELFISH

Dear Cher, I am 13 years old and I like this boy—natch! The problem is that my nextdoor neighbor likes him too! When he liked her, she dropped him fast—then I began to like him. Now I like him very much, but she likes him again. What should I do—back out or fight? Confused, New York City

Cher’s Response:

Dear Confused, Fight, of course. Your next door neighbor sounds like she is never satisfied with the things she has, but can’t stand to have anyone else have them. These people are very easy to beat. You can’t lose, because if you back out she will drop him again. Have you considered talking it over with the boy?  How does he feel about it? If he is still “carrying a torch” for your neighbor, your fight will be a little tougher. Just keep in mind that she doesn’t want him—she just doesn’t want you to have him!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

First of all, I can’t believe they were saying “natch” way back when. Secondly, we’re assuming a lot about this neighbor.

I think the “fight” advice is problematic, to be honest. We’ll get to that later. But talking it over with the boy sounds like a sound solution. When two or more people like one person, it’s really up to that one person at that point. Think of it the other way around, two boys after a girl. They think they’re in competition with each other, (I learned this on a Facebook reel recently), but they’re not. And fighting each other over a girl is…well, kind of sexist because it assumes the girl will chose the winner of a duel instead of having feelings and opinions of her own about the two boys. And if that’s true for some of us, it’s true for all of us. So skip the duel. The boy has to choose. Well, I guess he doesn’t have to but if he goes that way, you have your answer: he doesn’t care for either of you all that much and is making the most of the situation.

Cher did hang on despite the fact that there were others interested in Sonny and it resulted in a lot of pain for her. But also a megastar career. That’s not likely (or even advisable) for the rest of us. Who knows what kind of competition she was facing but it was ultimately Sonny’s decision. And he made one…kind of.

GOODY-GOODY

Dear Cher, My problem is that I don’t have any friends. I know quite a lot of people, but nobody talks to me at school. I even walk home alone. Someone told me it’s because I’m too good. I get all A’s in school and everybody think I’m a “square.” What can I do? Gertrude, Newark, N.J.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Gertrude, Being intelligent is a lonely road at times. It seems that most people want you to conform to their way of thinking. Would they like you better if you failed subjects, cut classes and acted like they did? [Yes, I think that’s what she is saying.] Would you like to be just like they want you to be—and not like you are? [Are we reading the same letter?] I hope not. Getting A’s on your report card is not as easy thing to do, or you would not be called too good. You can find friends among the other “squares” in school—and when you do, you may find out who the real “squares” are.

Cher Scholar’s Response:

Well, I guess it’s time to start playing dumb. I’ve seen it work.

Just kidding. This is good advice. Find the squares pronto. They are up to some weird shit that is very interesting. I was just talking about this at dinner last night with a friend of mine. The cool kids, the popular kids: they have it too easy and therefore have no creative problems-solving skills. Not to say the square kids have that yet either but they’re trying out things. They’re forced to. And it’s a lot less boring over there, I tell you what.

Some genius (and in some cases, infamously dangerous) eccentrics (I mean nerds) in Cher’s life:

PEST

Dear Sonny, There is a girl who digs me so much—it’s icky. I just can’t stand her. My friends kid me because she is always hanging around. Please, give me some pointers on how to shake this bird! Bugged, Newport Beach, Calif.

Sonny’s Response:

Dear Bugged, Tell the truth! It sounds like she is not easily shaken. If she is not aware by now that you are not interested, it won’t do you any good to ignore her. Take the time to really talk to her, and tell her in the nicest way you know how that you are just not interested. Be honest—but be kind. Remember, if you leave her a thread of hope—she’ll hang on!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

So here is where the “fight” advice hits a wall. And these are he kinds of mixed messages the lovelorn often get: make it happen…but just short of stalking. There’s a wide and confusing berth there. Hard to dock.

Talking it out is the best advice and so Sonny is right in this case. And Sonny was fending off more women than we would assume from his caricatured-self on the variety shows. He was a famous pop and TV star. Truly, he could have probably done more fending off but ultimately this is what pushed Cher to go it alone. People also under-assume how risky that felt at the time for her and Sonny exacerbated that fear and risk by telling her America would hate her for leaving him and it would ruin both of their careers. And Cher believed everything Sonny said about that sort of thing so…

Cher had to figure out the adage you want them, you don’t need them. Which she famously did by the time she called men a luxury and not a necessity. Cher was able to run her career (or at least put together the entourage) for herself.

