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Category: Television (Page 1 of 22)

So Much Stuff!

November 5, 2024 / / 0 Comments

It’s election day. It feels very anxious out there. I’m appreciating any distractions the day has to offer.

And in the Cher-sphere, there is so much to catch up on.

I’m very behind because I just returned from a vacation to Cleveland (a fun one this time), Tucson Arizona, Joshua Tree California and then back through Phoenix. And during that time Cher has been very, very busy.

We’ll need to review it quickly before the Cher book comes out in 14 days.

First, since it’s November we can start listening to the Christmas album again. Some people choose to wait until the day after Thanksgiving for Christmas music, but if you are in desperate need of some pre-holiday cheer, I think it’s okay to indulge early.

There is some memoir news (variations on formats to discuss). We need to recap the week of October 19 with the Victoria’s Secret runway performance, Cher’s Spotify playlist, (which is already down but I captured the songs on a list because I’m a Cher nerd and there’s a lot to discuss around that). We also have the Hall of Fame induction. I was able to attend and see the exhibit at the museum. I’ll review all that along with the Insights video and this year’s program chapter on Cher.

I also want to talk soon about the Cher singles that have appeared throughout the years in Rolling Stone Magazine‘s “best singles” lists. I had to deep dive into my Cher She-Shed to pull out one of the old 1988 lists. Cher songs on those have come and gone and we’ll consider why that is. There’s a podcast out there about “Believe’s” appearance on the latest list.

I also want to start some song spotlights beginning with “Love and Pain” from the Take Me Home album.

While I was digging through my Cher shed, I found some 1970s magazine memorabilia with Cher beauty tips. Since this was a recurring theme in the Ask Sonny & Cher in16 Magazine articles, we’ll look at those.

And then we need to talk about Teri Garr, who has just sadly passed. And the Kamala Harris endorsement video…

In the meantime, Silkwood has just become available on Streaming for the first time with Hulu. It has one of Cher’s best performances under the direction of Mike Nichols and the tutelage of Meryl Streep. If you’re feeling election stress, transfer it for an hour and a half into a movie about sinister corporate malfeasance.

Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine, Part 14

October 14, 2024 / / 0 Comments

So it’s our Last Dance with Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine. How bittersweet. Fourteen installments (that we know of) and we’ve learned a lot. Or at least I have.

And I have looked high and low for a better copy of this photograph, which cuts off the first question to Cher and, like the last column, some of the words at the far right. But I think we can piece together the idea of most of it.

In this last photo, Sonny and Cher wear shinny shirts and you can see Cher’s big rings. Not a particularly flattering picture of either of them but that’s part of their casual vibe, I guess.

 

If your young life is full of problems there’s no need for you to suffer alone. In fact, there’s no need for you to suffer at all. Cher—and Sonny—want to help you—right here in the pages of 16!

Sonny and I are back again, reading your letters, answering as many as possible, and (hopefully) helping you to solve the problems you encounter in your day-to-day life. If your letter is not here, please don’t feel neglected—there just is not enough room in 16 to answer all of the many letters we get every month. Sonny and I carefully select a cross-section of the mail that represents your most important problems. If your questions aren’t answered this month. please come back next month—for sooner or later you will find your problem and our advice right here in 16 Magazine.

Dear Cher, [Question Missing]

Cher’s Response:

Dear Overweight, First, you should have a simple physical checkup by your family M.D., just to make sure that you do not have a thyroid problem (or any other condition). Your problem is probably just that you [overeat]. That normally is the problem with people who are too fat. On the righthand page you will see an ad for 16’s Popularity & Beauty Book. This booklet is a gem of information for “fatties.” I suggest that you try it. Good luck!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

Ok, I really hope this person self-referred as a “fatty” in their letter and this is why we find this word is in quotes. Secondly, a booklet? I’ve been looking for a booklet? For the love of… The rip-off smell is getting stronger in here.

Maybe this person just has thyroid problem. But this also reminds me of the very funny “glandular problem” bit on  Family Guy. There’s plenty of medical conditions to screw around with our weight: thyroid problems, menopausal problems, some antidepressants, steroids and some blood pressure and diabetes medications can cause problems.

This isn’t the only question we’ve seen on weight issues. This series often seems to be repeating itself for all the disclaimers about hand-picking unique issues from the bulk of letters coming in.

If I think back on all the come-and-gone medical solutions to weight issues over the years given to people I know, it’s disheartening: liposuction, testosterone patches, stomach bands, remember those weird fat-jiggling machines people thought were exercise? Here’s a funny piece about a woman who tested one out in 2016.

If I ever meet Neil deGrasse Tyson, I am going to ask him straight out if he thinks nutrition is still a frontier science. I’m convinced it is.

Anyway, it’s not PC to call people fatties or fatsos anymore. Just a heads up if you hadn’t heard. The old Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour had some fat-suit skits that are now equally problematic, but also still funny. (If you can find them.) People who watched the show remember one of the memes of the skits where a fat-suit character would say a metaphorical food word, like “easy as pie” or “pie in the sky” and the other characters would rub their hands together and say excitedly, “pie!”

Even pictures online are scarce. Here is a picture from the first one, a skit called Detective Fat which made fun of the show Cannon with William Conrad. They also had Jim Neighbors as a guest once and they spoofed Gunsmoke.

Dear Cher, At what age do you think a girl should start dating? Also, [do] boys really prefer girls who play hard to get more than girls who flirt with them? Why are the flirts the first to get the dates? Questions, Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Cher’s Response:

Dear Questions, I think 14 is the proper age for a girl to start double-dating. The dates should be for dances and public affairs only. My little sister “Gee,” who is 14 goes to community center parties and chaperoned dances [unreadable] dates. I think that guys like a girl who is a [unreadable] flirt and hard to get. Don’t go overboard in either direction, and remember this: it isn’t the girl who gets the first date that matters, it’s the one who gets the second, third, fourth and fifth. I hope you are that one.

Cher’s Scholar’s Response:

What about the sixth date? And the seventh? And ugh…what kind of flirt should this girl be? What is the missing word?? That’s a crucial adjective we’re missing there! And this could very well be the one single word that could have changed me from a bad flirt into a good flirt!

(And I think we can all agree that if I was a better flirt I wouldn’t have said half the things I’ve said in this whole series of Cher Scholar responses. But then I’m also not qualified to answer any of these questions.)

Anyway, Gee is Georganne, Cher’s beautiful, blonde sister who I’m sure had the pick of many offered dates. Especially being able to says she was Cher’s little sister.

More on this later but playing hard to get is basically a pre-dating game. How long does one have to keep that up? Some people play this game long into a relationship. (I’m thinking of a scene from When a Man Loves a Woman where Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia, long married, go to public places and pretend they don’t know each other to keep their relationship feeling fresh.) There’s also playful fighting that is a kind of flirting. But those games seem safer in a situation where people know each other well. Then again there are plenty of people who would be bored without the chase, people for whom the chase is the point. Then there are other people who see game-playing as an impediment to intimacy.

My theory is the more sensitive a person is, (and sensitivity is a superpower, remember), the less these games might appeal to them. It’s like how spicy foods are explained in the book How Pleasure Works by Paul Bloom. People who have more taste buds on their tongue (not hereditary just randomly), enjoy spicy foods a lot less because the taste is overwhelming on a tongue with more taste buds. (I must have zero taste buds in this scenario.) Those people, turns out, aren’t “picky,” as I was always taught to label such people. They actually have smarter tongues, if you think about it. And therefore, they would rather have calmer food.

And speaking of chaperones, Cher was out of the house at 16. Her mother was working and she was probably dating before that even, unchaperoned. Her time with Warren Beatty was famously unchaperoned. Who knows who else she ran into like that unchaperoned. Because Warren Beattys were like rats in the 1960s. If you saw one, there was probably 50 more running around within 50 yards of you. (Oh dear. I’ll probably run into trouble with that joke.)

Anyway, the tension around flirt or play-hard-to-get continues in the next question and we’ll pick it up again there.

Here’s a fake mugshot photo of the unchaperoned Cher.

Amazon.com: Cher - Teen - Mugshot - 1959 - Photo Poster: Posters & Prints

Dear Sonny, I am a guy who is [13, 15?], and there’s a girl down the street I’m crazy about. She is also in my room at school. She used to like me, but now she doesn’t. What should I do about this problem? Love-sick, Chicago, Ill.

Sonny’s Response:

Dear Love-sick, The worst thing a guy (or girl) can do when someone they like ignores them is to start chasing after that person. They become a nuisance, aside from which the chick realizes she’s got you [unreadable] and there isn’t any excitement or intrigue left. The only chance [you] have is to become a challenge to this girl. Somehow, make your[self] interesting to her and then play hard to get. Don’t be at her beck and call. Let her wonder what happened. She will either [come] around or not, and if not, she’s really not for you. The first [step] towards maturity is to learn to accept the facts of life. It’s like [unreadable] buddy—what is is. 

Cher Scholar’s Response:

I’m sorry. Did I say last week’s Sonny answer on football was the worst advice I have ever heard in my life? I was wrong. This is the worst advice I’ve ever heard in my life.

She’s got you [something]? She’s got you covered? Hornswoggled? Snickerdoodled? Boobytrapped? She’s got you where she wants you? What?

Not to mention that this advice conflicts with previous Cher advise on chasing versus fighting-for and we’re back in the perpetual mess of what to do.

Play the game, don’t play the game. It all comes down to the power-structure. Who is having to work hard at performing the appropriate level of availability around which people (and their level of social power) and at what times in history and with the understanding of which consequences? Because both parties aren’t being offered the same power. It’s not healthy if one person is doing the playing for another person and the person being played to has full control of the relationship. It’s not true intimacy because one person has to hold back or release honesty only in particularly acceptable moments. You can’t be yourself and do this.

If it’s a truly equitable game, meaning both parties trade off the power position, this would seem okay. But I don’t often see that. I see one party (and this could be the boy, the girl, anybody) at a disadvantage.

