I Found Some Blog

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Rusty Dennis, the FCC and Africa

People79 Whoa, Nelly! It’s 15 days since my last post! I feel terrible. I feel rusty already. No pun intended. Rusty Dennis, the woman Cher portrayed in Mask, died last week. We should all watch Mask in her honor. Rusty was one of Cher’s best performances. You can read my review is on Cher Scholar. I need to update it for the newest DVD release from last year. Interesting differences between the studio version and Peter Bogdanovich’s Director’s Cut. The new version has director’s commentary (a must for the truly obsessed), phenomenal background/deleted scenes (Cher singing even!) and Cher’s plug for the CCA. As a humble Cher scholar, I feel the need to have both versions on my shelf. The differences between the two raise pertinent questions for film-theory discussion, including “How does background music affect the tone of the film.” This issue spelled controversy when the film was released and is a valid study on soundtracking and attention to detail. I saw Peter Bogdanovich give a talk last year on the film. He spoke in his affected way about prefering natural background music. He said a lot of other things which will be included in an article for the next Cher zine. But hey, this paragraph should be about Rusty! She was a hard-living character and the story of her life is sad. Besides Rockey (Roy) Dennis, who died in his teens, she had another son who died too young. To her credit, her death was big news on the AP this week which means people remember her character and care about the movie. Read the AP news story.

Hard news to follow; but the reason I’ve been so remiss in posting is–I moved last week. I now live near the beach in Venice, California. I moved all of 15 or so blocks. Still, there’s been a lot of drama surrounding this move. For one, I moved in with my boyfriend. Last month, my parents asked me pointed questions about this like “will their be a bed in the spare bedroom?” Apparently, they weren’t thrilled about my living in sin (Trivia alert: Cher sang backup for Gene Simmons’ song "Living in Sin" in the late 70s). I heard about my parents’ feelings officially through their next door neighbor who emailed me. I told my mother I was 37 and too old to be pure.

Cher is too, apparently. Recently, the FCC said they would like to take Cher and Nicole Richie and wash their mouths out with soap. Okay…maybe that was my mother who said that. Turns out, way back during the Believe era when Cher was on The Billboard Music Awards in 2002 getting a lifetime achievement award, she said “F*#k ‘em!” The FCC has reversed an earlier ruling and decided the F-word is not an approved word for television, whether it’s used as an exclamation, noun or adjective. I don’t remember the F-word incident at all and I watched the show live from my apartment in Yonkers, New York, a dump of a place right off the Hudson river. But it doesn’t surprise me that Cher would pick her first primetime lifetime achievement award to swear like a sailor. She’s got a f*#king potty mouth, that one! I remember when I was nine years old and sick with the flu. My parents brought that People Magazine with the Vegas outfit on the cover to cheer me up. It was riddled with “swear-outs.” I was so disillusioned. I had probably just had my own mouth washed out with soap days earlier, but it didn’t matter. Cher wasn’t like me; she wouldn’t swear! She was a glamorous lady, above such gutter talk. It took me a few months to get over it; but then I decided, if those words were good enough for me and my mother (who said sh*t every time something broke), they were good enough for Cher.

Here are some excerpts from the article on the FCC ruling:

“Broadcasters have alleged that the FCC inconsistencies, combined with its more aggressive enforcement and Congress’ tenfold hike in maximum indecency fines, to $325,000 per violation, have chilled the industry…In 2003, the FCC’s staff concluded that the "F-word" was allowed as an adjective, rejecting complaints about U2 singer Bono’s use of the word in that way during the 2003 Golden Globes Awards telecast.”

Bono gets away with murder!

“But in March 2004 — amid public outcry after Janet Jackson’s breast was briefly exposed during the 2004 Super Bowl halftime telecast — the FCC reversed itself, ruling any variation of the "F-word" referred to sexual activity and was almost always indecent."

Damn it, but it all comes down to Janet Jackson’s boob! Read the entire article.

I’ve said sh*t and f*#k alot this week. For some reason my most recent move has come with its share of breakdowns. I’m not talking about my breakdowns of which there have been at least three. I’m talking about technology and apartment malfunctions. I broke my boyfriends shower head and his favorite ceramic soup ladle. All my remotes have inexplicably stopped working. For instance, to play a DVD, one must now turn on the stereo receiver first and set it to CD. Hang on because it never makes any more sense than this. Then, you have to turn on the VCR and put in a video cassette so the VCR will switch itself to VCR mode. Then you must turn the VCR channel to AUX and press play on the DVD player. It took me three days to figure it all out.