This is all to say Cher flew on and this bird can too.

This is Cher putting on her big-girl pants…(or something like that):

SHY-GUY?

Dear Sonny, I met a boy a few weeks ago at a dance. He acted very nice toward me and we really had a good time. Now, I see him every day in school and he doesn’t even say “hello.” He stares at me a lot, but he never talks to me. Could it be because I’m a year younger than he is. Miss Fortune, Scranton, Pa.

Sonny’s Response:

Dear Miss Fortune, I don’t think age has a thing to do with it. It sounds to me like this boy is a little shy. It’s not too hard for a shy-guy to talk to a girl at dances, [Why is that? Is there booze?] if he’s gotten over the hurdle of asking for the first dance. Once you begin to dance, it is harder not to talk. But back at the old schoolyard, it can be a lot tougher. Why sit around waiting for him to say “hello” to you? Act friendly, smile—and then say “hello” to him. He sounds like he needs a little encouragement. It talkes two to tango!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

This is assuming a lot, Sonny. People can lose interest after a dance. And staring is not evidence of feeling. Like I said weeks ago, it could mean a lot of things, like you look ridiculous and the staring party is incredulous.

Cher has often said she struggles with shyness too. But she also often laments that men are afraid to ask her out on dates due to her Cherness. I’m also sure Cher fends off unwanted offers quite a bit. Fame is a power-structure that’s often difficult to negotiate.

But for a lot of these questions you can answer “it takes two to tango.” Two people have to show up. People are closed or open in a plethora of ways. Some are closed at the onset, some are closed to anything really deep, some are closed around a few secrets.

There is no intimacy without vulnerability. There are also no first dates without vulnerability either. So talking on the “hello” duties might not be nearly enough. You can’t always get the horse to the water sometimes (let alone the drinking of it)…and you could become miserable trying.

Shy-guy has to figure it out.

 

Read more Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine

Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine, Part 11

August 27, 2024 / / 0 Comments

This is a very typical image for Sonny & Cher at the time, head to head, a bored-looking Sonny, a dreamy-looking Cher. For some reason, this issue has headings, which I can only think serves to take up some space for short questions and short answers. Typical subjects are covered this week, including every girl’s ongoing desire to have Cher-hair. In fact, there’s lots of hair in this one. You could say this is a hairy issue of “Dear Cher….and Sonny” from 16 Magazine!” Har.

 

Do you have some personal questions that are crying for an answer? Do you need heartfelt advice from someone who knows and cares? Do you feel that there is no one that you can turn to or trust? If you answer yes to all of these questions, please don’t despair—because Sonny and I are really here and we really are going to help you. Each month we carefully read your mail and pick out a cross-section of the most important questions that you ask. If your answer is not here in this issue, keep looking—because sooner or later we will get around to you and your problem.

TRUE-BLUE

Dear Cher, I’m in the tenth grade and I have been going steady with the same boy for over ten months. My problem is that my girl friends are jealous of me. They say that ten months is too long to go with the same boy and that I am too popular in school. Do you think I should break up with my steady and “play the field” like they do? Karen, Wickliffe, Ohio

Cher’s Response:

Dear Karen, “Playing the field” is not all it’s cracked up to be. For some people, there is just one person who has the quality of all persons. These people are very rare. When I first met Sonny I knew that my “playing the field” days were over. He was the “one” I’d been looking for. I have never regretted that decision. Maybe you too are one of the “lucky” people who have found a rare relationship. If you are, forget about those nagging girl friends. They are jealous—because you just may have found the thing they are looking for!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

Ten months! Too popular? Too popular to stay with one boy? Or just too popular unrelated? Like multiple grievances?