But even saying that, some people are turned on by that disadvantage and that’s what they’re working out in this lifetime. And that’s them doing them.

How do you know if you’re engaging in power plays? Look at how you treat your friends. Do you treat your lovers with the same amount of respect and give them the same amount of agency? Intimate relationships should work the same way (just with extra benefits). Surely, they shouldn’t be treated worse.

And speaking of relationships, since this is our last question about boys and dating and this has been such an overwhelmingly big theme in this column, let’s finish up on the whole topic with a very problematic Cher song lyric and, ironically, a very astute Sonny one.

This 1979 Cher song, “Boys and Girls,” is from her album Prisoner. It was written by Billy Falcon. To give this song some context, this was when Cher was on the Casablanca label and struggling to introduce some rock music into what was meant to be another disco album. This song suffers from that tug of war.

The lyrics also attempt to take us through the somewhat rough experience of flirting.

Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your toes

Well feeling you’re cool is as good as looking it
Thinking you’re cool is as good as knowing it
Playing it cool is as good as blowing it

[I would argue that feeling you’re cool is NOT as good as looking it.]

You know you can’t spend a dollar, if you ain’t got a dime
You can’t hook a fish if you ain’t got a line
You won’t catch the bus if you’re not there on time

[Hard to argue with any of these statements.]

So go read up your books and sharpen your hooks
Then all you need is money and a mouth full of honey
And if you play your cards right after dancing all night
You won’t have to walk home alone
I said, you won’t have to walk home alone

Boys, you can hang loose and slip up real cool
But if your lady has a love noose she might never let you go

[Love noose?! Ok, now that’s scary.]

And if you think maybe you’re too young
And you just cannot cope, just grab a razor sharp
Pair of cutting shears and cut a hole right in the rope
Snip a hole right in the rope

[Razor sharp pair of cutting shears. Very specific. Scissors are not good enough to extricate yourself from the love noose. Noted.]

Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your toes

Well feeling you’re cool is as good as looking it
Thinking you’re cool is as good as knowing it
Playing it cool is as good as blowing it
You know you can’t spend a dollar, if you ain’t got a dime
You can’t hook a fish if you ain’t got a line
You won’t catch the bus if you’re not there on time

Well if you wake up tomorrow morning
And you can’t remember what you did
Just ring up some of your friends
And they’ll tell you just how low you slid
Oh don’t be ashamed of anything you hear
After all you can’t be blamed when you’re drinking so much beer

[Just how much beer can we picture Cher drinking?]

Hey, don’t worry that what you did just wasn’t right
Just remember, brothers and sisters
After every day’s another night
Just remember, brothers and sisters
After every day’s another night

[Truth, Days do indeed follow nights.]

Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your toes
I said, boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your toes

Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
Oh, from your head down to your toes
Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your little bitty toes

I really miss liner notes. Cher’s album Prisoner was the first Cher album to have them.

But this all seems very bleak to me. Even the music makes me feel tense. And there’s a lot more to shining shoes and powdering noses than is explained here. It sounds oppressive, overly complicated and, quite frankly, an emotional quagmire.

Sonny’s answers have been hot and cold in this series, giving both fair and completely sexist advice. But sometimes he could be very sensible and helpful and simple. When conditions were right, I guess. (When the light of the moon hits the keyhole on the first month of December…) Of all the issues in all these columns about love relationships, I believe the answer can be found in this little, unassuming line from my very favorite (Sonny &) Cher song, written by Sonny, “Somebody.”

“It aint power. It aint freedom.”

If you have relationship problems, the issue probably lies with one of these mindsets. And if you can figure your way out of these mindsets, you’re pretty much home free. We’re all indoctrinated to want to control (or be controlled), to escape (or be discovered), as if that’s all there is to it.

But in an ironic twist provided by Sonny himself, relationships are so much more beautifully complicated than power and freedom or “Boys and Girls.” The problem may be simple and static, but a good result is an amazingly intricate variability.

It aint power. It aint freedom.

Dear Sonny, I am 14 years old and there’s a guy I’m really gone on, but [he] doesn’t know that I like him. My mother heard me talking to [unreadable] on the phone and got mad. She says that I should not like boys [four] or five years older than I am. I stopped talking to this boy [unreadable] missed him very much. Then last week we started talking [unreadable]. Now, I think he is in love with one of my best friends. [What] should I do? Mixed-up, Santa Barbara, Calif.

Sonny’s Response:

Dear Mixed-Up, Some parents are more old-fashioned than others, and the problem can become difficult. As you know, I am older than Cher [unreadable] at first her parents did not take to me. Fortunately, I proved [unreadable] worthy of their daughter. Since this guy you dig seems [hung up on?] another girl, why don’t you just determinedly make yourself new friends. When you do, introduce them to your mom, so [that she] can see that they are nice folks—no matter how much [younger? or] how much older they are than you. Wish you happiness!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

A boy she is really “gone on.” Now that’s an interesting way to say it. She’s lost herself. She’s gone. Sonny says “parents” here but in the stories it’s only Cher’s mother who was upset about the 11-year age difference between Cher and Sonny. But now I wonder who Georgia was with at this time. Was she married at that time? I don’t think Cher’s father was involved at all, quite possibly he was in prison.

Anyway, this is good advice, Sonny. And this was a good question to end on. And a great farewell to our series with the final “Wish you happiness.”

Here is a picture of Sonny  & Cher being groovy to see us off. Sonny is wearing his El Primo shirt. Good grief! Well, as they say, fuck around and find out.

 

Read more Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine

Sonny & Cher Live in 1972

August 23, 2024 / / 0 Comments

So last week Cher scholar Michael sent me an essay that somebody published which was basically a strategy paper for the later-day variety show of Sonny & Cher. Not a paper from 1978. A paper from 2024. Which is shocking in itself, as Cher scholar Michael pointed out.

There were a few issues with the brief paper, including no specific examples, certain factual inaccuracies around the timing of Nelsen ratings, a lack of understanding the show’s then-significance on women, a seeming lack of correctly reading the second variety show’s tone and themes of humor and, most interesting, the suggestion that writers of the second show should play off Cher’s singlehood, an idea which exposed the possibility that the paper’s author had not seen Cher’s interim solo show on CBS or knew about her new marriage to Gregg Allman and subsequent pregnancy during the second show.

But then again, this is deep-fan knowledge these days. Even people who saw the show on live TV have all but forgotten those scandalous details, although they were public enough at the time to make jokes about on the show. I chalk this up to the gravitational force of Sonny & Cher. What rockstar romance could compete?

But seriously, I am always surprised that the general public does not know about Cher’s second marriage to Gregg Allman or that she has a second son. It reminds me of my own surprise upon learning that Elizabeth Taylor had any children. It’s like if you don’t hear from a celebrity’s offspring either doing very well or very poorly or writing a tell-all book about their childhoods, they don’t seem to exist in the somewhat-fictional star-o-sphere.

But anyway, the paper did have a gem. It included an image of this 1972 Sonny and Cher concert review. Scholar-score! I’m going to type out the full review here because it illustrates how big Sonny & Cher were in 1972 and how different the assessment was then of Cher’s talent. For some reason, she was less of a target when she was married and more of a target when she was a solo artist. We should think on that for a bit.

Sonny, Cher Pack Arena by Mike Kalina
from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, August 16, 1972

A capacity Civic Arena crowd last night was treated to a lion’s “Cher” of music as Mr. and Mrs. Bono—also known as Sonny & Cher—performed in a concert in which the distaff side of singing team radiated throughout.

Sonny and Cher opened their act with “All I Ever Need Is You” and proceeded to do most of the hits that made them famous including “The Beat Goes On,” “I Got You Babe,” and “A Cowboy’s Work Is Never Done.”

Sonny’s only solo was “You Better Sit Down Kids” which originally was a hit when Cher recorded it in the late 60s. Among the numbers Cher soloed on were “Gypsys Tramps and Thieves” and “The Way of Love.”

In all her numbers, Cher showed off her surprisingly powerful voice which also can convey great warmth and feeling. Other numbers were the Nilsson hit “Without You,” “Rainy Day Feeling,” “United We Stand” and “the Carole King tune, “You’ve Got a Friend.”

Although Cher is clearly the stronger of the two vocally, she never overly-dominated the performance as a good wife shouldn’t. [Oh boy.] Both projected warmth to the audience in not only their numbers but also in their brief chats with the crowd before the songs.The couple interspersed their numbers with comedy patter, much in the same vein as the routines they do on television. I think a lot of the jokes that they did, all of which I had heard them do before, took up a little too much time, which could more judiciously have been spent singing.

[A recent comic was discussing this situation on a TikTok reel the perishability of jokes in contrast to the robustness of older songs in a music set. There’s a pressure to produce new jokes in comedy, alternatively to play old songs in pop and rock shows. I could see how this might put pressure on an act that does both, like the Smothers Brothers or Flight of the Conchords or Sonny & Cher.]

Two songs they weren’t able to fit into the show were “Living in a House Divided” and “When You Say Love” both of which are big sellers now.

[I am surprised those songs were big enough hits to warrant a note about a review missing them; but it’s also interesting to see that Sonny & Cher weren’t pushing their hits on the record shelves.]

The crowd was estimated at 14,200, a record for the Arena which previously had been held by the recent show here by the Rolling Stones.

[Ok, let’s mention that again for those watching from any Halls of Fames: Sonny & Cher broke the arena record set by the Rolling Stones in Pittsburgh. in 1972.]

Sonny and Cher previously had appeared at the Arena in 1966 but their popularity was not nearly as great as it is today. In a pre-concert interview they both agreed that they owed a lot of their current fame to their television program. Also, they said that their act today has more of a general appeal than it did when they played the Arena the last time when their records were the only thing they had going for them.

Backstage the superstar couple was very pleasant with reporters and gave a rather candid interview which touched on the high—and low—points of their career. They also posed for photos and signed autographs not as though it was a chore, as many stars give the impression, but as if they enjoyed it.

