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Category: Television (Page 1 of 23)

The Wonderful, Surprising, Funny Uber Eats Commercial

I’ve been talking to some Cher fans who believe we’re in a new golden age of Cher, starting from the release of the Funko Pop dolls to the record re-releases through the Christmas album, the Forever compilation, the Hall of Fame moment, the memoirs and now this year’s out-of-the-blue Uber Eats commercial, which was smarter and more self-depreciating than anything Cher has done in a while. Not to mention being hip and well made.

If we digress a moment and go back and count the prior golden ages:

  1. New Artist Phase: 1965-66, Sonny & Cher are the latest music fad
  2. Sonny’s Killer Comeback Phase: 1971-76, TV star and Cher becomes one of the most photographed women in the world
  3. Strong Woman Comeback Phase: 1985-89, Cher becomes a popular and respected actress and charts with a new string of MTV-era hits
  4. Breaking-Age-Records Comeback Phase: 1998-99, I would argue that “Believe” was more of an intense blip (based on one hit song) but it was the most intense of worldwide, culture-dominating blips so it counts
  5. And so this would be the fifth golden age, the Icon Phase (and with humor; so nice we don’t have to deal with all that self-seriousness!)

I’ve been waiting so long to talk about this ad campaign but we had so much else to do first. Here we go…

The Original Ad (from Uber Eats YouTube)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UUz5R4FsX0

We are at Cher’s house presumably with many depictions of international luxury, the ornate walls with hidden cupboards, gold records hanging, one of Cher’s iconic pirate outfits on a mannequin (very Australian choice), portable racks of clothes (not something normal people have), high ceilings, jewels hanging randomly off things.

In the second shot we make out that we’re in Cher’s bedroom. She’s looking at herself in the mirror and we see her bed behind her. She’s wearing a now-iconic Cher outfit, the short skirt, embellished leather jacket (in this case studded holes), big hoop earrings. Her own song, “Turn Back Time,” is playing in the background and she’s humming along. We see a closeup of her ordering from Uber Eats, with gem-glued nails, on her smartphone. She types “Time Machine” and you can see her last search was for “antiaging cream.” (Psst! She’s just like us; this is also a foreshadow of the claims of her agelessness to come.) She turns around when the doorbell rings (it’s here already?!). We see her mirror is strewn with jewels.

(click to enlarge)

Cher exits ornate doors. Uber Eats has a diminutive green bag waiting there with a time machine inside. (The foley on her books is too much and not synced, but that’s my only single quibble.) She wistfully asks to be taken to the 80s. (Cher herself is like a time-machine and so this is the most magical of scenarios.) She blissfully awaits the time travel.

But when the time machine is done we see that Cher should have been more specific in her request. We get the best sight gag of the commercial: Cher sitting astride a cannon being pulled by men. It’s the 1680s not the 1980s. It’s now a fish-out-of-water gag with Cher dressed like modern Cher (but with some 80s-throwback references) interacting with technically Restoration Period (I looked it up and asked around) villagers.

This is a big joke about an iconic moment in her 1980s video for “Turn Back Time.” The villagers are caked with grime, exhausted-looking and very perplexed. Cher exclaims, “This isn’t the 80s!” A villager says “Tis the 1680s.” Bad weather looms in the background. A woman looks at Cher closely and with disgust and says, “She’s both young and old…at the same time!” This is a joke about Cher’s face, a joke somewhere between her genetic youthfulness and plastic surgery controversies.

In the background an old woman stuck in a pillory (presumably for being deemed a witch) screams, “She’s a witch!” (After all, only a witch could stay so young looking.) A Ye Olde music band gasps in dismay. Cher defends herself badly, “I’m not a witch, I’m an icon.” (This is funny because Cher is always dismissive about her status as an icon. So she often jokes sardonically about being an icon.)

A somewhat flamboyant judge deems Cher a witch immediately without much of a legitimate trial. (There are a lot of bits in this ad about projection or a sort of defensive judging outward; Cher is also being scapegoated for appearing so strange to them). The band furiously plays “Turn Back Time” which is the second funniest piece of this commercial. That they would know the song, that these performers throw themselves into playing it so enthusiastically.

Immediately Cher finds herself being burned at the stake before the song is even finished. Cher shows no fear while being burned. She just wants to know if one of the villagers has taken her boots. “Are those my boots?” They pan up from the bedazzled knee-high boots as worn on a 1680s man (which is a nod to the first Cher drag moment). Note the man next to boots-guy. He is falling in love with Cher and will appear in a later extension of the commercial. The judge is dancing in his chair to the spectacle, (an early gay male Cher fan?) and the “witch” lady is out of the pillory and the first one to light the straw. Cher just looks annoyed. “This is ridiculous,” she says.

Cher is then back in her kitchen with an Uber Eats bag full of Thyme. The tag reads, “Time Machine No Thyme Yes.” Cher is cooking and humming her song.

In a season full of nostalgic celebrity Superbowl-era ads, this one stood out. Not a false note in it.

Since then, at least three shorts have come out, which is great because these are all fabulous characters to spend time with. For some reason these shorts are not on the Uber Eats YouTube account.

The Turn Back Time Short (posted by Cher World)
 https://www.facebook.com/reel/647856634558628

Maybe it finally rained, extinguishing the stake-burning, or maybe Cher won over the villagers but in these mini-ads she has escaped. In this short she is trying to teach the 1680s musicians how to play “Turn Back Time” but they go crazy with embellishments. They’re actually pretty good but Cher doesn’t like it and and is deflated at the end, saying just “No.”  The tag at the end says, “Band No Bandages Yes” showing a bag full of bandage boxes.

The Uber Eats App Short (posted by CherWorld)
https://www.facebook.com/reel/2082878045459781

Cher is in the middle of explaining to the “she-looks-young-and-old-at-the-same-time” woman what Uber Eats app is. Of course the woman has no cultural context for any of this and Cher is not explaining it very well and getting frustrated. “What’s a phone?” “It’s used to call people!” The woman calls out “Call people? Like ‘Good Morrow!'” Cher gives up and says. “I hate this place.” (as you would imagine Cher would). The ad ends with the tag, “Get almost almost anything.”

These shorts hint that Cher is somehow stuck in this era (maybe the time machine broke) and these frustrating conversations are ongoing.

It’s brilliant because it sparks your own imagination.

17th Century Courting (Cher posted this one on her Facebook account)
https://www.facebook.com/reel/1594724681206784

During the stake-burning, one of the villagers was falling for Cher. Let’s call him bad-teeth guy. He tries a pick-up line on Cher: “Dost thou have a map? For I keep getting lost in thine eyes.” (I can imagine the writer’s room full of these joke pitches: 1960s pickup lines!) And then he raises his eyebrows and winks at her. Cher says, “never gonna happen, honey” looking annoyed. The door bell rings. Off-screen we hear Cher say, “not a snowflake’s chance in hell” and the final tag reads “Romance No Roma Tomatoes Yes” with a bag full of fresh and canned tomatoes showing.

There’s eternally bad weather in this place.

Australian Today Show
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKvk7Qe0fWU

Australia’s Today Show did a behind-the-scenes interview with Cher in January with Reid Butler and they talk about Cher being called an icon. Cher says (endearingly), “I’m just a working girl.” (A lot of this commercial is about common perceptions of Cher.) Butler sees the commercial as full of “Ozzy humor…being not afraid to make fun of yourself.” Did that draw her to the ad? Cher says no but she loved the humor in it. She talks about her mother’s sense of humor.

They don’t answer the question of what drew her to the ad. Probably the money I would guess.

They talk about the canon-moment of the ad. “It was crazy. Look, it was silly and it was fun.” With a time machine, Cher says she would go back to her 40s (the 1980s) and how that was a great time for her. She says she felt like she was 20 and went from doing a play on Broadway to Silkwood and how things “just fell into place by accident.”

They then talk about Cher’s newly published memoir. And then about how rough 2025 has started and did Cher have some words for those of us who have been feeling down. Cher references her town in California and they show an image of the then-ongoing Los Angeles fires. Cher says she admires the LA spirit and “we’ll come back but people will have to work really hard.” Cher says she missed out on one of the benefits because she wasn’t decisive enough. They show footage of the devastation. She talks about the unfortunate national vs. state politics. “I can’t imagine how terrified people are,” she says.

They then move over to discussing Bob Mackie. They talk about Cher’s two favorite dresses, the 1986 Oscar F.U. dress and the 1974 Met Gala dress. The Australians call her “feisty and fabulous” and “every inch the icon.”

I keep fantasizing that I have moved to Australia and Cher is already there.

Sigh.

The Cher Show Musical in Phoenix

The Cher Show traveling musical is now in its second year around the U.S. The closest it has come to me has been Phoenix (or maybe Denver). And those cities are a 7-hour drive in either direction, far from really “close.” And this is not the kind of show I would travel farther than Kansas City to see.  The first incarnation of the traveling show was set to come to our Popejoy Hall on the beautiful campus of the University of New Mexico here in Albuquerque where I have seen many other traveling once-Broadway shows.

But that whole enterprise was cancelled before it began due to COVID. The reboot show has not returned to Albuquerque for some reason. We get plenty of pop and rock shows finding there way to us as a second or third-tier market. Since I’ve been here I’ve seen Elton John (solo, bucket list) at Tingley Coliseum at the city fairgrounds (where my parents once saw Johnny Cash in the 1970s and where Sonny & Cher came to play), Bob Dylan at the Kimo Theater, Sammy Hagar and Don Williams at the surrounding casinos (Route66 and Isleta respectively). I have yet to visit our local amphitheater although I came close to seeing Elvis Costello on tour with Steely Dan there (I had seen Steely Dan already at the Riverport amphitheater, now Hollywood Casino amphitheater in St. Louis).

All to say I’m hoping The Cher Show comes to Popejoy in year three.

But I do have a few friends and relatives in Phoenix and one of them is journalist Robrt Pela, who you may know from previous Cher Scholar conversations and interviews. I decided to head out in that direction for the 28 March 2025 show at The Mesa Arts Center. I really wanted to see it again because the first time was mostly a Broadway blur.

While I was in Cleveland a few months ago moving my parents, Robrt and I did a Phoenix Magazine conversation about the show and then the day before the show we did another brief conversation at the KJZZ studio for NPR. It was the first radio station I’d ever been in and it looked just like any other office space. Later that weekend when I was talking about the experience to my cousin, she asked me what I was expecting and I said WKRP.

Unlike the 2022-23 British version of the tour last year (which had unique costumes, sets and assets), this show appears to be a simplified replica of the Broadway show.

We have a new cast and I’m now noticing the interesting combinations of characters played by single actors. These are the major parts:

  • 1980s Cher, a.k.a. the Star (sometimes called Icon or Badass) played by Morgan Scott in her second year
  • 1970s Cher, a.k.a. the Lady (sometimes called the glam pop star or the Smartass) played by Catherine Ariale in her second year
  • 1960s Cher, a.k.a. the Babe (sometimes called the Kid or the Sweetheart) played by Ella Perez in her second year
  • Sonny played by Lorenzo Pugliese (who played Joe Pesci in a show of Jersey Boys similar to Jarrod Spector who also played Frankie Valli in Jersey Boys on Broadway, which is telling about the crossover of the Sonny role to the Italians in Jersey Boys)
  • Georgia Holt/Lucille Ball played by Kristin Rose Kelleher (the press sheet for this show listed actress Lucy Werner, as does the Wikipedia page) so were we seeing a new, unlisted understudy or has Werner left?)
  • Bob Mackie/Robert Altman/Frank played by Tyler Pirrung
  • Gregg Allman/John Southall played by Zack Zaromatidis (which kind of turns Gregg Allman into a southern-style father figure here, which is not really what he was for Cher)
  • Robert Camilletti played by Brooks Andrew
  • Phil Spector/Sid the Censor/Male ET Reporter played by Kevin Michael Buckley (kind of a subset of villains)
  • Infomercial Director/Digby the Writer played by Mark Tran Russ (another set up even larger villains…these two get a big amount of shade in this musical and, by the way, Digby Wolfe was the head writer on Cher in 1975)

(click to enlarge)

I like to crowd-watch these things. Most of the audience was comprised of older couples and groups of women. This might because younger people don’t go to these shows. There was one young, gay couple ahead of us who seemed very into it, as did the groups of women around me.

There were a lot of gray-heads, including mine. But talking to my group, we thought we might have skewed younger than most of the crowd.  One blonde woman in the row ahead talked about having bought a Cher doll.

I took notes this time at the risk of looking weird. Which is something I wasn’t willing to do at the Neil Simon Theater on Broadway.

The show started with an audio cacophony of Cher from interviews and other clips. A pack of sailors enters with the 80s-Cher dressed in the Hole fit. This was a hippier, more full-figured Cher. And I like these variations. She was less of a powerhouse of a singing voice than the other two but my group all agreed she had the best talking voice. I don’t see why the “Cher voice” is necessary but people seem to like to understand Cher as this drawling creature (they, likewise, make Sonny cartoonishly nasally) when normal people using normal voices would probably do. My group noted that this show is very old Broadway and I agree that the characters were all broadly played. “Cher puts the Broad in Broadway”…okay I’ll stop now.

One thing this musical does is that it embellishes. This Cher’s holefit had wings. Which is a fiction. Which reminds us, this isn’t a documentary. It’s part fiction. It has embellishments and conflations. Cher never wore wings with her holefits. The holefit was enough.

Likewise, the 60s Cher also was not known for bare midriffs. She showed much less skin in the 1960s. But the archetypical Cher outfit for 60s Cher is a halter top. So 70s Cher is dressed too conservatively and 60s Cher too scantily.

One of the things Robrt Pela and I talk about in the interview is a survey of fans and non-fans I did years ago that amounted to people saying Cher was resilient and strong (as a single impression). The musical underscores how this is only part of the story and really focuses on Cher’s fear and the overcoming of fear. This time I noted all the ways it does this. Cher, according to both this musical and her memoir, never feels naturally, organically strong and fearless. The 60s Cher is especially shy and tentative. Which means, this is something we project on to her as an audience. We see the results not her struggle to get there.

During the scene where Georgia and John Southall, Cher’s step-dad, (as opposed to John Sarkisian, her biological dad), take little Cher to Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, Georgia tells Cher, “life can be scary.” There’s another line about fear, “the real you is terrified.” Another line: “See what happens when you high-kick fear in the butt?” And “being shit scared and facing it anyway.”

One of the effects of seeing a Broadway show is shock and awe, usually from the huge stage sets. My first Broadway show was Sunset Boulevard. And I remember thinking, this set is bigger than my Yonkers apartment! The traveling show has traveling sets which are quite a bit smaller and scaled down. The show relies a lot on projected images and a few, representative pieces, like a dressing table to signify Cher’s childhood house. But thankfully there is still a plethora of wigs, costumes and love beads.

And I found it interesting to watch the show after reading Cher’s 2024 memoir. Because not only do we know the story better now, we get more detail in the book. All the broad strokes are fleshed out. Which makes the show seem super-simplistic. Plus the events are not new to readers anymore. But this show is still a good option for those who don’t read celebrity memoirs.

When Georgia tells the kid Cher (technically is this the fourth Cher?) “you may not be the prettiest, smartest most talented,” I heard the crowd in front audibly laugh/groan. Cher has said this quote from her mother for decades. As time goes by, it has less punch. (The crowd did not agree. I do not agree. Howard Stern did not agree). Contrast this to the very similar Silkwood story about the audience laughing when Cher’s name came up during the previews. We feel great sympathy for Cher but we find that event believable. She was undervalued. It’s the flipside of the Georgia Holt story. Holt is talking to a pre-swanned Cher. There’s dramatic irony going on there added to the fact most of Cher’s fans find Cher prettier than Cher finds herself.

When Cher meets Sonny, she is intimidated and embarrasses herself with some inane small talk, “I’m a taurus” and Sonny responds disdainfully, “I’m a Bono.” This dialogue isn’t in the memoir. The musical also claims Sonny is 28 when they meet instead of 27. The musical also has Cher saying, “I like to run through fields of flowers” which if you’ve seen Good Times…

Our party commented that seeing the characters Bridget and Coleen felt like an Easter-egg and at one point one of them tells Sonny that Cher is “someone who will make you feel ten feet tall.” (This is a very concise, telling and bittersweet line.)

The show conflates Cher’s first two meetings of Phil Spector. According to the memoir, she didn’t actually meet him with Sonny. She had met him before with previous boyfriend, Red. This is where they had the famous French exchange which is not depicted here. (Spector: “Coulez vous coucher avec moi?”  Cher’s sassy response: “Pour de l’argent.”)

The Spector sessions scene has a great line though, maybe from Sonny: “Like Columbus, the world before Cher was flat.”

The audience engaging in spontaneous clapping gave me cognitive dissonance, to be honest. I’ve been one of a marginalized fan group for so many decades, I initially wonder how non-Cher fans even know these famous tags and triggers? Like S&C coming out to sing “I Got You Babe” (in those furry Sonny boots and there was a story about those in the memoir), or some semi-famous Cher quip, (the line, “I am a rich man”). And then I realize, oh yeah…hundreds of people have now come to a roadshow musical because they actually like Cher (or were dragged here by someone who does…being a Barry Manilow fan didn’t teach me nothin’). Cher’s F.U. Oscar dress eliciting big applause is another example.

The scenes in 60s England were represented with four TV monitors (depicting the flurry of their appearances there) and Union Jacks. Sonny & Cher wear retro-I-Got-You-Babe outfits. Or rather, our shorthanded idea of them, but not exactly it. Similar to Bob Mackie’s recreations for Cher’s “All I Really Want to Do/The Beat Goes On” moments in live shows.

The musical calls them “the world’s first hippies.” Were they though? Possibly. They did fall in between activities of the Beats and the psychedelic bands.

One of the anachronistic things about this musical is the scrambling up of the musical timeline.” When the Money’s Gone” plays with Sonny (so we can re-read this song as Cher’s challenge to Sonny’s love: would he love her without the money she earns for him; and we are left with doubts on this point). My normal distaste for images used in the wrong decade is suspended when song order is scrambled on purpose to raise questions or when lyrics are rewritten for the dramatic situation.

To break it down: we start, of course, with “Turn Back Time” because this is what storytelling is doing. The UK show also included “Believe” in the intro part of the show.

Songs signifying childhood include:

  • Half Breed (Cher is part Armenian and looking dramatically different than her mother and sister)
  • A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes (from Disney’s Cinderella)  (not in the official cast recording)
  • You Better Sit Down Kids (which was changed to “You Better Sit Down Kid” in the UK and traveling US programs and does not get included on the cast recording)
  • Half Breed is then reprised (in the traveling UK and US shows)

Meeting Sonny and Phil Spector-era songs include:

  • Da Do Ron Ron (The Crystals) (not in the cast recording)
  • Be My Baby (The Ronettes) (not in the cast recording)
  • The Shoop Shoop Song (signifying the 60s)
  • I Like It Like That (a Dave Clark Five song in the US/Broadway show that took up valuable real estate for little gain, we thought, and was non included in the UK version or on the cast recording)

Career with Sonny songs include:

  • I Got You Babe
  • Little Man (not in the cast recording)
  • When The Money’s Gone
  • All or Nothing (Not listed in the Phoenix program but I vaguely remember it)
  • Vamp (not in the cast recording)
  • Aint Nobody’s Business If I Do (the Mackie parade)
  • Bang Bang (only in UK and traveling US show)
  • Living in  House Divided (a rare treat)
  • Bang Bang (Reprise for UK and traveling US shows)
  • Believe (Ballad)
  • All I Ever Need Is You (UK position only, the song is moved to Act II for the US shows)
  • Song for the Lonely (interesting end for the Sonny-era)

Solo/Gregg Allman Era songs include:

  • All I Ever Need Is You (US shows only)
  • Heart of Stone (US shows only)
  • Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves
  • Midnight Rider (Gregg Allman)
  • Ramblin’ Man (The Allman Brothers Band) (US shows only)
  • Just Like Jesse James
  • Believe (UK only)
  • Dark Lady
  • Baby Don’t Go (Sonny’s departure) (not in the cast recording)

Post Husbands/Movie Era songs include:

  • Strong Enough
  • When the Money’s Gone (not in the cast recording)
  • The Way of Love (as an acting performance)’
  • The Beat Goes On (movie montage)
  • It Don’t Come Easy (Phoenix show program) (the Ringo Starr song? I don’t remember this)
  • D’ove L’amore (UK only)
  • I Found Someone (video with Robert Camilletti)

Last songs include:

  • A Different Kind of Love Song  (UK only)
  • Heart of Stone (UK position only)
  • We All Sleep Alone (UK only, removed August 2022)
  • Song for the Lonely (UK added August 2022)
  • I Got You Babe Reprise (UK and US traveling shows only)
  • You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me (Broadway and UK only)
  • I Hope You Find It (UK shows in my program but not on Wikipedia)
  • A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes Reprise (US shows only according to my UK program but not listed on Wikipedia and also not in the cast recording)

Finale Medley (US traveling show didn’t list the medley they played)

  • Believe
  • Strong Enough
  • Woman’s World
  • You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me (Broadway only)
  • D’ove L’amore (UK only)
  • Shoop Shoop Song (UK only)
  • I Found Someone (UK only)
  • Believe Again (UK only)
  • Take Me Home (Curtain Call, US only)

So you can see how the songs were used out of order to further the plot. This makes the show a new thing and not just a kind of Review of her existing songs. You can’t sing along to this.  Songs are put into dramatic medleys and used as segues.

I did not know this until Robrt told me but “When the Money’s Gone” is a cover of Bruce Roberts (1995). A nice, sweet version with juicy alternative lines like “Shred the credit cards/just like Watergate” and “black and white TV. When the weekend comes, we can watch Pee Wee.”)

The scene with the television show seem rough as it’s mostly about Sonny’s slave-driving and temper. The joy of working, depicted in the memoir, is absent from the musical. There are lines about bad writing, too, (which is a bit unfair considering the cultural work the show did for women) and there’s a line from about Cher being dismissed with “it’s all about the clothes anyway” which goes into the James Brown song “It’s a Man’s World” (in my notes but not depicted in any of the show programs). This was probably true but it doesn’t map to the memoir, where the censors were discussed but not so much the struggles to work around bad writing. Besides, some of those writers went on to do big things (Steve Martin, Bob Einstein). The musical is dismissive without details.

The big Bob Mackie number really wowed the Broadway crowd. I checked my program pics to confirm this but this show’s parade of outfits couldn’t be track back to real Cher outfits as easily in the traveling show. The Broadway show had recreations of the real iconic Cher outfits: the Ringmaster, one of her recent live Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves outfits, the D2K opener, Laverne, the Rhinestone Cowboy fit from the solo TV show. There was a male dancer in the Phoenix show in drag wearing the Take-Me-Home-Viking-fit with a bare ass that got a big laugh. Looking back at my Broadway program, it was a male dancer in the Half-Breed outfit for that show. So, similar to the UK show, the costumes have been reworked and made “in the style” of Cher, aside from one or two emblematic efforts (like the “I Got You Babe” outfits and the “Take Me Home” one).

The woman next to me would grunt whenever Sonny said something sexist or mean, like she was feeling it viscerally. In fact, there was applauding when Sonny was finally shuffled out of Cher’s life. That seemed harsh, even though Sonny was harsh himself. Sonny was played so broadly, as we’ve said, his scary lines seemed super-scary. And Sonny did have his scary moments but they were conflated here with his controlling moments. For example, he slammed a wall in their 60s kitchen, not a glass mirror in their 70s dressing room (according to the memoir).

The Gregg Allman part never ceases to feel very kitschy. I mean, Gregg Allman…as a character…in a big, broad musical? Singing Cher songs? A Gregg Allman impersonator? It’s just so wonderfully weird. He sings pieces of “Midnight Rider” and “Ramblin’ Man” which reminds me of a meme my friend Coolia just sent me (unrelated):

Sonny and Gregg Allman expressing their discomfort in stepping over each other in Cher’s life during the late 1970s via the song “Dark Lady” and Cher’s duet with Allman on “Just Like Jesse James” are strangely satisfying for the audience.

They mistakenly call the post-solo, reboot of the Sonny & Cher Show, the Comedy Hour and the show wasn’t cancelled after a half a season as the musical states, more like two half seasons and 34 episodes.

In the Robert Altman (discovering Cher as an actress) scene, the audience laughed at Cher’s casual Popeye comment and in this case the musical elaborated farther than the memoir did, having Cher qualify her critique: “It was just so dark.”

There was another line in the musical about there being basically two emotions, fear and love and love is the better side of it because it’s full of vulnerability. (Which is very astute.)

The infomercial filming seemed revealingly harsh, the depiction of the director. That didn’t seem pleasant.

And even though they cheered when he exited, we all got teary when Sonny came back as a ghost. Cher still needed to talk to him.

The Assets

This show has no swag. I tried to remember the traveling shows of my youth and can’t remember swag at the outdoor Muny theater in St. Louis either after Show Boat. But then, I wouldn’t have gone looking for it.

On my ticket, this introduction was printed: “Superstars come and go. Cher is forever. For six straight decades, only one unstoppable force that has flat-out dominated popular culture – breaking down barriers, pushing boundaries and letting nothing and no one stand in her way.” [Ok that sentence is a bit much. Things did, in fact, stand in her way quite often], the kid, the glam pop star and the icon. 35 smash hits, two rock-star husbands, a Grammy, Oscar, Emmy…enough…Bob Mackie gowns to create a sequin shortage in New York City, all in one unabashedly fabulous new musical that will have audience dancing in the aisles!”

Well, in Phoenix they weren’t.

While we were all talking about how we became Cher fans, I told the story of starting out as a Sonny & Cher fan, how I loved their charisma, their glamour (another visiting cousin confided to me last weekend she had a crush on Sonny), their glamour and how they were never boring. How Cher has carried on that tradition and how I can now enjoy being a fan through scholarly digs and also the same childhood delight.

Impersonators can’t recreate that. The impersonation gets in the way.