Turns out these ideas of “playing the field” or “going steady” come down to cultural pressure. There are decades when “playing the field” is the thing to do (1920s and 1930s) and decades when society puts pressure on women and men to “go steady” (post World War II with a scarcity of men, 1940s and 1950s). Like capitalism, it seems to have to do with supply and demand.  After the social revolution in the 1960s and 70s, this became more of a personal choice in theory, but somehow stratified across gender in movies, videos and other cultural materials. This means that in the 1930s if you had many boyfriends you were doing it right. But in the 1980s you could still be coded as slutty.

In a book I’m reading, there’s an explication of the Jackson Browne video for the song “Tender is the Night” (a video I have zero memory of) and male attention is described there as “commanding but fleeting.” And I’m pretty sure after a thousand hours watching MTV videos in the 1980s, that’s what I expected male attention to be. It seemed a strange era of conflicting encouragements, which seems messier than if everyone were just on the same page.

I remember when I was new to online dating. Men on FastCupid were not exactly trying to find quick hook-ups, (like they were on Match), but they were still primarily interested in “playing the field.” And so after getting the idea, I remember telling my friend and roommate Julie one morning that this is just what people were doing now and so I was going to do it, too. Now this plan didn’t last very long because that very same morning the person I dating with at the time changed his mind and suddenly wanted “going steady,” although we didn’t call it that in mid-2000s-Los Angeles. The term then was “being exclusive.”

The point is, these should really be personal decisions but they seem to be cultural ones. My joke has always been that around 2005 I had a Liz Taylor week. And that was been my experience playing the field.

I’ve always wondered about the etymology of the term “playing the field.” According to Dictionary.com, it comes from British horseracing: “it meant to bet on every horse in a race except the favorite.”

Cher wasn’t kidding when she said she only had eyes for Sonny when she met him. She has often described seeing him for the first time like seeing star-filter around Tony in the movie West Side Story. People who knew her then describe her as being infatuated. Like girls and boys in the 1980s, they did not seem to be on the same page.

 

HAIR-RAISING QUESTION

Dear Cher, How long did it take you to grow your hair? I’m growing mine long and can’t wait until it gets as long as yours. It’s really beautiful. I hope you never cut it! Madeline, Costa Mesa, Calif.

Cher’s Response:

Dar Madeline, Thanks for the compliment. I had my hair cut very short when I was 16, and it’s been growing every since. I keep it about 24 inches long, and cut off an inch or so every three months. If you watch the ends, when yours start to split, cut a little off and your hair will grow in faster and healthier. Good luck!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

Madeline, don’t lose your mind, but Cher did cut her hair. A few times.

My summer neighborhood friends Diana and Lillian both had beautiful long black hair and one day Diana taught us how to cut off our split ends. The Susan Dey book also reminds me we used to shampoo twice every day (a thing called repeat) and we used a thing called creme rinse (before they invented conditioner). Beauty trends are their own circle of madness. Within the last ten years, coconut was the thing for conditioners. Then it was avocado. Then it was minerals from the Dead Sea. Years from now it will be coconut again.

It’s interesting Cher had a target of 24 inches. So specific. Hair was a big deal in the Sonny & Cher mythology from the beginning. Cher’s long hair, as this column has shown, was much envied. And part of the S&C story involved Sonny’s hair as well and the altercations he had with other people (mostly men, I’m assuming) over the length of it. This was mentioned as the reason “Laugh at Me” was composed, a restaurant dust-up over how Sonny & Cher looked. And Sonny’s hair wasn’t ever really all that long.

But hair is also mentioned in “I Got You Babe,” (“let them say you’re hair’s too long”), and in “Somebody,” (“It aint long hair. It ain’t short hair”), and, as Cher scholar Robrt reminded me, the IGUB-copycat song, “But You’re Mine,” (‘that your hair isn’t combed all the time”).

I have never liked the song “But You’re Mine.” It’s a sweet sentiment until it gets nonsensical. The part about “they’ll have to blow their mind”—what does that even mean?

And this line really bugs me, “you’re not real pretty, but you belong to me” as if they would be somehow unlovable if they didn’t belong to each other. I guess possession is nine-tenths of love as well as the law.

Speaking of hair, Sonny shirtless alert….