Opening the show was bright young comedian David Brenner, who is familiar to viewers of the Johnny Carson show. Brenner said that several years ago his career was given a big shot in the arm by an engagement at the Civic Arena which opened up a lot of doors to future concert dates.

“I owe a lot to this place,” he said.

Just eight years later People magazine will note “Cher’s shallow talents,” a comment the likes of which we would see throughout the next few decades for her shows and records. In fact, I don’t think she ever received a good review from Entertainment Weekly ever. This 1972 review also illustrates why Cher may have wanted to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as Sonny & Cher and not just as a solo act because we often forget that this duo did break some records, too.

Here is another set of two reviews from March 1972 in Fort Wayne, Indiana (with photos) and a photo snippet from September of 1972 where Steve Martin opened for them in Memphis:

Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine, Part 6

July 22, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I was thinking this week would be another Dear Sonny & Cher, but it’s actually another solo Cher with a picture of Sonny & Cher. So technically Cher made it through four columns by herself. The final four of the ten will all be “Dear Cher…and Sonny.” So six total were with Sonny, four solo.

This is an interesting picture. It shows the mature Sonny and the doe-eyed Cher. They look like brother and younger sister here. Sonny showed some real courage to wear those polka-dots.

This was a frustrating week for me, the obvious answers for teeth and nails and always the boys. I think I’ve reached my limits on the variation of “does he like me” questions. These boys are gonna be the death of me.

 

If your young life is full of problems there’s no need for you to suffer alone. In fact—there’s no need for you to suffer at all, Cher wants to help you—right here in the pages of 16!

Dear Cher, I like this boy who lives near my house, but I’m not sure whether he likes me—or is just teasing me. It seems like all the boys tease me. I feel like they must hate me. How can I be sure just what they mean? Unsure, Mystic, Conn.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Unsure, I think you are nurturing a queen-size inferiority complex—and all over nothing. First, if a boy notices you enough to tease you, you can be almost positive that he is interested in you. Second, it is a habit of fellows, when they are hanging around together, to single out a girl or two and pick on them. All this means is that they are watching. Don’t take [it] the wrong way. Just be a little lady and don’t be afraid to smile at them occasionally—with a dash of humor in your eyes. Soon you will find that they will stop teasing and start talking to you, which is probably what they are building up to, anyway,

Cher Scholar’s Response:

Oh boy. There’s a lot to unpack in here. I even ran this one by my mother this week. We were talking about sensitivity gone amuck. Common wisdom on “picking on” as flirting is pretty strict. It’s “not okay” and practically considered abuse. Sometimes the more innocent “teasing” gets caught up in that, however, which makes flirting in this century very complicated.

As the “little lady” in a house with two older brothers I was obviously teased and this was in the 1970s so it was obviously tolerated. The issue wasn’t the teasing per se (which all four of them did). It was the not-stopping after teasing fatigue set in. I gained a reputation for being explosive when my buttons were pushed for too long. Plus, I tend to be sensitive, after all, practically emotionally fragile.

When I moved from Albuquerque to St. Louis I was also teased by the Missouri boys, (I think that was a genetic predisposition), because of my last name being Ladd, (which is why I’ve always found name puns to be low hanging fruit, comedically speaking). My mother consistently would tell me that the boys were only teasing me because they liked me. That did help take the punch out of their puns.

But where does teasing end and bullying begin? I do not know. But I do know, if the teasing crosses the line into bullying than you can f*%k that shit about being “a little lady” who smiles “with a dash of humor.” That would not be the recommended strategy today. Bullying is not funny. It’s basically the pre-stage of a fist fight.

However, teasing is not always bullying. Even though gaslighters will tell you “they’re just teasing” as they’re bullying you (ask me how I know). It’s all very complicated.

And here’s the rub. I am teaser myself. And I’ve been told I tease like a Ladd (which is not necessarily a good thing). I definitely, like those boys, wouldn’t bother to tease someone I didn’t care for. But I also wouldn’t tease someone I didn’t know very well or trust. It is definitely one of the ways I express both affection (dare I say the primary way) and a sense of feeling safe.  Which brings us to the love languages. I’m not a huge fan of the love languages because they seem to train us to accept our default (and everyone else’s) comfortable languages and I contend we should all be good(ish) at all of them. (To review the love languages are service, touch, gifts, words and time. I get it, we’re all bad at some of them, (err, or all of them). But we all needs goals, right? We certainly should have goals to love better. We all need a repertoire of thoughtfulness, conversation, experiences…and teasing.

The dialogue at the beginning of The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour was designed to be marital teasing. Sometimes it got pretty barbed but the idea was that it was all in fun and games and that Sonny and Cher would go home as a happy family. That didn’t exactly turn out to be truth, but it wasn’t because of height jokes or Indian jokes or Italian jokes. It was due to much more serious fault lines around infidelity and control. Cher actually liked short Italian guys…like a lot. Her barbs were just part of the game playing and the banter was popular because everyone was getting used to seeing more “ethnic” looking people on TV making fun of each other. Then maybe racist America wouldn’t take it all so seriously either. I think the banter was doing real cultural work via the guise of teasing. Looking back it seems more mean-spirited than it did at the time.

And in the real space of a relationship between two people, teasing has a function. It is part of the suite of affections. But the world is full of misinterpretations and sensitivity; so where flirting is concerned, we probably aught to be a safe word for teasing deployments.

I’m going to pick one right now: “fluffernutter.”

Dear Cher, I am 14 years old and I have always been thin—skinny, to be honest. I feel afraid of people. I can never talk to them easily and I feel as though I want to run away and hide sometimes. Frustrated, Glen Allen, Va.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Frustrated, If I were you, I would look at the bright side of things. It is easier to gain weight than to lose it [not true], for instance. I suggest that you eat a well-balanced diet of three big meals and day, and then help yourself to between-meal snacks. You can eat pizza, popcorn and ice cream—all those groovey goodies that most teenage girls have to say “no” to. [Uh, is this a good idea?]  I would advise you to avoid chocolate, coconut, soda pop and sundaes, as these can cause acne. To overcome your intense shyness, you will just have to force yourself  out of your shell. Try talking to yourself in the mirror. Don’t laugh, I really mean it. Then try talking to two or more friends. I know it’s hard to do, but if you don’t make some kind of effort, you’ll never get anywhere. Good luck.

Cher Scholar’s Response:

What a mess. Half of us have fat thighs and half of us have toothpicks (my Dad’s word for his legs today). The very idea of the ideal is exhausting.

Metabolisms can get really screwed up with extreme diets in one direction or another. So this advice seems very dated now: pig out, basically. This could have bad unintended consequences down the line at the other extreme. Science is just now figuring out how metabolisms function and it’s kind of wacky. There’s still a lot we don’t know about food and how our body processes it. Neil DeGrasse Tyson in his Master Class talked about “frontier science” (science at the very outer edges of our knowledge and understanding) and food seems to fit into that category for me, which is why the media jumps on all the contradictory studies about common foods: eggs are good for you, eggs are bad for you, coffee is good for, coffee is you bad for you, wine is good for you… We don’t know yet fully is the thing. The weight-loss show The Biggest Loser demonstrated how much we really don’t know scientifically about weight loss and weight gain.

The Cooking with Cher cookbook is a good example of this. When this Cher’s fat-free-everything cookbook came out, fat free was the fad, accepted on faith. But as it turns out, we need some of those fats. Eating is complicated.

My friend Julie and I once hosted a A Battle of the Stars dinner party in Los Angeles with our friends: Jack Nicholson’s fat-free cookbook recipes pitted against Cher’s fat-free recipes. Cher did win in the final voting but everyone was pretty unilaterally unenthused about the goods. And that’s not surprising for diet food. Fun jobs don’t pay. Good food tries to kill you. C’est La Vie.

Michelle Obama’s new book The Light We Carry (one of the books saving my life right now) had some great advice about talking to yourself in the mirror. She tells a story about a man she knows who starts every day with a look in the mirror and a friendly, “Hey, buddy.” It’s about starting the day with something nice to say to yourself. I am trying to figure out what the girl equivalent should be. I don’t like the Barbra Streisandly “Hey gorgeous!” Too much. I want to talk to my little self, actually. With some bit of teasing, truth be told, like, “Hey there, wiseacre” or “Good morning, smarty pants!”

Sonny teased Cher about being too thin and this was probably one of the things she was actually a bit sensitive about. She said before Bob Mackie, she wasn’t even sure people realized she was a girl. Which just goes to show what the power of an outfit will do.

The great ones have like super powers I guess.

Dear Cher, I have boy trouble. I am 13 and every time I get a boy to notice me, he seems friendly at first but [then] he loses interest. How can I get a boy to keep liking me? Troubled, Pablos Verdes, Calif.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Troubled, To get a boy to keep on liking you is an age-old problem with us girls. I think you have to make something “special” of yourself [oy vey]. To be special, you should have your own flair with clothes, have an original hair style, or do something that is different (but no way-out) [god forbid]. Most girls have a tendency to “run with the herd,” and guys get bored with that type. [Is this Sonny, talking? It sounds more like Sonny in some of these.] It is the girl who tries new things, [*snicker*] who is stimulating and full of life, and who has imagination and uses it that keeps a fellow alert and interested. 

Cher Scholar’s Response:

Sigh. So what is the recipe again? Be stimulating, full-of-life, not boring, imaginative but not “way-out.” Good grief. No, bad grief. This is an age-old story. It’s called Scheherazade.

You know what? This is the right answer (and I’m not disagreeing with Cher here; she came to this answer eventually): girls don’t need boys. That’s the answer. Stop all the “does he like me if he teases me” or “does he like me if names his car after me” or does he like me if I do A,B,C,D,E,F….

I’m getting bored with the bored boys, to be honest with you.

Let me tell you a story. I once worked at a Mortgage Company in St. Louis. My job all day was to make legal-sized photocopies and send faxes to the corporate office in Minnesota. I did so much faxing I started to dream about it. In the dream I had trouble flipping over the double-sided legal paper correctly. (I hate work dreams.) Anyway, there were two women there I completely misjudged. One was a very cool, beautiful curly-haired brunette woman who I thought would never want to be friends with a boring person like me. But she invited me to dog sit for her and we went to concerts together (the best one being Steely Dan) and she became the only friend I maintained out of that job.

