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Tag: Cher doll

A Cher Doll Story  

Screenshot_20211005-202505I’ve been telling people this story lately so I thought I should blog about it too. My friend Krissy was the only friend I had who was interested in playing with Barbie dolls (among many, many other things she liked to do). We both had the Malibu Barbie, which was the turn-of-the-decade Barbie to have at the time.

She had what looked like a spray-tan and a big diamond ring to indicate she lived in Malibu, had access to the beach and lots of money. Predictably, the ring fell out somewhere in the first few weeks which left her with a hole in her hand, freakishly flawed.

My parents loved getting me celebrity dolls for some reason. Probably because I loved the Sonny & Cher dolls so much. I had Wonder Woman, Screenshot_20211005-202707Cheryl Ladd (which looked nothing like the Charlie's Angel), and Donny and Marie (a show I’ve never even watched).

I also had the late 1970s Ken doll who seemed a bit of a dandy, like in Toy Story 3 but maybe more bordering on gay, although we weren’t too clear on what that was yet, and Skipper (little sister or cousin to Barbie, I can’t remember now, but she has those  sporty purple shorts).

Screenshot_20211005-202632Because Ken was not quite convincing as a romantic lead, Donny was the romantic lead to Malibu Barbie, whom he loved unconditionally despite her grotesque hand-hole. Sometimes Marie, who I thought was prettier than Malibu Barbie (she had that curvaceous purple dress) but who could hardly be hooked up with Donny (ew!) ended up with Ken, or more likely my brother’s very flexible and brawny G.I. Joe (which was an "action figure" and not a "doll"), whom I confiscated when my brother abandoned him.

Skipper always played fifth wheel. Screenshot_20211005-202849

Screenshot_20211005-202253It bears mentioning here that Donny and Marie, Cheryl Ladd, Sonny and Wonder Woman were all generic sort of dolls, without any of their celebrity luster attached to them, aside from the repulsion of hooking up Donny with Marie. So you could insert them into work-a-day storylines very easily. This was very important.

Sonny reminded me of a Sergio Leone villain in the movies my brother and Dad always watched and so he was always the mustached villain.

Our stories were always salacious with a lot of dramatic sex. Screenshot_20211005-202740

Which brings us to the Cher doll (of which I had two because my compadres broke the hands off of my first doll in first grade Show and Tell and then I broke the hands off the second doll and then my parents said enough!).

Screenshot_20211005-202148The Chers stayed on the sidelines…always. Even Wonder Woman with her painted-on super-suit was easier to place in storylines than Cher was.

Cher couldn’t be 'generic girl.' She was too Cher. Too big for the story.

And that right there is the magic of Cher.

Stinky Cher Words

Review"It hugs my body and caresses my soul"

This is the subject line of the latest email from Scent Beauty on Cher's Eau de Couture. "It gives me peace and comforts me. It makes me happy and gives me strength."

I'm all for aroma therapy but this ad sounds like we're pitching a magic, superfine, sunshine elixir!

"Now gather round folks. I heard you say you wanna pick-me-up that won't let you down. You're looking for a cure?….It's gotta relieve your sore bones, your aching tones and your runny nose!"

It's a good scent. But it does not exactly 'caress my soul.' In fact, this advance on my soul is not required from my beauty products. 

IMG_20210616_100953__01

My mom recently sent us boxes of keepsakes from our childhood, including art attempts, grades, our birth announcements… all that stuff. I've slowly been working through it. I can only take small amounts of my little-shit self so I have no idea how my mom put up with me. As the budding writer in the family, there are copious amounts of notes requesting sleepovers with Krissy (who lived behind us) and petitions to redress unfairnesses unspecified. 

The above letter was written on clown stationary and I had a vague memory today of covering it with the balloon stickers it came with. The letter starts by introducing myself to my mother (in case she doesn't remember me) and then launching into my Christmas wish list, which includes the overbearing request depicted above for "a sher doll" and a dog and a cat. I go on to concede that a cat is unlikely (some of us were allergic), but this was probably just a negotiating tactic on my part to leave room for bargaining down to the doll and the dog. I proceed to explain to her how much I like her and then attempt to illicit from her some positive feelings toward myself. 

I have to report the scheme worked as I did get 'a sher doll' that year. And Sonny too. But we already had a dog and I didn't get another one. 

Which is all to say I've been a fan since before I could spell Cher, which makes my appreciation almost pre-verbal. Almost. Clearly, I already had a very big mouth. 

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