I actually love pictures of Sonny and Cher in swimming pools. This colorful image was posted this week on the Sonny Bono Facebook page with this back story:

“This photograph was made for McCall’s magazine’s “Teen Idols” story in 1966. Photographer Art Kane strapped himself into full scuba gear and weighted himself down at the bottom of Sonny and Cher’s Beverly Hills pool. He took hundreds of pictures until he got ‘The One’.;

 

NASTY-NEPHEW

Dear Cher, I am 14 years old and I have a five-year old nephew. He is pretty nice most of the time, but when my boy friend comes over he turns into a real monster! He embarrasses me, bites me and won’t leave me alone for a minute. What can I do? Aunt-in-Distress, Lafayette, La.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Aunt-in-Distress, Sounds to me as though your pint-size nephew has a king-size crush—on you! He is being a pest because he is jealous of the attention you give to your boy friend. This is natural for a boy his age. (You should hear Sonny talk about the crush he had on his third-grade teacher!) Try to ignore those painful punches if you can, and I bet your nephew gets tired of his “games.” He’s only playing them to bother you. Don’t let him!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

I’m trying to remember myself hanging around my brothers when they brought their girlfriends to our house. I attached myself to my older brother’s cheerleader girlfriend like a barnacle sister and here we are today with that. (I really wanted a sister.) Randy had more sense than to bring his girlfriends around, but I do remember a pretty girl named Julie. They came to the house to take homecoming pictures. She was shy but friendly with me. I’m sure I was a pest, just as I was when my brother’s friends were around. I had a crush on one of Randy’s friends. Plus, they were very funny and I wanted to be around the comedy routines.

But I had the opposite problem too, older brothers who teased my boyfriend. That doesn’t always end well either.

Then there’s the issue we discussed a few columns back: where is the line between being a pest and being a jerk? Some teasing seems mean or rude to some people and like foreplay to others.

A quote is going around Twitter that says, “Never tell a little girl that when a boy is mean or rude to her it’s because he has a crush on her. Don’t teach her that abuse is a sign of love.”

I can understand the problem. I was told that by my mother all the time. The point was they wouldn’t give you trouble if they didn’t like you. And I think that’s often true…to a point. Some boys are just teasing. But others are real bullies. And you have to learn to tell the difference. Boys have to do this too, in their own way. You could say all humans have to figure this out. Because girls can be mean and rude just as often as boys can. It’s just that boys don’t find themselves caught in domestic violence situations as often as girls do.

If “just ignoring them” (my mother’s suggestion) worked, we wouldn’t have so many bullies today.

If you’re ever hit, screamed at repeatedly or torn down (even quietly) verbally, the situation has gone beyond “teasing” and this is never love.

Once on Oprah’s Life Class, I heard someone suggest relying on your instincts; but not everyone has a great instincts.

And then some people have difficulty expressing love. I was one of those people. My family was not verbally affectionate. We weren’t huggers. And I can tell you it’s amazing the wonders in-laws can do in a family dynamic, marriages that bring in people for whom saying “I love you” is a matter of course. Sometimes people just need exposure and practice in how to behave more effectively.

I think you just need to be wary of people who have had a bad childhood experience and are looking to take it out on others. Maybe you are the type of person who reminds them of someone who once hurt them. That’s not good.

But back to our little pest here. What is the best way to handle a young boy or girl when they are working off a bad strategy to get attention? We’ve all been there, down the road of a bad strategy. Like anyone using the Scientific Method, this kid had a theory and he tested it out and  did not get the anticipated result. Maybe his favorite Aunt should sit him down and tell him it’s time for him to come up with a new tactic.

 

CLEAN-CUT

Dear Sonny, I’m a guy who gets called “square” by all my long-haired buddies because I wear my hair short! I had long hair before and I really didn’t like the way I looked. I know long hair is “in” now, but I just don’t like the way it looked on me! Should I give in? Bugged, Scranton, Pa.

Sonny’s Response:

Dear Bugged, If you feel better with your hair cut short, wear it that way. Exercise your right as an individual to dress the way you feel best. Fashion is a very temporary thing. What is “in” today is “out” tomorrow. There are lots of people who follow the “latest fads” because they have no real direction of their own. Listen to yourself—you just might be a trend-setter!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

Well, Bugged was not a trend-setter as it turns out. Long hair was here to stay. But as Sonny stated later in 1971, “it aint long hair; it aint short hair.” Everybody do your thing.