The other woman was a very tiny, trad-wife looking woman. Or trad-fiancé anyway. Just the way she dressed, talked and did her hair. She was at that time planning her upcoming wedding and it was all she was talking about. I thought, she’s just waiting for her “real” life to begin. I wasn’t dismissive so much as I considered her an alien property. I was only 22 or 23 at the time. Little did I know she was over 30, (all the girls in that office were over 30, the cool, beautiful girl, the getting-married girl, the girl training so hard to get into the FBI she passed out one day by the fax machine).

We had an amazing boss there. He was a Baptist minister. And I told my first joke in that office. I remember it like it was yesterday. I sat next to the boss and we had an open office plan. There was a light flickering above us and we could see a bug up there dying in the light fixture. I said, “Well, I guess you can say he’s finally seen the light.” The whole office starting laughing and not because the joke was any good but because quiet-Mary actually told a joke. I turned beet-red and became committed to doing more of that.

Anyway, after a few months I got to know the not-so-trad-wife girl as I delivered copies to her desk by the window. She asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said no. I was just moving into my first apartment. She said, “Good. Live on your own for as long as you can. You will discover who you are, learn how to stand on your own two feet and then you will never feel trapped by a bad relationship.”

I thought, “That’s f*%king brilliant!” She wasn’t a trad-wife at all. She turned out to be a god-damn love guru.

Cher has said as much. Boys are fabulous but you don’t need one to live.

I don’t want to live in a world without boys. I want to be friends with boys. Relationships with boys are important and exciting and fulfilling. But if all the boys in the world find me boring or unimaginative or unstimulating, I will survive it.

Dear Cher, I have trouble with my hair, my face, and—worse—I have buck teeth. Please don’t laugh. I really want to know what to do. I am 11 years old. Carol, Atwater, Col.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Carol, you must never think for one minute that I would laugh at you or anyone with a problem. I was young once [like two days ago], too, and I know how very serious all these problems are. I only hope that I can help you and any other 16-ers who write to me in some small way. I think it would serve you well to order 16’s Beauty and Popularity Book, as you did not spell out your problems in any detail and the Beauty Book covers all problems, from shyness to skin and hair care. Buck teeth can only be treated by a dentist (who will probably send you to a good orthodontist). I advise you to get your parents to take you to the dentist at once, as you are still young enough to get the braces that will cure your buck teeth problem forever.

Cher Scholar’s Response:

I had braces too. I was thinking the transformation was going to be bigger than it was after that year of mouth metal. Like I would have magic new teeth basically.  But I pretty much looked the same. I had the same teeth. I didn’t suddenly have Farrah Fawcett face.

I wish I could get a copy of this 16  guide book to beauty. I still can’t find it. But I did find an ad for it. Yikes!

And I found the next best thing: Susan Dey’s Secrets on Boys, Beauty and Popularity.  I can’t wait to read this. The answer is out there about beauty and boys, folks. This is just more “frontier science.”

Cher’s mother did not have the money to fix Cher’s teeth. And Cher didn’t get braces until she was in her late-30s, somewhere between the movies Silkwood and The Witches of Eastwick. In some ways, her straightened teeth completely changed the look of her mouth. The fist time I saw Cher’s new mouth was in the movie The Witches of Eastwick. I had cognitive dissonance watching the first outdoor lunch scene where Alexandra Medford meets Daryl Van Horne in the beginning of the movie.

Maybe if you’ve got a magic smile you shouldn’t fuss with it. More “frontier science” right there.

(Click to enlarge)

Dear Cher, How can I stop biting my nails? They are a mess. I want to hide my hands when I go out on a date. Please help me. Nails, Ft. Lee, N.J.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Nails, First try to get a “substitute” habit. In other words, every time you want to bite your nails grab a piece of gum or a Life Saver—or twist a piece of your hair. Next, run lanolin (it’s cheap at the drug store) in your hands and massage your finger-tips each night (this is to keep your cuticles soft). Every time you feel like “biting in,” stop and  say, “That’s silly. I’ll find something better to do with my hands”—and do it.

Cher Scholar’s Response:

The old “substitute habit” theory. I don’t think that works. I think that’s just regular ole science. Besides, twisting your hair could be just as annoying for everyone else to have to watch. How about this, the next time you want to bite your nails, smoke a cigarette instead. See? And soon we’ll have to start ranking and color-coding all the bad habits and it will be a mess. Mo habits, mo problems.

I either have the best nails or the worst nails. It’s called life balance, people. Sheesh. My grandmother always has glamourous nails and sometimes having my grandmother’s long fingers with her glamourous nails can feel like Dumbo’s feather, but sometimes I feel like nails should get a breath of fresh air or I’ll be taking a ceramics class and fingernails wreak havoc when you’re doing pottery.

Cher, too, has gone through nail phases. Her most famous nail phase was in the 1970s when she popularized the crazy-long talons. She was so infamous for her long nails that there are stories about her bringing recording sessions to a halt if she needed a nail repair.

But then she went to a more natural look when she started acting in movies because well, of course, serious actors need to have serious nails. It makes total sense.

She has recently started wearing longer nails again but with less color.

(Click to enlarge)

Biting your nails is probably one of the better bad habits, all things considered. I mean they keep growing back so…live a little.

 

Read more Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine

Kiss-and-Tell Autobiographies

June 24, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I was using an online bootleg of Sonny & Me; Cher Remembers to finish documenting what was in that TV special and I discovered at the end of the bootleg were some Entertainment Tonight segments from 1998 tagged on, including interviews of Cher on the set of the movie Tea with Mussolini responding to news about Mary Bono helping mount a TV movie about Sonny & Cher based on Sonny’s 1991 kiss-and-tell biography. It was around this time when Mary Bono started to come across as not-a-friend-of-Cher, this biopic news coming after Sonny’s funeral bruhaha died down.

It wasn’t the first gossip of tension there. It was rumored Cher took issue with some of the things Mary Bono had been revealing around Sonny’s late-life struggles with prescription drugs. Cher, like a regular Italian mafioso, was rumored to want to keep such news in the family.

I don’t know where to put this TV movie, to be honest, for various reasons. The origin of it, Sonny’s book, like Sonny himself was “a mixed bag” (as Cher has said recently). There were some good behind-the-music stuff in the book, but then he goes and talks about his sex life with Cher. Icky but we’ll get to that in a minute.

The movie didn’t crawl into bed with the sex storyline which was good. Although I have to admit I do have a fascination with “the Sonny & Cher Bedroom” but only up to stories about them having sex. For me, Sonny &  Cher were more like my fantasy parents. And who wants to go there with their real or fantasy parents? I prefer the quaint stories of Cher reading a book all night in the master bathroom or her wanting to keep the TV on all night to sleep, bedroom stories which sounds interesting in a sort of innocent, albeit still groovy, way. The bedroom seems symbolic for Cher as the core of the house. She has for decades held court in her bedrooms over interviews and Sonny & Cher even captured their bedroom on their last album cover.

The biggest problem I have with the movie, which is the problem I have  with any Sonny & Cher re-enactment, is that it is always hella-boring. And Sonny & Cher were anything but boring characters. It all just proves how completely inimitable they both are, Sonny too. Not to mention that the re-enactments keep portraying Sonny incorrectly, like a happy-go-lucky, trod-upon, luckless, aw-shucks fellow. And that is so far off-the mark when you consider the portrayal of anyone who has ever described Sonny: his family, his friends, his colleagues, his ex-wives. It’s not even an accurate on-stage read of Sonny. And you can tell this if you just pay attention. What we continue to get are just cliched readings of Sonny, dismissive shallow looks. And it is so annoying, a disservice to both Sonny and Cher.

I also don’t know where to place the movie in the Cher-o-sphere. It’s not a TV special but it is a legitimate moment of Cher history (for good or bad). It’s not a TV appearance. A network movie has been made depicting her life. So which bucket does it live in?

I do have Sonny’s book listed on by Book page. It’s Sonny’s documented point-of-view. You can’t fully dismiss it.

Cher Universe just published an MTV Rockline interview from the early 1990s which includes Cher response to Sonny’s book when it came out. Cher maintains in the interview that she did very much want to refute much of what Sonny said in his book but decided she didn’t want to kiss-and-tell. She wasn’t going to respond in kind.

To be fair, Sonny did some great things for Cher and he did some horrible things to Cher. His evaluation of their career are valuable. But his tales of their private sex life comes across as seedy and self-serving. And since we have to go there, (like walking in on your fantasy parents having sex), I feel I have to dance around what he said. And I just want to say that when you’re considering healthy sex between two people, it stands to reason that a 16-year old in a relationship with a 27-year old might be a different sexual relationship than a twenty-something TV star will have with a rock star of approximately the same age, or a forty-something rock/movie star will have with a younger man or whatever the combinations are. Different relationships have their own energy systems.

And why are we even talking about this? Because Sonny’s comments weren’t meant to be anything but tales out of school, the jackpot gossip of “What was it like to sleep with Cher?” (at best) or designed to continue to make Cher feel bad in a public space (at worst), like a punishment for a separate success that had occurred without him. In any case, not a loving or paternal move.

Cher didn’t respond in-kind and I think that says a lot about her character. After Sonny died, she became even more protective. Since then, for years she said she wouldn’t tell her story until “everybody has died.” Well, everyone has pretty much died and she still seems to be struggling with it. She still doesn’t want to throw anyone under the bus, I think she has recently said.

Telling your story is important, but it’s tricky, no doubt. What greater purpose can your stories serve? Fans are interested in details and things we might not know, how things came to be. What were the disappointments and joys we don’t know about.

On the borderlines, maybe it would be good to stick to feelings. We truly own our feelings, after all.

