Category: Vamp Bulletin (Page 2 of 2)

For all the vampy mothers out there…

I wonder who picked up more makeup tips here: Chastity or Elijah? I never watched my mother put on makeup because my mother always puts on makeup in the car.

Cher was listed as one of the best movie moms. Ah! That’s sweetness. She’s played one kick-ass moms. Was she technically a mom to that monkey in Good Times? No, I guess he was just a house guest. They did have that bald son chopping wood out back. In Witches she was a mom. Her teenage daughter looked put-upon…and frustrated about where to put her Richard Simmons video tapes amongst all the giant booby doll sculptures. In both Mask and Mermaids, Cher-as-mom always did a big scene of yelling, not a lot of cooking (a roast and some finger foods), and always flirted with men about town.

Does this describe your mom? My mom is unlike any of Cher’s movie moms. It’s a stretch but maybe she’s like Ben’s mom in Mask except she doesn’t ride a Harley or smoke pot. A few years ago, my mother wrote in to Ask Cher Scholar. This is a good excerpt of some of her ongoing concerns.

Which Cher Movie Mom is your mom most like?

http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/cher%2Blalanne/video/x1wlsc_cher-jack-lalanne-health-spa-commer

Does your mom demand that you send her a physical card for Mother’s Day and not just an e-card? Mine does. I learned that the hard way last year. I call this a Mom Rider (a list of things Mom demands).

Concert riders are discussed on the site After Ellen. The comments about Cher made me laugh out loud.

Cher — If you’ve ever seen Cher live, you know she changes her costume more than she sings songs. In her rider, she requires a room just for her wigs. Cher also refuses to wear a backstage pass. I’ll give her that one: if you don’t know Cher on sight, you have no business working at an arena.

Here’s more of Cher’s rider on Smoking Gun.

I hope everyone has a good Mother’s Day: whether your mom is cool, dysfunctional, or has passed on.

Judge not ye Cher fan, least ye be judged. Shortly after I posted that Diva Skank post, I remembered a public faux pas that happened with Cher back in 1979 at a roller skating party. Some photographer captured Cher’s "shelf" (as my mother would call it) when the camera flash penetrated the mesh of Cher’s black top. Unexpectedly. It was scandalous. People wondered the same thing at the time: was that an accident or a skanky publicity stunt? I can’t find the paparazzi shot, but it looked something similar to this outfit to the left.

Truly, Shakespeare (and Agatha Christie) had it right: there’s nothing new under the sun.

Hey now, the Official Cher Fan Club site is up again! I’m excited. For a minute. Then I find out the Join feature is still disconnected. “Check back soon.” Oh, you can count on it. So my wait to join this Cher fan movement continues. And I continue to feel like an outsider to their particular shenanigans.

As I’m surfing through their website, I’m also watching reruns of the 70s talk show classic, The Dick Cavett Show (there are no fan sites of Dick Cavett–don’t think I didn’t try). Cavett Show reruns are on my roommate’s tivo. This one is Katharine Hepburn. For about five years I’ve been working on a long-form Hepburn poem based mostly on Barbara Leamings biography of her family history, "Katharine Hepburn: Star as Feminist" by Andrew Britton (read my review), "The Making of The African Queen" by Hepburn herself and "Tracy and Hepburn" by Garson Kanin (Kanin and Ruth Gordon and Hepburn and Tracy were apparently a friendly foursome). Anyway, that mess of verse is now sitting unfinished in a box. Meanwhile, I’m watching this show as I blog, thinking she sure is a Chatty Cathy. But this is actually an historical TV moment, the Cavett episode where she throws down one of my favorite Hepburn quotes. I get vaklempt every time I hear it excerpted on a Hepburn documentary:

Fear is what you and I suffer from trying to be fascinating; which is asinine position to be in, you know, really. Here I am and aren’t I great department and it’s embarrassing; and you’re never sure that you can do it. If you have been taught basic freedom from fear and a basic belief in what you’re doing that is sufficient to carry you when everyone and his uncle thinks you’re wrong; and you still think, God  damn it, I don’t think I’m wrong. I think I’m right and I’m gonna do it.

Cavett then quotes someone who stated Hepburn had the best cheekbones this side of Dover. This side of Dover: that must be an old 70s turn of phrase. Hepburn does have great cheekbones. But Cher’s are better. Well, they were better when Cher carried more of a gaunt look. I hope that’s not an effect of Botox, loss of cheeckbone definition. Because that’s a high price to pay for a lack of wrinkles. I’d go for the cheekbones any day and twice on Sunday. But then I’m a true blue for people with beautiful cheekbones. My short list: Cher, John Waite, Katharine Hepburn. All the gals in Witches of Eastwick have good cheekbones.