This is a good opportunity to play my favorite Sonny & Cher song, “Somebody.”

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SHUT-IN

Dear Sonny, I’m 15 and I got in trouble at school. I “cut” a few classes and my parents found out. My problem is that they won’t let me do anything anymore. I have to report home after school and stay in on weekends. How can I make my folks see that I have learned my lesson? Locked-Up, Yuma, Ariz.

Sonny’s Response:

Dear Locked-Up, Have you tried telling them? It’s a funny thing, but almost everyone can recognize the truth. I f you really have “learned your lesson,” your parents should see that there is no reason for your punishment to continue. If they don’t try to see that your present situation is only temporary [then] use it to your advantage. Read, start a new project, find something you are interested in—but don’t waste your time feeling sorry for yourself! 

Cher Scholar’s Response:

When I was a senior I talked two of my friends, Nellie and Craig, into going to McDonalds for lunch. This was not allowed. We were not supposed to leave campus during the day but Donna and I had been cutting study hall for a while as it was our last class and nobody had ever stopped us. Well, this time we were intercepted by security coming back.

Why did we come back? Because we were nerdy kids who didn’t cut actual classes.

As the security guy came over to us, my friends started to panic and I implored them to essentially lawyer-up. That did not happen. One of them was willing to turn bad, like I was, but the other one broke immediately into tears and confessions. But we got off without even a warning. That’s how bad we were at being bad.

Later that year I threw myself a birthday and graduation party at the Clarion hotel in downtown St. Louis. It took some subterfuge and adult role-playing to arrange it and I’m still amazed we pulled it off, quite frankly. I got into a lot of trouble at home myself, but not as much grief as my friend Rand got for coming. His mother grounded him for a year. A year. He said he didn’t regret it but I still feel guilty about that.

I, however, was ungroundable. My mother often mentioned that when you put televisions into your kid’s bedrooms, they become ungroundable. I never understood why she didn’t just take the TVs back out. They were portable after all. But that wouldn’t have made much difference, she said, because I was a reader and was happy enough to read all day and night. And she didn’t want to ground me from books.

Both Sonny and Cher got into trouble in high school. Sonny got suspended, according to Cher’s Sonny & Me documentary, for bringing an African American band to play at his school prom. Cher was in trouble for things like wearing sunglasses to class, according to her mother’s TV special Superstars and Their Moms. Both of them dropped out of high school before graduation and were definitely, in their own ways, ungroundable too.

Read more Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine

 

Cher’s Hawaiian Meatballs

August 26, 2024 / / 2 Comments

So last night I attempted another Cher recipe, “Cher’s Hawaiian Meatballs.” I came across this recipe while I was in Cleveland researching images for the 16 Magazine responses.

Someone else had tried the recipe in 2019 and wrote about it on their blog Dinner is Served 1972.

When I got home, I tracked the actual cookbook down. It’s volume II of a charity cookbook for a Hawaiian drug and alcohol treatment center. (Click on the images below to read the full introduction.)

Cher’s recipe is the first one in the cookbook, under the section called Meats:

As you can imagine, the core ingredient in this recipe is pineapple.

Ingredients

2 1/2 lbs. ground beef (I used Beyond Meat instead, which complicated things considerably)
1/2 cup minced onion
1 egg
2 T. salt
1 cup bread crumps
1/2 t. ginger
1 1/2 T. shortening (I used vegetable shortening)
1/2 cup milk
2 1/2 T. cornstarch
2 cans pineapple (~13 oz. cans; good luck finding the right size cans and good luck finding canned fruit these days…but you need them because you gotta have the juice. So get it.)
3/4 cup brown sugar, packed
2 T. soy sauce
1/2 cup vinegar
1/2 cup chopped green pepper

Instructions

Combine meat, minced onion, egg, bread crumbs, salt, ginger and milk. Shape mixture into balls. Melt shortening in large skillet and cook meatballs until browned. Removed meatballs from skillet and place in oven on low heat to keep warm. Drain fat from skillet.