On a micro-level people deal with this every day: how much should I tell my friends and family? Sharing stories creates intimacy between people. But how much intimacy do you want?  Whatever the case, we all own the story of our own lives.

Maybe it’s like talking to a therapist. You’ll get nowhere in self-discovery unless you try to be as fair to all parties involved as you can be. Maybe that’s a good rubric for public stories as well. A balance in all blame and kudos; humility in all stories.

I like Cher in June, How ‘Bout You?

June 22, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Cher was at the re-opening of The Abbey last night in West Hollywood. Here are some news stories:

https://variety.com/2024/scene/columns/cher-lgbtq-community-the-abbey-1236044264/

https://www.losangelesblade.com/2024/06/21/abbey-launches-new-era-with-star-studded-party/

TV Appearances

And the Cher TV page is now caught up with televised spring events.

I’ve also been working on the TV specials. I still have a cleanup to do on the variety shows, but I keep gravitating to these reviews of the specials.

I recently finished Celebration at Caesars (1982), Extravaganza: Live at the Mirage (1991) and Sonny & Me: Cher Remembers (1998),

We have four more to go. Track the progress at: https://www.cherscholar.com/tv/.

Rock and Roll Royalties and Royalty

June 1, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Rock and Roll Royalties

Cher has won her battle over Sonny & Cher song royalties with Sonny’s widow, Mary Bono. The court ruled that the “terminations rights” section of the Copyright Act does not trump a divorce agreement, which gave Cher 50% of the royalties on Sonny &Cher songs. Mary Bono and her family of heirs still maintain the other 50% of Sonny’s royalties.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the “isn’t Cher rich enough” thing. I think here is where it is important to remember that of all the wealth Sonny & Cher accumulated from 1964-1975, Cher received nothing. In fact, the contracts were written so much in Sonny’s favor that, at the divorce, Cher was forced to pay Sonny millions in “lost future earnings” due to their act breaking up. So for all Cher’s work for ten years, she walked away with their house and primary custody of Chastity, which she ended up sharing with Sonny anyway because, as she said at the time, she wasn’t about to take Chastity’s father away from her.

And although Cher didn’t write the songs, her participation in them made them hits and this divorce settlement can be seen as a reparation of that great abuse of contracts a man made against his own wife.

Rock and Roll Royalty

Paul Grein has written a great article called “12 Reasons Cher Belongs in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame” which was published last December during the Christmas album bruhaha and I completely missed it. To be honest, I got kind of tired of these rock-and-roll hall of fame crusades. And since this article was written, (maybe because this was written), Cher was finally included to the 2024 induction list.

And really this isn’t about a hall of fame. This is about Cher’s legitimacy and credibility in music. That’s what I’ve always been blathering on about. Cher fans are always concerned about her credibility in ways other fans of other artists (working in more respected genres) are not. So I really appreciate this article and I would like to talk about its points because they are the very markers of coolness and legitimacy in rock music.

Grein already points out that the HoF itself has broadened into many sub-genres, like R&B, rap, country. “If ABBA, Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston and Dolly Parton are in, what’s the rationale for leaving Cher out?” And here I’d like us to keep focus on the “keeping out” from the idea of legitimacy and credibility every time Grein mentions the HoF, because that is just what a hall of fame sanctions, a pre-existing status of credibility and legitimacy.

Grein pretty much follows the trail of rock legitimacy I’ve been tracking over the last umpteen years. What makes a person worthy of respect in music: is it record sales, is it concert tickets, is it loyal fans (or should we say the more male-coded aficionados?), is it years aboard the show biz, is it good critical reviews, is it influence, is it innovation, is it a stance or posture, did she help define an era or genre?

And…

Yes, She Helped Define an Era or Genre

Sonny & Cher helped define the mid-60s folk-rock and pop-rock era. Grein notes that Sonny wrote three “fine songs” with “I Got You Babe,” “Baby Don’t Go” and “The Beat Goes On.” I would add “Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)” to that list and call them strong songs of that era. Grein concedes that S&C were more pop-sounding than The Byrds (or the Mamas and the Papas, I would add), but that “their sound and look” helped define that era.

I would add that any thought of the summer of 1965 necessarily includes Cher singing “I Got You Babe.”

As a subset of this, Cher “was one of the first artists to have a big hit with a Bob Dylan song.” Her version (at #15) trounced the Byrds version at #40). Cher’s hit Bob Dylan song even preceded Dylan’s own first hit by a week (“Like a Rolling Stone”).

Yes, She Defines Rock and Roll Attitude

Grein says Cher has proven to be a risk taker. She gave up a lucrative Vegas career to become an actress. He says the HoF’s focus seems to be a youthful “rule-breaking attitude and spirit.” Grein says Cher telling the HoF to go fuck themselves on National TV was “a pretty rock and roll thing to do.” Grein also notes that, like Willie Nelson, “Cher exhibited an IDGAF attitude long before anyone had coined that acronym.”

Grein calls Cher’s Oscar dress of 1986 “one of the greatest sight-gags in Oscar history.” It was also a f*ck-you to the Academy for their snobbery around her performance outfits, boyfriends and prior status as a music and television star.

Cher: not afraid to say F*ck You.

Yes, She Has Many Hit Records Spanning a Record-Breaking Period of Time

All while multi-talking. “One month before she won the Oscar,” Grein says, “she had a top 10 hit with the rock ballad ‘ Found Someone.’ The very week she won the Oscar, she entered the Hot 100 with the follow-up hit, ‘We All Sleep Alone,’ co-written by Rock Hall members Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora.”

Her albums, Grein says, span53 years from Sonny & Cher’s Look at Us in 1965 to her Christmas album of 2023. Her No. 1 singles on Billboard Hot 100 span 34 years from “I Got You Babe” in 1965 to “Believe” in 1999.  Grein also points out that her Grammy for “Believe” spanned 34 years after Sonny & Cher were nominated for best new artist.

Yes, She Has Killed It In Concert Tours

“Cher was among the first female artist to undertake a massively successful solo tour.” She has headlined “seven major concert tours” including her farewell tour which “was one of the top 10 highest-grossing  tours of that decade….For the first half of the decade, it was second only to The Rolling Stones’ Licks Tour in total grosses.” At that time it was “the most successful tour ever undertaken by a female headliner. The 236-date tour finally ended in 2005 after having played to more than 3.5 million fans and earning more than $250 million.”

The TV special of that tour earned Cher a Primetime Emmy, joining “an impressive array of women who have won in that category for one-woman concert specials” including Liza Minnelli, Barbra Streisand and Adele.

Yes, She Has Had and Impactful Influence

Grein also talks about the artists Cher either paved the way for or artists who cite her as an influence: Madonna (the aesthetics of shock), Miley Cyrus, Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Gwen Stefani, Taylor Swift (there’s a Cher quote on the wall that begins the great song, “You Need to Calm Down.“), Cyndi Lauper, Little Big Town, Adam Lambert, P!nk. Tracy Chapman and Chrissie Hynde (who re-recorded “I Got You Babe”) have cited Cher in interviews as well.

Grein quotes Shon Faye to say, “If Madonna and Lady Gaga and Kylie [Minogue] and Cyndi Lauper were playing football, Cher would be the stadium they played on, and the sun that shone down on them.”

Yes, Cher Has Had the Harshest, Meanest Critics but Some Great Critics, Too

As I wrote in 2020, Cher escaped bad reviews from famously harsh reviewers Lester Bangs and John Mendelsohn (who some claimed would have given God a bad review).

Lester Bangs reviewing All I Ever Need Is You in 1972:

John & Yoko. Grace & Paul. Paul & Linda. Sonny & Cher had the formula down years before any of those melodious romances hit the stage and were a hell of a lot more appealing too., although that may not be particularly significant—the same thing could be said for Louis Prima and Keely Smith. And let us not forget Paul and Paula. The reason that Sonny & Cher are so much nicer to think about than the aforementioned crew of dilettantes, barterers and their wives is that Sonny & Cher don’t put on the same kind of airs.  How you feel about them at this point pretty much depends on how you feel about showbiz in general. If you think that Johnny Carson is a honk and the Copa just a hangout for alcoholics, if you cannot abide the sigh of black ties and/or tiaras between you and your artist-heroes, then you probably don’t like Sonny & Cher; I have seen reviews of their recent albums by earnest 17-year old rock critics lambasting the devoted duo entirely in terms of “us” versus “them.” And at the recent MCA convention in Burbank, when Sonny & Cher played a long, slick supperclub set climaxing with their eight-minute histrionic orgy on “Hey Jude,” I observed people all around me set their faces in that grimace they never pulled out for bluejeaned mediocrities. And those that thought themselves too hip for this schmaltz would make remarks later about the “tastelessness” of it. Why? Because Cher tells Sonny she’s not gonna ball him after the show, and drops innuendos about the size of his dong? Well, I’ll settle for Sonny & Cher being just blue enough for them poor old farts and fraus in the belly of the beast, because I like slick supperclub music, I like glittery Las Vegas-style entertainment without one iota of artistic aspiration. I’ll even put on a tie. Maybe I’m just getting old but I would rather see Sonny & Cher with a bourbon and water in front of me anytime than squat sweating in another concert hall while another rock group runs through amplified oatmeal highlights from the last big album it took them eight months of overdubs to produce.

John Mendelsohn reviewing Sonny & Cher Live in 1972:

Granted that they’ve gone through some heavy changes since they practically single-handedly insinuated folk-rock into the American musical consciousness, 

….what Sonny & Cher’s detractors always fail to mention is that the couple have matured into such sensitive interpreters that they can transform even the most over familiar material into searingly soulful expressions, as witness Cher’s fiery treatment of “Danny Boy.” Truly Cher has developed into one of our most inspiring ladies of song, capable of evoking emotions that not even a Nancy Sinatra or Marcia Strassman can deal with without some evidence of strain..

Grein lists some other great Cher reviews I had never seen before. like Rob Sheffield from Rolling Stone in 2019:

…there are no other careers remotely like hers, [particularly] in the history of pop music” and he referred to Cher as “the one-woman embodiment of the whole gaudy story of pop music.”