All that plus tons of job interviews, not to mention this is the busy social season. We’re also hosting a small Thanksgiving dinner this year for four. I’m swamped, I tell you, and I can’t catch my breath! I’ve had absolutely no time for Cher thoughts. And yet…they have accumulated in my head like uninvited little vagabonds.

It was just reported on BBC news that Cher plans to take an African trip to help Robert and Eleanor Wood buy land and build a school for some little Kenyans who have no food or pencils. It’s really great that Cher has been focusing so much time on charity work lately. The US holiday Veterans Day a week or so ago reminds us about her contribution to The Fallen Heroes Fund. The BBC article claims Cher told Robert Wood, “…when I start a project, I finish it.” She couldn’t have said that, I feel. Surely not. Or I’d have a Mame DVD directly in front of my two Mask DVDs on the shelf above my inexplicably complex DVD/stereo system at my new apartment.

   

Chastity Catch-up

Chasandcher Well…still no fan club sign-in on the official website. I carry on. Maybe it’s time to catch up on our Chastity Bono news.

  • Earlier this year, Chastity appeared on eight episodes of VH-1’s Celebrity Fit Club Season 3. She lost weight alongside Cosby Show’s Tempestt Bledsoe, Taxi’s Jeff Conaway, Moesha’s Countess Vaughn, Hollywood Squares’ Bruce Vilanch, Kelly LeBrock, and rappers Young M.C. and  Bizarre. You can read my episode-by-episode account of the saga on Ape Culture. I did get engrossed in a marathon of season 2 one Sunday in 2005, but mostly I find this show to be kind of boring. Not as boring as Who Gets the Dog, mind you, but pretty slow nonetheless. Even worse, however, is the inane weight-loss blather the show tries to present as information. And the early episodes with Jeff Conoway seem to push the boundaries of celebrity-sploitation. The fact that there’s one episode titled "The Meltdown" followed by another one titled "Jeff Goes Into Rehab" followed later by "Gunnar’s Hair Cut" should speak volumes.

Chastity also appeared on A&E’s Sell This House where she had her house in West Hollywood blinged-out for prospective buyers who had been hatin on it in prior showings. Vampin houses just aint Chas’s thang like it is her mummys. I can relate cos collecting Christmas cookie jars aint my thang either. Although if my mom decides to part with her shot glass collection, I’ll find storage space for that.

There are reports that Chastity is working on the development of a coming-out movie for the gay TV network here! Chas is co-writting "In the Name of Love" with Garth Belcon who wrote a 2004 movie called Froterz that Chastity appeared in. No word yet when this movie will be coming out, no pun intended.

Chastity has also talked about working on a  book about growing up with her parents, S&C. No word on the progress of this project either. Her previous books, The End of Innocence: A Memoir written with Michele Kort (2002) and Family Outing: A Guide to the Coming-Out Process for Gays, Lesbians, & Their Families written with Billie Fitzpatrick Fitzpatrick (1999) were both good reads.

Chastity really needs her own website. She has a Gene-Simmons-like amount of projects going on.

Signature Cher

AutobasicgI’m feeling sleepy tonight so I’ll keep this sucker short. Some news: CherWorld reports Cher is busy working on a new album and Diane Warren is rumored to be penning some of the material. If you’ve read my album reviews on Cher Scholar, you know I’m not a big fan of this 80s songstress. The hooks sound really simplistic to me and the lyrics really wack you over the head. “Turn back time. Find a way.” No nuance. No depth. Certainly no “My eyes saw red but the cards still stayed black” or “I play games now but it’s not fun” or “you’re as cool as Colorado, Orpheus on fire.” But hey, that’s just me. Warren is a true blue hit-maker. I’m sure a song by her would chart a new wing on the Cher compound.