Robrt and I also talked about how this show is about anxiety and fear as much as resilience. About the great wall of fear. And how Cher’s impact and legacy may still be evolving in these very times of political fear. We’re gonna need these lessons in overcoming anxiety. This is a time when the powers in place want to put women and minority groups back in our place (their words). And therefore, this musical takes on a practical value, being as much about vulnerability as it is about heroics. We see Cher doing this work of encouraging us during her Hall of Fame speech last October: “don’t give up, you belong here.”

At least, it affects me that way personally.

This musical is one of the lucky things we have now that provide meaning for the last seven decades of Cher: music, a musical, a memoir, dolls, perfumes, a skin care line, a Vegas poker machine, cookbooks, maybe someday a movie, a video game, a board game, who knows.

Cher Songs on Rolling Stone’s List of Greatest Songs

Another deep dive.

In late 2024 I came across an online Rolling Stone Magazine article introducing a podcast called “Why Cher’s ‘Believe’ Has Ruled Dance Floors for Nearly Three Decades.”

Rolling Stone had just come out with a 2024 list of their take on the 500 greatest popular songs and “Believe” had made this list. This was interesting to me for two reasons. One, it allowed me another thought-dive into “Believe” and also it reminded me of Cher’s appearances on previous RS lists and how arbitrary these lists are.

1988

Let’s go back in time. Back when I was in high school in St. Louis I had a subscription to Rolling Stone. The September 8, 1988, issue included a list of “100 Best Singles of the Last Twenty Five Years.” Around that time there had been a best albums issue already and my brother Randy (home from college) and I had had a friendly competition to see who had the most albums on the list. Very surprisingly, we tied. (Five years younger, I was fully prepared to lose.)

But anyway, on this 1988 list, which I recently dug out of the Chersonian Institute’s archives, there was one Cher song. Well, almost one song. It was really the Sonny Bono /Jack Nitzsche penned “Needles and Pins” which ranked at #64 between Joy Division’s “Love Will Tear Us Apart” and Jimi Hendrix’s “All Along the Watchtower.”

To put things in perspective, the #1 and #2 songs on this 1988 list were “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” by the Rolling Stones and “Like a Rolling Stone” by Bob Dylan. Which seems a bit to much rolling stone considering the name of the magazine.

The paragraph write-up about “Needles and Pins” talked about how the 1964 Searchers version had done something “formidable,” in that it “introduced the twelve-string sound, which would become a staple of American bands from The Byrds to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.” Searchers guitarists McNally and Pender then talked about how this came to be by accident.

(click to enlarge)

This RS write up only mentions one other version of the song, Jackie DeShannon’s 1963 original version. It doesn’t mention Cher’s 1966 version. But then neither does the Wikipedia page on the song, which mention’s the 1977 European hit version by Smokie, the Ramones version in 1978, Tom Petty’s 1985 live version and a smooth 1999 version by Willie DeVille.

But there are others. Here is a sampling:

(After listening to all of these, I need to listen to the inverse song, “Pins and Needles” by Kristina Train just to reset the machine between my ears.)

But nothing was said about the songwriters and plenty more could be said about Sonny’s “best friend” as Cher said in her Memoir of Jack Nitzsche who would go on to become the arranger for Phil Spector during the Wall of Sound era. Nitzsche is often given the most credit for his work on “River Deep Mountain High” with Ike and Tina Turner. He also worked with The Rolling Stones and did the choral arrangements for “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” He would go on to write the scores for movies like Performance, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and The Exorcist and co-wrote “Up Where We Belong” for the movie An Officer and a Gentleman.

2004

But sadly, “Needles and Pins” wouldn’t stay on the next incarnations of RS lists. By 2004 there was an expanded list of 500 songs. And Sonny & Cher allegedly made that list where “I Got You Babe” ranked at #451. By this time, the top two songs had switched spots. “Like a Rolling Stone” by Bob Dylan was #1 and “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” by the Rolling Stones was #2.

2021-2024

On the RS 2021 list, (which started from scratch and then was updated in 2024 with songs from 2021 to early 2024), “I Got You Babe” had fallen off but “Believe” had landed at #338. (I’m not sure if that position maintained between 2021 and 2024 because I haven’t seen the official RS 2021 list. The song may have been at #337 in 2021.)

So “Believe” remains the Cher song on the list. I would not die on the “Believe” hill, as I’ve often said, but “Believe” did introduce a technical trick that became very popular, I guess like the twelve-string in “Needles and Pins.” But that doesn’t mean it was a well-constructed, conceived or a well-written song. It’s value will be remembered in its production. But “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves” had production values that have also stood the test of time. And none of this even speaks to the metaphorical or literary values of a song. Among Sonny’s cowboy songs, for example. “Bang Bang” is certainly undervalued. Or songs that became part of the common lexicon, like “The Beat Goes On” or Diane Warren’s “Turn Back Time” which not only became a meme but has become a yearly meme for the end of daylight savings.

Or maybe it just comes down to votes not values. Where would we be without lists to argue about, I guess.

Music journalists Rob Sheffield (whose 2024 book Heartbreak Is the National Anthem: How Taylor Swift Reinvented Pop Music I just purchased to try to understand that whole phenom) and Brittany Spanos chose “Believe” as one of the 25 songs they would discuss on a podcast created for the 2024 list. And their 6 August 2024  discussion was not only thoughtful and fascinating, as it put thoughtful context around Cher’s entire career, but it also explained how the song “Believe” landed for kids in Great Britain.

I myself did not experience “Believe” as a kid or teen. I was 26 years old and living in Yonkers, New York, hearing the song while driving home from work at Yonkers Contracting and following the song’s weekly charting from my crappy apartment along the Hudson River. I remember being somewhat baffled after coming upon NPR discussing the song one day on my car radio. It was kind of cognitive dissonance for me. Why this song?  So this podcast was interesting to me in that it explains how the song held meaning for an age group that wasn’t mine.

Sheffield and Spanos begin by calling the song “actually perfect…a perfect song,” one that represents the “whole, story, legacy and madness that is pop music.” Spanos says it’s also a song that is “part of the grand story of Cher” and she talks about the ups and downs of her career (big success, big flops and disappearances) and how over the last decade there has been “newfound appreciation” for Cher,” a “Cher revival.” Sheffield talks about the “synthi-ness of the chorus and vocal,” how “new and exciting” it was among other typically Cher-sounding Cher hits of the 1990s. (I think he means 1980s or maybe the late 1980s into the early 1990s, which was the span of her big Geffen-era hits). He said this was a “Cher-like” song on a whole new level.

Spanos talks about being at a friend’s house watching Spice World as a kid and the mother of her friend put  on the DVD for what sounds like the live Farewell tour with the instruction to “pay attention to the wigs.” Spanos says that instruction changed her life. She starts talking about Cher’s history with Sonny. She mistakenly says Sonny was 32 when they met. (Sonny was born in 1935, Cher in 1946. Cher was 16 when they met, Sonny was 27.) Spanos talks about their early pop-folk hits. Sheffield comes in discussing their variety show, how kids would tune in to see which music artists would show that week to perform songs. He said it was a “weekly education in music. They were the DJs.” (This is  overstating it a bit considering the musical acts were often people like Joey Heatherton and Merv Griffin.)

Spanos goes back to talk about the “country/rock covers” of Jackson Highway album and how critics panned it at the time but that it’s actually “a great album.” The digress to say Cher’s swampy “Tonight I’ll Be Staying Here With You” is one of the “greatest versions of a Bob Dylan song.” (They make a joke about “outsung, outsold” that I am on the outside of). Sheffield says Cher’s “Bob Dylan connection itself could take up three whole episodes.”

They then cover her solo TV work of the 1970s. Sheffield says Cher would “steal from everything” and she had “wide open taste.” They talk about the “astounding” performance with David Bowie on her solo TV show, the “insane medley,” one of the “freakiest things ever to air on network TV.” Sheffield then brings up the “insane” West Side Story performance from her 1978 TV special.  Spanos also notes Cher as being “integral in bringing Tina Turner back” on TV for multiple appearances when she was trying to relaunch as a solo artist.

Spanos says Cher then stared a band called Black Roses. She says Black Roses three times incorrectly. (It’s Black Rose). They talk about Spanos’ love of the Broadway Cher musical, how she particularly liked the fictional duet between one of the Chers and Gregg Allman doing the Diane Warren song “Just Like Jesse James.” She did not like the actual duet album which they mistakenly mispronounce (as Howard Stern also did in his 2024 Cher interview) as All Man and Woman. The correct title is Allman and Woman. There is no space between All and Man. It’s literally Gregg Allman’s name, as in Gregg and his woman (oy vey) and not some kind of traditional declaration of gender roles. (This is like trying to differentiate between caveman version 1 and caveman version 2.)

Anyway, Spanos says she cried several times during the musical and they call Cher and Gregg, “an incredible couple.” And I think it is nice that a kind of revisionist kindness in reconsidering this union in a new light these days. Sheffield highly recommends Allman’s memoir, My Cross to Bear, and tells of a Cher story in it where Gregg Allman is trying to pick Cher up for their first date in a limo and Cher exclaims that she will not ride in a funeral car and so they take her Mercedes.

Spanos talks about how Cher is “an experimental person.” Sheffield agrees saying Cher would “do anything” and was “not bothered by genre,” be it disco, southern rock, glam rock, hard rock or a medley or West Side Story songs. He says “she is part of every story in pop music.” Spanos says Cher has been “proven right by history” and critics are looking back and re-evaluating her, seeing that her voice does indeed “sound great” singing in multiple styles. They talk about how every year people rediscover the West Side Story clip and how “insane and fun” it is to watch.

Sheffield goes into Cher’s 80s decade of movies, how “she did it the hard way,” how she had no celebrity inside track to movie roles, how Silkwood was not a Cher-type role and how many actresses saw playing lesbian roles as a “career killer move.” “It cannot be stressed” enough, Sheffield says, how “bold and unprecedented and unexpected and unremarked-upon at the time that was.” Spanos talks about the iconic, respected actors Cher co-starred with and how Cher “is holding her own” along side them. Sheffield calls her performance in Mask “astounding,” that she played a working-class biker mom, a character that was very “unglamourous, gritty and unsaintly.” Spanos says that in all Cher’s movie roles she was de-glamming, dressing down, playing an everywoman.” And at the same time, she was having hits like “Turn Back Time,” balancing her gritty acting roles with glam-Cher music moments, keep her acting career going while relaunching as a rock vocalist. Spanos talks about the the “Turn Back Time” video “onesie” outfit. Sheffield enthusiastically remembers “the entire U.S. Navy” on the war ship.

They then talk about the struggles of the 1990s and Cher’s battle with the Epstein-Barr Virus, how she was seen (again) as “past her prime.” There were the informercials and the Writing Camp album (Not Commercial) recorded in 1994 but not released until 2000. Spanos calls it an introspective “great album, one of the first Internet-only releases.” They talk about her reunions with Sonny and his death in 1998. Spanos recalls Cher’s “stunning” and “heartbroken” eulogy for Sonny and how the loss of someone so transformative might have affected her performance in “Believe.”

As they set up talking about “Believe,” they acknowledge that Cher was seen as “washed up” for the first time in her late teens! She’s now in her 50s. She was “not expected to be still going into her 30s.” The song becomes thematic of her resilience. Spanos calls it “one of the great dance songs of all time” and she explains how it arrived during the dance renaissance of the late 90s, the “euro dance club wave,” that the song was an “unexpected sound from a 50 year old.”

They talk about the popularity of what became known as Auto Tune, how the song was ahead by decades in its influence on rap artists like T-Pain and Kanye West. Sheffield clarifies that it is not a vocoder but pitch correction and Spanos talks about how the song is “one of the great hopeful, euphoric dance songs” and how “do you believe in life after love” is a “gutting line.” (Because how common it is to feel like life itself cannot go on after a great, failed love.) They talk about the song in the context of Cher’s 1990s “major health issues” and her “uncertain future,” losing Sonny, one of the great loves of her life…a great love.” Sheffield says the technology is not used to hide” or “to fix flaws,” that the technology “is flaunted” and that right around “the self-doubting part of the song” you get this “flutter” and “vocal pirouette,” that the song is “blatantly digital” and “robotic” in a way that “makes it sound more human.” Cher “expresses a part of the song by altering her voice.”

Spanos talks about how the producer Mark Taylor wanted to experiment with the pitch correction and Cher wasn’t afraid of it. They claim, as does Cher, that the song “changed pop music” and they remind us that the record won a Grammy. Spanos said the song also made people re-evaluate artists in their 50s, especially women, that hitting the age of 50 need not mean the end of one’s chart-making career. Spanos insists that “Cher only gets more popular every single year” and that she’s a “beloved figure in entertainment history.” She talks about Cher’s “remarkable Twitter account” and Sheffield thinks that Twitter “will only be remembered as part of Cher’s timeline.”

(I believe the Twitter/Cher thing is long past. Cher moved to posting social media content on Instagram years ago as her primary social media. Twitter, in the meantime, will probably be remembered more for its entanglement into the fascist politics of Donald Trump and Elon Musk.)

After a commercial break, the hosts introduce Rod Thomas (Bright Light Bright Light), a DJ, artist and producer. Spanos and Sheffield thank him and he says “it’s not exactly a hardship to talk about this lady or this song.” They ask him about his first experiences with Cher and he talks about how his parents were into the Beatles (he was born in 1982) and how Cher was a famous movie actress when he was growing up. He said the first time he paid attention to her as a music artist was on the album It’s a Man’s World. He talks about loving Junior Vasquez’s “One by One” remix but that it wasn’t a hit. He says he “ran out to buy” the “Believe” CD at Woolworth’s in his hometown of Neath, Wales. They joke that Cher was on her 4th or 5th life by that time. Thomas says, “Everyone in school was talking about it, the straight kids, the weird kids, the bullies, the popular kids. Everyone was playing it. You heard it everywhere.” He feels it was the fist time there was “an all-engulfing wave around an artist everyone knew.”  It was a song everyone loved. He feels “Believe” is a “very British-centric sound” and he credits that to songwriter/producer Brian Higgins. He said the song really feels like “you’re in a British gay club.” He thinks the phenomenon was helped by the show Queer as Folk. People then were listening to “really gay music, like Gina G and The Spice Girls”. Very camp. And he believes the song was a legitimate “British gay anthem.”

Spanos says she likes to think about where music started and ended in the 1990s, from grunge to pop-punk to euro pop and House Music like “Believe.” Thomas says it was a time when “everyone was on the same page for a moment in British pop culture.” Whether you were straight or gay, whether you were in coffeehouses, clubs or a shopping center and how unusual that was, “especially for a heritage artist that traditionally younger kids wouldn’t gravitate to.”

They talk about the song being a #1 hit worldwide, a song Sheffield calls “immortal,” a song that you “instantly knew …was a timeless song. Thomas claims that Cher hates the song and how regrettable this is. He says there is a famous interview where she talks about hating how ubiquitous the song was at the time. I don’t remember this from any of the U.S. interviews. Thomas toured with Cher and might have seen a UK interview where she said this.

Thomas says that every time he works as a DJ, someone will request “Believe” and that it’s a “very mixed bag of gender, age and demographic.” “Everyone dances to this song. People melt in these ephemeral things and go feral.”

They ask Thomas where he was when he first danced to the song. He describes a British club called H2O that had three floors: a bar, a restaurant and a club at the top. He says you would hear the song playing on every single floor and that the upstairs club would play the song at least once or twice each night. He says the song represents “a specific sound and a specific moment in time.” He says Brian Higgins went on to do some great stuff but that this song “was a pivotal moment for him, for Cher, for British pop culture and for music.”

Thomas says the song “changed ageism” and put the focus on the song over the artist. Sheffield says Cher had “built her legend already” but that this song “invented a new Cher.” They then talk about Cher’s look around that time, her “wiggery.” How wonderful and cool it was. How her look was “trashy and fabulous…shimmery….” what Thomas calls “gaudy and tasteless but also fabulous and cool.” He also talks about how amazing her voice sounded on the record. “Her voice is perfect.” How the production was perfect and the genius of the technology. Of the Cher Effect, he says, “everyone was doing it in school” (imitating it) and how the song was at its peak for “many, many months.”

Sheffield talks about being at the punk show Mannequin Pussy recently and the venue was trying to “shoo everyone out” but “Believe” came on and then “no one would leave.” Thomas says, “that’s not even my favorite song on that record.” He talks about opening for Cher for nine shows across Europe and how he first saw her show in Brooklyn. He references the video montages and her other dance songs (“Strong Enough” and  “All or Nothing”), but when “Believe” came up “you could feel the room lift,” how fans were there “from every conceivable living age bracket” and that this song brings them all together. He says, “it was amazing to watch it.”

 

Cher and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Experience

So we have another marathon item to get through, from way back to last October. I’ve broken it up into parts to help us digest it.

I was able to attend the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction “ceremony”
last year, despite my ambivalence about it, because my friend Julie motivated me to go (and she’s a fun person to attend a concert with and she loves Ozzy Osbourne who was also being inducted). Also because the show happened to be in Cleveland (where I was spending a lot of time in 2024), and because it was a chance for me to see a concert with my brother, Randy, who lives in Cleveland.

The whole weekend turned out to be a lot of fun, but this still didn’t resolve my continuing ambivalence about the institution. We’ve discussed before the issues with the gatekeepers, the issues with halls of fame, the issues with institutionalizing rock music. But there’s also the issue of rock music itself.

A very telling incident happened when Julie and I were touring the Hall of Fame the day before the live show. We passed a group of young kids, mostly girls, (late grade school, early middle school?) at the Hall of Fame on a field trip with their Catholic School. This made my friend Julie, who spent a childhood in Catholic schools, very very annoyed. She kept telling me that back when she was a KISS-loving kid in Catholic school, the nuns kept telling them rock music was the music of the devil. Now it’s become a field trip for young Catholic kids, like going to see how Wonder Bread is made.

And I’ve been to the Hall of Fame twice now and when I was there most of the people visiting had gray hair. I do see some youthful strays wandering around respectfully but that’s not the majority. And I love rock music myself, but then I’m a happy-gray-haired too. I often find myself telling Millennials and younger friends who old rock groups are, like KISS. (Hell, last weekend I had to explain to them who Vincent Price was.) It’s not quite the music of the world’s youth any more. And that’s okay. It’s the natural order of things. If it wasn’t we’d all still be talking about how swell Rosemary Clooney and Bing Crosby still are.

I read an essay on poetry movements recently where the author observed that things written in resistance eventually become “the new national tradition.” Rock and roll is no longer the language of resistance; it has lost its currency of resistance. It’s now tradition. And the Hall of Fame just underlines that fact. Many of its practitioners and listeners have been taken into the grips of nostalgia, just like their parents before them. As they say, what goes around…. And nostalgia is pretty much antithetical to progress.

Which is why the genre has teetered conservative over the decades. It’s practitioners are no longer young rebels. It’s listeners are no longer young rebels. Rock and Roll is a genre that is over 70s years old. For that matter, at 50 years old, RAP music is also quite long in the tooth.

And who likes to admit their own culture has moved on? Nobody. I had a bit of an existential crisis myself the night David Letterman went off the air because soon I’ll be explaining to young people who he is. But that’s a fact of aging and having sex and babies being constantly born with prospects of future musical genres twinkling in the fresh little eyes. Welcome to the human race.

So if Cher had never been inducted into this basically nostalgic circle jerk, it wouldn’t have bothered me. If you can keep a career going longer than rock music itself, I don’t see that as a bad thing, all things considered.

Aim bigger, I say.

And to be clear, I am not trying to culturally disenfranchise old people in pursuit of the often-suffocating cult of youth. Virtuosity will always skew older. Wisdom will always skew older. This is simply a perspective check. Why did we set such narrow limits on the celebration of contemporary music in the first place? It was generational hubris.

But for all of that, I am going to now fan-girl on a few of these aging rock stars below. Including Cher.

The 2024 Inductee Insights Video

The Hall of Fame developed  a short film series for each artist before the induction called “2024 Inductee Insights.” Cher’s six minute film includes the songs “Believe,” “Bang Bang,” “I Got You Babe,” “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves,” “Turn Back Time,” “I Found Someone” and “Woman’s World.”

It begins showing clips from Cher’s “Believe” video cut with her receiving awards, performing in music videos and on television performances and then, oddly, scenes from the movie Chastity. “The one and only Cher has used her distinctive voice, stage presence and avant garde fashion to achieve unprecedented success while blazing a trail for women artists. A woman who personifies feminine, creative freedom in a male dominated industry.”.

I would add that she blazed a trail for gay male artists, too. They delve into her biography, how she was born in El Centro, California, and grew up wanting to be an actress but got sidetracked working for Phil Spector. “During this time,” the video says, she met Sonny and they got married blah blah blah. I keep seeing this error in recent stories about Cher. As the Memoir confirms, Cher did not meet Sonny while working for Phil Spector.  She already knew Sonny and Sonny brought her to the Spector sessions purposefully and strategically (gold star for Sonny there, pun intended). And the problem with the statement is that it implies Cher came to ideas about a music career on her own, before Sonny. She did not. The video also incorrectly claims she was an extra on the television show Ozzy and Harriet. She was not, but her mother, Georgia Holt, was.

The video claims Cher was obviously  “the shining star of the pair” but her stage freight made them a duo. “I Got You Babe” was a “definitive musical moment for the early hippie counterculture.” They go into her solo hits, somewhat out of order, but okay. {The show a variety show clip of Cher singing “Gypsies” while talking about her life in the late 60s. (My poor soul right now.)

“In a society that idolized blonds” Cher became an idol for dark-haired girls. They saw themselves in her.”

Digression point: I guess that’s true in a way, but many of us did not exactly ever see ourselves in Cher because that was too much of a stretch. We were just happy to see some dark-haired lady being idolized on television. That’s not to say we didn’t see ourselves in other television characters. I recently started watching The Mary Tyler Moore Show again and in episode 4, we meet this girl named Sparkle (Pat Finley, the actress who played, in a much more serious way, the sister of Newhart on The Bob Newhart Show and also the wife of Becker on The Rockford Files). I grew up seeing myself as some kind of amalgamation of the annoying buttoned-up, toxic positivity of Sparkle and the milk-toast, squeamishly-waspy Mary Richards.

Digression to the digression: I used to hate the very sound of Tyler Moore’s voice when these shows first aired in the 1970s and as a namesake, her nebbishness horrified me. Is that what it meant to be a Mary? But one of the beautiful points of the show, which I would come to see as a young adult watching the show’s reruns on Nick at Nite in the 1990s, is that sometimes women who feel unassertive can find strategies to be very effective and assertive. Marge Gunderson, Frances McDormand’s character in the movie Fargo, is another wonderful example of this.

But anyway, I have always felt my person to be this unsatisfying Sparkle/Mary combination, not great identifiers, but accurate I have for a long time begrudgingly accepted. But Mr. Cher Scholar likes to tell me (often) that the way I see myself is pretty far off from how other people see me. So I told him my theory last night and asked him to weigh in: was I more or a Mary, a Sparkle, a Rhoda or a Phyllis? He thought about it for a second and said I was definitely a Rhoda. I’m too much of a wiseacre to be a Mary, he said. (I guess he has a point; Mary Richards would never say ‘nostalgic circle jerk.’) And I wasn’t a Sparkle or Phyllis. I was positive he was going to agree that I was an amalgamation of the milk-toast Mary and the toxically positive Sparkle. Rhoda is my favorite, for sure, but I never in a million years saw myself as a mile within the vicinity of Rhoda. But that was very good news…for me anyway, if not for him.

The next day I came back with three more ladies of the 1970s: Shirley Feeney (Cindy Williams from Laverne & Shirley, not too dramatically different from my high school experience), Rhoda or Emily Hartley (played by Suzanne Pleshette on The Bob Newhart Show). He changed the Rhoda to Emily Hartley, which is not bad news either. By the way, this game is much harder to play in reverse. Mr. Cher Scholar was a dead ringer for Rickey Schroder as a kid, but as an adult he’s mostly impossible to place.

 

But back to the Cher Insights video…it goes on to talk about Sonny & Cher’s “string of successful albums” and we see their album covers, one of which was very unsuccessful, Mama Was a Rock and Roll Singer… and then they show the wrong cover for All I Ever Need Is You. The videos talks about the couple’s “chemistry onstage.”

They then turn to Cher’s focus on acting and her “acclaimed roles” in Silkwood, Mask and Moonstruck.

“But she always turned back to music.” So true.

They mention she has been active for “more than five decades” (the museum exhibit just says six) and that she has continually “reinvented her image and mastered multiple music styles” including the earthy folk pop of “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves”, (more narrative pop, really; “I Got You Babe” was the folk pop), the melodic disco of Take Me Home,” power ballads like “I Found Someone” (they show the music video clip of her slapping boyfriend Robert Camilletti here). “Cher’s versatility is ever present.”

They then come back to the “quintessential dance pop classic” of “Believe” which “pioneered auto tune as an artistic tool” and that this “worldwide hit” became an “enduring queer anthem.” This feels a bit reductive only because the song had major cross-over appeal (we’ll explore this more in an upcoming post about a podcast about the song.) The video talks about her being an ally of LGBTQIA+ and how she has  influenced other trailblazing artists like Madonna, Beyonce and Lady Gaga.  Why do they keep listing those same three? Were there any male artists they could have found? Any older female artists?  (Zendaya and others will broaden this influence later in their induction commentary.)

“A tenacious performer who has triumphed over adversity and made comeback after comeback.”

The 2024 Inductee Program

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The preface of the program talks about the Hall of Fame has reached its 39th year. Oy. Even the nostalgia tripping is old. Jan Werener is not even listed under former board members. John Sykes, now head of board, talks about the diverse list of inductees, how rock-and-roll is not a single sound (See? He has to play Twister here because the founding scope was too tiny.)  He says of rock-and-roll, “It’s an attitude….a collusion of rhythm and blues gospel and country, but basically ‘life changing music.'” Life changing music could be anything.