James Reed from The Boston Globe in 2014:

Along with David Bowie, she is one of the original chameleons in pop music, constantly in flux and challenging our perceptions of her.”

Joe Lynch in Billboard from 2017:

It seems odd to say anyone as famous as Cher is under-appreciated: the woman has five No. 1 singles on the Billboard Hot 100, an Oscar for best actress and has remained a household name for half a century. even so, Cher’s impact as a musical force is unfairly disregarded or minimized…Years before David Bowie toyed with gender-bending, Cher brought her deep contralto voice to the top of the Billboard Hot 100…

James Dunn in Rolling Stone in 1996:

Cher is the coolest woman who ever stood in shoes. Why? Because her motto is, ‘I don’t give a shit what you think, I’m going to wear this multicolored wig.”

Alec Mapa in The Advocate from 2003:

Cher embodies an unapologetic freedom and fearlessness that some of us can only aspire to.

It just occurred to me all of the above are men. Some of the womens in rock criticism need to say something methinks. Besides me.

As Grein points out, right now the HoF is 25% women. If there are only 25% of women in rock music right now, that would be a fair amount. How many women are there in rock music since the dawn of rock and roll? Someone else please do the math.

Yes, She Is An Innovator

Like or despise auto-tune, it had a huge impact on Rap music. She also innovated many rock and roll “looks” including popularizing bell bottoms, long straight hair (she had girls using irons on their hair!) and inspiring the term “Giving Cher” for innovating the biggest kind of iconic attitude.

In fact, in fashion Cher is both an influencer and an innovator. With Bob Mackie, she invented the scene-stealing red-carpet look. Grein says that her Met Gala dress from 1974 is still being imitated “40 years later.”

And Bonus Yes, She Loyally Supports the Cause

Grein also says she “brought a rock sensibility to prime-time” television all through the 1970s variety series solos numbers and guest spots. This, he feels, (as does Cher scholar Robrt Pela), was Cher’s “biggest hurdle to being taken seriously…the smash success” of those shows. The shows “gave airtime to a lot of rock artists.” He mentions this includes Linda Ronstadt, Ike & Tina Turner, David Bowie (in his U.S. television debut), The Jackson 5 and Patti Labelle (among many others: The Spinners, The Supremes, Fanny, early Rick Springfield and Elton John). The shows also showcased original rock and roll artists in tribute shows, including Chuck Berry and Jerry Lee Lewis,

And most of all, Cher has been loyal to Sonny, (even after he tricked her out of a decade of earnings). Years of fake-snipping aside, years of mutual-real-snipping aside. Cher time and time again has given Sonny his due (as well as fair criticism, most recently calling him truthfully, “a mixed bag.”) She has tried to support their legacy together, despite the lack of respect he continues to receive (disrespect even), and there is not a thing more rock and roll than that.

Bob Mackie: Naked Illusion

May 26, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I was very fortunate to be able able to attend the premiere showing of the documentary Bob Mackie: Naked Illusion in Los Angeles on May 13 with my friends Julie and Dave. When Julie sent me the email about the lineup of the after-movie discussion panel, I thought this is my dream panel! It’s got Cher, to begin with, and Bob Mackie and Carol Burnett (who, if I had a life to live over again…I would try to be a Carol Burnett) and Ru Paul (who is one of my previously claimed spirit animals!). Pink! was not advertised to attend (see below) but showed up as a nice surprise.

Here are some news reports on the red carpet of the event:

…and some press shots of the red carpet. Cher arrived in the “We All Sleep Alone” outfit from the 1999 Believe Tour (without the pirate hat and with a new cool sash belt). She didn’t keep this outfit on for the Q&A. This was just the red-carpet-fit.

The movie began with director Matthew Miele talking about Bob Mackie’s optimism, his spectacle and glamour and how all the real stars wore Back Mackie.  I don’t remember who said it but someone added that the biggest stars wore Mackie because he “made them look like the superstars they were.”

The movie made the differentiation between other fashion houses and what Bob Mackie does, which is performance clothing. Mackie does not design for the spring line, haute couture or everyday wear. He builds a character for performers and outfits. He “picks up on somebody’s essence” in order to help them “project who they are in [performing] moments.” He does it for live shows; he did it when creating costumes for skits on variety shows, solo numbers or for characters in musicals and movies.

Law Roach commented that “every superhero has a costume” and many of the contributors talked about the psychology of the outfit and the confidence that arises when you wear certain clothes.

Carol Burnett first came to Bob Mackie through admiration of the Mitzi Gaynor, “Let’s Go” outfit. Gaynor herself talked about that outfit’s “brilliant construction.” How it moved.

Miele said something interesting that I feel matches my own experience, that your taste for beauty is formed in your childhood and early adolescence. He said his love of visual beauty came from variety shows like Cher’s shows. RuPaul quips, “Let’s face it…Cher!” He called her a gorgeous creature. The documentary talked about Mackie and Cher being family at this point and how they “are both shy but express themselves as larger than life.”

Mackie himself noted Cher’s charisma, how he was fascinated with her from the beginning and how she inhabits clothes like jeans, with a casual flair. Cher said Macke could create “what my personality feels like.”

Vicky Lawrence noted that during Cher’s big number, all the Carol Burnett show cast would run over through the ladies bathroom at CBS (the big studio doors were closed) to see what Cher was wearing. Cher said her life changed when Bob came into it. They pushed each other.

You can see how this confidence-through-clothing might have changed Cher in the early 1970s, along with the storylines of empowered women in the writing of the variety show skits, how those two things could be of-a-piece.

They talked about Cher’s 58th Academy Awards gown. Mackie noted that Cher was playing “down and dirty characters” at that time and “people hadn’t seen her dress up in a while.” They talked about how that outfit was assembled between the two of them, Mackie and Cher. Mackie admits people were horrified [by the outfit], “That’s not fashion!” But Cher insists “He makes art. Costuming is art.”

Mackie was often called, a bit disparagingly the “King of Camp” for his “ta da,” his humor and razzle dazzle. Bernadette Peters notes that many haute couture designers have been forced to admit, “we’ve been stealing from you for years.” The head of CFDA (Council of Fashion Designers of America) also admitted, “fashion is snobby” and Mackie was seen as “a showman,” as not having the appropriate level of taste. Reviews have changed, however, because “Time tells the truth.”

The movie covers Mackie’s inspirations, his early work with Judy Garland, his connection to the Marilyn Monroe birthday dress, his love of “costumes that appeal to you emotionally.” While the progresses, we see how Cher’s blue ABBA dress was drawn and assembled at the helm of an Armenian woman named Elizabeth (who’s last name I did not catch). Elizabeth gets a lot of screen time and Mackie calls her his hero. She says, “He’s the only one.” She doesn’t intend to offend all her other designers she works with “but they know,” she says. She means Mackie does it old-school, hand-beaded and sewn, no factories. His is detail oriented and precise. The director prompts Elizabeth to say all the women behind the beautiful outfits…” and she answers, “are Armenian.” (This includes the women who sew the dresses and, of course, the woman who wears them so famously.

By the way, seeing the Cher and Tina duets on the big screen was fabulous. It was fabulous! Seeing the documentary in a theater is worth it for that alone.

George Schlatter says these women were not just singers, actors and dancers. “These women are events. Cher, Judy, Carol.”

Mackie, Burnett figured, made 17,000 costumes for The Carol Burnett Show over 11 years, an average of 65 per week. She remarked about how versatile he was, how he helped shaped the characters and comedy, the best example being the Gone with the Wind skit’s big moment.

Here and in other recent interviews, Burnett has been talking about the Miss Wiggins outfit. Here is another example of Mackie’s genius. Burnett says Tim Conway originally designed the character of Miss Wiggins as a dotty old lady. Mackie insisted the show had been doing too many of those old ladies lately and he designed a ditzy blonde secretary outfit instead. Burnett complained that her butt wasn’t big enough to fill out the skirt and Mackie instructed her to stick her butt back into the skirt. Burnett says the character came to her at that moment when she had to learn to walk with her butt projecting back into the skirt.

To me this is brilliant because the design was basically broken. Mackie designed an outfit that didn’t fit, all to create a character. It’s amazing and it reminds me of the fruits of failure, how many amazing things can happen when wrong turns are taken. Seeking perfection sometimes is misguided.

They movie ends with a discussion of Cher’s infamous “Turn Back Time” video outfit, alternatively called “vulgar” (by Mackie), and disparagingly called a duct-tape outfit and basically a seat belt.

I’ve read a few books about Mackie, including Unmistakable Mackie: The Fashion and the Fantasy of Bob Mackie by Frank DeCarlo and The Art of Bob Mackie by Frank Vlastnik and Laura Ross, (which Burnett and Cher both contributed forwards and afterwards to). But this documentary, five years in the making, digs deeper into Mackie’s childhood, his relationship with his parents, his relationship with his ex-wife, his coming out and the tragic loss of his son. We also meet his grandchildren. This is a much more personal account of his life.

There’s no trailer out yet but here’s an extended clip of part of Cher’s interview from the movie.

After the movie, it was time for the Q&A. A big one it would be, too. Cher was very charming when she came out and seemed very happy to be there.

The lineup included, starting from the left, Joe McFate, Mackie’s longtime Director of Design, Ru Paul,  Carol Burnett, Bob Mackie, Cher Pink! and the director, Matthew Miele. The moderator to the far right is Dave Karger.

Cher talked about “trying to build a character like Edith Bunker” using Lucille Ball hair and a leopard leotard. This turned out to the Laverne character. She said Mackie “helped you make your character complete.”

RuPaul talked about Mackie’s “hutzpah” and that he is the “benchmark in splash.” Pink! said if she was wearing Bob Mackie, “I’m gonna win!”

Asked what the common denominator of all the women on the panel, Mackie said they were all open to looking terrible and that they were comfortable in his clothes. They could “pull it off.” Mackie called Carol Burnett “the quickest changer I’ve ever met.”