There’s also continued rumbling today on the big Yahoo group about the fact that Cher has still not signed the hardback catalogs fans purchased over a month ago before the auction. Someone posted a Sotheby’s response email pleading like John Malkovic in Dangerous Liaisons: “It’s beyond my control.” Fans supporting Cher’s procrastinations of signature duty are claiming she was kind enough to sell you her stuff for thousands of dollars, give the diva some space to redecorate her yurt. I’m thinking, as a fan and as an auction house, you probably shouldn’t commit to sales of Cher-signed stuff until you have boxes of them in your hot little hands. I’m reminded of an old 80s Naked Eyes song called "Promises, Promises." ("You made me….promises, promises. Why did I believe???") That’s probably what Sotheby’s and some Cher fans without hardback catalogs are feeling right now. I’m beginning to feel for them, myself. Here’s an idea: print off the Cher signature in this post, white-out the date and Elmer-glue it to your paperback catalog. Write yourself something nice like “You are my number one fan and I’ll be over Sunday for tacos.” In thirty years when you open up your Cher box in the nursing home, you won’t remember the difference. 

Also posted on Chergroups, this link to an Oprah After Show in 2004. Here Cher was put in a very awkward position when asked if she would attend the 2004 Cher Convention coming up in Las Vegas. She adeptly skirts the issue and scuttles on by it without giving even an opinion of the convention fundraiser. It’s certainly an odd thing about the convention: Cher never mentions it in any positive way and sort of exudes a vague sense of discomfort concerning it. I often wonder if Cher fans and Cher don’t mix at the end of the day. Interpersonally, she’s just too cool for her hard cores. Because they’re the sort of people who might get beat up at school or in the smoking lounge at work. By Cher.

And my mood is not helped any by seeing that awfully unfunny Chevy Sumo-Wrestler ad playing all the time with that very stilted version of "I Got You Babe." 

All in all, it was a very hard day to be a Cher fan. 

   

Rejected Blog Title #1: When My Bloggies Have Dollies

CherworldYou’d think Cher.com would be the end-all-be-all of Cher sites. Alas…no. If you’re a Cher fan looking for a comprehensive site or fan-made trades, visit the awesomely-obsessed fan sites instead. I’d love to review them all right away. So much time, energy and luv went into them. Some are flashy, some are stylish and some are a bit busy.

I’ll start with CherWorld (www.cherworld.com) for this reason: besides Google searches and Wikipedia, most of my www.cherscholar.com visitors come from Cher World. Enough said. CherWorld loves Cher because she continues to "raise eyebrows." This site definitely captures Cher’s variety, outrageousness and fashion.

Site strengths

  • Most up-to-date news items – posted frequently
  • Active forums – today someone posted a picture of a Cher-themed pumpkin. Forum topics include general chat, albums, movies, live concerts, collectibles, photos, letters to Cher, games and an off-topic section.
  • Song downloads – remixes and rare songs like "Love is in the Air"
  • Video downloads – rare videos like Cher’s performance at the U.S. Superbowl and British TV appearances
  • Comprehensive, alphabetical song lyrics
  • Fan store with a calendar, photos, a Cher crystal and Cher-autographed items (nice but too expensive for me)
  • Organized photo galleries
  • Colorful, fan-submitted wallpapers
  • E-cards! We love ’em! Some hilarious flash cards!
  • Small preview areas of Cher products from Allposters.com and ebay.com to get your Cher collection started
  • It’s a robust site – I don’t see a lot of error messages or broken links
  • Has a wonderful link list of other Cher sites that lead lots of visitors to www.cherscholar.com!

Room for Improvement

  • I can’t decide if the layout is a little loud and busy or exciting and active.
  • Whoops…some spelling errors. No biggie. You can find those here, too.
  • Comprehensive singles and albums list with chart information – but which country’s chart is it? I’m not sure.
  • Why do I need Cher email? I’m not sure about that either. Or a Guestbook.
  • Login can be confusing as there’s a different login for your email and the forum. I got my passwords confused and it took a half an hour to sort it all out with an email reminder. Also, your password is very complicated and I can’t see where to change it to something simple.
  • It’s hard to find the most current forum posts because you can’t sort the list by date.
  • There’s an outdated Tour link (it does have the European tour date list, though) and a Library link that forwards you to a News archive.
  • The Films list is missing a few movies.

I haven’t explored the Fan area much. There’s an online chat there and a profile you can fill out. CherWorld promises to send your profile to Cher.