The section on Cher was written by Annie Zaleski, who has a new Cher picture book coming out this year, I Got You Babe: A Celebration of Cher. Zaleski is a Cleveland-based writer and editor who has worked for NPR music, The Guardian, Rolling Stone, Salon, Billboard and Vulture, She did the 33 1/3 book on Duran Duran’s Rio album, a Taylor Swift book, Stories Behind the Songs and has done liner notes and illustrated bios of Lady Gaga, Harry Styles and Pink.

Cher section pics include Stars album back cover shot, the butterfly dress picture from her 1978 special promotion, the  the famous Phil Spector, Darlene Love and Cher photo, a candid with her kids and Tatum O’Neal, a Jerry Wexler session shot from Jackson Highway and pictures of Cher with David Geffen, Labelle, Stevie Wonder, David Bowie, Ray Charles, Elton John and Gregg Allman, a picture of Cher holding her Oscar and the hole fit from 1992.

There’s a breakout box called Selected Discography of her supposed important albums and here I take some umbrage. Stars is egregiously missing. Other albums that could have been included: Backstage as well as Man’s World. I understand why Believe is there. Because it has “Believe” on it. And I guess Heart of Stone is there because “Turn Back Time” is on that. And Jackson Highway definitely deserves to be there. (In Cher’s Memoirs, she even tells us Sonny thought that was her best album to that point which is an interesting compliment considering that was the first Cher album he didn’t produce.) But Black Rose? That should not be there. I appreciate that album in many ways, but it is not one of her important albums. It was a brave experiment that didn’t go anywhere. It was a mess in some ways. (Some reviewers lost their minds over it.) It’s far and away not better than Man’s World or Backstage.

But Zaleski does explain Cher’s cultural relevance very well. “Her singular voice has never lost its formidable power,” she says and she covers the musical points many other Cher historians miss, her time with Phil Spector and her inclusion on important records like “Be My Baby,” “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” and her work on the Spector Christmas album. She talks about Cher’s “big contra alto voice”  and quotes Cher as saying, “My voice just cut through.” Zaleski repeats, “Cher’s voice has never lost its dominance or power…with her warbling vibrato and graceful sense of dynamics, Cher sounds effortless singing nearly every style of music.” Mic drop.

She then lists the types (and I love the adjectives she uses doing it):

  • Orchestrated torch songs
  • Roaring power ballads
  • Luxe disco
  • Blazing hard rock
  • Playful Broadway showstoppers
  • Slinky soul
  • High-energy electro
  • Melodramatic pop

“She also possesses a unique and recognizable vocal timbre, one that’s dusky and sultry, like exquisite black velvet, with a sumptuous low range and a soaring high one.” (I once compared her voice to syrup but velvet is good too.)

Zaleski calls Cher a generous philanthropist, an outspoken activist, a prolific emoji user, a queer icon and ally and “unabashedly herself at all times….honest, funny, vulnerable and real.” Fans, it doesn’t get better than that. We picked good.

“Cher isn’t afraid to be earnest, her vocal delivery often feels like a direct line to her soul” and she “doesn’t suffer fools gladly, doesn’t mince words.”

The essay covers her stand-out influences, Cinderella’s “A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes,” early musicals, early rock and roll, American Bandstand, seeing Elvis live and Ray Charles on TV. Then she goes into describing Cher’s iconic songs with the same delicious adjectives:

Those qualifiers!! She skims over 1971-74  and the narrative ballads which is unfortunate because that music produced three number 1 hits, plus many other top 30 hits and was arguably one of the peaks, if not the peakiest, in Cher’s popularity.)

She covers Cher’s television grind, long days of writing, rehearsals, meetings, and show tapings. Her “acrimonious divorce,” her 2 Golden Globes (3, the Memoirs reminded us), her 1977 Oscar, the Geffen label era music of “glossy production, blockbuster hooks” that “suited her powerhouse voice.”

Then there was the 1990s health issues and Sonny’s death ending the decade. But also “Believe.” At the time Zaleski reminds us, Cher was the  oldest female to top the Billboard Hot 100.

She calls the ABBA covers album “buoyant” and says the electropop “DJ Play a Christmas Song” (which hit #1 in the Dance/Electronic Digital Sales category) is the song that put her over to the record breaking 7 decades of #1 hits. The only other artist to do it was the Rolling Stones (as you recall Cher’s quip on The Kelly Clarkson Show, “it took four of them to be one of me.”

Finally, the essay remarks on the full-circle duet with Darlene Love on Cher’s album Christmas, as a joyful and “brassy unison.”

In the back of the program were interesting paid-for congratulation pages to peruse, from record labels, publishers, lawyers and streaming services. Cher got a page from her managers, Roger Davis and Lindsay Scott. Warner Music Group’s page included Cher, Foreigner, Mary J. Blige, Kool and the Gang, MC5 and Dionne Warwick. ASCAP’s page had Cher, Mary J. Blige, Foreigner, Dave Matthews, Ozzy, Tribe, MC5, Peter Frampton, Kool and the Gang, Alexis Korner and John Mayall. The Hard Rock Casino thanks everybody, Spotify thanks everybody, there’s a mystery thank you in there too,

You can buy the program here.

Touring the Cher Exhibit at the Hall of Fame

The main image shown all throughout the lobby of the Hall of Fame (click to enlarge) was the very cool picture of Cher in the 1980s incarnation of her Hole Fit. I love that this is the representative photo because, it shows Cher performing, sweating, rocking.

The year’s inductees always get their own little exhibit upstairs.

 

Left outfit: The violet and purple “All I Really Want to Do” fit, an amalgamation of the Farewell Tour outfit (vest) and the Here We Go Again tour outfit, credited to the Cher Collection, made by Bob Mackie. The credits mention the outfit was also worn by Teal Wicks in the Broadway Cher Show.

Display on the monitor below: A Sonny & Cher live show ticket with Brian Farnon and His Orchestra for a show on March 3, 4, 5 at Harrah’s Lake Tahoe, the South Shore Room and the tagline, “The World’s Greatest Entertainers Appear at Harrah’s.” There’s a Cher quote from a recent interview about how success is like a string of pearls, moments you string together and you’ve got a necklace.

Middle outfit: The “Take Me Home” Fit (red) credited to the Cher collection from the Farewell Tour, made by Bob Mackie.

Display on the monitor below: The Bob Mackie sketch for the dress. There’s Cher quote about a conversation she had with Barbra Streisand and how Cher wants to work as long as she is able to do it.

Right outfit: The Halloween mermaid outfit from the movie Mermaids, 1990, designed by Patty Spinale & Gail Baldoni, now owned by Gary Scarborough.

Display on the monitor below: The Mermaids movie poster. The text mentions Cher six decades-long music career and she’s “also an actress” who “first starred in 1976 play Come Back to the Five and Dime Jimmy Dean Off-Broadway. This is a big error. She was in the 1982 big-Broadway Robert Altman production at the Martin Beck Theater. The play was first published in 1976. The text also mentions her movies Silkwood, The Witches of Eastwick and Moonstruck.

In the middle of the exhibit there was a large electric sign of rotating copy about all the inductees and this had a very good paragraph about Cher (mimicking the insights video):

“Cher has used her distinctive voice, stage presence, and avant-garde fashion to achieve unprecedented success. A musician who personifies female creative freedom in a male-dominated industry, Cher is the only woman to have a Number One hit in each of the past seven decades . Cher’s breakthrough came from her work with then-husband Sonny Bono. Sonny & Cher’s 1965 hit “I Got You Babe” was a definitive musical moment for early hippie counterculture. Amid the pair’s success, Cher launched her solo career, scoring hits like “Bang Bang.” In 1971, The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour TV variety show helped establish Cher as a consummate entertainer and fashion icon. Cher continuously reinvented her style and mastered multiple musical genres. Equally adept at the folk pop of “Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves,” the disco of “Take Me Home,” and [rock?] ballads like “I Found Someone.” Cher’s versatility is unmatched. Cher also became a star of the silver screen, winning the Academy Award for Best Actress in Moonstruck (1987). In 1998, Cher released the quintessential dance-pop classic “Believe,” pioneering the use of Auto-Tune as an artistic tool. A tenacious performer who has triumphed over adversity and made comeback after comeback, all while influencing trailblazing artists like Madonna, Beyonce, and Lady Gaga, Cher has earned her status as the Goddess of Pop.”

Below this description were in influences and legacies:

Influences: Bob Dylan, Darlene Love, Tina Turner

Legacies: Madonna, Beyonce, and Lady Gaga

Cher was placed at the left end, next to Jimmy Buffet in the U-shaped exabit and directly opposite Ozzy Osbourne. Those two are the bookends. This was not the order of the show in any way.

Studying the fan board again, Barry Manilow is still on there at #54. This makes me a bit crazy. I don’t even think Barry Manilow thinks he should be on this board. But he’s up there with 228 votes. You only need about 100 or to get up there on the fan board.

Elsewhere in the museum was an “In Memoriam” tribute to Dickey Betts of The Allman Brothers, (also married to Cher’s best friend Paulette, who was Paulette Betts for many years). The board said he was a 1995 guitarist inductee noted for his “Improvisational magic with the Allman Brothers…his double-barreled harmony and counterpoint” and that he shared lead guitar duties with Duane Allman until Duane died in 1971.  He died in April 2024.

I also scanned the gift shop for Cher books (none yet). There was only one t-shirt, recycled from Cher’s own tour merch. There was a the promo pic of Cher from her 1978 TV special. The vinyl album bin did have Believe, the new greatest hits package and Dancing Queen. As a reminder, my first visit in 2023 only had only one Cher item: the first FunkoPop doll.

Julie bought the Foreigner t-shirt and we both liked what they did with it, creating a special Hall of Fame shirt with their career timeline on the back.

Induction Show Performance and Speech

We weren’t so far away but big monitors in front of us showed closeups. Julie had a sudden migraine headache and missed the show’s high energy opening. Cher’s “Believe” started to big cheers. Dua Lipa came out  strutting in a black leather outfit, The song sounded much more bland coming out of Dua Lipa. But then Cher came out to help finish it. From the televised cut-aways you can see Keith Urban (who played in the Peter Frampton tribute) and Jelly Roll (who played in the Ozzy tribute) both seemed very excited to see Cher. Julia Roberts (who gave the Dave Matthews speech), too. And even Roger Daltry (Peter Frampton). Cher and DL hold hands at end in a very cool gesture of solidarity. Cher’s outfit is both crazy and restrained. Very black and over-lappy. At the end, Dua Lip yells, “Give it up for Cher.”

Dua Lipa and Cher singing “Believe”

We were surprised that Cher opened the show. Usually the push her toward the end for ratings. But after hearing all the other performances, this seemed best.

Zendaya arrived to give the induction speech. I wasn’t expecting much. The prior speeches for Cher have been fair to bad. And I would agree with Howard Stern that I would have preferred someone already established in the HoF to induct Cher. But that said, Zendaya’s was great! Perfect even. She did the job that needed to be done. And her outfit was the best Cher fashion tribute of the night.

[By the way, my sister-in-law Susan kept track of the celebrity situation down on the floor and Zendaya stayed for much of the show and danced to all the performances almost until the very end. In her estimation, Zendaya was by far the biggest star at the event by far.]

Zendaya said there’s not one person “in this room, in this country, in pretty much the whole world who doesn’t know” Cher’s name. “It’s impossible to measure the influence Cher has had and continues to have on every one of us….her impact spans generations. Cher is a “constant inspiration and reference point,” not only with the dance-floor innovation of “Believe” but 27 other solo albums and an Oscar, but lessons in “living in the  spotlight” and deftness in “keeping her sanity.” The audience gives some good cheers during the speech, during which the camera would pan to Cher waiting backstage.

Zendaya underscored this, “Come on, she does it all really, really fucking well.” And it wasn’t just “effortless charm and acting chops” and “stunning dresses” that got Cher into the Hall of Fame. “You need the musical goods and Cher has got the goods.” (Cheer.)

This is so great, that Zendaya made this case about Cher’s music credentials. She talked about Cher being the only solo artist with a #1 in each of the last seven decades, how she’s sold 140 million records worldwide, how Cher became an “instant sensation (with Sonny), shattering stereotypes about what a female artist is supposed to sound like,” creating something “new, innovative and distinctively her own,” how she  navigated ” a multitude of genres, defined new ones and reinvented others” and has “stood test of time.” Zendaya quipped that there are “drag performers all over the world currently in a makeup chair” (this earned a laugh from Roger Daltry) “putting on their best Cher face.”

Zendaya  spoke about Cher being a “brilliant and captivating performer, fearless in her presentation, an inspiration for every female artist who came after her” and is someone who “never acknowledged or accepted there things women were not supposed to do…she did exactly what she wanted,…This fierce woman is a hero, an artist and just about as authentically rock and roll as you can get” (thank you!), an advocate, an ally, and a person “paving the way for people to speak their truth” both “daring and open hearted.” She quotes Cher in saying, “you should never be inhibited by what people expect you do to.”

Zendaya’s speeh

The Induction Video

The video is about four and a half minutes and starts with Cher telling the Hall of Fame to fuck off.  There are 60s pics of Sonny & Cher and how there was never going to be a duo. Cher saying she can’t do this by myself and Sonny saying Cher is a very good singer and he that was “desperately trying to make people aware of that.” Cher is shown in her Rona-Barrett Owlwood bedroom talking about being newly single and being not as dumb or weak as she thought she was.

P!nk says unequivocally “Cher is a fucking rock star…genre-less and brave…one of the most unique artists our world has seen.”

The video then plays “Dark Lady” and the irony here is that song like this might have kept Cher out of the HoF for this long,

Cyndi Lauper then says, “She’s always been rock. Even on her television show. She had all the rockers on.”

They show a short-haired Cher in a TV interview for Black Rose talking about how she wanted to be more rock and roll and they conflate that with images from the Geffen label era and the amazing 1979 Take Me Home tour hole-fit shot. This is very confusing.

Shania Twain then talks about watching Cher “go through all of these evolutions in her life, her fashion sense and herstage presence…she is the most diverse artist ever.”

They show a clip of Tina Turner talking about how they had the same type of careers, starting with their husband managers. Tina says, “she was an icon then and she has remained an icon.” [Thank you, Tina. Because she was iconic by 1975 already.]

They show Cher’s iconic “Turn Back Time” video image of her straddling the canon. (Later when I watched the show’s telecast with Mr. Cher Scholar, he quipped that he’s still waiting for that V.A. claim about some sailor who got blue balls or threw out his lower back while sliding down the deck toward Cher during the shooting of this video.)

P!NK talks about Cher’s voice, “this incredible masculine/feminine mix. You can’t mimic that.”

The song “Strong Enough” plays and Cher talks about performing, feeling energy from thousands of people, “It makes you feel about sixteen feet tall.”

Cyndi Lauper says that “Cher’s success is in her gumption,” how she made “Believe” after they wrote her off. (But for that matter she made “Gypsies” after they wrote her off and “I Found Someone.” She’s the most written-off singer in the history.)

Cher talks about being dropped from two record companies.(But there were so many labels.) Mark Taylor explains the Cher effect works.

P!NK says “I don’t know many people who can say that they put out 27 studio albums and have a hit in every decade.

They show a Vogue cover, the Time cover, a shot of Mask and the Oscar moments.

Zendaya finishes by saying “It’s about time everyone” and introduces Cher as “the coolest woman on the planet.”

The induction video

“Turn Back Time” and Cher’s Speech

Cher then comes out to sing “Turn Back Time.”

Her performance of this song struggles a bit. It doesn’t feel smooth.  She did better at the Victoria’s Secret event earlier in the week and will do better in 2025 for other events. Does that outfit have chaps? But she is very bouncy. Dionne Warwick and her son smiled along. She still owns the stage but she can’t belt out the notes, Jelly Roll and Keith Urban are seen participating again. Thank you guitar solo. Cher might agree because she touches him on the shoulder and he give her a big grin.

In a sea of older artists struggling to stand up, walk or walking without much oomph, my family group commented on how well Cher was moving for her age, how youthful she seemed compared to some of the other aging rock stars.

The speeches would trade off from the right side of the stage to the left. Unfortunately I was on the opposite side of the arena and had to watch Cher’s speech on the monitors.

Cher hugged Zendaya. Cher admitted the speech would be a crap shoot (and it was). We again got a lot of ums and a kind of ditzy-voice Cher uses in these speeches that doesn’t appear similarly in her televised interviews (which are all more concise and assured). Maybe it’s the anxiety. She started off with a joke that getting into the Hall of Fame was harder then getting divorced from two men.

And this sets the tone for the speech. Cher decided she was going to accept the honor as a solo artist and as a woman. She was going to focus on women’s strength and perseverance. She dismisses the men she worked with from the beginning of the speech. And although I was hoping Sonny would get a minute in the sun, I didn’t dislike this approach. I think for the time, especially as it turned out just weeks before the Trumpapocalyptic election, it was the right move. Cher has been solo for over 40 years longer than her work with Sonny (which lasted about 13-14  years professionally, 1964-1977, give or take a few reunions). Cher surely deserves this award on her own. Sonny does get his due slightly in the video, and more so in her Memoir and on the book show in appearances like on The Howard Stern Show interview where Stern said multiple times that Sonny deserved his own spot in the HoF and Cher agreed.

Cher accidentally started to say the “Hollywood” instead of “Rock and Roll” Hall of Fame. She thanked her “guardian” David Geffen for “writing a letter” that she credits for getting in. She told some stories about her life: seeing Cinderella as a four year old, wanting to be famous, having a crazy yet amazing mother who told her she was not the prettiest, smartest, most talented kid, but she was special. She talked about not doing well in school, the ups and downs of showbusiness, being “lower than a snake’s belly” at times, as her mom used to say. Cher says she never gave up. She got from her mom her perseverance. (The television coverage cuts to Mary J. Blige clapping.)

Cher says after she left Sonny she had a car and her clothes and that it took Francis Ford Coppola’s encouragement for her to move to New York to pursue acting more seriously. She mentions getting a play and then getting to work with Meryl Streep. Cher talks about being lucky, being dropped by 4 labels, that her #1 hits in seven decades surprises even her. On the telecast you can hear her clearly say, “I’m a good singer. I’m not a great singer. I’ll take good.”

I misunderstood this at the event. I heard her say “I’m a good singer” and then a commotion. In the bootleg clip below you can see what I mean. Her full comments are completely obscured. I thought she was defending herself, not being self deprecating. But I think her assessment is right. Some of us love her singing but she is a combination of many things (fashion, singing, attitude).

She says, “Believe  changed the sound of music. It was an accident…Believe was kind of a bitch in the beginning.” She retells the story about the record company head complaining that “No one will know that it’s you. Yes, that’s the deal. That’s the great part.” She said it’s been a roller coaster life. But she implored us to “never give up. I’m talking to the women, okay….We keep striving. We keep going. And we keep building. And we are somebody.”

She thanked her family, Chaz, Elijah, her sister and brother-in-law, Slash and Alexander.

She walked off without her award and on the TV broadcast you can see Zendaya trailing after her with it. And then she was not seen again in the crowd or backstage photos. And there was no group song for this induction year, possibly due to some backstage squabbles. There were those Foreigner stories we started hearing the night before the show.

The show was broadcast live on the Disney channel which…I mean…let’s be honest…is not a good look for rebellion and resistance.

The Cher Speech (4:37)

There were images that came out later of Cher talking with Mary J. Blige, posing with Dua Lipa and Zendaya and a video of her interacting with super-fan Flavor Flav.

Kool and the Gang

That was not the last Cher reference in the show however. Chuck D. came out next to induct Kool and the Gang, He referenced “the Roots” and I didn’t understand who they were. Later I found out that Questlove and the Roots are the house band for Jimmy Fallon’s The Tonight Show and they were also the backing band for the HoF ceremony that night. Chuck D. continues, “I know a lotta rappers gotta thank, Cher, right? We gotta thank Cher“ and that gets cheers. He is referencing her auto-tune song “Believe.”

After Kool and the Gang played, my brother and I agreed this was a really fun part of the show. (He had one Kool and the Gang album as I recall.) I even liked “Celebration: which as a kid of the 1980s, I was fully prepared to never have to listen to again. They have plenty of great songs, “Too Hot” and I also like the end of the song “Ladies Night.” (And of course, Miss Ladd, which egregiously they did not play.)

Foreigner

Sammy Hagar did the induction for Foreigner. My oldest brother was the biggest Sammy Hagar fan, but they were both at the Checkerdome that night he recorded his MTV special there in 1983. My younger brother was the bigger Foreigner fan. So it was fun to see this induction with Randy. As I recall he once played me the song “Juke Box Hero” on our credenza-like phonograph and called it a masterpiece. Sammy Hagar later agreed as much.

Sammy Hagar started by taking a long time to tell what amounted to Cher joke.

He said musicians have been asking themselves what the criteria is for getting into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. “What do you have to have done? There should be some rules.” Yes, this sounds logical. He goes on to speculate: should you need to have one hit song? Foreigner has had “nine mega hits in the top 100.” Do you need a gold record? Foreigner has sold 80 million records and has six top 10 albums. Or maybe you have to have been around long enough, longevity, still filling arenas and amphitheaters (he almost says arenas, Cher is still filling arenas but not stadiums. Metallica is still filling stadiums according to a traffic jam I was in last summer in Boston). Hagar continues, even though the tour doesn’t have the original members, that’s how good the songs were. Hagar said this as if it were a compliment; but it seems some fans and members of the band do not see it this way; see the Foreigner article above.]

Then Hagar said that backstage he was thinking maybe the band wasn’t glamourous or pretty enough. (Well imho, Lou Gramm was plenty pretty), but then Hagar said that “if that  were the case, Cher would have been in the Hall of Fame about 10 times already, every time she reinvented herself. Welcome Cher. Congratulations.” (cut to members of Foreigner laughing.) “What was I thinking?” Then he goes on to explain why Foreigner deserved to be in the HoF.

I have to say I was probably more of a Lou Gramm fan. but I sure heard a lot of Foreigner in my house growing up and I know all the hits. I was especially a fan of his solo hit, “Midnight Blue,” and in high school would blast it from my car radio. I thought the interactions between Kelly Clarkson and Lou Gramm were very moving. Graham seemed very old and unsteady.

Demi Levato also did part of the Foreigner performance. Like Dua Lipa, I cannot get into Demi Levato either. There’s lots of leather bustiers and chains. Being a Cher fan I should be primed to like this. But it always feels like these women are trying too hard.

Then Roger Daltry arrives to induct Peter Frampton and this is how it should be. Underdog inductees should always  inducted by an unquestionably accepted members. Franpton shouldn’t have ever have been an underdog but his teen idol status insured that he would be. I looked over at my brother when Roger Daltry came out and our eyes got big (later that night we had to explain to my Dad who he was and yes my almost 90-year-old parents stayed up to watch the whole show because we were there at it).

Before we left for the show, someone in the house (not me and I won’t say who it was) asked why Peter Frampton was even being inducted. Well, Roger Daltry told us why and it was a great speech. The induction video went on to put his guitar playing on the level with Jeff Beck. And then Peter Frampton did an amazing performance with friend Keith Urban, which impressed even the naysayer above. After his performance, Frampton was helped to the stage (due to his own health problems) and he gave what was maybe my second favorite speech of the night, full of humility and wisdom and the insistence that “Kindness is King.”

Jimmy Buffett

All of my party got up to use the bathroom at this point and to go get snacks. Not me. I did not move. They missed the Big Mama Thorton’s video and the beginning of the Jimmy Buffett’s tribute. Julie was the big Jimmy Buffet fan who initiated me into the two shows I went to and loved. But his tribute was a big letdown. The songs chosen by Kenny Chesney, James Taylor, Mac McAnally and Dave Matthews were all ballads at the exclusion of those festive party songs that were a staple of his live shows. And I love me some Buffet ballads. But the overall feeling of the tribute was of sadness. And it is truly sad that Jimmy Buffet is no longer with us; but I have never left a Jimmy Buffet show feeling sad. I did like how James Taylor explained Jimmy Buffet as a hero in a Greek myth.

Susanne de Passe

Motown’s Susanne de Passe talked forever and forever, ignoring the prompter’s many pleas for her to wrap it up. (We had a good vantage point from which to see the prompter) but she had one good piece of advice, “You have to make “no” your vitamin.”

A Trip Called Quest

The third Cher mention of the night happened when Dave Chapelle (and Randy is a huge Chapelle fan, too)  was inducting A Tribe Called Quest. Fife Dawg’s father, Ward Taylor, introduced his family and ended by saying “Cher, I got you babe: and a wink. And then went on to say, “I am headed to San Jose but I don’t have a GPS. So Miss. Warwick, I need your help” and then he pointed both fingers at Dionne Warwick in the audience. She laughed. (She had returned to the audience after her induction which was nice but I haven’t much else to say about it.)

We all  surmised that Cher was possibly flying home by then but she told Cher she stayed for the whole show.

It was fun to watch Flavor Flav dancing to the great menagerie of old school rappers during the Tribe tribute and I was excited to see Queen Latifa, probably the only rapper I ever got into.

Mary J. Blige

Mary J. Blige’s speech was my favorite. She talked about how, in order to sustain a career, you have to have humility, that life is full of peaks and valleys. How you have to move with grace. Trust the process of your journey. Share your wisdom and love and respect with all who cross your path. She said you don’t need to wait to be perfect. “You are worthy.” Her knowing chuckle was very, very charming. She emphatically thanked her fans.

The Dave Matthews Band

None of us were Dave Matthews fans but the majority of the crowd in that arena were, which is why they were saved for last. They had been a fan fav in the HoF polls for two years. And although I do love the playful and orgasmic sexiness of the song “Crash Into Me” (“I’m the king of the castle, you’re the dirty rascal…please crash into me”), they only played a snippet of that. Julia Roberts inducted them like a giddy fan. I couldn’t get into it.

Due to Julie’s migraine and the five-hour length of the show, we had skipped dinner and were all pretty hungry by 1 am. We went to Happy Dog, a hot-dog bar in Cleveland and had some booze and fancy, creative hot dogs.

For many reasons, a weekend to remember.

Cher Scholar Review of The Memoir

Big Points

I’m not going to rehash the whole new Cher book. It should be read fully to get the feel of the old tales and new revelations. I’m just going to give my overall opinion and point out a few interesting patterns and things.