Cher referenced the First Nine Months Are The Hardest special as her first time meeting Mackie but he corrected her to say that it was the Sonny & Cher appearance on the Carol Burnett show. Probably this 1967 one. Cher defended herself by joking, “Well, in my world where I live…”

Mackie said at the time he was expecting a “hulking goth girl” from what he saw of Cher on music TV shows like Hullabaloo. Cher appeared instead to him “like Audrey Hepburn on vacation. This is gonna be better than I thought.”

Miele emphasizes that Bob Mackie draws all the patterns. There’s no factory and that what he does is a dying art.

Cher talks about how grateful she is to be living her childhood dream like what Bob Mackie describes in the documentary and that at five years of age she was singing into a hairbrush. [How high tech. I was singing into a jump rope.]

Pink! talked about the wear and tear performance outfits take and how they need to accommodate the wireless mic packs that are very hard to hide, how at the end of shows she’s out there picking up beads from the stage.

Carol Burnett, Cher and Bob Mackie seemed genuinely mutual fans of each other. Ru Paul was pretty low key, not talking much. Pink! seemed thrilled to be there.

There is no word yet on release date. It looks like no distribution deal has been reached yet.

Compilation of some Cher moments.

Cher Scholar Catches Up

April 28, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I’m woefully behind. I feel like I’ve been through something in the past few months.

Here’s what we’ve missed in Cherlandia.

Cher TV

I’ve kept working despite a LOT of drama, including but not limited to, losing one of my two dogs and twice, almost losing my mother. As a coping activity, I spent a day or two adding information and links to the Cher TV page in the TV Appearances and Interviews section: https://www.cherscholar.com/tv/. I’m not finished. I keep finding more. So far we’re up to 332 TV appearances but I’m not trying to list every Entertainment Tonight appearance or local interview. Just indicative ones.

Cher Documentary

I came across a recent YouTube documentary, Cher, In Her Own Words. I think artist documentaries are sometimes great for fans but sometimes not great for the kind of fan who finds a lot of errors or don’t understand why certain things are covered and not other things. Or how they don’t get anywhere near the core of the person.

I’ve never seen a Cher documentary I’ve liked. Ever. And this is no exception. I’ve actually lost my notes about it in the mayhem that was my spring. But it has a cheesy voice over and all the same images in the wrong decade buckets. It’s filled with inane, unrelated footage to fill in the space.

But it was interesting in that it had footage from recent interviews where Cher did seem to focus more on her ideas about her own career. And there was new footage of stuff, like behind-the-scenes filming of Good Times I had never seen. I also noticed that some of the same interview footage was used for the Cher reel at the I Heart Music Awards in April. Here’s the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvBojJMeXdo

Deaths of Peripherals

The director of Moonstruck, Norman Jewison, died in January. She tweeted a nice message about it. I read in April that actor Ryan O’Neal also passed in December and I wondered how I missed it, maybe in all the Christmas album bruhaha. I was never a fan of Ryan O’Neal but he did star in the movie Faithful with Cher, probably a fan and critic least-favorite movie. Actually, one of the things I didn’t like most about it was Ryan O’Neal who played an all-too believable schmuck.

Court Cases

Two depressing court cases slogged involving discomforting personal family-drama stuff:

Cher’s attempt to prevent Mary Bono from terminating Cher’s Sonny & Cher royalties looks promising as the judge seemed to side with Cher. A friend of mine recently asked me, “doesn’t Cher already have enough money?” to which the logic seemed to be the richest party should always lose, acceptance of which would cause a legal run on the rich people. But in any case, I have to side with Cher on this one. She was already hornswaggled by Sonny for all their earnings. This was his mea culpa or at least a legal agreement to avoid spousal support. Mary Bono has two of Sonny’s children to think about but there are two other children of Sonny’s out there as well. Mary Bono also had her own congressional career and was not left high and dry when Sonny died.

And Cher’s bid for conservatorship over her son, Elijah Allman, continues (along with its unfortunate timing after the emancipation of Britney Spears). It seems Allman has reunited with his wife in the meantime and he appears to be back on the wagon. I do believe Cher is working out of motherly concern and not out of greed. It’s a tricky situation because Elijah is an adult. I’m not a mother so I’m not going to do any further speculating.

Dinner at Cher’s House

For months, Cher was promoting a charity event (which took place this weekend) in support of Free the Wild. Both the top bidder and a selected-fan would win a dinner party at Cher’s Malibu manse. I would love to hear more about the dinner. What food was served? Did the promised witty conversation occur? I wasn’t in any position to attend such a thing myself but I did want to donate to the good cause. If you are so inclined, you can too: https://www.freethewild.org/.

Cher Feting

Cher had a spring of accolades. She won the Equal Justice Icon Award on 29 March. She was given the Icon award at the I Heart Music Awards on 1 April with Meryl Streep doing the introduction and dueting with Jennifer Hudson. Cher’s speech was a bit of a ramble but that’s kind of her speech style. I love Meryl Streep but her speech was no great shakes either, especially compared to Beyonce’s great speech that night.

There was a bit of controversy about Hudson out-singing Cher during the duet but I think the bigger story is how much support from the black community Cher is receiving right now. It was evident in the night’s show and Hudson’s comments at the end of the duet. Cher will also be part of the Amfar Gala on 23 May.

And so now we proceed to the accolade that many fans have long been waiting for. That Hall of Fame.

Before we get into that I want to say a few things. I’ve been criticized off and on all my life for things I’ve liked. It hasn’t bothered me much. I have no guilty pleasures. We’re all on our own journey, after all. But last night I watched Who Done It, a fan documentary about the movie Clue.

Now I was there to see this movie in the theaters. I can’t remember who’s idea it was to go see it but my friends and I immediately became convinced this was an amazing movie: the level of talent, the perfect but also unusual casting, the tight comedic timing, the comedic range of the script, the creativity, writing, directing, all of it.

But the movie flopped when it opened. It was the Office Space of its decade (another movie I was on board with in theaters). Looking back, the movie was ill-timed amongst the suburban realism and super-gravitas of the 1980s. Compare the movie to Ghostbusters to see what I mean. This unpolished but competent documentary explained how Clue was an homage to not only a thread of camp in Agatha Christie (a writer who was also very uncool in the 1980s), but to the pacing of His Girl Friday (1940). This was a decade where camp was pretty much on the downlow from the mainstream (outside of John Waters movies). The 80s took themselves very seriously. Plus the movie had no megastar, the reviews were mixed and there was that confusing idea of multiple endings which were not packaged together in one viewing experience (until cable and home rental). The movie really was a gem under a cheesy pretense.

And many of these things were lost on my high-school self, to be fair. But my friends and I were obsessed with the movie in a way our other classmates were not. It was part of our oddball identity. We memorized the lines and watched it on cable and then as a VHS rental over and over again. We loved Tim Curry, not just for Rocky Horror but for Clue. We idolized him just as much for Clue. His work in the movie musical Annie was similarly overlooked, that being another movie that tanked with critics and moviegoers when it was in theaters but later found respect.

And until yesterday I thought Clue was just another odd-ball misfit that I loved and defended. But no. It has become a bonafide cult hit with younger generations. And as I was watching this documentary I was like yeah, another thing I was onboard with years before it was cool or understood.

I would say I have a taste for the underdog but I really don’t think that’s what it is. I like good things. Things I like are great. I mean not everything they do might be great. (I think we can all agree this is not great. But this is fucking great.)

Last night I felt something that was not quite smugness, but definitely a better assurance about my barometers. I don’t like bad things. I’m usually on to something.

And I have been proselytizing about Cher all my life. Like since I was five in whatever rudimentary way I could. And I’ve also been questioning what is it that gives something value, which includes challenging the status quo because when you start poking around, popularity is usually on shaky ground: is it record, concert and swag sales, is it criticism, is it influence on younger generations, is it breaking records, working with the best people (musicians and directors)?

Or is it a cabal deciding? Because that is the least rational of the things. Which is what bothers me about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the trumped up scarcity (that is really ceaseless marketing) and its cabal of judges.

The RnR HoF takes itself very seriously. Which is why Spinal Tap is so great. It’s also why Clue is so great. And that very seriousness undercuts its own blind-spot valuations by over-valuating personal taste.

And yet, I also can’t pretend Cher’s 2024 induction is not significant in any way. The fans are very happy. This is a good thing. They have wanted this for a long time. She did very well in the pre-selection fan voting (as the top woman, if that’s the bar we must watch).

Cher was included in the final roster for induction in October in Cleveland, Ohio. I have been making the case for Cher’s credibility for so long, it does feel like a small vindication. Her rise to respect has been slow and ongoing. I track its origins to the 1990s when VH1 started airing old Cher show episodes on Tuesday nights and also when her Behind the Music episode ran for an hour and a half instead of the typically alloted hour.

Slowly since then a new generation of cultural critics and performers like Pink! and Perry Ferrell of Jane’s Addiction have been making the case as well. In the last five to ten years she’s been almost revered with an iconic status. This was not the reality for fans in the 1970s when she was a fashion joke akin to Paris Hilton. Or in the 1980s when she was given acting credibility but still withheld from any kind of music credibility, although her music output far outweighs her acting output.

Allegedly Cher wanted to be inducted as Sonny & Cher, which is another amazing facet of this story, how loyal Cher is to Sonny at the end of the day and after all these years and how she clearly and repeatedly states that her entire music career was Sonny’s dream. Which is why Cher’s induction is Sonny’s accolade as much as it is Cher’s. Sonny is vindicated here as much if not more than all the fans are. And Sonny deserves a great amount of credit. Cher was his discovery and his insistence. He is a crucial piece of Cher as she stands today.

But we also have to realize that it is Cher who has broken the big records. Her solo records, her longevity, her continued stance of rebellion, her own Cherness. So it seems fully logical that she would be the inductee. Sonny was like the rocket launcher. An impossibly strong and brilliant one. As Cher states in the aforementioned documentary, there was nothing about Cher early on that screamed movie star or rock star. But Sonny saw it.