Overall, the site is tip-top, one of the best Cher sites out there and it has the fanbase to prove it. Behind Cher.com, imdb.com and Wikipedia, Google ranks CherWorld next in popularity. It’s the highest ranked fan site. You may need the shockwave plug-in available on the site to view all the features. You can also sign up to the mailing list. I did and I’m looking forward to my first e-mail. Stay tuned. I may not be getting Official Cher Fanclub e-mail; but soon I’ll be getting CherWorld email. Whoo-hoo! I’ll take it!

    

The Cher Show Seminar

Seminarppt_1The Cher Convention deserves its own post, really. So I won’t go into that right yet: the difficulties, the disturbances, the humor and the joy, the disappointments, the sorrow, the learning experience, the community, my inability to stay up past 10pm. All that’s in there.

I’ve always supported the Cher Convention. I always loved the idea of conventions in and of themselves and the Barry Manilow Convention always served as my model of an ideal Convention. Jam packed full of art, education and debauchery. Beatlefest and the Kiss Expo just reinforced that idea. At Beatlefest, there was an art gallery of Beatle-wife art, guitar sing-a-longs in the hallway and tons of vendors. The Cher Convention isn’t like any of that for various reasons. But it’s still a thing worth doing. Cher fans just don’t bring their guitars to Cher Conventions. And how else can you get a spontaneous sing-a-long to "Heart of Stone" going? Maybe someday there can be an art gallery of Sonny Bono photographs, some of which are quite good–I always thought.

The thing is–I feel strongly that a convention should have an educational component, both for the newbies and oldies alike. Ward Lamb did some great seminars for the 2000 and 2002 conventions, but was MIA for 2004 and 2006. In 2004, the educational spot was saved by an interview with Mary Anne Cassata, author of the must-have Cher Scrapbook, a fan book stocked to the hilt with great Cher photos.

This July, I ended up doing the seminar, but not for lack of trying to finagle no less than three other Cher Scholars: Ward Lamb again (he wrote a great article for Cher in Goldmine; liner notes for the Sundazed Sonny & Cher releases and the Rhino release of Sonny’s InnerViews; see also his Amazon product reviews); Jo Kozlowski (a writer from Chicago who helped me with the first Cher zine in 2000; check out her website, Cricket in the Corner), and Robrt Pela (a writer from The Phoenix New Times; check out his article, The Virtues of Chastity). These Cher aficionados couldn’t do it for various reasons.

The seminar I put together was based on the theme of the 2006 convention–The Cher Show of 1975-6. The slide show is located on www.cherscholar.com (under Cher Conventions). You can also find it by clicking here. During the seminar, I pontificated a bunch of extra blather about the show with the help of Christopher Brisson (writer, poet and cultural commentator) and Javier Ozuna (a major collector who had been to some tapings of the show).

Someday I hope to post a whole Cher PowerPoint curriculum with a final quiz you can mail in for a diploma in Cher Scholarship. Feel free to post or email me your syllabus ideas.

 

Cinderella

To speak to my last blog entry, here is the full text of the wonderful poem by Enid Dame.

   

Cinderella

   

Every daughter has two mothers:

my good mother believes in government.

She loves and distrusts her house.

She scours the ceiling, scrubs the floor with a toothbrush.

Father’s been gone for years.

   

My bad mother is an anarchist.

She sleeps late in a cobweb bed.

She walks through the house naked,

feeds tramps at the back door.

   

My good mother says: “Your body is disgusting.

It flops and bulges; it has no self-control.

I must keep you locked in this basement

because your smell would overpower the city.

Boys would fall out windows for lust of you.

A young woman is a walking swamp.

She leaks and oozes. Insects and toads cling to her hair.

She draws trouble

like a pile of manure draws flies.”

    

My bad mother likes to walk barefoot

in mud. Cats and dogs sniff her crotch.

She laughs. She gathers flowers:

shameless daylilies,

bluebells seductively

open their skirts for her.

My bad mother says, “Trust your body.”

    

My good mother gives me a necklace of cowrie shells.

I think they are ugly. They look like vaginas

with jagged, sharp teeth.

My bad mother hands me

a garland of dark red roses.

They are beautiful. But they too look like vaginas.