Apparently there were three ghostwriters and an editor who make weeklong house calls to  Malibu to hash out this thing out over four months. The first one produced a book of facts, the second one got Cher halfway into telling stories she didn’t really want to tell and the last one got her much farther along. Cher says a fourth edit would have been best. To me, this doesn’t sound like a failure of the ghostwriters, just the normal writing process, drafting and drafting, restarting and rejiggering until you get closer and closer until you finally give up and let it be what it is.

The project from the start was a difficult business, how to balance the obscure details fans want and with the big, over-told stories and basic life structure the nonfans need. I wouldn’t want to be the one to do it. Kudos to all the writers who brought this thing into existence, including Cher.

I think they did a fine balance myself. I do know some fans who are frustrated by the watered-down Cher storytelling style or the fact that information is missing. Of course there is a lot of missing information. I have my own list; you’ll see below. But I think those are understandable. Cher gets to decide. And the book ticks all the main boxes for me: it fleshes out her genealogy, covers her music experiences (some more than others), illustrates chosen life stories (much more than I thought we’d get, tbh), what it all felt like. Plus we got a great survey of Cher’s Los Angeles, where she lived and what she loves in L.A. This inspired me to make a map.

And hey, I’ve read all the Cher biographies and this one still felt new to me. It didn’t feel like a rehash of all the previous books. And it remains impressive that Cher had the clout to get a two volume memoir, something only world leaders usually get.

We got way more Sonny stories than I thought we would. As a Sonny & Cher fan this made me very happy. Sonny’s memoir is mostly about Cher and Cher’s volume one is mostly about Sonny. The Sonny story is pretty crucial. We did get much less about Gregg Allman than I thought we would and barely anything about Gene Simmons, and Les Dudek was like a sentence. But we got information on all the boyfriends in-between.

And here’s the thing: the Allman and Simmons eras are very well documented in hundreds of magazines, interview clips and news articles that tracked Cher’s every move during those relationship years and other biographies cover them as well. KISS books alone give copious coverage to the Gene Simmons-Cher relationship (for those third grade St. Louis boys mocking it so much). Allman Brothers Band books likewise give much more coverage of their relationship. And the fact is fewer mainstream readers care about those relationships. Cher’s childhood and genealogy is not covered anywhere and so that information gives us clues into her personality. So if we had to choose between one or the other: childhood should get the ink. And I’ve always maintained that your genealogy works its way up through you in powerful and sometimes unseen ways.

It reminds me of Carol Burnett’s prequel memoir about growing up in Hollywood and living with her grandmother, One More Time (1986). It had nothing about her life in show business, which we didn’t get until her second book came out, Time Together: Laughter and Reflection (2011) . In a sense, Burnett too managed her story over two books.

I feel the same way about the incorrect facts. I do wish there had been some fact-checking for a few things but those are all things we can easily verify elsewhere (which is why fact checking seems like such a no-brainer). For example, as we know very well from last year’s blog posts, Cher’s advice column was not in Tiger Beat. It was in 16 Magazine. Although fans pretend to be aggravated by those finds, I think they are fun to find on some level because it gamifies the book for fans.

And although it was only a sentence, I loved the part where she talked about her fans, that if they don’t like something she tries, they still like her as an artist and person. That’s so important to say because Cher fans are so different and yet so open. And at the end of the day they are fans of Cher and not an accumulation of Cher stuff. I do think some artists would rather just be appreciated for their production. Either they don’t feel much like a person or they don’t want a kind of personal attention or maybe they just want the cash.

But then again, Cher does care an awful lot about the cash, by her own admission. And the reason for that, we can now see, goes back to childhood experiences.

This book reminded me there were a few categories I forgot when I was listing what musical movements Cher was  a part of. I mentioned she was a member of Phil Spector’s Gold Star Studios circle, part of the mid-1960s Southern California Pop scene (with the Mamas and the Papas, the Byrds, the Beach Boys, the Turtles and the Association) and was involved with The Wrecking Crew. But I forgot to mention she was an accidental part of the British Invasion. So weird but true.

And there were two scandals I would have liked to have heard Cher’s perspective on, both taking place during the Gregg Allman era: the Jenny Arness suicide and the Scooter drug trial. It’s hard to know how personal Cher wanted to get but she did give us much more information about the Average White Band/Ken Moss drug party. Cher was also quite candid about her fans (and the rest of America) criticizing her relationship with Gregg Allman and how she felt about it. That coupled with her fan appreciation sentence made me think about all the things fans have been through with Cher.

I made a list.

  • The drug film Sonny made and their sudden subsequent uncoolness.
  • The big style transition from the 60s to the 70s where a bunch of kiddos (enter moi) and old farts jumped on the Sonny & Cher bandwagon to the probable annoyance of existing 1960s fans.
  • Divorcing Sonny.
  • The hookup with Gregg Allman.  (I missed all this because I was in the single digits and didn’t read the news).
  • Dating Gene Simmons and having to endure the whole hiding-in-a- hankey thing but also KISSness in general (and having to hear third grade boys disparage Cher as the Yoko Ono of KISS…and oh the sorrows I have seen!)
  • Black Rose sublimations of Cherness.
  • Epstein-Barr (would we ever see Cher again!?) and the infomercials (I am the oddball fan that loves those probably for the same reason I love Vincent Price on a cooking show).
  • The younger boyfriend  mini-scandals.
  • The occasional verbal missteps that fire up a press but come and go.

Childhood

Although most reviewers wanted to discuss Cher’s experiences with her extraordinary mother, Georgia (and this book was just as much a biography of Georgia as about Cher), I thought Cher did a good job bringing John Sarkisian to life. He had always seemed like a flat villainous character before. I think one of the good things about this book is that it doesn’t try to villainize anybody. Interviews and press liked to draw out the shitty things Sonny did, but in the book people are drawn in their mysterious complexity: Cher’s birth father, her step-father, John Southall, Sonny, and even to a lesser extent Gregg Allman. It’s ironic that she describes Sarkisian as a spoiled youngest son because Cher’s mother was the most unspoiled child as there ever was. How did that even work?

It was also interesting to understand how Cher’s surnames evolved and when they were attached to her and how that affected her identity in odd ways. Pinky Sarkisian is forever etched into my imagination now. It has a lovely internal rhyme.

I appreciate the listing of movie and musical influences, both early and teenage. There were some obscure names in there (obscure now anyway) and it will be interesting to keep thinking about how Cher internalized those influences.

We knew nothing about her step-grandparents before and as it turns out they had a big influence on Cher’s idea of fashion in show business. The button box detail. (There were some great details to bring stories beyond sketches.)

A graphic detail Cher describes a childhood foot injury that she says gives her a “distinctive looping gait “(the Cher strut?) reminded me of the stage foot injury that happened somewhere during the Farewell tour and how much she depends on her feet.

When talking about her family, you got more of a sense of Cher’s feelings about things. This was what I think felt so compelling since she’s usually presenting as such a tough cookie. This especially goes for the very touching relationship between Cher and her sister, Georganne (or Gee). Those moments, in brief snippets, were very moving.

Over and over in this memoir cycle, Cher claimed the usage of “Babe” in “I Got You Babe” went back to her mother’s glam usage of the term. This differs from critics who liked to say Sonny was ripping of Bob Dylan’s 1964 “It Aint Me Babe.”

Cher also brought to life her time studying with Jeff Corey and her first jobs at Robinsons department store and even more detail about working at See’s Candies. And she sorts out all of Georgia’s husbands and lovers for us. That has always seemed sketchy and confusing before. And you can see how disruptive the constant moves become, the patterns that form between Georgia’s upwardly mobile times with her husbands (for the most part) leading to Cher’s glimpses of wealth in Beverly Hills and New York City, in contrast to severe poverty they experienced living in the Valley, where support systems of women took over. You can see these female support systems in Cher’s adult life entourage as well.

Cher’s early viral illnesses also tie into her later struggles with Epstein-Barr Syndrome and Chronic Fatigue.

Cher with Sonny’s parents and daughter, Christy.

Sonny

I believe that for decades Cher has been telling us the truth about Sonny but we just couldn’t hear it. She spells it out as much as possible here. I had no idea the infamous Melissa was gay. That puts quite a spin on Sonny’s ill-fated crush. Cher talks about Sonny’s beautiful hands again. “I just thought this guy was special. Everyone loved Sonny.” She doesn’t recount his childhood as all the other bios do (well enough). She does note that he was kicked out of LA’s Englewood High School for hiring a black band for prom. She sorts through his odd jobs, who his friends were (Sam Cooke, Jack Nitzche), what his music creds were up to that point. I love thinking about Little Richard pretending to hit on Sonny and eliciting an eye roll. Her opinion of their relationships with Phi Spector.

Cher mentions multiple times how Sonny was an avid photographer and took the photo of her standing against the wall at Gold Star Studios. I’m not quite sure which one she means. Which is why it would be good to get a book of Sonny’s photographs someday (maybe sprinkled with some recipes?). Cher says she admired way he “put everyone at ease.”

One of my favorite parts of the book was the listing of locations in Los Angeles, the clubs they went to, the restaurants, the record business hangouts, the houses where they lived. And this part has some of the best, almost unCher-like quips, like her story about how she came to be friends with Sonny and live with him, wrapping it up with  “And that’s how I became the potty-mouthed sidekick to a man 11 years older than me who was in the middle of a divorce. I thought Sonny was the coolest person I’d ever met.”

She doesn’t shy away from discussing all the womens. Sonny would say when women came over, “That’s just Cher. I was just Cher.” And all those women’s attempts to wrestle Sonny into compliance or to wrestle money out of him. Apparently he was dating several women, and not just one who claimed she was  pregnant and wanted abortion money. Cher claims one of these women used the money to get their teeth fixed. Cher also claims Sonny wasn’t really a catch. He had no money and drove a Chevy Monza (in a sentence, how we judge men by their status as indicated by their cars). Cher would sit in the bedroom watching TV or drawing during his escapades. It’s fascinating to think about.

Cher is also pretty honest about her own complicity in slowly losing her autonomy in this relationship, how early illnesses cemented their roles as a woman to be helped and the “macho Sicilian.” Cher says, “I came to feel that he was the kind of guy who’d be there if something bad happened. Before too long, I thought the sun rose and set on his Sicilian ass, even though I knew that I wasn’t his type.” There’s a lot going on in that passage.

“Before too long I began to hero worship my roommate. The feeling wasn’t mutual.”

Cher describes herself as a kid full of phobias and panic attacks and how she evolved from a tag-along to a love interest over time.

And Cher never did expect any high romance. (It was astounding to me how unromantic both of her legal weddings turned out to be.)

Another fascinating character in the book was Uncle Mikey, Georgia’s brother. He was also a very shadowy character in prior books. His highs and lows were fascinating, including the high’s of owning two L.A. nightclubs, The Purple Onion (important to Cher’s story as the first live performance she ever gave) and the Haunted House on Hollywood and Vine, which fans know from the Halloween promotional video where they tour the club and dance. From watching Rifftrax movies, I also recognized the club as the main setting for the movie The Girl in Gold Boots. Cher described it as a “kitschy, goth go-go bar.”

Cher talks about their dogs, Sonny’s aptitude for fatherhood,  (very good, not surprising) and life with both his daughter Christy and also times when Georganne lived or traveled with them. Cher goes more into the Gold Star days than I thought she would. More than even the experiences recording her own albums. Cher doesn’t say much about times spent with Sonny’s family but that she liked his sister Betty. (Fran is the sister who wrote the book about their family’s legal battles, Bono vs. Bono. where family episodes with Cher can be found.)

Cher is faithfully honest about Sonny’s professional attributes (mostly his unwavering belief in Sonny & Cher) and his faults (he started to become controlling pretty early). She admits (similar to many other once  controlled women),  his perceived jealousy and attempts at controlling her “thrilled me because it meant he cared.”

You also come to appreciate how Sonny became Cher’s Dumbo’s feather.

And most of the Sonny section is about how long it took for her to understand that she could support herself both physically, financially and emotionally. She could live without this great love. She could deal with the business of show business herself (with help).

Cher says some of the happiest days of her life were these early years with Sonny when they were living together and working at Gold Star. She details the ups and downs of Sonny & Cher, from the days playing in bowling alleys, roller rinks and later in small nightclubs, who they opened for in the beginning (The Ronettes), who they headlined with (The Beach Boys, The Mamas and the Papas, The Righteous Brothers) and who they fell to the bottom of the bill with after their careers imploded (King Curtis and the Kingpins).

She tells of an early album of covers she did that was scrapped. Oy. All the fans wish we could hear those and other lost tracks. It sounds like “Yes Sir, That’s My Baby” was also a Sonny & Cher, Brian Wilson, Darlene Love, Jack Nietzsche, Jackie De Shannon song under Phil Spector with the moniker of Hale and the Hushabyes,

Without rancor, Cher talks about early players, Coleen and Bridgit, managers Charlie Greene and Brian Stone. Remember they did a tabloid tell-all about Cher in the 1980s that resulted in me sending Cher a fan letter about to Cher telling her how outrageous it was. Cher says those managers were “brilliant liars, committed, charming.” Although she doesn’t believe, for reasons she explains, that the London Hilton episode was pre-planned. she says the managers did spread a rumor that a Saudi Prince had asked if Cher was for sale. How that was supposed to drive record sales, I do not know. (She says the lyrics of Ma Rainey’s “See See Rider” were changed to add a reference to the London Hilton.)

We see the first meeting of Cher and The Rolling Stones. One particularly funny story is about how Mo Ostin accidentally signed Sonny & Cher twice. Cher claims Bob Dylan loved her version of “All I Really Want to Do.” Other accounts say he didn’t like it. The picture of Sonny & Cher with Dylan was taken with Sonny’s camera. Cher explains the difference in stories between later managers Joe DeCarlo and Denis Pregnolato. One helped Cher, one ratted her out. She explains Sonny’s nose job and how his nose was ultimately an illustration of his resilience and strategy.

Cher charts the rise of “this odd little song” that was “I Got You Babe” and how the time in England were more of her happiest days with Sonny, how he told people she was “the missing piece” and they went from being labeled freaks in America to becoming famous overnight in England and returning as a mis-identified part of the British Invasion, with all the hysteria that entailed. Cher says she didn’t know she’d be singing the song for the next fifty years [on and off].

Is it me or is the “Laugh at Me” Martoni’s Restaurant story missing from the book? It seemed such a foundational story about how they were treated by “the establishment.” I wonder why it was omitted. She does talk about the cover up story about the fake Tajuana wedding.

And that she’s known her interior designer Ron Wilson since the Encino house. And he has decorated 19 houses for her over six decades. She’s got her people who are loyal to her, another case in point.

She talked about the unrelenting work: gigs, recording sessions, interviews, TV appearances, no dinners, movies or vacations. Only shopping. But she was torn because all the work meant more time with Sonny. And she says she didn’t like it when TV shows treated them like a novelty act. Cher says she started to become a shadow.

She talks about her relationship with Richard Avadon, the champion of the unusual looking. “We weren’t beautiful in the traditional sense at all.” The squared-off nails pic was from the first session (later they would revisit her nails in another 1970s shoot). She says Avedon and his stylists “made me feel beautiful for the first time in my life.”

Cher talked about her first experience with then-reporter, future Mask director Peter Bogdanovich who reviewed a show they did for Princess Margaret and he said they “howled like coyotes” among other insulting things for his Saturday Evening Post profile.

Cher talks about being an abstainer, like Sonny, but not caring if everybody else imbibed (her mother and uncle did, not to mention Sonny’s prescription usage) so she wasn’t supportive of Sonny’s drug film and she said it hurt their career instantly. “Record sales dropped immediately and offers dwindled.”

Cher admits that “keeping us relevant was a lot of work” and it made Sonny moody. Cher gave him some journals [which Mary Bono sold in 1998 to People Magazine after Sonny’s death] and they often communicated through those pages although she didn’t see, until years later, the moving entry he made on his 33rd birthday.

Enter William Fredkin, who was friends with Sonny, and stories about the movies Sonny & Cher made. This started Sonny down a path of thinking he was a movie maker, getting caught sleeping with his secretary and his jealousy surrounding Stephen Whitaker (no kissing!), Cher’s befuddled co-star in Chastity. She said Harold Battiste read a book on scoring so he could do the movie score for Good Times. Cher also loved the cool jazz version of “I Got You Babe.” [Me too; I played it at my wedding]. Cher seems to have fond memories of making Good Times, which was filmed in their Encino home. She talks about their customized ’64 mustangs (which she looks at every time they come up for auction), how she didn’t believe Sonny would ever get the movie made and once he got the funding she felt like “oh shit.”  She was on the birth control pill and felt chubby during the filming, having gained 15 pounds. She both loved and felt sorry for George Saunders and he was surprised at her classic movie knowledge. She talks about the elephant Margie.  Chastity was a shoestring affair with a 15-person crew. Cher doesn’t name him by name but says the director was a real person who had only done commercials before. They wore their own clothes. Cher admits she could have been offended by the portrait that was inspired by both Cher and her old friend Melissa.

Sonny had many more movie plans, a “Beat Goes On” musical and an animated film. The films were flops, each for different reasons, and this depressed Sonny. The firing of Greene and Stone sounds unpleasant. Cher says she liked Led Zepplin and wanted to change with the times but Sonny was 33 and was determining their direction. She talks about her miscarriages and the funny diagnosis of “an angry uterus.”

Cher took Sonny’s cheating, when she walked in on it, pretty hard. Sonny, like a true narcissist, blamed her for the situation in various conflicting arguments. She said she was “overloaded with sadness” and came to understand her mother had been hearing stories for a while. [But then oddly Georgia often chose Sonny’s side in later years.] Cher lightly goes into conflicts with her mother but it’s vague what the fallings outs were over. Later Cher admits everybody knew about Sonny’s affairs but her.

In the midst of these new relationship issues, Sonny and Cher start moving into the Tony Curtis houses (the St. Cloud house and the Owlwood house or “the big house”) and it’s surprising to know they owned them together at the same time. The Owlwood House on South Carolwood, a famous LA. house has a whole chapter in a book written about it (Michael Gross’s Unreal Estate: Money, Ambition, and the Lust for Land in Los Angeles) and is allegedly one of the biggest money sinkholes in Hollywood due to its gargantuan size (9 bedrooms and Cher said you could “starve to death” trying to find your way to the industrial kitchen). No one seems to hold on to it for very long. So to manage that house and another Bel Air house at the same time is a bit astonishing and shows how much cash flow Sonny & Cher might have had in the early 1970s.

As I said, we get more information about making Phil Spector records than we do Sonny & Cher records unfortunately. The rumor was Sonny’s production process was brutal on Cher, lots of lots of takes. But Cher doesn’t confirm or deny that. Compare this to all the stories we’ve heard around the making of “Believe.” The exception is the story of all the arguments surrounding the making of the Muscle Shoals Jackson Highway album.

SHEFFIELD, AL – MAY 5: Singer and actress Cher takes a break during a session for her album ‘3614 Jackson Highway’ recorded at Muscle Shoals Recording Studios on May 5, 1969 in Sheffield, Alabama. (Photo by Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images)

One of my favorite eras of Sonny & Cher happens to be the nightclub era. This is because it feels like a metamorphosis. Although it was rough, it was also a rethinking of what Sonny & Cher were. Plus it seemed very cinematic in its own way. For example, the contrasting image of a newly glamourous Sonny and Cher in tux and gown making their way through supper club kitchens and waiting behind swing doors for their  cues, navigating the hecklers, the low turnouts, the band, the bad motels, the delight of a baby and toddler, (“Christmas everyday,” Cher’s words) and Sonny’s storytelling, “Good Princess Garbage Who Loved Garlic,”  truly two people with their backs against the wall. Their relationship coming back together through the hardship of small time showbiz, Cher’s wise acre personality finding its way into the show.

The TV Shows

And that all paid off. I was always under the impression that the Nitty Gritty Hour was sort of a pilot episode for The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour and not a first attempt that didn’t go anywhere as Cher describes it.

She reminds us that their summer replacement led into the Henry VIII miniseries (which probably helped). She does list the names of her supporting actors: King, Cullen, Langston, Steve Martin, Teri Garr (who she says was “funny enough to have her own show”). Sounds like Ret Turner and Ted Zeigler were her favorites. She says her hair was a problem until Renata came abord and that she always did her own makeup until Mask. Before doing her solo number, she would always ask stage manager to go find Sonny so he could watch her sing from behind camera and she did this even after their divorce. Recently I found a scrapbook photo of just that backstage moment.

She also explained a big mystery to me: what that Bono Award statue was. What the heck was that? It was an Oscar with large nose and mustache. Ahhh. Oy.

I love the weekly schedule run-throughs. Carol Burnett did this in her book, too. What happened Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, weeks they had to double-up due to concert commitments (50 a year) or recording albums in one week with Snuff Garrett. (Cher admits she doesn’t “like story songs much.” )

Cher talks of being permanently tired but knowing “this is what I was supposed to do” and that it was fun singing “the best song” referring to the Vamp song. Of Sonny & Cher, “that’s all we want to be and that’s what we were.” Besides, she had Sonny in her ear saying “this is our time.”

Little did he know, Cher would take over time itself.

Cher was called at the time one of the top 10 best dressed women in America. Their TV show was in the Top 10. Enter Irwin Spiegel. Sonny starts smoking cigarillos and calling himself El Primo. No one was ever allowed over to “the big house” except on Christmas, Thanksgiving or Chastity’s birthday. (What a waste of all that space!)

It was also interesting to me that Sonny booked them on the Playboy TV show and they accepted gifts from Hugh Hefner (that big lion on the album cover depicting Chastity’s bedroom), but after their separation, Sonny would use her friendship with Hefner to try to say she was an unfit mother in their custody battle. Sheesh, Sonny.

But then Cher meets Paulette in 1972 and this is very crucial to the story. Getting to know Paulette better in the book is very, very important. She’s described as “a breath of fresh air” to Cher. She arrives as the girlfriend of their road manager but eventually becomes Cher’s assistant. She’s worldly in all the ways Cher is not. They swap desires to live each other’s lives. Cher is in a very bad place, not eating, sleeping and by her own admission “needlepointing herself to death.” She has been on the edge, literally, of not one but several balconies. (Oy. Imagine.) She has no control over her life and Sonny is forcing her into a schedule she doesn’t want. She’s watching Paulette and being pulled toward these after-show band hotel-room gatherings Paulette recounts to her. Meanwhile the guitarist has a crush on Cher. It involves a riff and an Etch-a-sketch and it’s where the book slows down remarkably into a veritable suspense story.

So one night in drummer Jeff Porcaro’s room (don’t get me started on the Toto thing, please), Cher breaks ranks and all hell breaks loose. David Brenner is involved, the whole band is involved. Sonny gets dark.

They go on with the show and an episode with The New Seekers, of all people. Cher tells of the Mother Nature skit in that episode in her book. Sonny tells another version of the same story in his. Cher maintains that they were not, in fact, great actors. But that they genuinely enjoyed doing the show and had work chemistry even as they were breaking up. Sonny’s account isn’t identical to this. People who worked on the show wrote about the famous Battling, Bickering Bonos and how Sonny and Cher would go their separate ways immediately after coming off stage.

Which is heartbreaking for all us kid fans who had their imaginations ignited by Sonny & Cher existing that stage ramp with Chastity. What other stage door was so pregnant with meaning as theirs? It’s like we hated to see them leave and had to keep imagining them living life as they disappeared into silhouettes. One of my favorite pictures of them is from a Cher tour book, Sonny & Cher exiting the TV stage with Chastity.

But then as Anthony Kiedis notes in his own memoir, Cher babysat for Sonny’s girlfriend’s kids (Kiedis) during this time. So…it sounds genuinely complicated.

Post Sonny

So the excitement keeps on keeping on after Cher separates romantically from Sonny. For one thing she remarks about “dressing without permission” and I think that’s an important phrase we also heard her use on the book’s speaking tour. Women wearing what they want to wear is one thing, but then braving criticism about it is another. Just the agency to wear WTF you want I think is something we take for granted now. Something men take for granted and something young women also take for granted. Bodily agency is what is being enacted here. And it’s been dismissed (sometimes even by me) as frivolous. It’s not.

Cher also depicts funny post-Sonny moments, like the first time she guffs signing a check with “All my love, Cher.”

We find out that the brother of the guitarist Bill Ham is Cher’s sometimes saxophonist Warren Ham (ex: Black Rose).

And besides lame weddings, the things Cher had to put up with astounded me. Just Bill Ham asking her what movie she wanted to see. David Geffen given her the first valentine’s day gift ever received (she cried). It’s incredible! The 600 cassette tapes she bought because she was finally allowed to explore her own music tastes.

I also found her relationship with Sonny’s girlfriend Connie very interesting. The whole Girls Room thing.

She talks about the affairs with David Paich and mentions the tour with the Toto guys, how she met David Geffen and their early days and all the famous rock stars she got to know through him. And all the movie stars, directors and producers. How Sandy Gallin, Jack Nicholson, Anjelica Hooton and Warren Beaty all kept Cher’s relationship with Geffen a secret as part of Cher’s agreement with Sonny to not be seen in public with another man. Oy vay!

This statement when talking about Geffen thinking she would jump him: “I never made the first move with a guy in my entire life.”

Geffen famously rescued Cher from involuntary servitude with Sonny. That’s all well known. Cher states quite clearly, “Sonny was undoubtedly responsible for making us who we were but…he could never achieved that without my voice.” Cher references having to do this performance after one contract fight.

I did not know Cher had won a Golden Globe for Best TV Actress in 1974. She also won one in 1984 for Best Actress in a Supporting Role (Silkwood) and in 1988 for Best Actress (Moonstruck).

Cher and Joni Mitchell

At Bob Dylan’s famous birthday party she sang “All I Really Want to Do” with him and The Band and, I ididn’t know this, “Mockingbird” with Rick Danko. I wondered how hard it was for Sonny to see Cher’s experience and deep entree into the music business on the arm of David Geffen at that time. She penetrated the in-crowd of the music business in ways he never would. Although even so, the music biz always kept Cher at arm’s length.