I still feel the same way about the HofF, even now that Cher is “in.” But I do acknowledge the acknowledgement. The complaint that “Cher is not rock” can still be heard out there in the complainosphere? To which I would say exactly, she is much bigger. Rock and roll is nothing but all those many things that prop it up: blues, gospel, folk, punk, torch, country, showtunes, jazz, dance, rap, metal, the infinitely-alternative everything, the hairdos, clothes and mythology…it’s a posture more than a quantifiable genre.

Cher has recorded in many of those styles and her influence is proliferating as we speak. She is an entertainment Wonder Woman. An ongoing vaudevillian Viking.

Yes, I have been making the case for Cher, like I said, since I was in the single digits and I’m gonna keep doing it. Because I know I’m on to something. The HoF feels like a hard-won concession at this point.

But the things I like are much bigger than that.

 

Read More!

How Pink! exists as a singer because of Cher

How Perry Ferrell of Jane’s Addiction encouraged votes for Cher in the RnR HoF

The Cher Autobiography and Biography in Interviews

February 18, 2024 / / 0 Comments

So I continue to think about Cher’s in-progress autobiography, in both its book and movie form.

Just to note: cherscholar.com does have a Cher biography reference page. There have been only a few good Cher books despite the span of seven decades. The best writers have been J. Randy Taraborrelli, Mark Bego and Josiah Howard, although there have been some really great fan-created books as well. Check out the full list: https://www.cherscholar.com/books-2/.

After we last left this topic, Cher scholar Toby recommended I watch the Bob Dylan biography I Am Not There. And I should have watched it sooner because I really loved Cate Blanchett in Manifesto (it was very literary). And experimental biography is what I most liked about Gainsbourg: A Heroic Life.

But I guess you can have too many experiments going on because then it’s hard to evaluate the results of any single one. It’s like the scientific maxim to keep your hypothesis simple. Maybe this is true of art as well.

And due to too many experiments working their way through I Am Not There, to coin a Gertrude Stein phrase, there becomes no there there. But they were all interesting experiments individually, so let’s discuss them one by one.

(Let me know if I’m missing any.)

Experiment 1:

Biopics of music artists often suffer from impersonations instead of interpretations. This was the great failure of the one biopic of Cher we have already seen, And the Beat Goes On: The Sonny & Cher Story. It would be difficult to put on the skin of any iconic performer, but nearly impossible for the inimitable ones.

Why not experiment with multiples? Christian Bale and Kate Blanchette were my favorite Bob Dylans in I’m Not There.  The deployment of multiple Dylans seemed like a genius solution to the problem of finding one actor who can hit all the different eras. Cher has already borrowed on this idea with her Broadway show and three Chers co-habituating and communicating throughout the entire story, albeit those Chers without name-brand interpreters.

And collectively, maybe multiple actors gets to the same point that a really good deep-layer interpreter would get to anyway, something beyond the surface level of looks and mimicry, something that can live above and apart from the person described.

I think Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Evita is a good example of this. And as I’ve said, the Fanny Brice musicals. Another actor can come in and embody the spirit without our fretting about lookalike and soundalike-ness.

To me that all seems like a red-herring at the end of the day (or the end of the soul, as it were) and so it makes the idea of multiples a moot point. Yeah, we’re all comprised of separate people. But we’re all also one person too.

Experiment 2:

I love the idea of entangling the myth of a life with its facts, myths created by iconic images and I’m Not There did that really well. And like with multiple actorly embodiments, this experiment plays on the idea of there being no “I” there or “no there there” as Gertrude Stein would have it.

And I think this dilemma is baked into the whole Bob Dylan thing so this experiment was not only the most interesting to me but felt very pertinent to its subject.

I think the very same issues play similarly into the Cher story, (most ideas formed about Cher are based on a few iconic images), so this would be an interesting experiment to borrow from.

Experiment 3:

The different Bob Dylans were also embodying Dylan’s own iconic mentors in somewhat interesting mashups: Dylan with Woody Guthrie or Billy the Kid or Arthur Rimbaud and this was probably one of the least interesting experiments for me. How much of you is what you love and admire? Maybe that’s its own movie right there. Because this is one experiment that requires more finesse than there is time for as one experiment of many. It just came across as too surface-level for me. One of my favorite quotes is from Charles de Gualle, “Don’t ask me who’s influenced me. A lion is made up of the lambs he’s digested, and I’ve been reading all my life.” It’s so complicated.

We all put on uniforms to walk through the world and we often borrow the clothes of those we admire. But what then? There’s a lot more to explore there.

Experiment 4:

Time shifts, which are interesting in any other postmodern depiction, but here they just felt too tangled up in all the other experiments, different times interspersed with different Dylans.

Experiment 5:

Let’s make it a musical, but just barely.

That all said I actually liked the movie. All the competing experiments just made the film extremely self-conscious as a biopic. That’s not a crime though. There were beautiful and interesting shots (which could save any flawed Cher biopic, by the way).

On a related note, I’m making my way ever-so-slowly through a bathroom stack of New Yorkers. My friend Kalisha recently gave me a more modern issue from July of 2023 because there was a short story in it that reminded her of Haruki Murakami, a writer we both like. In the same issue there was an essay by Parul Sehgal, “Tell No Tales,” about how storytelling has pervaded areas where it shouldn’t, like politics, office PowerPoints, religious screeds.

But also biographies. Sehgal says,

“The American poet Maggie Smith, in her new book, ‘You Could Make This Place Beautiful,’ notes wryly, ‘It’s a mistake to think of my life as plot, but isn’t this what I’m tasked with now—making sense of what happened by telling it as a story?’ She goes on, ‘At any given moment, I wonder: Is this the rising action? Has the climax already happened or are we not even there yet?’ It’s not just the unruliness of life that is ill-served by story and its corrective resolution.”

Cher only had one long-form interview last year while promoting her Christmas album on the 60-minute BBC special “Cher Meets Rylan.” It’s the last interview we have to talk about from that blitzkrieg of publicity and it’s relevant to our topic today because Cher had a few new biographical stories to tell in it.

Ryland calls Cher a s diva, icon, goddess, a pioneer in fashion. The fact that Rylan is so young he came to Cher from the song “Believe” sill seems incredible to me. Therefore the majority of the retrospective Cher reels were from the 1980s and beyond.

They talk about how much she loves London and how some of her outfits are on display at the Victoria and Albert Museum. They talk about her Christmas album and Cher says that because the songs didn’t really go together, she worried people wouldn’t “get it.”

She tells a story about her mother Georgia getting up on the roof of her house and nailing her shingles back on as an example of how kick-ass she was. Cher also said Georgia was talented, hysterical and Cher said she died so she could be herself again.

They talk about the dyslexia, the Cher sayings (“If it doesn’t matter in five years,” borrowed from her mother, and “I am a rich man.”)

Cher has been wearing fingerless hand-gloves for all of these interviews for some reason.

She tells a new story about running away at nine-years old with her friend Anita, first on a horse and then on a train. This has to be in the biopic. And it’s eerily similar to Dylan’s young train mashup-moment in I’m Not There.

She talks about playing all the boy parts in a backyard-like production of  Oklahoma when she was in grade school. She covers her jobs at Robinson’s department store and the candy store with the old ladies. She talks about meeting Sonny in the coffee shop below the popular radio station, Sonny’s smile and how he wanted to make her a singer but that she was just loose energy at the time, not focused and really shy.

She notes that Sonny & Cher had five songs in the top 40 at the same time, some songs which were prior-nonhits re-released  when “I Got You Babe” became a summer phenomenon.

Steaming has confused statistics like these. My friend Christopher recently gave me a phone lecture on the way the charts worked before and after streaming and how Taylor Swift just scored 26 songs at once on the Top 100.

Cher talks about how she used to make  clothes with her friends and how Sonny was so game to wear whatever she came up with. “We thought we were beautiful. People thought we were grungy.”

And then strangely, we skip to 1979 to talk about Studio 54. The new shocking story there is how Cher once took Al Pacino to Studio 54.

It was hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of Cher and Al Pacino on an outing together (just like it is for me to get my head around Sonny & Cher singing late 1970s rock ballads).

Al Pacino was working on a Broadway play. A quick scan of his Wikipedia page and knowing the span of Studio 54 was 1977-1986, the play was either “The Basic Training of Pavlo,”  “Richard III” or “American Buffalo.”

Anyway, after Cher invited him, he brought the whole cast, Cher says, and everyone had a great time except for Al Pacino who looked uncomfortable the whole night. Oh dear. Not surprising but quite an embarrassing Cher-date-fail for Al Pacino.

Cher talks about her acting in “Jimmy Dean” and how the actresses were great. She talks about being pen pals with her idol Audrey Hepburn. She says she doesn’t work for the accolades, that “you do work for the work” and the awards are a bonus. She calls Meryl Streep Mary Louise.

She again says she was dropped from two record companies and that the song “Believe” took a lot of people because the verses were not good. Rylan reminds us that “Believe” is still the UK’s biggest selling single by a woman artist.

Cher talks about her former place in Wapping where she was living at the time of recording “Believe,” that it was an old rum warehouse. Ryland says the song was crucial for a gay boy to hear, how he believed “this is the world I’m gonna grow up in now.” (That was actually very moving.) He talks about the song’s impact on the music industry. Cher says AI pisses her off.

So the technology thing is complicated.

Cher talks about how for her 1970s-era variety shows, she would meet with Bob Mackie for three hours each Wednesday and how Mackie was making one amazing thing after another. She still goes out in jeans. She’s still a jeans person. But she also loves wigs.

She says she met Elton John the first time he came to America and she found him adorable. They were all friends: Elton, Diana Ross and Bette Midler and she tells of a time they all went shopping in New York.

She says she’s lived a thousand lives, (she calls herself “older than dirt”) and that this is a biography problem.  Rylan asks her if she’s had a fav Chera.  She says she’s been written off in so many eras and accused of reinventing herself. She says she wasn’t reinventing; she was just out of work.

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