My good mother says, “If I let you go to the ball,

don’t come home with a man or a belly.

If you do, I’ll kill myself.

    

My bad mother says,

“Someday you’ll bring home a man.

I’ll make him chicken soup.

I’ll knit you an afghan

to warm yourself under.

If he says your body smells like fern and rain-worked earth,

if he says your juices taste like flowers     then

stick with him.

Whoever he is,

He’ll be a prince.”

   

Another Day of Not Being Official

Imnoangelmirage90I am struggling through another day of not being an Official Cher fan. This never bothered me until the opportunity was gone. I always thought my being an outsider to official Cher-fandom was a personal choice. Now I just feel marginalized and downtrodden.

 

In today’s Los Angeles Times Book Review, there is a story called “The Botox Generation” which reviews two books, “The Female Thing (Dirt, Sex, Envy, Vulnerability)” by Laura Kipnis and “Beauty Junkies (Inside our $15 Billion Obsession with Cosmetic Surgery)” by Alex Kuczynski. I was reminded of my last post about Cher’s cheekbones…and discussions in general about of Cher and plastic surgery. Why plastic surgery bothers us as a culture; why Cher has become a poster-child for plastic surgery; and what fans admit to or think about the whole thing.

   

Plastic surgery along with yo-yo dieting makes for big business hinging on feelings of inadequacy no matter how you’d like to spin it. Kipnis believes women have a constant need for radical and dangerous self-improvement because they carry a subconscious belief that their bodies are repulsive and their “vaginas are dirty” hence the disturbing rise in labiaplasties, a procedure that reshapes a woman’s external genitals. "A young woman is a swamp" as Enid Dame says in her poem "Cinderella." However, the most succinct text on body self-hatred is probably still “The Sneetches” by Dr. Seuss. It’s timeless really, showing how extreme body alterations are not only expensive but arbitrarily devised. Who decides you need a star on your belly? Who decides you labia is unattractive? Why is the natural always made to be so un-natural in all areas of the female body?

   

In the past, Cher has made a business case for her decisions (not that she is required to defend herself for her private issues and choices). Show business, after all, demands a youthful look. However, plastic surgery hasn’t equated to more Cher movies. And Rock and Roll seems more accepting of an aging woman; artists like Patti Smith and Bonnie Raitt pride themselves on their battle scars.

   

My theory: there’s special public discomfort over Cher and her plastic surgery. The reason is two-fold. First of all, it suggests maybe Cher is not her public image at all. Maybe she’s got very real weak spots and poignant fears of aging. That 80s big-hair image seemed fearless, in contrast. Accepting that disconnect is always uncomfortable. Secondly, that image meant something to us. Her F. You attitude seemed impenetrable. Is our collective fear of aging and imperfection so powerful that even a tough broad like Cher could succumb? I believe it is. And that’s scary. "She too undone." We mourn the loss of that particular Marine in our struggle.

   

And I’m not judging. Who out there can pass judgment, honestly? Who out there over the age of 37 hasn’t slathered on some anti-wrinkle eye cream yet? I look in the mirror and exclaim “I’m not even grown up yet! I’m still a kid!”

   

And who can fear a physical death when we are so active in our own self-destruction? Today, in an anthology of fairy-tale poems called "The Poets’ Grimm" (edited by Jeanne Marie Beaumont and Claudia Clarson), I read poet Ogla Brouma’s “Little Red Ridding Hood” where she sums up the situation: “…across this improbable forest peopled with wolves and our host, flower-gathering sisters they feed on.” Feminism accurately shakes its academic little finger at the problem but hasn’t changed anything. What we really need is a Katharine Hepburn to come along and say “I’m freaking wearing pants and that’s the end of it.” We need to see it. Hepburn’s feminist mother discouraged her career in Hollywood as an unserious and unimportant feminist pursuit. How ironic then; she sent a little feminist-fed Hepburn onto the world stage to be feminism embodied, an image of how a woman can be.

   

Kuczynski’s book disparages our culture “in which images hold more power than words.” But honey, this aint new. I just returned from Lexington, Massachusetts, where I visited a Revolutionary War tavern where propaganda art, not just speeches, were used to ignite the passions of the locals. We’ve always responded more to the power of images. And that should be our ace. For the image is where Cher excels.