She is quite candid about the Average White Band overdose party scandal. “Ken moss told everyone I was being an alarmist.” Wow.

She talks about the struggles with her own solo show after David Geffen stopped helping her get the best musical guests (because he was mad she left him for Gregg Allman which is understandable).  There were the censors who “read sex into everything,” the fact that the show was up against The Wonderful World of Disney.

She was at the Troubadour to see Etta James when she met Gregg Allman. The story is pretty funny. She was there with Geffen, Paulette, and Tatum O’Neal (she references O’Neal a bit dismissively, there’s probably an untold story or two in there). Allman’s friend Chank gave Cher a note that started with, “dear enchanted lady” and ended with his phone number. There’s no mention of a finger sucking in this retelling of their first, disastrous date. The second date entailed dancing and went much better. Cher’s take of the Allman Brothers Band is that they were jealous and undermining of Gregg. She admits it was a mistake to have him come on her show, a “lose lose” proposition for everyone. She says the wedding was “not romantic” and there was no honeymoon and he “was gone the next morning”…which strikes me as a more egregious move than leaving his “dope kit” behind. Cher says it was hard to make these mistakes as “the most famous woman in America.”

Her show then went up against The Six Million Dollar Man during its second season and that show was a phenomenon. (Sonny guest starred on it, to add insult to injury.)

She didn’t see much of Gregg during the reboot of The Sonny & Cher Show, she says. He was kind of miffed about the whole thing, thought he was being made a fool of. I can see his point of view. The birth of Elijah seems very dramatic as it fell in between Allman’s rehabs. I forgot after reading the book the whole complicated story and if Allman was even there for it or not (he was and it sounded very moving; he named Elijah). But it Sonny who was on the road with Cher for many of Elijah’s milestones in hotel hallways (similar to the toddlership of Chas). This explains why during Cher’s Take Me Home tour we saw all those photographs Cher said Sonny took of Elijah.

Cher says it was a surprise to find out The Sonny & Cher Show was cancelled while she was on the road with Sonny. That’s surprising to me too considering the last show seemed so…well final.

Cher said it was her idea to drop her name from Allman and Woman and that her favorite track on it is “Do What You Gotta Do.”

The Gene Simmons section is even shorter than the Allman part (could they have warranted a chapter each?) but Cher tells the story of the $2,800 phone call he made to her from Japan. Simmons was really good with her kids, she says, giving KISS-fan Chasity lots of memorabilia, giving Elijah his first guitar and teaching him how to swim. Life in a bandana was a problem, though, as it turns out. It was hard to have a private life with paparazzi inside every restaurant. It’s very hard to eat pasta with a bandana on.

The rest of the book is about the Black Rose / Take Me Home Tour eras which included the factoid that Michael Keaton was the opening comedian for the Take Me Home shows, Cher’s affair with Les Dudek while working on Black Rose and Cher’s failed attempts to break into acting or even get an acting agent, despite being in the lucky position of having actors, producers and directors as friends. She only got encouragement from Shelly Winters and Francis Ford Coppola (who used to play cards with Sonny at the Encino house). She said Jack Nicholson got her the audition with Mike Nichols for The Fortune and she tells the story about why A Star Is Born didn’t happen.

She lists out the names of her dancers who all died of AIDs while only in their 30s. She also talks about her new assistant (after Paulette left to be with Dickey Betts), how Deb Paull had no experience but was crucial in helping Cher get over her stage freight before the new tour, her first without Sonny, shows where the mic went out, the fire alarm went off and how she broke Sinatra’s attendance record and cab drivers would recommend the show to tourists.

The books literally ends with all the reasons Cher was getting movie role rejections: she was too old, too ethnic, too tall, too typecast as Cher, and had a punchline for a personal life. It’s a great place to end the first book.

The Possible Movie

As I said in a previous post, I think this book contains the synecdoche that represents the whole of Cher’s life, an era that defines the other eras.

The early 1970s journey back from being rock stars and those supper-club indignities feel like a very tactile beginning, their traveling nucleus,  their backs-against-the wall bonding through small tours. A movie could allude to everything that came before. Big concerts and tv shows never film as well. They always come across as flat and kitschy. With live shows, you very literally “had to be there.” These times on the road feel very 1970s, and also very A Star Is Born. (Which, by the way, Sonny and Cher track better to A Star is Born than Cher and Gregg Allman do.) It’s also interesting that when things were bad professionally, Sonny and Cher became good again personally.

Casting is always tricky with both Sonny and Cher. Imitations always collapse in flat cartoonishness. Which is egregious considering Cher is one of the most multi-dimensional people in show biz people. The actors should be cool but not publicly understood as cool. Steve Buscemi is a good example I always give. Before their time people. Under the radar people. Despite being right there. (Which reminds us of Sonny’s idea that being before your time is as bad as being behind your time.) They don’t even need to look like Sonny or Cher. It can be an allegory.

The core action is Cher leaving Sonny. That wasn’t the hard part of the memoir to write for nuthin. It pretty much is the movie. It’s the most dramatic sequence in the book by far. Because the first hard thing you have to do is the hardest hard thing you will ever have to do. This is  Cher’s first quintessential solo battle. It’s where the character discovers her strength.  And nothing afterwards could happen if this didn’t happen. And it was emotionally hard to happen. It was physically hard to happen. It was professionally hard to happen. It was a confluence of a lot of things. And that release of tension would release this very large Cher character into the world.

Meeting Paulette is also important to the story, her worldliness and independence and interactions with the band.

The most dramatic thing is this before and after Cher. Plus it’s about Sonny & Cher, arguably the most charismatic coupling ever. Even Cher will say there will always be Sonny & Cher. Sonny even said something similar on Bob Costas, how a magic seemed to happen when they got together, a frenzy.

At their story’s resolution, the Cher character launches into another life and amazing things the movie can allude to but things most of us  already know.

 

Memoir Archaeology

A playlist of TV show performances Cher specifically references in the book made by Cher scholar Alex:
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL4KcrHavQ0W-ONF7b3T0Yi2Qd2DcEwOK6&si=EvWJ4a9nLpBMSyyy

This LA map of Cher locations I made:
https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/0/edit?mid=1msdsjnHHDIPBDyabT2p31zs-ukvqYoY&ll=34.09008937559771%2C-118.38576864999999&z=10

The Memoir TV Appearances

First of all, I’m sorry but this is going to be long. Very long. I don’t have the energy to break it up into multiple posts. Cher did quite a few appearances on television and podcasts, live interviews and Sirius Radio to promote her new memoir, part 1. Which seems to be paying off because the book has topped the New York Times Best Seller list for something like four to six weeks now. And the interviews are interesting for the different angles they explore on the book and because she, in some cases, elaborates on points from the book or they bring up new stories untold in the book.

In the print interviews, there were typical words that would recur: most commonly grit and gutsy. This reminded me of a Cher Zine article I did for Cher Zine 3 in 2011 called “Synonyms for Strong.” I had been a part of a news group years earlier and it had a questionnaire for new fans and I saved them for data review plus the same survey to some non-fans I knew.  Words used to describe Cher were the most interesting part of the study: words like tenacity (ability to survive, survivor, determined, re-invention, resilience), non-conformity was the next popular word (does what she wants, doesn’t care what people think, is not playing the game, is true to herself), third was her bold attitude (boldness, uninhibited, gutsy, courageous, has guts, has moxie, is straight-forward, spunky, tells it like it is, outspoken, speaks her mind) and finally the term self-confidence (self-esteem, tramp but she loves it). All were strong adjectives.

What I find interesting about the TV and podcast interviews is how most of the interviewers ask Cher when her next album is coming out and not when her next movie is coming out. Maybe this is because she’s been attached to so many movies that never got made, that movies for her are now so rare, or because, although she’s a much more acclaimed actress, it’s the music we want.

Here are some of the highlights of those 15 or so interview appearances (that I saw).

CBS Sunday Morning (17 November 2024)

Cher says she felt like she spent half of her adult life writing the book, that it took three drafts and only the last one was close to being right, a 4th draft would have been better. “Like me.” This is the first interview where she talks about how the first drafts were bad because they were just an encyclopedia of facts you could look up (first draft) or because she didn’t want to say much (second draft). She finally felt she had to “do it or give the money back.” She wanted to tell stories but “didn’t have a burning desire” to do the book. As with most of Cher’s projects, she admits she was lured in by the idea that “it would be fun.” But it was instead a lot of work. Some things, like her relationship with Sonny, were hard to explain. And she agonized about those things. She insists here and in other interviews that their television show was not fake affection, even as they were splitting up. But rather it was the only place Sonny and Cher could find peace,  (or Cher could, at any rate), as their relationship deteriorated due to Sonny’s lack of personal interest in the personal relationship and his increasing interest in the business of show business. The show, from Cher’s point of view, was always fun. Cher felt a sense of relief when they were working and more of a sense of equality there because acting came so much easier to her than to Sonny.

Cher then goes into the childhood chapters, how some of her childhood history she didn’t know for many years (the orphanages, the living with caregivers for extended periods, not living with her mother until she was three). Her first memory was of a Bambi highchair. She says she was more surprised by learning of her early shaking beginnings and how her friend Paulette saw the picture of Cher in the orphanage (Cher’s mom Georgia could show it to Paulette but was never able to show it to Cher). The unknown experienced caused a fear of abandonment she’s had her whole life (admitting she is the person to leave most of her relationships first) and a fear of waking up and not knowing where she is. How ironic, Cher says, that she picked a job where she wakes up in different places most of the time. Cher talks about the hard times living with her mother, how she had to be a grownup from the beginning and yet was also really childish. She calls this her “split personality,” how she can still be savvy and naive at the same time. “I was watching and understanding everything…in a childish way.” She says she saw the fights, the chaos but also the fun and the beauty. She talks about how her love of clothing developed from her mother’s friends, “balls to the walls women” who “the moment they got with a man they got stupid.” (Oy.)  She says of her step-dad, “I loved my Dad. I loved him. They were good for each other in one way and so wrong in another. So in love they were both beautiful he was jealous he was flirtatious he had a drinking problem and violent temper.” She said they had to be on guard and hyper-vigilant because “one drink would be the end of everything.”

Cher talks about meeting Sonny who was wearing a mohair suit, mustard color shirt with a white collar and his Cuban (or Beatle) boots. “He was kind of childish. He got to be real with me. I didn’t expect anything. I didn’t want money. Women his age wanted him to be grownup.” She talks about arts and crafts they would do. “Those ladies didn’t want to do that.” She says Sonny was the first person (other than her mother) who thought Cher could be a singer. She talks about being relegated to the chorus in a Junior High production of The Mikado because she was too high for male parts and too low for girl parts. Cher talks about how she was Sonny’s pal at first, just a kid and how she lied to him a few times about her age. And what she felt for him she never again felt for anyone else. “It wasn’t passionate. I just loved him. He could get away with anything. He was different than anyone else and he made me laugh. We had a dream and we started to try to find this dream. He wanted to be the producer and me to be the artist. I didn’t want that. He had tried to be an artist himself and couldn’t do it.” She admits Sonny might have only been pretending stardom was achievable for them. But that ultimately she believed in his belief. “I’m not sure he knew it. I don’t know with him. His faith made you believe. He would propel me and I would go kicking and screaming.” Harry Smith talks about how well their voices blended and Cher admits “He had the worst voice. Mine wasn’t that much better. I didn’t learn how to sing until 15 years ago.” [Many people during these interviews, including me, contend that Cher’s organic, imperfect voice was just fine, maybe even better.]

Cher talks about how Sonny had to find his way in comedy, how he never learned the script or the songs like she would. He would “crash or fall through it. Then we stared laughing and that was his character.” Smith asks her about the phenom of “The Beat Goes On.” He means “I Got You Babe.” Cher again says, “What belongs to you comes to you.” That leads to talk of the lean times and how Sonny and Cher didn’t know anything about money or taxes. And how you shouldn’t bankroll your own movies. She talks about how the comedic Sonny & Cher schtick began with her banter with the band. “They laughed. Then Sonny laughed. Then the audience laughed. Sonny knew there was something there and we started working on that. It took a long time to get that material. I could kind of be who I was onstage. Not so much off.” Then the TV shows. “Freddie Silverman believed in us….People loved it, loved us” but Cher didn’t know it. She was too busy working. She tells the Sax Fifth Avenue perfume department story where she walked through with the show costume designer, Ret Turner, and “everyone just stopped talking” and Turner said, “This is TV famous.” But then  Sonny started to change, smoking cigars, saying things like “run along.” It took Cher a long time to figure out that Sonny stopped caring about her as a wife. She admits Sonny wasn’t jealous. “He had a million women.” She says she didn’t know. “Of course not.” She tells the story about finding him with another woman when he was working on their movie Chastity. Cher reports that he wasn’t faithful to any of the women he was with. But, just as others have said throughout the years, Cher loved Sonny in spite of everything. They were oddly inseparable. “You couldn’t cut it with a chain saw, our relationship. He couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t understand it. I tried my best to explain it.”

Talk then moves to David Geffen, “the sweetest, most fun. most thoughtful boyfriend she ever had.” It was Geffen who dug out her contracts with Sonny and tried to extract her from them. Cher explains how she convinced Fred Silverman at CBS not to pick up the contract on the show in 1974, thereby ending her obligations to work for nothing. Cher then talks about how over the years she asked Sonny in a variety of ways why he cut her out of the earnings entirely. But he was never able to explain why, other than she would leave him some day. [I wonder if this was his way of saying he needed all the money he could get before his days in show business were over.] They move on to Gregg Allman. “I was madly, madly, madly in love with him. He was so sweet and so gentle and so wonderful and he was a heroin addict. I went through a lot with him but we loved each other.” Cher says that at the end Allman’s best friend told her she were the one. Cher says throughout it all, Allman kept trying. She says if you’re a musician and your boyfriend is a musician, there’s a special essence to the relationship, “a spirit beyond being in love.” Cher admitted she wanted to go back to working professionally with Sonny. But America didn’t go for it. “People didn’t like that we weren’t married and that I was with Gregg. His people hated it and my people hated it.” Cher says her early recording days were “not a good time for female artists,” that she never got to choose her songs and that being a solo artist felt not that much different from being a background singer. “Girls run along. There wasn’t much getting control . It took me a long, long time. Even now I make blunders.” “Doesn’t everybody,” Smith asks. Cher says, “I’ve been in the business too long. I shouldn’t be making any blunders. I’m so trusting. I shouldn’t be.”

The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon (18 November 2024) – Interview clipskit

Fallon introduces her by saying, “there’s only one Cher. Icon, legend. (Those pants!) Cher comes out to a standing ovation and asks either innocently or cynically, “Is there a sign that says stand up?” Fallon and Cher do a funny Irish dancing skit. During the interview Fallon talks about his prior ideas for her memoir titles: I Got Scoops Babe, Over-Chering, Breath of Fresh Cher and how he was disappointed with the final result. Cher again talks about parts of her life she wanted to guard, how life is much more complicated than she could explain. Fallon calls Cher “just the coolest. You’re a trailblazer,” how after her failures she reinvented herself. She argues with this. She tells the childhood runaway train story, about how Sonny & Cher couldn’t get traction in the United States because of the way they looked. Of Dia Lupa and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame performance, “I love her. She’s so nice. We hit it off like crazy.” It is here that I learn that Fallon’s house band, The Roots, were the band at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame  ceremony. (This makes sense of the comment I didn’t understand that night. More on that later.)

A few days later, on Thanksgiving, Cher again reappears to do a skit with Fallon where they play The Turkettes, turkeys singing Cher songs.

 

We Can Do Hard Things podcast with Glennon Doyle (19 November 2024)

I had just read Untamed. As the podcast begins, Glennon, Abby (her wife) and her sister Amanda sing “Turn Back Time” together. They say they’re breathless with excitement, called Cher “so warm and wonderful.” They’ll focus on emotionally abusive relationships, Chaz coming out and Tina Turner. “The whole thing is so beautiful” Glennon says and calls Cher a “joyful, beautiful person.” They introduce her as “Cher, the icon.” Glennon said she loved the book, it was “so personal” and tells Cher, “it’s such a gift to learn about you as a person.” Glennon talks about memoir writing and “telling the truth while honoring your people.” Of Cher’s book, she says it was “beautifully done.” They talk about how Cher lost herself a bit with Sonny. But Cher quips that she “was 16 and didn’t have much of a self to lose.” They talk about how forgiving Cher is. And how Sonny struggled early on in the TV show and basically became “ a character who didn’t study his lines.” [In some ways I think Sonny made a better rock star than Cher in that way.] Glennon points out that on the show Cher was “allowed to exist in your Cherness.” Cher said “onstage we were equals. He needed me more than I needed him. Offstage, he was not interested in me being a human at all.” Cher talks about how suicidal thoughts happen when your vision narrows and options seem fewer. The task is to figure out wider options you can’t, at the moment, see. Cher says it never before occurred to her she could leave Sonny. She met him when she was sick and he took care of her and it stayed like that, just gradually worsening into a controlling state. “I never thought to rebel.” But she even forgives herself, “I wasn’t ready until I was ready.” They talk about Chaz being born and how “it lifted me up” and the TV show “lifted me up.” “I wish it hadn’t taken so long.” They talk about advice for women in abusive situations, “If you can’t get out, tell a friend, your mom, get out anyway.”

They then discuss Cher’s current boyfriend, Alexander. Cher says, “it’s very settled. We talk about music, friends, hope, God, desires, Slash, our love of things.” Cher says she’s more willing to argue, “I’m good at conflict, I’ve had it longer and I love him. He thinks he gives more. I think I give more.” Cher talks about the things she learned from her real father “Johnnie” Sarkisian (to differentiate from her step-dad, the man she calls her real father, sister Georganne’s dad, John Southall),  They talk about the last time Cher lost her temper (first answer was with her sister and then she remembers a story about a road manager who shut the door on one of the road crew and how Cher exploded. They talk about her acting career. Cher said she loved Broadway matinees and she compares acting (getting small inside and letting things come out, an internal thing) and singing (let your voice come out). Cher demurs that she’s not an example of courage, “just moving forward, never thought of it as courage.”

The Today Show (19 November 2024)

They introduce Cher as an icon with six decades of songs, anthems all around the world, a TV legend, a movie star, a fashion luminary. Hoda Kotb notes that Cher is always 100% unapologetically herself. Cher says, “It was a journey…when I was 27, I was 16.” At 78, “what are they gonna do to me now?” Cher talks about stories of the orphanage. In different interviews and stories, it seems the political figure changes who rescues Cher back to her mother. It’s a congressman here. She talks about how Sonny dressed so well, the bracelet watch he was wearing when they met and how he had the “most beautiful hands and fingers I’d ever seen.” Cher says “fuck” on TV again during the Eastern Feed after Hoda oddly encourages her to and then frets about it after it happens. She initially says, “we’ll bleep it.” Cher says she stayed friends with Sonny “until before he married Mary I guess.” She talks about how David Geffen and John Sykes helped get her into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. She says her greatest achievement is her children and “not giving up.” She says Katharine Hepburn told her “it gets greater later.” And Cher repeats that “what belongs to you comes to you.”

The Howard Stern Show (20 November 2024)

This was a fascinating interview to me. Stern had been really harsh on Cher after her eulogy to Sonny and I never would have imagined she’d appear on his show. But to Stern’s credit, he’s never intimidated by his guests and pushes them beyond initial answers, which always makes for a more quality conversation.

The interview jumps right in asking Cher about her interactions with Joni Mitchell while Mitchell was living with David Geffen during the making of Court and Spark. And this is also the benefit of a Stern interview, he asks about the cool stuff everyone else ignores. Stern says he can relate to Cher’s mother dramas and “the suffering Olympics.” He indicates her mom might have issues and Cher answered that her mother’s childhood was so horrible. He pushes and they spar on ideas. “<om would go dumb with men,” Cher said, “go Republican if he was.”

Stern admits he both “loved and wanted to strangle Sonny” while reading the book. “Sonny Bono should be in Rock and Roll Hall of Fame” and Cher answers “oh yeah.” They talk about the therapist story (sonny getting intel on Cher through her therapist) and Stern calls it out about how often Cher forgives people (we’re seeing it happen in real time). “You’re so kind to people,” your spirit.” Cher talks about how she felt protective of Sonny during their David Letterman appearance (not distant as Sonny relayed in his book). “He was going there in an emotional way” and Cher felt protective.  Stern says he was shocked by her background. When Cher says The Wizard of Oz was a favorite movie, Stern quips, “Sonny was the wizard of Oz”  and admits he understands that Sonny “really was the color in your life.”

In deeper ways, Stern asks questions about the days with Phil Spector, The Wrecking Crew. Cher admits, “I never had a plan in life” when talking about time with the Spector crew. Sonny told her, “You’re getting a college education,” Cher calls Eartha kit “mesmerizing and wanting to be like Elvis. Her fandom of Bob Dylan, but “All I Really Want to Do” being a monotonous song. She claimed Dylan “loved our version” (over The Byrds’), said it was the best one. Sonny really loved it.” Stern reminds Cher she has sold over 140 million albums. They talk about Sonny’s initial push and how Cher was happy for him to make the decisions. Stern acknowledges that Cher “tried not to make him a villain. Geffen is the real hero of the book.” Cher talks about the musicality of her grandfather, her love of Hank Williams, her lack of musical agency in her career and how girls don’t “take that shit” anymore, how she didn’t know “I Got You Babe” would be a hit but she knew “Believe” would be. She says she wishes she had kept the cleaner shirt cardboards Sonny wrote his songs on. Who would think to but a basson and an oboe in a pop song, Cher says. “Sonny Bono should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,” Stern says again. Cher says, “Well, yeah.” She recounts how Sonny would sing his songs to their arranger Harold Battiste, who was a genius. Later Cher talks about this again, how Sonny would sing his “crazy ideas” to Harold Battiste who would come up with an arrangement. Cher says “Philip did same thing with Jack Nitzsche. “sing down” ideas.

She says that The Rolling stones hated LA. All they met were “suits,” business people. They saw Jack Nitzsche and Sonny and felt they had found their people. They met Sonny & Cher at the Beverly Hilton lobby and began chatting Cher up. Sonny said “That’s my wife.” [But she wasn’t yet.] Cher tells us that Sonny had camera at the London Hilton as they were being told they had no reservation and he took a photo of their names on the register. [Can we get a book of Sonny’s photographs?]

Cher claims S&C had five songs in top 20, something only Elvis and the Beatles had done up to that time. She laments that out of 600 people, there are only 90 women in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. She says she is happy to be in there “with all these people I respect.” Stern complains that she should have had a meatier induction speaker than Zendaya (although they like her). Cher defends the Hall of Fame broadcast. “For them it was about TV.” Stern asks her who would have been meaningful to you, Paul McCartney, the Stones? Cher says “Jimi Hendrix – he would have been the one.” She then tells her Madison Square Garden story about meeting him. Stern says, “You love musicians” and then goes into interviewing Gregg Allman whom Stern calls a genius. Like Cher, Stern doesn’t imbibe and they talk about drug usage in rock music. Cher says, “They think its gonna make them happy” and that Allman was wonderful person, sweet and smart and funny. Stern is offended on behalf of Cher for Allman’s nickname for her, Chooch (which he says is slang for vagina). Cher contends Allman “meant it in a loving way. (This is weird, Cher defending Gregg Allman sexism to Howard Stern).

Stern admits the obvious, that every guy fantasied about having sex with Cher and that he personally was embarrassed to watch the Sonny & Cher shows in front of parents. This is something I really like about Howard Stern, how he says what few other men have the guts to say, he has the big balls to be honest even if its potentially embarrassing). Stern compares her solo outfits to a kind of strip show. Cher says Sonny was opposed to skimpy outfits because there were 27 million people watching. She talks about Sonny not letting her play music and after leaving him visiting Tower Records in LA where she bought a bunch of Stevie Wonder records.

“The Beat Goes On” Stern says, “that’s a really good song.” Cher says that song was unusual in that she did her vocal for it first, not like in other duets where they would be standing together. They talk about the Carol Kaye bass line, how she was the only women in The Wrecking Crew and the boys were always trying to fuck with her but she wasn’t having it.

They talk about “Gypsies Tramps and Theives.” “I don’t hate it; I have respect for people who love it. I wasn’t a decent singer until a few years ago. The song was picked out for me. I was told to do it….Nobody cared what I thought.  [I often compare this to other singer’s stories about being asked to sing songs they don’t like and how they had agency to rewrite or rearrange those songs.] They admit “Half Breed” would never be released today. Cher says she doesn’t like her voice on it. Stern says, “I think you sound fabulous” but Cher says she had a hard time sustaining a high note and her tongue would stiffen. She said that produced a “weird sound” and that when she hears the song, “I cringe.” She says the song “I Got You Babe” was manifesting what she and Sonny used to dream about. They talk about the odds of having a hit song, how more talented people do not. Often it entails a special quality. They talk about some of the varied guests on the TV shows: Muhammad Ali, Tina Turner, Kris Kristofferson, Truman Capote, Bob Hope, the Jackson 5,  how she was named one of the10 best dressed women in America. They talk about the road blocks she faced trying to get into acting, how even having the most important friends, “as high as you could go,” didn’t help.

Stern reminds Cher that “Sonny’s show tanked and Cher says, “I didn’t want him to fail. He was hysterical,” funny, that “without Sonny, there would be no Cher.” “Stern asks Cher if she was blasé about the musical career?” Cher says “I am a fabulous girlfriend” as they start talking about Gene Simmons. Stern imagines “guys expect fabulous sex” from Cher and she quickly says, “and they get it.” [Interview highlight, right there.] Of all her boyfriends, Cher says only Val Kilmer left. “I was madly in love with him.” Stern wonders if there is only room for one star? Cher says, “Not true.” They talk about the talent of Gregg Allman, how there were great times and how he was “lovely, interesting and fun and horrible…one of the best singers ever” [I can’t get there]. Stern says her male fans were “outraged he has you. No one should have you.” Cher admits, “They hated us.” Of their duet album Cher says, “he was great. I hated what I did. I was running to catch up with him. I was intimidated.” She says it was not a horrible experience.