Mix cornstarch and brown sugar, stirring in the vinegar, soy sauce and reserved pineapple syrup until mixture is smooth. Pour into skillet and cook over a medium heat, stirring frequently until mixture becomes thick and is boiling. Continue to boil and stir for 1 minute. Adding meatballs, green pepper and pineapple bits, heat completely through.

Changes I made: I made the syrup first in a regular pan. It’s a nice thick, tasty syrup. I served the pineapple and bell pepper unheated on the dishes. I didn’t want the bell pepper and pineablle to get soggy in the syrup while we were waiting to eat the leftovers. Because I made the syrup first, I didn’t need to keep the meatballs warm in the oven. I’ve grown spoiled with Hello Fresh recipes and lose patience for recipes that don’t give you oven temperature, oven rack positions or time it takes cooking. Like I never made meatballs before. How long should it take for them to get done?

This was complicated by the fact that I was using fake meat and without Hello Fresh telling me it should take x to x amount of minutes, I never trust my own judgement. And then add to that, the fact that I didn’t pack the meatballs tight enough and the first batch fell apart in the skillet. I had to call in Mr. Cher Scholar to squish them tighter and help finish the next two batches.

My poorly packed meatballs:

Mr. Cher Scholar’s better meatballs:

I should have read the blogger Yinzerella’s piece before I started cooking because they wisely cut the recipe in half for two people. This recipe makes a lot of meatballs. I would estimate about two dozen meatballs, two dinners worth of meatballs unless you’re feeding a family or party of meatball eaters.

To accompany her meatballs, Yinzerella made fried rice. I made another bad decision to make mushroom risotto. I love risotto but it’s labor intensive. Not a good side for another labor intensive main dish.

But the risotto turned out great. I now have the hang of that.  Here’s the final plate on my one of the new washable placemats:

Everything was a hit. We would make this again. This is the first Cher recipe I can say that about. The fat-free ones weren’t as good as this fat-full recipe.

Yinzerella wonders what makes the recipe “American Style” as noted in the cookbook title, the fact that they were beef and not pork meatballs? I don’t know either.

The Cher and Andy Ennis Cooking for Cher book has other meatball recipes: Beef Meatballs in a Herbed Olive Marinara Sauce and Mexican Meatballs (Albondigas! A word I love to say) in Tomato-Orange Sauce.

The Cher and Robert Hass book Forever Fit also has Turkey Meatballs.

Yinzerella’s posts ends with, “Happy birthday, Cher! Shine on, you Bob Mackey-clad, ass-baring, half-breed, gypsy, dark lady diva. You are the Goddess of Pop and you are FABULOUS!”

For more Cher food stories:

Stealing Fandom

August 26, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I was a little sister. There are five and seven years between me and my older brothers. I got into their shit all the time, too, because it turns out I was a little shit.

My mother, for a time a real estate agent, kept winning little portable TVs in the 1970s so each of us had a portable black and white TV in our rooms. I, the youngest, had the worst one, a square black box with a crazy wire-hanger antennae that only tuned into snow on every channel except one, PBS. It was like organic parental controls. So I only remember watching episodes of Lila’s Yoga on it. (And that show was oddly riveting.) Randy had a white portable and Andrew, the oldest, had a green portable which was the newest and best of the three.

After school in St. Louis, my brothers were always off playing sports and, as a latchkey kid, I had the house to myself. I’d fix a snack and head in to Andrew’s room to watch after-school TV. The big color TV in the den was too hard to operate. You needed pliers to turn the channels. Randy’s room was small and smelled like dirty socks. Andrew’s room not only had the best portable TV but a bookcase of books I often raided. I read all his Ralph Mouse books and he had some classics like Bedknobs and Broomsticks, He had the Louisa Mae Alcott books but those didn’t have any pictures inside and they looked old so I skipped those.

I also flipped through his somewhat large collection of Disney comic books. He would come home early some days, find me in there and then angrily kick me out. It must have been annoying as hell for him to come home and find his little sister in his private space. But I felt so bored in my own room until the day I finally inherited my grandmother’s old color TV and one of my brother’s old console stereos.