   

The Cheekbones of Katharine Hepburn

Cheekbones_hepburn Hey now, the Official Cher Fan Club site is up again! I’m excited. For a minute. Then I find out the Join feature is still disconnected. “Check back soon.” Oh, you can count on it. So my wait to join this Cher fan movement continues. And I continue to feel like an outsider to their particular shenanigans.

As I’m surfing through their website, I’m also watching reruns of the 70s talk show classic, The Dick Cavett Show (there are no fan sites of Dick Cavett–don’t think I didn’t try). Cavett Show reruns are on my roommate’s tivo. This one is Katharine Hepburn. For about five years I’ve been working on a long-form Hepburn poem based mostly on Barbara Leamings biography of her family history, "Katharine Hepburn: Star as Feminist" by Andrew Britton (read my review), "The Making of The African Queen" by Hepburn herself and "Tracy and Hepburn" by Garson Kanin (Kanin and Ruth Gordon and Hepburn and Tracy were apparently a friendly foursome). Anyway, that mess of verse is now sitting unfinished in a box. Meanwhile, I’m watching this show as I blog, thinking she sure is a Chatty Cathy. But this is actually an historical TV moment, the Cavett episode where she throws down one of my favorite Hepburn quotes. I get vaklempt every time I hear it excerpted on a Hepburn documentary:

Fear is what you and I suffer from trying to be fascinating; which is asinine position to be in, you know, really. Here I am and aren’t I great department and it’s embarrassing; and you’re never sure that you can do it. If you have been taught basic freedom from fear and a basic belief in what Witches_wet_3 you’re doing that is sufficient to carry you when everyone and his uncle thinks you’re wrong; and you still think, God  damn it, I don’t think I’m wrong. I think I’m right and I’m gonna do it.

Cavett then quotes someone who stated Hepburn had the best cheekbones this side of Dover. This side of Dover: that must be an old 70s turn of phrase. Hepburn does have great cheekbones. But Cher’s are better. Well, they were better when Cher carried more of a gaunt look. I hope that’s not an effect of Botox, loss of cheeckbone definition. Because that’s a high price to pay for a lack of wrinkles. I’d go for the cheekbones any day and twice on Sunday. But then I’m a true blue for people with beautiful cheekbones. My short list: Cher, John Waite, Katharine Hepburn. All the gals in Witches of Eastwick have good cheekbones.

Genie in the Bottle

ChergenesimmonsToday I was about to join the Official Cher fan club, especially since I recently received my Barry Manilow fanclub newsletter in the mail. Although I haven’t been much of a Barry Manilow fan since I was 15, I still enjoy their entertaining and informative fanclub activities. This bi-yearly newsletter was no exception, with photos of Barry’s August Las Vegas convention (which he attended) and his own heartfelt fan Q&A column. It was exceptional, I must say. But alas, the Official Cher Fanclub website will be down for days unknown due to some kind of update.

So I guess I’ll take this opportunity to chat about Cher peripherals. Peripherals are characters in the Cher orbit and may include children, lovers, co-workers, or the entourage. They have an interesting shelf-life in and of themselves. Peripherals like her kids would normally be afforded some kind of deference of privacy unless they make their own gestures towards fame, such as write autobiographical books, participate in reality TV shows or release industrial goth-rock albums (allmusic.com’s words, not mine). Cher has cute nicknames for these peripherals when she refers to them in press interviews. If they have names with more than two syllables, she breaks it down to one, such as Chastity to Chas or sister Georgeanne to Gee; if they have one-syllable names, she pops them up to two syllables, such as Gregg to Gregory or Gene to Genie.

I happen to be watching the Genie Simmons reality show these days as my friend Coolia is a KISS fan and Family Jewels on A&E is always on her Tivo. Cher and Gene were a media super-couple in the late 1970s. They met in February of 1978 at a party for California Governor Jerry Brown thrown by Casablanca record-label head Neil Bogart. The met just as Cher was beginning to make disco albums on the same label, which was also KISS’s label. To orient KISS fans, their relationship started just as KISS started making the TV kitsch-classic KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park. Gene and Paul Stanley (and Cher secretly) claimed to have hated disco at the time, although Casablanca was a heavily disco-centric label, also being the label to Diana Summer among other disco acts. Rumor had it the Take Me Home album cover Viking-fitSpacecher  was inspired by Gene and that Paul Stanley also dated Cher’s sister, Georgeanne. Common scenes in tabloids featured Gene with his face obscured by a handkerchief (because no one was supposed to see KISS without makeup until they relented this charade in the early 80s) and his arm around what appeared to be a suddenly very tiny Cher. None of her other boyfriends or husbands ever seemed so tall before.