Cher says Val Kilmer helped her prep for her movie Mask. Stern says her best ‘fuck you’ was her acting career. Cher talks about how nobody is ever allowed to cross from music to movies and about watching the Silkwood movie trailer in Westwood trailer where the audience stared laughing. Cher says it was “so real” and how her sister stared crying and Cher had to bite her cheek. Then she was nominated for an Oscar. Cher says the nominations are always a surprise. You’re just doing your work, your job. They struggle to remember who won best supporting actress that year and finally come to Linda Hunt.

Cher talks about fighting for Nicholas Cage in Moonstruck. In her mind, he was the only one who could say, “Chrissy, give me the big knife.”[Ok, I see her point now about that.] Cher says if she starts looking at other guys, the relationship is over. “Nobody calls me Cher.” Stern remarks on her nicknames for everybody: Philip, Gregory. She says her sister calls her Stupid, Gene called her Puppy, David called her Sweetheart, Alexander says Baby, Gregory Chooch. [They don’t mention Sonny but he did make shirts and hers was Prima Donna.] He reminds Cher she’s had 17 top 10 hit, #1 hits in 7 decades. She says she  stayed for whole Rock and Roll Hall of Fame program. [Even I had thought he had left.] Stern said he assumed she was the first performer so she could go home and go to bed. Cher said it was a TV show; they know who to put on.” She didn’t force them to let her go first so she could leave.

I was wondering if Stern’s prior comments about Cher would be addressed. The mea culpa came at the end. Cher says she hadn’t wanted to do the interview. She’s rather “eat glass” she thought. She wasn’t going to come on. She said she had heard he had said some mean things about her. Stern says, “I’m sorry. I’m a better man now. I was really fucked up. I’m a pain in the ass.” Then he says he voted for her to be inducted. That he was the speaker for Bon Jovi’s induction. So he apologized and said “I’m contrite.” They talk about Richie Sambora. Stern asks her about musical highlights and she talks about opening for The Beach Boys beach boys, meeting the Beatles, that Bob Dylan blew her away, and she finishes with the John Lennon Harry Nilsson story at the Playboy Mansion.

An Evening With Cher: In Conversation With Harry Smith in New York (20 November 2024)

This was the first of Cher’s traveling “talks” about her book. It was also the only one posted in full online. Cher says she never understands why people stands up when she comes on stage. She and Harry change places. “You’re beautiful” and Cher jokes that it “only took three hours.”  Cher said her Dickinsean, Steinbekian childhood will make a good movie, her skid row mom whose father took her to Hollywood to be the new Shirley Temple. She admits Michael McDonald is her woulda, coulda, shoulda. She says she is a good girlfriend, monogamous, funny sweetish, I’m really good, very supportive. Smith says, “to a fault.“ In reference to a picture of Sonny, Cher says “he hadn’t had his nose job yet.” Cher talks about early living with Sonny, how “girls kept coming over and calling all the time” but that he could be playful with Cher who was just happy to be hanging out with him.

Smith talks about how “All I Wanna Do” turned into a duet. He means “Baby Don’t Go.” Cher admits she doesn’t know her address or phone number. She says, “It’s the house with all the palm trees.” (Seriously, that’s what I used to tell my touristing friends who happened up through Malibu). She talks about how much fun Carol Burnett was, how they were both Tauruses. They kid about her name drops: Richard Avedon (I had such a huge crush on him), Jackie Kennedy. She talks about how Sonny played the roles of father, brother, husband, partner and how there were many girls, how he cheated on those girlfriends with one night stand. She talks about the big breakup that started with Sonny’s signing of a three-year contract in Las Vegas. Cher says she asked Sonny for 50% after the breakup and he refused. Cher talks about the journal she bought Sonny, [some of which are in his own memoir and some Mary Bono sold to a People Magazine months after he died.]

They then take audience questions. The first is about Cher being a gay icon. Cher says they both feel like outsiders. Someone asks if she could go back a decade, when would it be. She says the 1980s were fun but she’s having a great time now. Right after leaving Sonny was both joyous and rough. Someone asks her about her West Side Story performance. She talks about discussing it with Art Fisher who was a genius with chroma key, ahead of his time. She says she was a better singer and actress later, indicating maybe she wishes she had waited to do it later. Another question is which Bob Mackie costume is her favorite. She says the Met Gala dress. What is the biggest misconception the public has about her. She says, “I’m really shy when I’m not working” and that performing is a “way to express myself without having to be vulnerable. I know a lot of actors are shy. It’s one of the reasons we do what we do.” She says singing and dancing is like going to a party at someone else’s house, it’s more fun. Acting is like hosting the party at your own house. The next book will cover her acting career. She says she knew all the studio executives, Jack, Angela, Warren, Mitchell, but couldn’t get a job. When she moved to New York, she lived at 4th and Broadway. She says she doesn’t dress up at home. “I am so ratty at home.  I don’t want to be Cher at home.” Smith pronounces “our undying gratitude for you being you.” Cher quips, “who else would I be?” Smith assures her the book is quite amazing. “Maybe you’ll read it.” Cher jokes, “maybe when I’m old.”

Live with Kelly and Mark (22 November 2024)

It’s Cher Day! Kelly says as she remarks on the buzz and excitement not seen there since the president came. Mark says, “there is more people than I’ve ever seen here.” Cher walks to shake hands with the audience. She’s wearing an oversized gray suit with a hanging chain. Kelly says the book “moved me in ways I can’t express. It was so expansive” Kelly says she can tell Cher doesn’t enjoy talking about herself. Cher says, ”people get mad, upset, sad” and say, “what’s the matter with you, Bitch.” Cher calls bullshit on her reputation for reinvention. “It’s not giving up. I want to keep going.” Kelly jokes about wanting Sonny & Cher to be her birth parents. (were my fantasy parents, too) and about Chastity: “That bitch is living my life.” (I didn’t think that but I wanted to be older than Chaz for some reason and was crestfallen to learn I was four months younger). Kelly says the variety shows set an example for working mothers. They talk about how Sonny was very strict. It took me a long time, Cher says. “A house had to fall on my sister. I don’t have a temper. By the time I was done I was done. I still liked…loved him. We had so much fun with each other.” Kelly defends “Dark Lady.”

 

Cher in Conversation with Darlene Love in New Jersey (22 November 2024)

Cher in Conversation with Stephen Fry in London (25 November 2024) –

These were available online for only a short time while I was in Oakland and I couldn’t get a chance to watch them before they were taken down. Boo.

The Graham Norton Show (30 November 2024)

Cher says she tripped up the stairs in her pants on the way out. We start with Josh Brolin’s story about how backstage Cher confused him with his father, James Brolin who was in her movie Burlesque for a minute. Cher says “I had so much fun that day.” Brolin complains that his dad is like 130 years old. Cher says, “So am I.”  Kiera Knightly is also on and she plays “Believe” on her teeth. Cher amazes at how she hits the notes. Later Cher will tell Knightly that she looks good in her new show and Knightly says “thank you, Cher” with a thrilled look on her face. Cher is surprised Graham read the book. Cher tells women and girls not to give up. They talk about how S&C were huge music stars and Cher says the London Hilton story was not a publicity stunt to her knowledge. [Some bios have said that it was.]  Cher says her first interview were in England. She says she is bad she is with numbers. “Someone has to add up my Gin score.” [Funny that because I just had a family reunion in Joshua Tree and could also not add up my scores. I am not dyslexic. I am just numbers dumb (as my family reminded me a million times in the last few weeks but there are many different types of intelligences: visual, musical, mathematical, logical, emotional) and Mr. Cher Scholar’s cousin kept adding up my scores before I could every attempt to do it during a dice game.] Cher keeps saying “there was no dyslexia in those days” and what she means is the diagnosis.  You can tell Cher likes Josh. He tells good Goonies stories. Goonies is the only reason I like Josh Brolin (oh and Flirting with Disaster). This episode is less a four person conversation than last year’s couch with Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks. Cher tells about her first career nadir, when her “records started dive bombing” and Sonny & Cher went from performing in arenas (first she says stadiums at first….not that big) to just four people in a bar. “Now I’m an icon and legend” she jokes sardonically. They talk about how S&C had no fan boundaries in the 1960s (Sonny told stories himself about inviting fans into the house and Cher talks about this in the book), Fans would dress like Cher and storm the stage and try to rip their clothes off. There was a Cow Palace fangirl, Cher says, who tried to pull off Sonny’s moccasins, one which had his wallet in it. “They wanted a part of you.” Josh talks about reading Cher’s book (or hearing about it) and compares his childhood to hers, both the fun and craziness of living with his mom and the chaos and Cher’s mom. He talks about his memoirs. Cher interjects with “You’re more interesting than I thought.” (Cher’s has been saying a version of this a lot in this round of interviews: Howard Stern, Jimmy Kimmel). “You could be my boyfriend.” This makes the crowd laugh. Josh freezes and says “Let me take that in” and looks at Graham and says “I don’t remember your question and I don’t care.”  Josh talks about his drug history and Cher talks about her Benzedrine story. Josh says he discovered he needed the chaos the drugs created. Cher answered that “I’ve created chaos without drugs.” Josh talks about responding well to women like Cher and his step-mother Barbra Streisand, people who say it as it is.

Cher talks about her final album and praying she can still hit all the notes. Jalen Ngonda sings a song and comes over to the couch afterwards, telling each couch person in turn “nice to meet you” and then when he gets to Cher he changes it to “I love you so much.” I really liked this guy when I explored his debut album after the show. Ngonda talks about discovering old 60s and 70s music at age 11, artists like the Temptations, Motown, Sonny & Cher, The Beach Boys, The Doors and Chicago. I’m sorry but Sonny & Cher doesn’t usually make that list. He talks about Smokey Robinson. Cher says “I love Smokey” and Ngonda says “I love you! I got your 45s at home.”

Cher says something else at the end and Graham says “Cher says the darndest things!” Cher is not always amused by Graham Norton.

Cher in Conversation with Jacqueline Stewart in Los Angeles (2 December 2024)

I attended this conversation. and I’ve also been to many book readings. I can assure you, none (not even David Sedaris) have had a merch table. This was held at the Saban Theater. I bought a tote and a magnet. There was also a program with a good write up saying “Cher’s remarkable career is unique and unparalleled….with her trademark honesty and humor, Cher: The Memoir traces how this diamond in the rough succeeded with no plan and little confidence to become the trailblazing superstar the world has been unable to ignore for more than half a century.” Sara Gilbert sat a few rows in front of us with her son. There were cowboy hats on gay men. And one ironic fur vest. This was also the first book talk I’ve been to with a intro tour video. It felt out of place but my bookish friends didn’t think so. Stewart calls Cher “one of my favorite people; you look incredible.” Stewart mentions the book’s level of detail. Cher talks about the first book she ever read, still one of her favorites, The Saracen Blade, a novel by Frank Yerby that Sonny recommended to her. They talk about early music that inspired her, Hank Williams, Disney’s Cinderella song “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes.” They talk about her mom’s premonitions, how Cher’s voice didn’t blend and she didn’t even know about blending. Cher compares her contralto range to  Bruce Springsteen and Paul McCartney. She says performing with Tina Turn was like a “death wish.” Because Stewart is a talking head on Turner Classic Movies, it wasn’t surprising when she said, “Let’s talk movies.” Cher talks about her struggles to get auditions and the irony of her packed shows at Caesars Palace, how she was not happy. “Singing on stage I loved,” she admits, but movie people wouldn’t give her the time of day.  She tried to speak to Francis Ford Coppola about a movie project twenty years ago [this is probably her dream to remake The Enchanted Cottage], and he “just answered me now.” “Altman is a bear’s ass,” Cher says and Sudie Bond was a great actor. “I did two movies with her. She thought I was gonna mug her in the elevator.” [How did Sudie Bond not know know who the most photographed woman in 1970s America was?]. Cher recalls that ” Sandy Dennis said it was the worst audition she had ever seen. Karen Black didn’t like me very much. I almost hit her once. She was such a bitch.” Feeling guilty Cher insists that she shouldn’t “take cheap shots.” She says she told Robert Altman he ruined Popeye. Cher says she was really good at matinees, which were full of little old ladies. Cher says working with Meryl Streep was one of the highlights of her life. Of Mama Mia: “I’m a hired hand in that one.” [So true.] Cher reminds us she is a fan of classic movies and would watch them with her mother. Who were the performers she looked up to? James Dean. Elvis. She often couldn’t relate to the women. Stewart says she’s been told “the dress shouldn’t wear you” and how this applies to Cher. Cher talks about having rubber bands around her shoes and her mother making her wear them to school as a task of humility. Cher talks about her “future body,” how she didn’t fit with the classic beauty ideals but how she “turned my back on it, made own clothes, wasn’t gonna get any place in the regular way, wasn’t a regular girl.” They talk about the respect Cher has now in black and brown communities and in gay culture. Cher says she still feels like an outsider. About the gay community she says, “they never left me. Even when I was down and out. There’s a special place in my heart. So many times I was over. I couldn’t get arrested.” The talk about the Greta Garbo and Marlene Dietrich boldness compared to Cher. How her dress is often a statement of “women’s empowerment.” Cher says, “I wear what I want to wear. I don’t ask permission.” She also advises, “If you have a dream, follow it. You only have this one life. My nine lives are over.” Sara Gilbert’s son keeps standing up and holding the book over his head. Very excited. They talk about areas of Los Angeles, Cher’s hometown, the prejudice she has against The Valley. “I was poor there.” They talk about her industrious mother and Cher’s yearning to go out into the world. “I wanted wheels. I am a work in progress.” They talk about Sonny. Cher says there will always be Sonny & Cher. Stewart talks about Cher’s gracious, forgiving heart. Cher says, “If you get bitter it’s not gonna hurt him.” They talk about David Geffen. If not for David Geffen I’d be sleeping on the highway. Cher talks about him having the phone receiver to his head all the time and their first date where Geffen was afraid Cher would attack him. Cher says she is the “least likely to jump on a man in the universe.” [She might have to fight me on that one; it’s just not polite.]

They then take audience questions (and here I realize we never were given any opportunity to ask questions so who’s questions are they? One question is about Cher’s famous I am a Rich Man quote. Cher says, “don’t pay attention to expectations. You have to become who you are.” Another question is about her recording history and unreleased albums. Cher says she has no idea. “I didn’t even read the book.” She talks about a new album she’s making, half with her boyfriend Alexander Edwards, half with her “Believe” producer Mark Taylor. She touts Edwards as the VP of Def Jam records and how his songs are “so fresh.” She said she had a good time with the Christmas album and that this was the first time she’s asked people to sing on an album. She says she loves Kelly Clarkson and that for the Christmas album, “I don’t wanna sing all that old shit. Can you imagine me singing “Frosty the Snowman?” [Well, yes, I could. You sang “O Holy Night” quite memorably.] Cher tells us “thank you for coming. You were a great audience.” She points out some friends she knows in the crowd and says she looks forward to seeing them backstage.

The Kelly Clarkson Show (3 December 2024)

Clarkson introduces Cher by mentioning her 17 top 10 hot 100 hits. Again Cher gets a standing ovation. Cher gives Kelly one-of-a-kind gloves made for her for Kelly’s celebrity guest wall. Kelly says the real gift was Cher coming. Kelly talks about her guest stint adding vocals to Cher’s 2023 Christmas song “DJ Play a Christmas Song.” Clarkson says, “I love that you let me sing that song with you.” Cher says she wanted it louder like as a duet. Kelly said she took the job to be like a backup singer. Cher says they will redo it. They talk about Cher’s mother living in the Bowery of every city. That her mom had talent but “I just went farther.” Again Cher mentions that there are 600 men in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to 90 women. She said she had fun being inducted and have previously wondered, “what do I have to do?” She says she’s drinking Coke Zero. They mention her most active social media account:Instagram@cher. They talk about her being an employee of Sonny’s and when the split up contractually she couldn’t work. She tells the story of Sonny cheating on Suzie Cohelo and talking to Sonny about it in Paris with Sonny in the bathtub. Cher is asked to list her top five live events:

  • 5 is the 1967 Carol Burnett Show performance singing with Sonny where they met both Burnett and Bob Mackie.
  • 4 is the 1968 Madison Square Garden charity benefit concert for Martin Luther King where she met Jimi Hendrix
  • 3 is David Geffen’s birthday party when she sang with Bob Dylan and Don Henley.
  • 2 is her performance on The Ed Sullivan Show in 1965 with Sonny.
  • 1 is the Take Me Home Tour 1979 because it was the first musical project she did on her own.

They talk about how Las Vegas has changed and how she was ahead of her time with residencies there. She said Sonny once told her it’s as bad to be too early as is to be too late.

Cher in Conversation with Joel Selvin in San Francisco (4 December 2024)

Desert Island Discs (British) (aired 15 December 2024)

This was another great interview because it focused on music and thereby produced questions other interviewers don’t ask and answers Cher normally doesn’t give. (Question 1)  What are the misconceptions? Cher, “That what I wear is frivolous.” She’s says she’s not one thing. She’s shy when she’s not working. She says she used to not like her records. But she’s gotten used to them. “I’m all things, the persona you see and the self you don’t see.” She says she’s been on the road most of her adult life. As for the R&R HoF, she is proud to be in there with people she respects. For each question, she picks a song. For this question it’s “Whiter Shade of Pale” by Procol Harem. “I like the sound. I don’t care what they say. It’s the feeling. Sonny was too middle of the road. He would want to understand the lyrics. I just thought it was genius.” (Question 2) They talk about characteristics of mom, tough, funny, smart. “We fought lots. I never talked back. The way to get her was to stop talking. Give yes or no answers.” She talks about her birth father, Johnnie Sarkisian, who met Georgia during the war and was a good dancer. She says she has his half smile, his lack of temper. Cher says she did like him although he was a mess. “He was who he was, cute, charming, kind. For this segments, she pick “Love Me Tender” by Elvis. Elvis, Cher says, was the “beginning of me knowing what I was gonna do.” She tells the story of seeing Elvis when she was 11 years old. Her mom loved music. Her grandfather and uncle played guitar. They all sang together. She loved Elvis’ gold suit, the drama of his entrance.

(Question 3) They talk about Georgia’s six marriages and how her mom’s girlfriends were her real family. She talks about some of her step-dads: Joe Collins, John Southall, the most crucial dad figure in their lives. She talks about the poverty, eating on the same pot of beans, shoes with no soles. Cher says she’s gone barefoot her whole life, sister that she and her mom have the same voice, that her mom said things in a funny way and had a ridiculous laugh. Cher picks for this segment, “A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes,” a song she first heard when she was 4 or 5 years old, before sister was born. (Question 4) Cher talks about being a terrible student, how she only learned by listening, but that she was great at sports and pretty popular. She talks about organizing the Garland and Rooney like performance of the musical Oklahoma. How did it go over? Cher says she just “let it go” and “felt like I had a bad flop.” She choose the song “Evil” by Stevie Wonder but says she could have picked 10 other songs of his. She likes the special lyrics of this one, the concept and believes Wonder is a genius like Beethoven. She says it “felt like liberation to me, the first music [post Sonny] that I got. We became friends.” (Question 5) They talk about her first impressions of Sonny, so electrifying although he was not handsome. He was “unbelievably dressed” and had beautiful fingers, was “really charming.” They talk about her time working with Phil Spector, who Cher says was “21 and a genius. She picks the Spector classic, “You’ve Lost that Lovin Feeling” by the Righteous Brothers. She remembers Brian Wilson, Sonny, Darlene at the session doing backups, Billy (Bill Medley) getting ready to do vocal. According to Cher, “We all stopped. The whole world stopped. We knew this was gonna be one of the great songs.”

(Question 6) Cher tells the “I Got You Babe” story. Cher says “I didn’t think much of this song” when Sonny sang it to her in the middle of the night. But then admits in the studio “it sounded really good.” She wonders how Sonny, “how does he even know the oboe and bassoon?” She said the song had a fresh sound. “I don’t think it’s the greatest record I’ve ever heard” but that “it captured a moment.” She says it knocked “Help” off the top of the charts. Cher says they had sold or hocked everything they had had to get to England. There she was asked for her first autograph. Cher says Sonny was a traditional Sicilian in terms of relationships, that Sonny’s “Dad that way with his mom,” the patriarch. “He didn’t want me going anywhere or to have friends…he didn’t want any escape routes.” Cher says she became used to Sonny taking care of her but then it started to bother her when Sonny lost interest in her as a person. She was also “disappointed and angry, past furious” when she discovered he had taken her half of their earnings. ” I couldn’t work without his permission. I was forced into the contract. I wasn’t home eating bon bons [when they made all that money]. I was there at Motel 6.” But she reminds us again that “without Sonny, there would be no Cher.” And then, here is the kicker. That she would pick this song for the Sonny segment. It seems to almost pain her, too, to say it out loud: “Ugh. ‘I Can’t Make You Love Me‘ by Bonnie Raitt. I love her. She’s a great musician. She’s got a great voice, plays slide like a demon. It’s one of the best love songs I’ve ever heard.” [I got a little verklempt at this part of the interview. This is probably as emotionally raw as Cher has ever been when ruminating on Sonny.]

(Question 7) They talk about Cher’s incredible iconic outfits and her fashion history, the recent exabit of some of them at London’s V&A Museum, the numerous scandals they occasioned. Was that intentional? Cher demurs, “I wasn’t sophisticated enough to know what we were doing” and Bob Mackie was so young. She says they were recycling old Carol Burnett gowns in the beginning. “She had some great gowns too. CBS was always bitching about the costs.” They discuss The Dress, a.k.a. The Naked Dress, The Met Gala dress. Cher says she had to be naked sunbathing to wear it and they had to spray water on it to attach it to her skin so that when she wore it, you couldn’t see the fabric, only the sequins and the mirage was that she was naked just wearing sequins and feathers. They talk about Cher being under the microscope for decades and a part of “unrealistic beauty standards” Cher insists she “plays by my own rules.” That there is definitely a standard to keep up which is not expected of men. But she says, “men in Hollywood are vain” but that they can be “straggly and old. Helen Mirren ages really well, Judy Dench” That leads to a discussion of the “[Franco]  Zeffirelli ladies” from the movie Tea With Mussolini, “ I just wanted to listen. Joan Plowright took her clothes off and jumped into the water.” Cher says she was “sweating vapors” during her scene with Maggie Smith. How did Maggie Smith respond? She said, “Don’t be ridiculous.” They talk about the Silkwood preview and everyone laughing, And like everything, Cher isn’t bitter about that audience response. She calls it “visceral; you can’t argue with it.” But it made her sad. She plays “Minute by Minute” by The Doobie Brothers for this segment. “I had such a crush on him [Michael McDonald]. I should have told him.”

(Question 8) They talk about Cher’s two sons, Elijah and Chaz, Elijah’s heroin addiction, Chaz’s transition. Cher says, “you do your best, be supportive, keep trying. Elijah is so bright, so smart. It hasn’t served him well. He’s above all of us.” [This does seem the crux of the problem. Intelligence doesn’t always engender wisdom.] “Greggory, he tried hard. They’ve got demons. It is what it is.” Cher talks about how freighted she was during Chaz’s transition from female to male. “Chaz is great, a great person.” She says she’s close to both of them. They talk about Cher turning 79 soon and how she’s still relevant. “I like creating stuff” but that the next album will “probably be my last album.” She says the voice runs out. There will come a time when she can’t hit the high notes. “I’ve got great songs. I really want to try my best.” They then talk of sending Cher to the deserted island. How would she manage? Cher admits she doesn’t have any practical skills. Just tenacity. She talks about her deserted island song by saying Sam Cooke and Sonny were good friends. Her song is “A Change Is Gonna Come” which is her all time favorite song. She says there are “people whose voice comes from some other place.  The book would be The Saracen Blade [mentioned above] because it “opened a whole new world, a whole new thing,” starting her on a path of reading. Her luxury item would be an eyelash curler because her mom once said every woman would need one on a deserted island.

L’INTÉGRALE with Éric Jean-Jean (French) (19 December 2024)

Mr. Cher Scholar assisted with the translation and transcription of the questions and French commentary.  One question I had for Mr. Cher Scholar was how do the French consider Cher?. Do they know her? What adjectives do they use? Mr. CS said Jean-Jean, (a name he found funny, from one John-John to another), did not spend any time explaining to the French who Cher is. It was assumed that the French know who she is and her career markers and products.

Jean-Jean states she has sold over 100 million albums, is an “actrice” who has won several Golden Globes, an Oscar and a best actress at the Cannes Film Festival. She has had an incredibly rich career, he says, “une carriere incroyablement riche, trop riche pour un volume.” too rich for one volume. “She called us from the California hotel where she is staying.” (This as Jean-Jean explains later was due to the first Los Angeles fire, the Franklin Fire that came right up to her house in December of 2024.)

They play a piece of “Strong Enough” and Jean-Jean says the book goes up to  about 1980. When are we going to read the second part? Cher says she missed three deadlines on the first book and she hasn’t started part two yet.

Jean-Jean talks about Cher seeing Ray Charles sing “Georgia” on TV. What was going on in her head at that moment? Cher says she was, “on my floor, lets crossed, peanut butter and jelly sandwich” and that it was a “watershed program every day as teenager.” She’s talking about American Bandstand.

Jean-Jean explains that her surname is Sarkisian (it was) which is Armenian. He talks about how her mother worked as a waitress but had a career as a singer and actress in a few films. Was this a complicated childhood for you, Cher? Cher answers, “You think? I love my mom. We fought like cats and dogs. She talks about her birth father’s lack of a temper, her mom’s voice, how her sister has it too, but “me a little bit more.” They play “I’m Your Yesterday,” the duet Cher once did with her mother and Cher tells the story about trying to lip sync it for television but couldn’t tell which parts were her. [I can tell. They are very similar but Cher’s voice is more smokey and syrup and her mother’s is more crystal and champagne.]