One summer after both Andrew and Randy were off at University of Illinois, I found a record stack they were sharing in Andrew’s room, records they had left behind that fall. And it’s a long story that involves anorexia, Prince-styled ruffled shirts, aerobics, mix tapes and a desperation to find songs with certain beats per minute, but I went through that stack of records one day. It was that desperation that overcome my normal aversion to their record stacks. We had a kind of rivalry or records, a gender contention between the testosterone, 70s and 80s rock albums of theirs and the 80s, queer-leaning pop records of mine. And although I had an appreciation for some of those 70s rock hits based on hearing them so many times down the hall, I was never looking to fine-tune that. It was a matter of principle.

But in any case, one day I did flip through and listened to some of them and I ended up pulling out three of Andrew’s records and “borrowing” them for a while.

For a long time I’ve tried to figure out what it was about those three records. I do this with Cher, too. I ask myself why I am a Cher fan? What was it that peaked my attention when I was four or five, combing through my parent’s record collection in Albuquerque and finding that first Sonny & Cher record? For Cher I have this whole “in utero” working-theory about being a baby inside a mother who had a deep smoker’s voice. I must find the contra altos comforting.

As I was assembling this blog story last week, I was also studying deep image poems in a book called Advanced Poetry by Kathryn Nuernberger and Maya Jewell Zeller. In the online notes for that chapter there was a link to an article by Federico García Lorca called “Theory and Play Of The Duende.” I read this same essay in grad school years ago and couldn’t make head nor tails of what this thing called duende was. And I remember that really irritated me at the time.  It seemed like hocus-pocus literary blather. Lorca’s essay never comes to a finite definition of what duende was or even a helpful rubric.

But I read that essay again last week, on the other side of whole life of joy, suffering and heartburn, and I think I can understand it better now. it’s a non-academic idea is the whole thing, and not a little bit mysterious. But the voice on those records had this rare quality of duende. I now think that’s what it might be. Duende made me pull those records out.

I recently reconnected with this same brother because I was in Boston for a weekend in early August. It had been 18 years since I had connected with my brother and probably over 20 since I have stayed with him and his stack of records. Immediately, I started flipping through his records there in his living room. Without permission, just like I was a tween. I told him what concert I had seen the night before and he said he used to have Babys albums (the first three) but they disappeared. He said he believed his University of Illinois frat house buddies had most likely taken them because they were popular albums at frat parties. I just “yeah, that’s too bad about that,” literally shocked because I’ve had kept these records since I was 15. Yes, I’ve had them 40 years!  And the thing is, I thought he knew it.

So when I got back home, I mailed those records back to him with an apology and the fifth Babys album as a modest interest payment. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t have a complete replacement set. My friend Christopher mailed me all the same records about seven years ago when he found them at a used record store.

Another thing I used to love to do in his bedroom was to read through his Mad Magazines magazines and books. I loved the Spy vs. Spy paperbacks. They were wordless and full of spy gadgets.

One day reading one of his Mad Magazines I came across a clip that featured Cher. It was, of course, a joke at her expense. But I was so thrilled to see a Cher mention in a Mad Magazine that I cut it out of his magazine and stuck it in my newly created Cher scrapbook.

Little sisters, am I right?

The clip was a joke about what an old Cher would look like at 50. They took a current 70s Cher photograph and played around with it, making her look gray and fat, which is interesting. Like she wouldn’t keep coloring over gray hair. Was that not a thing yet?  And they never assumed she would straighten her teeth. And in the predictive copy, they have her back with Sonny, which just goes to show that even the hipsters at Mad Magazine wanted to see Sonny and Cher get back together in their imaginations.

For context, Cher turned 50 in 1996. The It’s a Man’s World album had just come out. After 50, Cher would go on to record a worldwide #1 hit, spend years on the road with a record-breaking concert tour and continue on as an international entertainment icon. Not that we should be upset with Mad Magazine. Who could have predicted the future accurately except Cher herself?

Here is the pilfered clipping next to what Cher did look like at age 50s. At the top is what Cher looks like today at 78, still better than this gag photo.

By the way, I still haven’t told my brother about this other Cher thievery yet so…everybody, let’s keep this one quiet, okay?

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