Cher stories abound in endless KISS biographies. In KISS Behind the Mask (paperback pgs. 86-88), Gene talks about how Cher was the first real relationship of his life, how he thought Cher was “real Hollywood” and yet never really part of "that scene," how the industry felt their relationship was just a Casablanca publicity stunt.

You can also find juicy details about Gene’s feelings in his own biography, Kiss and Makeup (hardcover pg. 140-159). There’s a funny passage with Gene learning how to jog on the Malibu beach with Cher, Gene in leather pants and snakeskin boots. As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, they run into Neil Diamond. Gene also recalls how they were refused habitation at The Dakota in New York City, the building depicted in Rosemary’s Baby and where John Lennon lived and where he was murdered. On page 140, there’s a picture apropos of the time, with Gene, Cher, Bill Sameth and Neil Bogart.

KISS and Sell the Making of a Supergroup (softcover pg 180-186) recants their relationship and the breakup as well, with Gene leaving to Diana Ross and Cher to Les Dudek.

Years after all this KISStory was published, I’ve seen many cocky Gene appearances, from record release parties to video interviews to lectures, all with Gene posing arrogant and debauched. The family series, although a far cry from surprising innocence of Ozzy in The Osbournes, turns this Gene-myth on its head. However, many of the situations on the show feel inauthentic, like phony reality show setups (such as long-time girlfriend Shannon Tweed sending Gene to fat camp and Gene bribing a driving instructor to win a driving test). Despite this, the take-away from the show is how decent Gene comes across and how normal and cool his kids, Sophie and Nick, seem to be, especially the witty and charming Nick. (If only I were 16, I’m just saying.) Tales of the playboy Gene seem like all too much shtick. This isn’t a far cry from what Cher told People Magazine circa 1978 and 1979 that underneath all the showbiz bravado, there was a big softie underneath.

There was a smattering of brouhaha involving Cher during early publicity for the show. Apparently on Howard Stern, Gene and Sharon bickered over the fact that Cher still sends Valentines to Gene. There’s also been one episode so far invoking Cher’s name. Cher sent Genie a picture of herself and Shannon tells of swapping out Cher’s photo but keeping the frame. It’s hard to take even this drama seriously when you watch Family Jewels. Shannon doesn’t sound convincingly pissed and one can’t but wonder if Cher was probably just professional networking.

 

Kiss and Make Up

Movieworld76april_1Okay. I feel bad about my last post. I’m sorry. I’ve been there, man. Once I told my family I was skipping vacation with them in order to camp out for tickets to a John Waite show. That obsessive moment is still part of family lore. However, my worst story took place when I was 13 or 14 years old. I freaked out when my Dad couldn’t get the VCR working to tape Cher on The Phil Donahue Show. The show was airing and not only was our VCR on the fritz, but so was the cable!I thought I was in the third circle of Hell. I had a bona fide conniption fit. My father calmly walked out of the room and refused to fix or repair anything for me for a year! I learned my lesson. Don’t freak out at the person trying to help you tape Cher on The Phil Donahue Show. Years later I saw a bootleg copy of the show. And believe me, finally watching it didn’t cause any revelations in my life; but I love collecting Cher stuff, there is no doubt. I am, myself, obsessed. I too am an introverted soul who has, in times past, found it easier to profess love for celebrities than for real people. Real people can be so nutty. The truth is if we knew them, celebrities would drive us nuts, too. Having the luxury of not knowing them makes it so much easier to love them.

And so the intervention I recommend is not a pill I wouldn’t swallow myself. For every thirty hours of celebrity obsession, do one hour of community service or one hour hour (at least) of self-education on world events if you can’t stand the thought of getting out there in the real world just yet. I wouldn’t give up my box of Cher magnets and I wouldn’t ask you to give up your worn-out six-inch single of “Wasn’t It Good.”

Friends?

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