Jean-Jean says “your mother married several times. You moved a lot with each new father. How was that for you? Cher says her mom didn’t stay very long. Men come and go. She just remembers the extraordinary beautiful women. Jean_jean says her mother’s childhood was marked by poverty and violence and their heritage is Cherokee, “anglaise, irlandaise, française” and your father, Armenian. That gives you what type of character? Cher says as a child she was “not thinking life is horrible. This is your life going through it.” It was both fun and sad. Her mom’s history was very bad. “Mine was better than hers. I’m an American. That makes me a real mess.” She talks about her trip to Armenia which she says was amazing, a medical supply trip. She says she arrived after the wall fell in 1990. She talks about the picture of her sitting on the toppled statue of Lenin and how “everyone I met was so amazing, gracious. I have Armenian eyes.” She talks about her Armenia relatives, her father her Aunt Roxie.  Jean-Jean notes that Cher went back to Armenia in 1993 to discover her heritage. Jean-Jean says “Did you feel Armenian, like you found your Armenian roots or are you definitely an American? Cher says she is definitely an American woman. But she can be many things. She did feel at home there. “They were so happy to see me. ” She says America is built upon people from other countries.” In Armenia, “everybody looked like me. People don’t go to Armenia like Azerbaijan. They have gas. America never bothered to help Armenia. They have no natural gas. They don’t have anything.”

Mr. C.S. was unsure what Jean-Jean was saying at this point “except arguably the most beautiful woman in the world” or “nobody could argue that they might have the most beautiful women in the world.”

Jean-Jean asks Cher to tell us about how her mother took her to see Elvis Presley when she was 11 in Los Angeles at the Pan Pacific. They talk about Elvis in concert, her seeing him on Ed Sullivan, his gold suit, how she wanted to be like him. Jean-Jean says “you say that your mother was so beautiful that night, the most beautiful woman in the world. Cher says [and I think to differentiate her mother from herself, because she doesn’t consider herself so self-evidently beautiful without a lot of makeup] “those days women could just wear lipstick, mascara, rouge. You had to be beautiful with those three things.” This reminds me of her Desert island comment about the eyelash curler. If you’re that beautiful, that’s all you’d need.

Jean-Jean continues talking about Elvis on stage, his eyes and his hair that matched Cher and how she wanted to be like him. He asks, singer actor or star? Cher talks her grandfather, mother, uncle guitar, how they all sang together and she thought everyone did that, about seeing Dumbo and Cinderella. She says she had no Plan B. She’s not much of a planner anyway. She says due to her dyslexia, she had no academic future. She tells the story about failing the math test. They play “Walking in Memphis,” which Jean-Jean introduces as coming from the It’s a Man’s World album of 1995, originally done by Marc Cohen and the song is about Elvis and that this is the first “choque” of Cher, which neither Mr. C.S. or I knew what that meant. Choque means “shock.”

Jean-Jean notes that Cher was “16 ans” when she left home and worked as a “magasin de bonbons” (at See’s Candy Store) when she met Sonny Bono. Was it in New York or Los Angeles? And what did you feel at that moment? Cher says she met Sonny at Aldos Café, a coffeeshop that was under a radio station in Los Angeles. She says people were all calling to him when he walked in, “Sonny! Sonny! It’s Son! I thought he was special.” She said it was an experience just seeing him. “He didn’t like me at all” but they ended up as pals. Hanging out as friends. He was promotion man with singles and would meet DJs to try to get songs played. “He was very good at it. He had a good personality. Everyone liked him. He was affable.”

Jean-Jean explains that Sonny began working with Phil Spector in the famous Gold Star Studio (I’m amazed the French know all of these details of American music) and you accompanied him. And one day Phil Spector asked you to replace Darlene Love of the Ronettes (this is a mistake, Love wasn’t one of the Ronettes but that is a fine point since all the groups cross-pollinated as needed…however Love mostly sang lead vocals with the Crystals, Bob B. Soxx and the Blue Jeans, and as a solo artist under Spector’s productions.) How did this story happen? Cher said she had no place to go. Sonny offered that she could stay at his apt, “but I’m not attracted to you.” He heard her singing while making the beds one day and started promoting her to Spector after that. She says the experience, “was fabulous” because it was going from The Valley to a studio with the most famous music people. She talks about the songs she recorded there. They play Darlene Love’s song “Winter Wonderland” which Jean-Jean explains is from Spector’s Christmas album of 1963 and he calls this Cher’s debut as a singer.

Jean-Jean asks Cher to recount why she didn’t realize she had a very special voice. Cher says her voice wasn’t good for background  because she was too loud. “I didn’t blend well in the beginning,” [I would argue she still rarely doesn’t.] “I never thought of being a real singer and get paid for it.” Jean-Jean asks her to remember the first solo song she did as Bonnie Jo (Mason). How it’s about being a fan of Ringo Starr? Cher says the DJs wouldn’t play it. They thought it was a man singing a love song to another man at a time when that was illegal. They play “Ringo I love You.”

Jean-Jean wants to know if Phil Spector was already crazy when Cher worked with him in the mid-1960s. Cher says “not in the beginning. He wasn’t crazy. Very eccentric.” She says they had fun together. “His parents were first cousins. He had a great sense of humor.” Cher says everyone in the studio was in their early 20s (except Sonny who was 27). “Everyone was quite young. In my mind everyone was old because I was 16 .

Jean-Jean says Sonny & Cher first found success with “I Got You Babe.” Can you tell me how that song came about? Cher tells the IGUB story. Says their piano at that time was in the living room and they had no furniture. Jean-Jean asks “And when did you realize this was a good song?” ? And Cher says while they were in the studio doing it, everyone came in and was curious about the song and the words. My mom called everyone babe. Jean-Jean plays “I Got You Babe.”

Jean-Jean notes that “you say in the book that Sonny became difficult. You cay Sonny could be hard on you. What happened at that time? Drugs like Phil Spector? [Oh, that’s funny.] Cher doesn’t say anything about drugs [aside from prescription drugs, Sonny didn’t abuse any] but she says “Sonny would take care of everything. I didn’t know about the business world. I was happy to just sing.” Cher says they became famous and that was amazing, But then their careers “went into the toilet.” T

Jean-Jean reminds us that Cher’s book covers the decades of the 1950s, 60s and 70s primarily. You say Sonny was strange. He hired a detective to follow you when you were alone (and Mr. C.S. isn’t sure what is said here but possibly something about Sonny’s two-timing Cher. Cher says she became used to it. That at 16 she don’t think to ask why he was doing what he was doing. “He was fun. I didn’t notice. I was flattered. It’s hard to explain. When I started to grow up, had my own thoughts, he wasn’t going for that.”

Jean-Jean says Sonny also wrote several songs like “Bang Bang” on the second solo Cher album, The Sonny Side of Cher in 1966, a song that had a lot of success in France [I can’t find the French charts. I wish I could as this is my favorite question of the interview]. How did this song come about? Cher says “it was such a strange song. We loved it. It sounds like it shouldn’t be a relationship song. It was a strange take on love.”

Jean-Jean asks her about the French singer Sheila’s version (1966) and the Italian-French singer Dalida’s version (1966). And he plays the original song. [Going to search for those songs lead me down a rabbit hole that resulted in this page, a repository of “Bang Bang” covers.]

Here Jean-Jean seems to be talking about a kind of album from CBS. How did that happen? Mr. Cher Scholar and I think he’s talking about the album encapsulating the nightclub shows, Sonny & Cher Live. He says we’re going to listen to an excerpt of that “mythic show” and we think he means the CBS show. So all of that is getting confused together, more so when he plays “Can’t Take My Eyes off Of You” from their appearance on the Playboy Club show, not the Comedy Hour. This song was not on any album or segment of their CBS show. (the TV shows were not big in Europe so they’re not as familiar with it.)

Cher explains how they lost all our money, started at the bottom again in horrible nightclubs, “People didn’t like us. We dressed like our style before” in some “unpleasant places.” Eventually they changed to a tuxedo and gown but “people didn’t like our music.”

Jean-Jean astutely talks about all the artist of Lauren Canyon, the Beach Boys, Mamas and Papas, Jefferson Airplane (technically true I see from a Google search but I always associate them with the San Francisco psychedelic sound, not the Southern California sound). What was that like at the time? Cher says, “you don’t think about famous people when they’re your friends. ” You’re not in awe of them. You think,  “that’s a great song or Michelle looks great tonight. They’re just your friends.” Jean-Jean continues that she also met at the time Jimi Hendrix and Salvador Dali. Cher says this is just show biz (baby!) and you run into people.

Jean-Jean notes that in 1975 Sonny and Cher divorced. How did you feel at the end of this marriage? Cher says, “He drove me crazy but we were always friends. “My wife could say that” quips Jean-Jean. on stage, Cher says working with Sonny could be so much fun, the best time. “I don’t think two people could get along so well playing around and singing. He liked playing around and I liked playing around.”

Jean-Jean says, now they’re going to play the cut “The Beat Goes On” from the 1967 In Case You’re In Love album (I love that he notes the albums), a song written by Sonny Bono and he asks the audience, have you ever heard any song like it?  After your separation that was a new stage for you, in 1980s you stared doing films. Did you like this new career as a comedian?

Cher says she wanted to be funny and sing since was five. She starts to tell the Mick-Jagger-You-Should-Go-To England story but then corrects it to the Francis-Ford-Coppola-You-Should-Go-to-New-York story (they’re very similar stories as it turns out).

Jean-Jean recounts that Robert Altman gave her the role as a fan of James Dean in a Broadway play. Jean-Jean then recounts Cher’s “remarkable career” in films like Silkwood, Mask, Les Sorcieres D’Eastwick, how she won best actress in 1987 over Meryl Streep and Glen Close (for Moonstruck, which in France was called Éclair de Lune) and then he incorrectly says she played Morticcia in The Adams Family (this was Anjelica Houston, and is a big gaffe) and then goes on to discuss Mermaids which was strangely called in France Les 2 Sirènes. Why two? There were three women in the story.

They then play “The Shoop Shoop Song,” (pronounced choop choop) from 1990. What should we know about that song? Cher explain the movie being the story of the mother of an eccentric family. Cher says it was the story of my sister and my life and my mom, two daughters, one is kind of crazy, a mom trying to make it. She describes the scene where they are setting table with the radio on, singing and dancing. [The movie is not literally their story. It was a novel by Patty Dann and also her MFA thesis from Columbia…but in any case, I  think I now understand this movie.]

We’re coming to the end of the hour Jean-Jean says. He wants to ask about the story of “Believe,” the last song he’ll play from the 1998 album of the same name. He comments on its enormous success, historically the first to use a “novelle technologie,” the vocoder (incorrect, it was a pitch machine later named AutoTune). Can you tell us more? Cher says the verse was never very good. She says the pitch machine was able to you on the note and they played with it.  Let’s listen to Believe, Jean-Jean says. It’s the only song played in full.

Jean-Jean notes that autotune has been used heavily by rappers. My last question, “Do you believe in life after love? [Oy] Cher says, “Yes there is life after love. It’s a strange concept. There is no life without love, you couldn’t live without love. Love is always coming to you.”

Thank you so much Cher.

Jimmy Kimmel Live (7 January 2025)

This marks the 400 TV appearance I have tracked. Wow.

Cher first tells Jimmy Kimmel “you got balls, dude” for what he said about Trump in his opening monologue. I rewatched the show recently in Cleveland with my parents to see what he had said in the monologue. (My mom is a big Jimmy Kimmel fan because he keeps mentioning his staff and labor issues). The monologue seemed pretty typical of his usual monologues so maybe Cher just hadn’t heard one of them before.

Kimmel says, “I take that as a great compliment from you. You do have balls in the spiritual sense. And there’s a lot of that in here (the book).”

Kimmel notes that her book has spent six weeks on the New York Times bestseller list and that it’s very exciting to have her on the show. Kimmel says “maybe it’s annoying to you when people are interested in your life” but that he was honestly interested. For Christmas, does she cook? Cher said she had 26 people for dinner, six she didn’t know (friends of relatives and friends). She says she decorated and there were lots of cute kids there including Slash, the son of her boyfriend, Alexander. Kimmel quips, “I’m gonna try to sneak in there next year.” Cher says she is in possession of Sonny’s popular red sauce recipe that was his mother’s recipe and that she makes it occasionally for Christmas. “Olive oil, garlic and onions and I’m on my way….Son made it great and he handed it down to me.” She hasn’t taught it to others, however. “It is with me. I’m taking it to my grave….which could be any moment.”

Everyone groans and Cher says, “When you’re old, you know?”

Kimmel again notes her book was #1 for six weeks in a row [maybe just four]. “That’s a lot of weeks.” Is Cher surprised. Cher says she didn’t want to “squish it together” in only one volume. With the first one she wanted to see how it was, did she do a good job, would people be interested. She notes the book goes back from her great-grandparents up through the television years. Kimmel asks if there will be three volumes? “Will this interview be part of the next book?”

In a Man Show moment, Kimmel wants to talk about Cher’s losing virginity to guy in Toluca Lake. Do you think we could find the spot? Cher says she doesn’t even remember the guy. “I have people I’ve mentioned and I’m wondering what do they think, like one guy who was very instrumental in helping me to leave Sonny and I wonder how does he feel about it. He was a really good person.” This excites Kimmel and he want to dig him out. Cher thinks he’s in Texas. Kimmel calls out, “Open the fucking book. Guillermo. Go through it real quick. Get him on phone?” No, Cher says.

They talk about Sonny and how she felt equal only when she was working on their show. “I loved it. We loved it. We worked so well together. It kept us closer longer than I really wanted.”

Kimmel trots out the 16 Magazine Sonny & Cher advice column. He decides to ask her a question from it to see if she would respond in the same way. The question is not one of the columns I had found last year, by the way.

[Do show writers scan the internet for interview ideas? This reminds me of the time David Letterman referred to the Cher Historians among us. Are these just coincidences?]

Anyway…this elicited a very annoyed Cher stare.

Here is the question Kimmel reads:

Dear Cher, I have a problem. I hope you can help me. I’m 13 years old. I like a boy who is in my class and he seems to like me but sometimes he teases me. He hits me gently on the face and calls me names just to be fresh. I’m also four inches taller than he is and please tell me how I can get him to be my steady. Unhappy, Ridgefield, NJ

Kimmel asks Cher how she would respond to Unhappy now? Cher says, “Kick him to the curb.” The audience likes this and she smiles. Kimmel then reads the response from the 1960s Cher.

Cher says, “Oh God.”

Dear Unhappy, As I’ve said here many times before, if a boy teases you it’s a sure sign he digs you. Just be good natured about it and give him a nice friendly smile now and again. Sooner or later, he’ll come around. As for being four inches taller (Cher interjects, “nah”) well most girls are taller than boys nowadays. I’m talker than Sonny and he couldn’t care less. In fact, he digs me in boots with medium high heels. Hang in there. Keep trying and you won’t be unhappy for long.

We should hear Kimmel’s response now as opposed to the response he would have given on The Man Show.

Cher shakes her head. “Come on girls. We know that’s not true.”

In that time, they’ve found out the guitarist’s name. It’s Bill. Cher says, “I know.” She’s not willing to share his last name. “Because of him, not me.”

The next book should come out in November but Cher admits she hasn’t started the new book but that she finished this one late too but still hit the deadline. “We’ll see,” Kimmel says skeptically. “November of what year?” Cher says, “I’m a little tardy. I think I’ll be better this time.”

Kimmel says he feels like she can help her and starts to ask rapid fire, random questions. Does she drive a car? Cher says she hasn’t driven in a while but just bought a car and will drive soon. What does her drivers license say? She says it doesn’t show her last name. She had to go to court and get special dispensation to prove she is known by one name. “It’s not easy,” she says. Guillermo pipes in that he wants to do it.

Has she ever been to Costco. Cher says, “I think once.” Kimmel says, “You’d know if you had. May I please take you to Costco sometime. I’d love to take you to Costco.” Cher says a flirty little “okay.” Has she ever played a video game? Yes, she has. Which one and when? “None of your business. A month ago.” Has she ever been on jury duty? Cher says she tried as research for the movie Suspect where she played a lawyer (“doesn’t count,” Kimmel says) but the judge thought she would be too distracting. Who is the most intimidating person you’ve ever met (present company excluded? That gets the Cher stare.

Cher lists Obama, Tina Turner, Ray Charles. If you could turn back time (Cher interjects, “this is so dumb”) what year would you go back to. Cher picks 60. Was it her best year? No, 40 was her best year. She stared to work in film and started to get respect. Why not 40, then? Cher laughs and says 60 seemed like a good number. “When you’re 78, 60 sounds great.”

Kimmel shows a picture of Cher and Jimmy Carter (the one under the street sign) and says they look like they’re having an intimate conversation. Did she know him well? Cher tells the story of The Allman Brothers giving Carter some of his earliest campaign money and how she had dinner with the Carters on their first night in the White House. She starts but doesn’t finish a story about President Carter calling her once for a favor. This turns into the story about why Cher didn’t get along with Johnny Carson, who had her thrown out of a party. And then time is up and Kimmel starts to wrap up.

Cher says, “You’re a lot nicer and funnier than I thought you would be.”

The Jimmy Carter story reminds me that my friend Mikaela recently sent me an excerpt of Amy Carter talking about Cher at the White House and how this was one of her most memorable moments of that time.


If you’ve made it this far, apologies for the likely many typos. I would proof this yet another time but we have to move on to other things, my own review of the memoir, the Hall of Fame week, the new commercial and other upcoming things. So. Much. Stuff.

So Much Stuff!

It’s election day. It feels very anxious out there. I’m appreciating any distractions the day has to offer.

And in the Cher-sphere, there is so much to catch up on.

I’m very behind because I just returned from a vacation to Cleveland (a fun one this time), Tucson Arizona, Joshua Tree California and then back through Phoenix. And during that time Cher has been very, very busy.

We’ll need to review it quickly before the Cher book comes out in 14 days.

First, since it’s November we can start listening to the Christmas album again. Some people choose to wait until the day after Thanksgiving for Christmas music, but if you are in desperate need of some pre-holiday cheer, I think it’s okay to indulge early.

There is some memoir news (variations on formats to discuss). We need to recap the week of October 19 with the Victoria’s Secret runway performance, Cher’s Spotify playlist, (which is already down but I captured the songs on a list because I’m a Cher nerd and there’s a lot to discuss around that). We also have the Hall of Fame induction. I was able to attend and see the exhibit at the museum. I’ll review all that along with the Insights video and this year’s program chapter on Cher.

I also want to talk soon about the Cher singles that have appeared throughout the years in Rolling Stone Magazine‘s “best singles” lists. I had to deep dive into my Cher She-Shed to pull out one of the old 1988 lists. Cher songs on those have come and gone and we’ll consider why that is. There’s a podcast out there about “Believe’s” appearance on the latest list.

I also want to start some song spotlights beginning with “Love and Pain” from the Take Me Home album.

While I was digging through my Cher shed, I found some 1970s magazine memorabilia with Cher beauty tips. Since this was a recurring theme in the Ask Sonny & Cher in16 Magazine articles, we’ll look at those.

And then we need to talk about Teri Garr, who has just sadly passed. And the Kamala Harris endorsement video…

In the meantime, Silkwood has just become available on Streaming for the first time with Hulu. It has one of Cher’s best performances under the direction of Mike Nichols and the tutelage of Meryl Streep. If you’re feeling election stress, transfer it for an hour and a half into a movie about sinister corporate malfeasance.

Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine, Part 14

So it’s our Last Dance with Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine. How bittersweet. Fourteen installments (that we know of) and we’ve learned a lot. Or at least I have.

And I have looked high and low for a better copy of this photograph, which cuts off the first question to Cher and, like the last column, some of the words at the far right. But I think we can piece together the idea of most of it.

In this last photo, Sonny and Cher wear shinny shirts and you can see Cher’s big rings. Not a particularly flattering picture of either of them but that’s part of their casual vibe, I guess.

 

If your young life is full of problems there’s no need for you to suffer alone. In fact, there’s no need for you to suffer at all. Cher—and Sonny—want to help you—right here in the pages of 16!

Sonny and I are back again, reading your letters, answering as many as possible, and (hopefully) helping you to solve the problems you encounter in your day-to-day life. If your letter is not here, please don’t feel neglected—there just is not enough room in 16 to answer all of the many letters we get every month. Sonny and I carefully select a cross-section of the mail that represents your most important problems. If your questions aren’t answered this month. please come back next month—for sooner or later you will find your problem and our advice right here in 16 Magazine.

Dear Cher, [Question Missing]

Cher’s Response:

Dear Overweight, First, you should have a simple physical checkup by your family M.D., just to make sure that you do not have a thyroid problem (or any other condition). Your problem is probably just that you [overeat]. That normally is the problem with people who are too fat. On the righthand page you will see an ad for 16’s Popularity & Beauty Book. This booklet is a gem of information for “fatties.” I suggest that you try it. Good luck!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

Ok, I really hope this person self-referred as a “fatty” in their letter and this is why we find this word is in quotes. Secondly, a booklet? I’ve been looking for a booklet? For the love of… The rip-off smell is getting stronger in here.

Maybe this person just has thyroid problem. But this also reminds me of the very funny “glandular problem” bit on  Family Guy. There’s plenty of medical conditions to screw around with our weight: thyroid problems, menopausal problems, some antidepressants, steroids and some blood pressure and diabetes medications can cause problems.

This isn’t the only question we’ve seen on weight issues. This series often seems to be repeating itself for all the disclaimers about hand-picking unique issues from the bulk of letters coming in.

If I think back on all the come-and-gone medical solutions to weight issues over the years given to people I know, it’s disheartening: liposuction, testosterone patches, stomach bands, remember those weird fat-jiggling machines people thought were exercise? Here’s a funny piece about a woman who tested one out in 2016.

If I ever meet Neil deGrasse Tyson, I am going to ask him straight out if he thinks nutrition is still a frontier science. I’m convinced it is.

Anyway, it’s not PC to call people fatties or fatsos anymore. Just a heads up if you hadn’t heard. The old Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour had some fat-suit skits that are now equally problematic, but also still funny. (If you can find them.) People who watched the show remember one of the memes of the skits where a fat-suit character would say a metaphorical food word, like “easy as pie” or “pie in the sky” and the other characters would rub their hands together and say excitedly, “pie!”

Even pictures online are scarce. Here is a picture from the first one, a skit called Detective Fat which made fun of the show Cannon with William Conrad. They also had Jim Neighbors as a guest once and they spoofed Gunsmoke.

Dear Cher, At what age do you think a girl should start dating? Also, [do] boys really prefer girls who play hard to get more than girls who flirt with them? Why are the flirts the first to get the dates? Questions, Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Cher’s Response:

Dear Questions, I think 14 is the proper age for a girl to start double-dating. The dates should be for dances and public affairs only. My little sister “Gee,” who is 14 goes to community center parties and chaperoned dances [unreadable] dates. I think that guys like a girl who is a [unreadable] flirt and hard to get. Don’t go overboard in either direction, and remember this: it isn’t the girl who gets the first date that matters, it’s the one who gets the second, third, fourth and fifth. I hope you are that one.

Cher’s Scholar’s Response:

What about the sixth date? And the seventh? And ugh…what kind of flirt should this girl be? What is the missing word?? That’s a crucial adjective we’re missing there! And this could very well be the one single word that could have changed me from a bad flirt into a good flirt!

(And I think we can all agree that if I was a better flirt I wouldn’t have said half the things I’ve said in this whole series of Cher Scholar responses. But then I’m also not qualified to answer any of these questions.)

Anyway, Gee is Georganne, Cher’s beautiful, blonde sister who I’m sure had the pick of many offered dates. Especially being able to says she was Cher’s little sister.

More on this later but playing hard to get is basically a pre-dating game. How long does one have to keep that up? Some people play this game long into a relationship. (I’m thinking of a scene from When a Man Loves a Woman where Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia, long married, go to public places and pretend they don’t know each other to keep their relationship feeling fresh.) There’s also playful fighting that is a kind of flirting. But those games seem safer in a situation where people know each other well. Then again there are plenty of people who would be bored without the chase, people for whom the chase is the point. Then there are other people who see game-playing as an impediment to intimacy.

My theory is the more sensitive a person is, (and sensitivity is a superpower, remember), the less these games might appeal to them. It’s like how spicy foods are explained in the book How Pleasure Works by Paul Bloom. People who have more taste buds on their tongue (not hereditary just randomly), enjoy spicy foods a lot less because the taste is overwhelming on a tongue with more taste buds. (I must have zero taste buds in this scenario.) Those people, turns out, aren’t “picky,” as I was always taught to label such people. They actually have smarter tongues, if you think about it. And therefore, they would rather have calmer food.

And speaking of chaperones, Cher was out of the house at 16. Her mother was working and she was probably dating before that even, unchaperoned. Her time with Warren Beatty was famously unchaperoned. Who knows who else she ran into like that unchaperoned. Because Warren Beattys were like rats in the 1960s. If you saw one, there was probably 50 more running around within 50 yards of you. (Oh dear. I’ll probably run into trouble with that joke.)

Anyway, the tension around flirt or play-hard-to-get continues in the next question and we’ll pick it up again there.

Here’s a fake mugshot photo of the unchaperoned Cher.

Amazon.com: Cher - Teen - Mugshot - 1959 - Photo Poster: Posters & Prints

Dear Sonny, I am a guy who is [13, 15?], and there’s a girl down the street I’m crazy about. She is also in my room at school. She used to like me, but now she doesn’t. What should I do about this problem? Love-sick, Chicago, Ill.

Sonny’s Response:

Dear Love-sick, The worst thing a guy (or girl) can do when someone they like ignores them is to start chasing after that person. They become a nuisance, aside from which the chick realizes she’s got you [unreadable] and there isn’t any excitement or intrigue left. The only chance [you] have is to become a challenge to this girl. Somehow, make your[self] interesting to her and then play hard to get. Don’t be at her beck and call. Let her wonder what happened. She will either [come] around or not, and if not, she’s really not for you. The first [step] towards maturity is to learn to accept the facts of life. It’s like [unreadable] buddy—what is is. 

Cher Scholar’s Response:

I’m sorry. Did I say last week’s Sonny answer on football was the worst advice I have ever heard in my life? I was wrong. This is the worst advice I’ve ever heard in my life.

She’s got you [something]? She’s got you covered? Hornswoggled? Snickerdoodled? Boobytrapped? She’s got you where she wants you? What?

Not to mention that this advice conflicts with previous Cher advise on chasing versus fighting-for and we’re back in the perpetual mess of what to do.

Play the game, don’t play the game. It all comes down to the power-structure. Who is having to work hard at performing the appropriate level of availability around which people (and their level of social power) and at what times in history and with the understanding of which consequences? Because both parties aren’t being offered the same power. It’s not healthy if one person is doing the playing for another person and the person being played to has full control of the relationship. It’s not true intimacy because one person has to hold back or release honesty only in particularly acceptable moments. You can’t be yourself and do this.

If it’s a truly equitable game, meaning both parties trade off the power position, this would seem okay. But I don’t often see that. I see one party (and this could be the boy, the girl, anybody) at a disadvantage.

But even saying that, some people are turned on by that disadvantage and that’s what they’re working out in this lifetime. And that’s them doing them.

How do you know if you’re engaging in power plays? Look at how you treat your friends. Do you treat your lovers with the same amount of respect and give them the same amount of agency? Intimate relationships should work the same way (just with extra benefits). Surely, they shouldn’t be treated worse.

And speaking of relationships, since this is our last question about boys and dating and this has been such an overwhelmingly big theme in this column, let’s finish up on the whole topic with a very problematic Cher song lyric and, ironically, a very astute Sonny one.

This 1979 Cher song, “Boys and Girls,” is from her album Prisoner. It was written by Billy Falcon. To give this song some context, this was when Cher was on the Casablanca label and struggling to introduce some rock music into what was meant to be another disco album. This song suffers from that tug of war.

The lyrics also attempt to take us through the somewhat rough experience of flirting.

Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your toes

Well feeling you’re cool is as good as looking it
Thinking you’re cool is as good as knowing it
Playing it cool is as good as blowing it

[I would argue that feeling you’re cool is NOT as good as looking it.]

You know you can’t spend a dollar, if you ain’t got a dime
You can’t hook a fish if you ain’t got a line
You won’t catch the bus if you’re not there on time

[Hard to argue with any of these statements.]

So go read up your books and sharpen your hooks
Then all you need is money and a mouth full of honey
And if you play your cards right after dancing all night
You won’t have to walk home alone
I said, you won’t have to walk home alone

Boys, you can hang loose and slip up real cool
But if your lady has a love noose she might never let you go

[Love noose?! Ok, now that’s scary.]

And if you think maybe you’re too young
And you just cannot cope, just grab a razor sharp
Pair of cutting shears and cut a hole right in the rope
Snip a hole right in the rope

[Razor sharp pair of cutting shears. Very specific. Scissors are not good enough to extricate yourself from the love noose. Noted.]

Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your toes

Well feeling you’re cool is as good as looking it
Thinking you’re cool is as good as knowing it
Playing it cool is as good as blowing it
You know you can’t spend a dollar, if you ain’t got a dime
You can’t hook a fish if you ain’t got a line
You won’t catch the bus if you’re not there on time

Well if you wake up tomorrow morning
And you can’t remember what you did
Just ring up some of your friends
And they’ll tell you just how low you slid
Oh don’t be ashamed of anything you hear
After all you can’t be blamed when you’re drinking so much beer

[Just how much beer can we picture Cher drinking?]

Hey, don’t worry that what you did just wasn’t right
Just remember, brothers and sisters
After every day’s another night
Just remember, brothers and sisters
After every day’s another night

[Truth, Days do indeed follow nights.]

Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your toes
I said, boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your toes

Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
Oh, from your head down to your toes
Boys, go and shine up your shoes
Girls, run and powder your nose
‘Cause tonight you’ll be shaking
From your head down to your little bitty toes

I really miss liner notes. Cher’s album Prisoner was the first Cher album to have them.

But this all seems very bleak to me. Even the music makes me feel tense. And there’s a lot more to shining shoes and powdering noses than is explained here. It sounds oppressive, overly complicated and, quite frankly, an emotional quagmire.

Sonny’s answers have been hot and cold in this series, giving both fair and completely sexist advice. But sometimes he could be very sensible and helpful and simple. When conditions were right, I guess. (When the light of the moon hits the keyhole on the first month of December…) Of all the issues in all these columns about love relationships, I believe the answer can be found in this little, unassuming line from my very favorite (Sonny &) Cher song, written by Sonny, “Somebody.”

“It aint power. It aint freedom.”

If you have relationship problems, the issue probably lies with one of these mindsets. And if you can figure your way out of these mindsets, you’re pretty much home free. We’re all indoctrinated to want to control (or be controlled), to escape (or be discovered), as if that’s all there is to it.

But in an ironic twist provided by Sonny himself, relationships are so much more beautifully complicated than power and freedom or “Boys and Girls.” The problem may be simple and static, but a good result is an amazingly intricate variability.

It aint power. It aint freedom.

Dear Sonny, I am 14 years old and there’s a guy I’m really gone on, but [he] doesn’t know that I like him. My mother heard me talking to [unreadable] on the phone and got mad. She says that I should not like boys [four] or five years older than I am. I stopped talking to this boy [unreadable] missed him very much. Then last week we started talking [unreadable]. Now, I think he is in love with one of my best friends. [What] should I do? Mixed-up, Santa Barbara, Calif.

Sonny’s Response:

Dear Mixed-Up, Some parents are more old-fashioned than others, and the problem can become difficult. As you know, I am older than Cher [unreadable] at first her parents did not take to me. Fortunately, I proved [unreadable] worthy of their daughter. Since this guy you dig seems [hung up on?] another girl, why don’t you just determinedly make yourself new friends. When you do, introduce them to your mom, so [that she] can see that they are nice folks—no matter how much [younger? or] how much older they are than you. Wish you happiness!

Cher Scholar’s Response:

A boy she is really “gone on.” Now that’s an interesting way to say it. She’s lost herself. She’s gone. Sonny says “parents” here but in the stories it’s only Cher’s mother who was upset about the 11-year age difference between Cher and Sonny. But now I wonder who Georgia was with at this time. Was she married at that time? I don’t think Cher’s father was involved at all, quite possibly he was in prison.

Anyway, this is good advice, Sonny. And this was a good question to end on. And a great farewell to our series with the final “Wish you happiness.”

Here is a picture of Sonny  & Cher being groovy to see us off. Sonny is wearing his El Primo shirt. Good grief! Well, as they say, fuck around and find out.

 

Read more Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine

Sonny & Cher Live in 1972

So last week Cher scholar Michael sent me an essay that somebody published which was basically a strategy paper for the later-day variety show of Sonny & Cher. Not a paper from 1978. A paper from 2024. Which is shocking in itself, as Cher scholar Michael pointed out.

There were a few issues with the brief paper, including no specific examples, certain factual inaccuracies around the timing of Nelsen ratings, a lack of understanding the show’s then-significance on women, a seeming lack of correctly reading the second variety show’s tone and themes of humor and, most interesting, the suggestion that writers of the second show should play off Cher’s singlehood, an idea which exposed the possibility that the paper’s author had not seen Cher’s interim solo show on CBS or knew about her new marriage to Gregg Allman and subsequent pregnancy during the second show.

But then again, this is deep-fan knowledge these days. Even people who saw the show on live TV have all but forgotten those scandalous details, although they were public enough at the time to make jokes about on the show. I chalk this up to the gravitational force of Sonny & Cher. What rockstar romance could compete?

But seriously, I am always surprised that the general public does not know about Cher’s second marriage to Gregg Allman or that she has a second son. It reminds me of my own surprise upon learning that Elizabeth Taylor had any children. It’s like if you don’t hear from a celebrity’s offspring either doing very well or very poorly or writing a tell-all book about their childhoods, they don’t seem to exist in the somewhat-fictional star-o-sphere.

But anyway, the paper did have a gem. It included an image of this 1972 Sonny and Cher concert review. Scholar-score! I’m going to type out the full review here because it illustrates how big Sonny & Cher were in 1972 and how different the assessment was then of Cher’s talent. For some reason, she was less of a target when she was married and more of a target when she was a solo artist. We should think on that for a bit.

Sonny, Cher Pack Arena by Mike Kalina
from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, August 16, 1972

A capacity Civic Arena crowd last night was treated to a lion’s “Cher” of music as Mr. and Mrs. Bono—also known as Sonny & Cher—performed in a concert in which the distaff side of singing team radiated throughout.

Sonny and Cher opened their act with “All I Ever Need Is You” and proceeded to do most of the hits that made them famous including “The Beat Goes On,” “I Got You Babe,” and “A Cowboy’s Work Is Never Done.”

Sonny’s only solo was “You Better Sit Down Kids” which originally was a hit when Cher recorded it in the late 60s. Among the numbers Cher soloed on were “Gypsys Tramps and Thieves” and “The Way of Love.”

In all her numbers, Cher showed off her surprisingly powerful voice which also can convey great warmth and feeling. Other numbers were the Nilsson hit “Without You,” “Rainy Day Feeling,” “United We Stand” and “the Carole King tune, “You’ve Got a Friend.”

Although Cher is clearly the stronger of the two vocally, she never overly-dominated the performance as a good wife shouldn’t. [Oh boy.] Both projected warmth to the audience in not only their numbers but also in their brief chats with the crowd before the songs.The couple interspersed their numbers with comedy patter, much in the same vein as the routines they do on television. I think a lot of the jokes that they did, all of which I had heard them do before, took up a little too much time, which could more judiciously have been spent singing.

[A recent comic was discussing this situation on a TikTok reel the perishability of jokes in contrast to the robustness of older songs in a music set. There’s a pressure to produce new jokes in comedy, alternatively to play old songs in pop and rock shows. I could see how this might put pressure on an act that does both, like the Smothers Brothers or Flight of the Conchords or Sonny & Cher.]

Two songs they weren’t able to fit into the show were “Living in a House Divided” and “When You Say Love” both of which are big sellers now.

[I am surprised those songs were big enough hits to warrant a note about a review missing them; but it’s also interesting to see that Sonny & Cher weren’t pushing their hits on the record shelves.]

The crowd was estimated at 14,200, a record for the Arena which previously had been held by the recent show here by the Rolling Stones.

[Ok, let’s mention that again for those watching from any Halls of Fames: Sonny & Cher broke the arena record set by the Rolling Stones in Pittsburgh. in 1972.]

Sonny and Cher previously had appeared at the Arena in 1966 but their popularity was not nearly as great as it is today. In a pre-concert interview they both agreed that they owed a lot of their current fame to their television program. Also, they said that their act today has more of a general appeal than it did when they played the Arena the last time when their records were the only thing they had going for them.

Backstage the superstar couple was very pleasant with reporters and gave a rather candid interview which touched on the high—and low—points of their career. They also posed for photos and signed autographs not as though it was a chore, as many stars give the impression, but as if they enjoyed it.

Opening the show was bright young comedian David Brenner, who is familiar to viewers of the Johnny Carson show. Brenner said that several years ago his career was given a big shot in the arm by an engagement at the Civic Arena which opened up a lot of doors to future concert dates.

“I owe a lot to this place,” he said.

Just eight years later People magazine will note “Cher’s shallow talents,” a comment the likes of which we would see throughout the next few decades for her shows and records. In fact, I don’t think she ever received a good review from Entertainment Weekly ever. This 1972 review also illustrates why Cher may have wanted to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as Sonny & Cher and not just as a solo act because we often forget that this duo did break some records, too.

Here is another set of two reviews from March 1972 in Fort Wayne, Indiana (with photos) and a photo snippet from September of 1972 where Steve Martin opened for them in Memphis:

Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine, Part 6

I was thinking this week would be another Dear Sonny & Cher, but it’s actually another solo Cher with a picture of Sonny & Cher. So technically Cher made it through four columns by herself. The final four of the ten will all be “Dear Cher…and Sonny.” So six total were with Sonny, four solo.

This is an interesting picture. It shows the mature Sonny and the doe-eyed Cher. They look like brother and younger sister here. Sonny showed some real courage to wear those polka-dots.

This was a frustrating week for me, the obvious answers for teeth and nails and always the boys. I think I’ve reached my limits on the variation of “does he like me” questions. These boys are gonna be the death of me.

 

If your young life is full of problems there’s no need for you to suffer alone. In fact—there’s no need for you to suffer at all, Cher wants to help you—right here in the pages of 16!

Dear Cher, I like this boy who lives near my house, but I’m not sure whether he likes me—or is just teasing me. It seems like all the boys tease me. I feel like they must hate me. How can I be sure just what they mean? Unsure, Mystic, Conn.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Unsure, I think you are nurturing a queen-size inferiority complex—and all over nothing. First, if a boy notices you enough to tease you, you can be almost positive that he is interested in you. Second, it is a habit of fellows, when they are hanging around together, to single out a girl or two and pick on them. All this means is that they are watching. Don’t take [it] the wrong way. Just be a little lady and don’t be afraid to smile at them occasionally—with a dash of humor in your eyes. Soon you will find that they will stop teasing and start talking to you, which is probably what they are building up to, anyway,

Cher Scholar’s Response:

Oh boy. There’s a lot to unpack in here. I even ran this one by my mother this week. We were talking about sensitivity gone amuck. Common wisdom on “picking on” as flirting is pretty strict. It’s “not okay” and practically considered abuse. Sometimes the more innocent “teasing” gets caught up in that, however, which makes flirting in this century very complicated.

As the “little lady” in a house with two older brothers I was obviously teased and this was in the 1970s so it was obviously tolerated. The issue wasn’t the teasing per se (which all four of them did). It was the not-stopping after teasing fatigue set in. I gained a reputation for being explosive when my buttons were pushed for too long. Plus, I tend to be sensitive, after all, practically emotionally fragile.

When I moved from Albuquerque to St. Louis I was also teased by the Missouri boys, (I think that was a genetic predisposition), because of my last name being Ladd, (which is why I’ve always found name puns to be low hanging fruit, comedically speaking). My mother consistently would tell me that the boys were only teasing me because they liked me. That did help take the punch out of their puns.

But where does teasing end and bullying begin? I do not know. But I do know, if the teasing crosses the line into bullying than you can f*%k that shit about being “a little lady” who smiles “with a dash of humor.” That would not be the recommended strategy today. Bullying is not funny. It’s basically the pre-stage of a fist fight.

However, teasing is not always bullying. Even though gaslighters will tell you “they’re just teasing” as they’re bullying you (ask me how I know). It’s all very complicated.

And here’s the rub. I am teaser myself. And I’ve been told I tease like a Ladd (which is not necessarily a good thing). I definitely, like those boys, wouldn’t bother to tease someone I didn’t care for. But I also wouldn’t tease someone I didn’t know very well or trust. It is definitely one of the ways I express both affection (dare I say the primary way) and a sense of feeling safe.  Which brings us to the love languages. I’m not a huge fan of the love languages because they seem to train us to accept our default (and everyone else’s) comfortable languages and I contend we should all be good(ish) at all of them. (To review the love languages are service, touch, gifts, words and time. I get it, we’re all bad at some of them, (err, or all of them). But we all needs goals, right? We certainly should have goals to love better. We all need a repertoire of thoughtfulness, conversation, experiences…and teasing.

The dialogue at the beginning of The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour was designed to be marital teasing. Sometimes it got pretty barbed but the idea was that it was all in fun and games and that Sonny and Cher would go home as a happy family. That didn’t exactly turn out to be truth, but it wasn’t because of height jokes or Indian jokes or Italian jokes. It was due to much more serious fault lines around infidelity and control. Cher actually liked short Italian guys…like a lot. Her barbs were just part of the game playing and the banter was popular because everyone was getting used to seeing more “ethnic” looking people on TV making fun of each other. Then maybe racist America wouldn’t take it all so seriously either. I think the banter was doing real cultural work via the guise of teasing. Looking back it seems more mean-spirited than it did at the time.

And in the real space of a relationship between two people, teasing has a function. It is part of the suite of affections. But the world is full of misinterpretations and sensitivity; so where flirting is concerned, we probably aught to be a safe word for teasing deployments.

I’m going to pick one right now: “fluffernutter.”

Dear Cher, I am 14 years old and I have always been thin—skinny, to be honest. I feel afraid of people. I can never talk to them easily and I feel as though I want to run away and hide sometimes. Frustrated, Glen Allen, Va.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Frustrated, If I were you, I would look at the bright side of things. It is easier to gain weight than to lose it [not true], for instance. I suggest that you eat a well-balanced diet of three big meals and day, and then help yourself to between-meal snacks. You can eat pizza, popcorn and ice cream—all those groovey goodies that most teenage girls have to say “no” to. [Uh, is this a good idea?]  I would advise you to avoid chocolate, coconut, soda pop and sundaes, as these can cause acne. To overcome your intense shyness, you will just have to force yourself  out of your shell. Try talking to yourself in the mirror. Don’t laugh, I really mean it. Then try talking to two or more friends. I know it’s hard to do, but if you don’t make some kind of effort, you’ll never get anywhere. Good luck.

Cher Scholar’s Response:

What a mess. Half of us have fat thighs and half of us have toothpicks (my Dad’s word for his legs today). The very idea of the ideal is exhausting.

Metabolisms can get really screwed up with extreme diets in one direction or another. So this advice seems very dated now: pig out, basically. This could have bad unintended consequences down the line at the other extreme. Science is just now figuring out how metabolisms function and it’s kind of wacky. There’s still a lot we don’t know about food and how our body processes it. Neil DeGrasse Tyson in his Master Class talked about “frontier science” (science at the very outer edges of our knowledge and understanding) and food seems to fit into that category for me, which is why the media jumps on all the contradictory studies about common foods: eggs are good for you, eggs are bad for you, coffee is good for, coffee is you bad for you, wine is good for you… We don’t know yet fully is the thing. The weight-loss show The Biggest Loser demonstrated how much we really don’t know scientifically about weight loss and weight gain.

The Cooking with Cher cookbook is a good example of this. When this Cher’s fat-free-everything cookbook came out, fat free was the fad, accepted on faith. But as it turns out, we need some of those fats. Eating is complicated.

My friend Julie and I once hosted a A Battle of the Stars dinner party in Los Angeles with our friends: Jack Nicholson’s fat-free cookbook recipes pitted against Cher’s fat-free recipes. Cher did win in the final voting but everyone was pretty unilaterally unenthused about the goods. And that’s not surprising for diet food. Fun jobs don’t pay. Good food tries to kill you. C’est La Vie.

Michelle Obama’s new book The Light We Carry (one of the books saving my life right now) had some great advice about talking to yourself in the mirror. She tells a story about a man she knows who starts every day with a look in the mirror and a friendly, “Hey, buddy.” It’s about starting the day with something nice to say to yourself. I am trying to figure out what the girl equivalent should be. I don’t like the Barbra Streisandly “Hey gorgeous!” Too much. I want to talk to my little self, actually. With some bit of teasing, truth be told, like, “Hey there, wiseacre” or “Good morning, smarty pants!”

Sonny teased Cher about being too thin and this was probably one of the things she was actually a bit sensitive about. She said before Bob Mackie, she wasn’t even sure people realized she was a girl. Which just goes to show what the power of an outfit will do.

The great ones have like super powers I guess.

Dear Cher, I have boy trouble. I am 13 and every time I get a boy to notice me, he seems friendly at first but [then] he loses interest. How can I get a boy to keep liking me? Troubled, Pablos Verdes, Calif.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Troubled, To get a boy to keep on liking you is an age-old problem with us girls. I think you have to make something “special” of yourself [oy vey]. To be special, you should have your own flair with clothes, have an original hair style, or do something that is different (but no way-out) [god forbid]. Most girls have a tendency to “run with the herd,” and guys get bored with that type. [Is this Sonny, talking? It sounds more like Sonny in some of these.] It is the girl who tries new things, [*snicker*] who is stimulating and full of life, and who has imagination and uses it that keeps a fellow alert and interested. 

Cher Scholar’s Response:

Sigh. So what is the recipe again? Be stimulating, full-of-life, not boring, imaginative but not “way-out.” Good grief. No, bad grief. This is an age-old story. It’s called Scheherazade.

You know what? This is the right answer (and I’m not disagreeing with Cher here; she came to this answer eventually): girls don’t need boys. That’s the answer. Stop all the “does he like me if he teases me” or “does he like me if names his car after me” or does he like me if I do A,B,C,D,E,F….

I’m getting bored with the bored boys, to be honest with you.

Let me tell you a story. I once worked at a Mortgage Company in St. Louis. My job all day was to make legal-sized photocopies and send faxes to the corporate office in Minnesota. I did so much faxing I started to dream about it. In the dream I had trouble flipping over the double-sided legal paper correctly. (I hate work dreams.) Anyway, there were two women there I completely misjudged. One was a very cool, beautiful curly-haired brunette woman who I thought would never want to be friends with a boring person like me. But she invited me to dog sit for her and we went to concerts together (the best one being Steely Dan) and she became the only friend I maintained out of that job.

The other woman was a very tiny, trad-wife looking woman. Or trad-fiancé anyway. Just the way she dressed, talked and did her hair. She was at that time planning her upcoming wedding and it was all she was talking about. I thought, she’s just waiting for her “real” life to begin. I wasn’t dismissive so much as I considered her an alien property. I was only 22 or 23 at the time. Little did I know she was over 30, (all the girls in that office were over 30, the cool, beautiful girl, the getting-married girl, the girl training so hard to get into the FBI she passed out one day by the fax machine).

We had an amazing boss there. He was a Baptist minister. And I told my first joke in that office. I remember it like it was yesterday. I sat next to the boss and we had an open office plan. There was a light flickering above us and we could see a bug up there dying in the light fixture. I said, “Well, I guess you can say he’s finally seen the light.” The whole office starting laughing and not because the joke was any good but because quiet-Mary actually told a joke. I turned beet-red and became committed to doing more of that.

Anyway, after a few months I got to know the not-so-trad-wife girl as I delivered copies to her desk by the window. She asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said no. I was just moving into my first apartment. She said, “Good. Live on your own for as long as you can. You will discover who you are, learn how to stand on your own two feet and then you will never feel trapped by a bad relationship.”

I thought, “That’s f*%king brilliant!” She wasn’t a trad-wife at all. She turned out to be a god-damn love guru.

Cher has said as much. Boys are fabulous but you don’t need one to live.

I don’t want to live in a world without boys. I want to be friends with boys. Relationships with boys are important and exciting and fulfilling. But if all the boys in the world find me boring or unimaginative or unstimulating, I will survive it.

Dear Cher, I have trouble with my hair, my face, and—worse—I have buck teeth. Please don’t laugh. I really want to know what to do. I am 11 years old. Carol, Atwater, Col.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Carol, you must never think for one minute that I would laugh at you or anyone with a problem. I was young once [like two days ago], too, and I know how very serious all these problems are. I only hope that I can help you and any other 16-ers who write to me in some small way. I think it would serve you well to order 16’s Beauty and Popularity Book, as you did not spell out your problems in any detail and the Beauty Book covers all problems, from shyness to skin and hair care. Buck teeth can only be treated by a dentist (who will probably send you to a good orthodontist). I advise you to get your parents to take you to the dentist at once, as you are still young enough to get the braces that will cure your buck teeth problem forever.

Cher Scholar’s Response:

I had braces too. I was thinking the transformation was going to be bigger than it was after that year of mouth metal. Like I would have magic new teeth basically.  But I pretty much looked the same. I had the same teeth. I didn’t suddenly have Farrah Fawcett face.

I wish I could get a copy of this 16  guide book to beauty. I still can’t find it. But I did find an ad for it. Yikes!

And I found the next best thing: Susan Dey’s Secrets on Boys, Beauty and Popularity.  I can’t wait to read this. The answer is out there about beauty and boys, folks. This is just more “frontier science.”

Cher’s mother did not have the money to fix Cher’s teeth. And Cher didn’t get braces until she was in her late-30s, somewhere between the movies Silkwood and The Witches of Eastwick. In some ways, her straightened teeth completely changed the look of her mouth. The fist time I saw Cher’s new mouth was in the movie The Witches of Eastwick. I had cognitive dissonance watching the first outdoor lunch scene where Alexandra Medford meets Daryl Van Horne in the beginning of the movie.

Maybe if you’ve got a magic smile you shouldn’t fuss with it. More “frontier science” right there.

(Click to enlarge)

Dear Cher, How can I stop biting my nails? They are a mess. I want to hide my hands when I go out on a date. Please help me. Nails, Ft. Lee, N.J.

Cher’s Response:

Dear Nails, First try to get a “substitute” habit. In other words, every time you want to bite your nails grab a piece of gum or a Life Saver—or twist a piece of your hair. Next, run lanolin (it’s cheap at the drug store) in your hands and massage your finger-tips each night (this is to keep your cuticles soft). Every time you feel like “biting in,” stop and  say, “That’s silly. I’ll find something better to do with my hands”—and do it.

Cher Scholar’s Response:

The old “substitute habit” theory. I don’t think that works. I think that’s just regular ole science. Besides, twisting your hair could be just as annoying for everyone else to have to watch. How about this, the next time you want to bite your nails, smoke a cigarette instead. See? And soon we’ll have to start ranking and color-coding all the bad habits and it will be a mess. Mo habits, mo problems.

I either have the best nails or the worst nails. It’s called life balance, people. Sheesh. My grandmother always has glamourous nails and sometimes having my grandmother’s long fingers with her glamourous nails can feel like Dumbo’s feather, but sometimes I feel like nails should get a breath of fresh air or I’ll be taking a ceramics class and fingernails wreak havoc when you’re doing pottery.

Cher, too, has gone through nail phases. Her most famous nail phase was in the 1970s when she popularized the crazy-long talons. She was so infamous for her long nails that there are stories about her bringing recording sessions to a halt if she needed a nail repair.

But then she went to a more natural look when she started acting in movies because well, of course, serious actors need to have serious nails. It makes total sense.

She has recently started wearing longer nails again but with less color.

(Click to enlarge)

Biting your nails is probably one of the better bad habits, all things considered. I mean they keep growing back so…live a little.

 

Read more Dear Sonny & Cher from 16 Magazine

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